Too Young to Be Left at...the Mall?

Well, you can't helicopter over them forever. The mall seems like a reasonably safe place to let her have some experience "in the world" with friends. At 12 you're allowed to be home alone, legally, and I would think the mall is equally safe since it's so public. I mean, we could go crazy thinking about all the "what ifs" horrible things that could happen, but really, yes I think it's good for kids this age to have experiences like this- independence.

I agree with you -- I think you should be able to leave a 12 year old at the mall. If you can't do that, how are you going to make the transition to dating, driving, etc? How do they walk to school, or do anything, if parents don't start cutting the cord and trust them a little?

"White and wealthy"? Everyone knows that's where the best drugs are!

A 12 year old....at the mall....for what?
To lose a wallet with $100?
To walk around and be seen as a nuisance??
I don't get the appeal if hanging at the mall.
It wouldn't be my kid I'd worry about--although my 9 year old generally wont spend an extra nano second shopping--it's the other people. Even in "nice" areas, wackos are everywhere.

I remember my mom dropping me off at the mall with friends at that age. Heck, I remember visiting a friend when I was probably 9 or 10 and taking the bus to the store on our own.

Helicopter parenting is the norm today, but that doesn't mean it's always best. Kids need some freedom just to grow up and be prepared for adulthood.

I don't think there is a magic age.
I'm from the school of "know your kid, know their abilities and limitations and assign responsibilities and privileges accordingly".

I think we've gotten away from a time when we had higher expectations for our kids. Back in the day, kids walked a mile or so to school by themselves (in all weather), did regular chores and had important responsibilities to help the family. Our way of living doesn't require our kids to step up in the ways we needed them to before, and we tend to also feel that the world is a more dangerous place.

It's not a good combination.

It sounds like your daughter was well-prepared and had been given other chances to think for herself and make good decisions. That's exactly what I would have done at that age-- or even older. Go find a place where there would be adult help if need be, and then report what's going on to the authorities.

I think it's wise to give freedom both incrementally AND when our kids are really asking for the opportunity to be responsible and independent, and when we can be relatively certain they have those skills. When I was eight, my sister and I (she was two years younger) would stay home alone while our mom went to work for a 4 hour shift. We hated the babysitter our baby brother had, and we promised to be good, so long as we didn't have to go to the sitters. While I wouldn't agree with this as a parent myself, the point of this was that all that summer-- no problems. Not one. We knew the rules and followed them. Our mother knew our limitations and abilities and trusted us to keep our end of the bargain.

All this to say: I'm not advocating leaving young children home alone, I am saying that kids are sometimes ready for more than we give them credit for.

ETA: It's interesting to read others' comments. We got to go to the mall a lot as 12 yo+ kids... my stepfather worked across the street. We had $5 for a trip to McDonalds for lunch/snacks, and just wandered around, visited the library at the mall. Never a problem.

I agree with you 100%. I too was shocked at some of the responses to the mall/misplaced purse post. Frankly, I was babysitting my younger siblings when I was 10 or 11. Granted times have changed but depending on the kids maturity level and the other kids that would be there, I definitely would allow a 12 year to go to the mall without an adult. Of course an adult would be taking them & picking them up, most likely by me, at a time decided on by me or the other child's parent. If kids aren't given a little bit of freedom gradually I think there's a tendency for them to go "wild" at the first opportunity.

I think 12 is a reasonable age, as long as the kid is relatively responsible. Of course, I say this now while my daughter is only 6 years old. I might feel differently when she actually turns 12. That being said, I would want her to be with at least one friend.

That's a reasonable age to be dropped off at the mall.

Twelve is the right age, providing the kids are responsible and prepared. When I was ten we started taking the bus to the mall, in groups of course, once in a while. When I was tweIve I probably went to the mall with my friends every week. We would take our allowances, and the money we earned babysitting and other odd jobs, and see a movie, or shop or eat at the food court. We learned valuable life skills and independence.

I agree with you 100% Mamazita. 12 is just fine. This is the age they start to show independence and want the trust. It's up to us parents to start determining what kind of kid we've got. My son and step daughter were very responsible at this age. Aware of their surroundings, where they were going, called or texted, making me aware of there whereabouts..etc. My youngest, not so much. I have always given her the benefit of the doubt, given her the trust she asked for , but she was not prepared at 12. I didn't allow her out on her own to the mall 'till she was 14. Previous to that, I or another mom had to tag along. So, 12 is fine, depending on the kid.

I'm right with you! At 12 my daughter certainly went to the mall with a friend(s). She also was left at the ice skating rink with friends, the softball field with friends and the movies. She wasn't much older than that when she started flying solo to Boston/Providence from Los Angeles to visit a friend from camp. She's super responsible, aware of her surroundings and didn't act stupid. I too would have felt as if I had failed that I didn't prepare her properly. Yes, she also got her driver's license a couple days after she turned 16. At 19 she is a pretty worldly young lady.

