Toddlers - Bellmore,NY

Have you considered that she may be tantruming then because she is hungry or you are rushing her? Try slowing down some during those times, giving her a bit more positive attention. Give her a snack while you cook dinner. Have her "help" you with dinner. Perhaps get her ready before you get ready or vice versa; which ever is different from your regular routine.

The tantrum indicates that she needs help controlling herself. It's best to prevent the tantrum before it gets started. Have you noticed whether or not she's hungry or tired? Are you feeling frustrated/rushed. She'll pick up on your feelings and need reassurance because she feels more vulnerable.

I, too, found that leaving the room didn't help with tantrums. What I did instead was to sit down on the floor nearby and wait until my granddaughter calmed down. I didn't say anything. Sometimes I looked at a magazine. When she stopped crying she would crawl over to me and sit in my lap. The tantrum would be over in 5 minutes or so.

A tantrum means that some need is not being met. Try to look at what's happening from her viewpoint.

Ditto what S.H. and Sandy said about feelings. Teach her how to express her feelings without a tantrum. How to say she's angry instead of spitting or hitting the dog. Perhaps give her a pillow to hit when she's upset.

I would have my grandkids run up and down the hall when I saw them beginning to getting tense and anxious. "Let's see how fast you can run to the end of the hall." "Let's jump to the sofa."

You can also redirect her attention before she reaches the point of being out of control. Change her activity. Stop and talk with her.

My nearly one yo granddaughter gets frustrated because she wants to get into the bathroom drawers when her mommy is getting ready for work. My daughter has done a couple of things. First she put things into the bottom drawer that she can get into and if that doesn't work she picks her up and sets her on the counter, giving her a comb. It's so cute. My granddaughter tries to comb her hair with this comb that's as long as her arm.

Find ways to validate her feelings and then redirect her attention.

She does it at these times, because these times are "transition" times, and times when a child is tired or over tired or over stimulated. Because they are tired.
And they do not have, yet, fully developed impulses or "coping skills."

3 is a hard age.
4 is a hard age too.

Teach her how to communicate, the names for feelings (even if grumpy) and how she can deflate.
ie: being by herself, how to say she needs quiet, how to say she is tired and it is not a bad thing, how to say she is hungry, how to express things to you. AND how to SAY she is "frustrated" and why. At 3 years old, my son could say that and tell me why. They have to be taught, how. And the words to use.

Use verbal cues, to let her know what is coming up.
And let her know, ahead of time... so that she can get used to the idea.

I have two suggestions, and I'm basing this on looking through some of your past questions. It seems like you've had a handful for at least a year or more, and I would humbly suggest changing your strategy.

1) search for "discipline" in the search box up in the right hand corner (or click on it). Tons of good suggestions from the "reward sticker" type programs, to cry-it-out type methods.

2) Head to a bookstore (online or brick-and-mortar) and peruse the child rearing section. TONS of books on all manner of child rearing theories.

Take her to her room. Tell her she cannot yell and scream in your presence and when she is ready to behave, she can come talk to you/you will talk to her. Keep leaving the room. So she yells louder. If she gets no response she won't have incentive to continue.

A few weeks ago my DD3 was screaming. I told her to take it to her room. She stormed off to her room, came out and told me I wasn't very nice and she was mad at me and went back to her room to yell some more. SD and I looked at each other and laughed about the drive by telling off. But DD got it out of her system and we talked about it and I reminded her to use her words. Heck, there are days *I* just want to scream, but that's not always the appropriate response.

When she is calm or moderately frustrated, try to give her words for her feelings. And if she hits the dog, I'd put her straight into time out. She should know already not to hit the dog.

If she screams during transitions, try to give her more warning about them. Has something changed at daycare? Does she need a snack before dinner time? Does she no longer nap or nap as long?

Yes, there's a lot you can do, nothing that will cure tantrums in five minutes or less, but used consistently WILL help.
Most tantrums are a result of being over tired, over stimulated, or dealing with stress. Do everything you can to make sure she gets enough rest, eats well and knows her routine. Today is a Gramma Day! we go to grammas when the clock says 8:00
encourage her to use words to describe what she's feeling, what ever her feelings are, her feelings should be validated. for ex she wants to play outside but its raining, you say " you REALLY want to play outside right now, you are so upset cuz you WANT to go outside now. Boy are you mad. Its so sad we cant go out because it's pouring! You can say "I'm so Upset!" You can say I WANTED to go out!" but you cannot spit.
Read books like Be Gentle with the Dog.

The PPers have made it all seem so easy and that you are doing something wrong. I have a 2 year old soon to be 3 who is my 3rd child, so I know how to handle most of it, yet there is no quick fix.

Yes, make sure she is not overtired (hard if they refuse to nap), make sure she is not hungry (hard if they refuse to eat). Ignore the bad, praise the good. Give her the words she needs "You are mad" etc. Don't rush her or let her feel rushed. Let her do stuff. Instant time outs for hitting (sometimes putting a favorite toy in time out works better than putting them in time out).

Most importantly it takes time. There is no quick fix. You have a spirited child right now. Exerting her independence and trying to find ways to deal with her emotions. It's most likely going to continue through 4. I have a 4 year old DD too, and that age is super tough as well.