It depends on the mall, the timeframe and the kid. My SS was more responsible at 11 than SD was at 13 but she later proved to be the more responsible driver. I would not allow him (now 22) to drive DD around, but I have allowed SD to take DD to the mall by themselves.

What we typically did was give them leeway to go check out a store or get food, but we were still at the mall and had a timeframe and meeting place. We have very large 2 story malls here, which is a completely different thing than the 1 floor mall I used to go to when I was a kid. I wouldn't consider not allowing them to go to the mall alone at 12 a failure. I'd consider it a learning point. SS probably could have been at the mall alone at 12. SD...was not mature enough.

I think 12 is fine if you feel comfortable with it. My parents let me! ;-)

Yes 12 is fine! I was babysitting at people's houses and taking trains into the city by myself. Obviously depends on the kid. But I think generally 12 is fine!

I'm right in the middle here. I have a 12 year old girl and I'm not ready to leave her at the mall or anywhere else yet. However, I don't think it's wrong when other parents do. I am horrified by the pot story at the skate park, and that's enough to keep from letting my daughter do things like that for a while yet. I'm just not ready for her to deal with those issues yet. And luckily, she's not begging me to do things on her own yet, so it's easy and not an issue for her, there's no reason for me to force it.

But again, lots of people we know with kids this age let their kids go to the mall or the movie theater, etc., and I don't think twice about it. I know they are good parents and good kids, and I'm sure it's fine.

btw, it's not that I don't trust my kid to be left alone at the mall, it's that I don't trust the environment around her, that has nothing to do with my failure or success as a parent. That's my take on the world we live in.

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I agree with what you're saying, I was surprised myself at the answers that thought 12 was too young. It was only for 2 hours and my daughter was with her 12 yr old friend, AND her almost 15 yr old cousin. All 3 have cell phones. Her cousin is also very mature for her age. Anyhow they went to clothing shop, not to 'hang out'. I think it's fine, I'd let them again. Of course not with $100.

I said my daughter is not the most responsible when it comes to belongings and forgetfullness, but she does know all about the dangers of strangers and weirdos and I trust her there. What I was suprised at too was how many people said they've lost purses/wallets or lose them on a regular basis. I didn't realize how many people do that.

I think 12 or 13 is a reasonable age to spend some time alone at a public location (mall, skate park, village square, etc.). That said, I don't think that 12 and 13 year old should really be babysitting. I remember babysitting at that age, and babysitting several years after, and you know what? I made better decisions at 16 and 17. That's not to say that a 12 or 13 year old would make a dangerous sitter, just that they don't have enough life experience if something goes wrong.

My kids? No.

But i know plenty of other kids who would do just fine.

This is one of those things that a parent knows their child best, and if they feel they are ready then I see know issue. My issue is with the kids at the mall who shouldn't be left alone, and the parents drop them off anyways.

I wouldn't leave my 12 year old alone at the mall because I don't trust OTHER people (of course my own daughter is bright enough to manage it) and because it's a lame waste of time. Do I need her gawking at dumb shops, gossiping and texting with other tweens about god knows what, chasing mall boys, getting sized up my pervs on benches (Our mall has them), etc etc etc? Not really. In our area, the teens at the mall aren't doing anything she would benefit from. Now. When she's old enough to have earned money to buy something she wants at the mall, sure, I'll drop her off for a reasonable amount of time with a nice friend to go get it. Or see a movie in a group. Would I leave her at that age on a horse ranch camp, Tae Kwon Do camp, community activity with nice people, babysitting, etc? Sure. I babysat all the time at twelve. There's no good reason to let her parade around the mall often though imo. And it's not all that safe to top off the waste of time.

I would probably do so, but ONLY with 1 or 2 trusted friends in tow. I wouldn't allow my son alone at 12, but wouldn't think much of it if he wanted to take his best friend or two. My reasoning is that I can teach and train my kids as much as I want, but there's still safety in numbers IF the "numbers" have common sense and understand the rules too. Yes.

When I was 12, mom would drop me and a friend off at the mall and we'd go to the record store, the book store, check out some clothes, and then eat at our favorite restaurant (Casa Ole)..... :) Good times! We felt so grown up, especially ordering and paying for our own food. You have to walk the place and get a feel to see if it's the right environment first though---I'm all about prescreening everything. I would be looking for who's frequenting the place, are there a lot of adults or is it mostly empty, is there a police presence, is there a happy and upbeat feeling or do I feel like I need to be on guard, etc. But an in general "would you let your 12 year old go somewhere without your watchful eye"? Sure. :)

"...this is as white and wealthy as it gets." Wow! White and wealthy equals safe; what does non-white and working class equal in your world?

Non of my grandchildren are white and we live in a nice middle working class neighborhood. Guess we wouldn't cut the mustard, huh?

Way too young. In this day and age I wouldn't be comfortable with it. They would be a prime target for pedophile/child molester etc

In a group, in a public place with set "call me and check in" times... sure. I remember my mother dropping us off at the mall to "shop" and eat at the Food Court. My parents would leave us with some quarters and instructions to call or page them at certain times and they would go have dinner at a nearby restaurant. All things considered, I would probably be fine with it today too... like you mentioned, it's about teaching right-and-wrong from Day 1 and hoping that they can apply those ideas when/if needed!

Most of the malls in our area have strict rules about children in the mall alone.

Some have the age 17 rule and some are 16. If security asks and you can't provide a parent IN the mall, maybe not right with you, then parents are called and children are asked to leave.

I think they do this because a couple of malls had kids damaging things and basically, parents were using the mall as a babysitter.

Same goes for outdoor areas Only if you are 17 can you be without a parent at the establishments.

With friends, no problem. Totally alone....may depend on the child. I agree with everything you said. I was babysitting overnight by the time I was 13. I sure hope my kids by this age could go out in public alone. ,

I think it depends where... Some malls are in diverse enough areas that they do have gangs of kids I wouldn't want my 12 year old to have to deal with. My friend has a 12 or 13 year old girl and I don't think she's over protective and she and I used to go to our town's downtown all the time by ourselves even younger than that I think. But as she says, where she lives now is not like where we grew up. Some malls are nice and some would make me a bit nervous as an adult...

I think 12 is a reasonable age to be out and about so long as they are with other kids their age (pack is safer) and they have proven they are responsible. It must have made you feel really proud that your daughter was confident in making a good decision for herself without a parent present.

My 9-year old daughter and 7-year old son starting walking to school by them selves this year (3 minute walk). This was something they really wanted to do by themselves. I see the value in allowing my kids to learn to be responsible and have a sense of freedom (that I certainly had at their age).

In Orinda, Lafayette, or Walnut Creek, I think you're perfectly safe leaving your responsible 13 year old for a few hours in a group. Especially now that kids all have cell phones, so they can call if they want to leave or need help. I was at boarding school at 13, and we would take the school's shuttle to Carmel (my school was in Monterey) to shop, hang out at the beach, etc ALL DAY. As long as we were back by 5pm, we could do pretty much whatever we wanted out there. But only rarely did anyone make a poor choice; we knew if we wanted the privilege to continue, that we needed to be responsible, so we were.

Now, would I leave a 13 year old at Bay Street Emeryville? Not on your life. The setting does matter!

At 12, I went everywhere with friends. Except the shopping center near my middle school. That was off limits per my parents. I never went until I was older. Like drive myself there older. But we went to the mall, skating, etc. Didn't think anything of it. We were not allowed to ride public transportation at that age, which now I agree with. But the mall, sure 12 is fine as long as you think your kid can handle it. My sister started by taking her daughter to the mall and reading a book at the mall.

I let them go to the mall alone when they were 15. They have to be in a group. Too many creepers out there.

Where I live, no way. Our mall (there is only one within a reasonable distance) has had various violent crimes and shootings.

I agree with you, kids should learn how to experience and react to things. I just don't think 12 years old, at a place where known drug deals (and drug deals gone wrong,) molestation, kidnapping attempts, and shootings...is a responsible place to allow that to happen. It's not kids their age I would be worried about. It's the older ones, who are capable of more.

ETA: "White and wealthy?" Wow...do you realize you sound like a bigot? Geez.

Depends on the kid, the town, the mall...

At 12, even if they could watch another child in a trusted home, with the malls here...I think I'd give them some time alone, with periodic check-in. I'd still be in the building.

I went to HS and college in FL- and when I traveled after college, I went to a few malls that seemed....immense and intimidating in places like DC and NY. In a place like that? No.

I guess my experience is different. While I think that it might be okay to leave kids alone in public places, I don't know why we should. By no means was I hanging onto my parents' apron strings as a preteen and young teen, but I was always in the care of a trusted adult, unless we were home alone. If we went to the mall, it was a family outing. My brother and I could walk ahead or walk separately, but there was no reason for us to be dropped off. It wasn't about trust, either. It was about staying connected with their kids and knowing where they were and what they were doing...feeling and acting on their sense of responsibility as parents. If my brother or I "needed" to go to the mall, then my parents carved out the time, and we ALL went to the mall. We also went to the bank and the grocery store and other errands that our parents needed to run. I imagine that I'll be the same with mine.

I've responded to one of these questions before, so I'm repeating. I believe 12 is too young. You need to be able to have a very honest conversations with your child before you put them into a general public atmosphere without supervision. Don't talk to strangers doesn't mean don't talk to creepy old men. Boys who are "so cute" and look very close to 14/15 yrs old can be the creepiest! They can charm and convince even the most level headed and prepared 12 yr old into giving way more information about themselves than they "think" they are giving. Sorry, but I vote no.