Toodler in Daycare - Should He Go When New Baby Arrives and I'm Home on Leave?

Hello J.,

I work full time (before and after 2nd baby). My 3 yr old son is in f/t daycare. When I was home on leave with the new baby, it just happened that the first 2 weeks his center was closed for the holidays, so my husband and he just spent a ton of time together. When they opened up, he went back. I think that you may find that 4 days together is plenty when you have the new baby to bond with and care for. You can always do late/early drop off/pick up, to get a little more time as a family, but I was able to actually keep up with the house and meals and make things feel like the baby hadn't really disrupted things. So I got lots of one on one time with my new baby, like I'd had with my son as a newborn, but also was able to keep things feeling calm and consistent at home for my older child so he got lots of one on one. I think that toddler/preschoolers are at an age where they are usually enjoying their experiences at school and he will appreciate having his own routine not disrupted; at least that is how it was with my son.

Best wishes and congratulations!

I have two kids, but I don't work...but....there are a few reasons why I would say you should definitely take him to day care! First, you are going to want time to be with the baby alone - it is not that easy when a two year old is around. I think that the older one will want to be able to stay with his routine - if he likes the provider, kids, and environment - you should let him enjoy it! There will be a lot of changes with the baby - this is his thing, and you should let him continue with it. That being said, I don't think that you need to leave him all day - but give him some time to do what he already likes doing. Finally, if you don't send him, the transition back might be rough!

When I had my second child I still sent my son to daycare for the first 4 weeks even though I wasn't going back to work at the end of my maternity leave and was becoming a stay at home mom!! Having a new baby in the house is hard and you'll want some time to rest and to establish a routine with the baby. I think continuing to send him would be best for all of you.

Good luck,
K.

When I had my 2nd child... my eldest, my daughter, had started Preschool 2 months before I had my 2nd child.
She LOVED it.
I was HER routine and time. And to be away from a new baby, crying, and all that... and me, her Mommy, being so 'busy' with a new baby.
AND, it helped me... because then I had just one-on-one time at home, with my new baby. And to adjust. Too.

My daughter was going to Preschool 3 times a week, for half days. At the time I had my 2nd child. Then SHE asked to go every day. So then she went 5 days a week, for half days.
It was great.

It is important, for the older child, that they have their OWN routine... and adjustment. Their own activities too.
I would keep the continuum... of him going to Daycare now and after you have the baby... and then when you have to go back to work. Otherwise, he will have to adjust to Daycare, then (if you keep him home then) he will have to adjust AGAIN to being home... and with you/baby, then when you go back to work... (after him adjusting to being home with you/baby everyday), he will then have to adjust AGAIN... to returning to Daycare.
That is a TON of things... for him to have to adjust to. Again. And with you/baby, too.

So I would keep things/his routines/life, as constant as possible. So he does not have to go back and forth, in adjustment.

all the best,
Susan

I have an in home daycare and I am the mother of three young children. I would bring your son to daycare the three days he usually goes but maybe for shorter days. I know as a mom you don't want to bring him there when you don't have to. I also know that keeping children on a schedule is very important to their development. When children in my care even miss a week, I notice a difference when they come back. He would have to become adjusted to the daycare all over again when he came back. Use the time to get to know your new baby and maybe take a a nap. While you are resting, you will know that your son is having fun with his friends.

If he's happy there, I would keep his schedule the way it is. When your house is in upheaval (in his eyes) when your little one arrives, it will be good for him to keep the one "constant" in his life as he adjusts to your family of four. And you may enjoy having time to nap and bond with baby one-on-one, too!

My 2nd child was born last June when my son was 2.5 and in daycare. We did decide to keep him in daycare for 4 months, while I recuperated from my c-section. It provided him with so much stability. He was in a familiar place with his same routine. It also helped to tire him out so that he'd be ready to sleep after he came home and had dinner. I really don't think that he lost out on any bonding time, but it really did wonders for my ability to bond with the baby and to get some much needed sleep during the daytime.

Considering that you are returning to work after your maternity leave, I think it makes an even stronger case for keeping your son in daycare during that time. Routines cannot be underestimated and at his age stability is what he craves the most. There will be plenty of time for him to interact with the baby when he's not at daycare.

Congrats on the coming baby!!!

I have a daughter that will be 4 on Monday and I gave birth to my second 12/4/2009. She has been in daycare 5 days a week since 6 months and they both are there now. I had 3 months of maternity leave and we pulled her out and she stayed home with me. Our reasons were:
1) Saved money to not have to pay each week; we paid a deposit to hold their spots which was still cheaper than her going every week.
2) It gave her a chance to bond with her brother
3) I wanted to spend some time with her outside of my usually busy work schedule
4) It would have been impossible to explain to her why she was going to daycare while her brother and I were at home all day.

We did stop by daycare for her Christmas Program and Valentine's Party and to introduce our son to the staff and that was sufficient. After having the 3 months together she missed her friends and I was ready to get back to work so it was an easy transition (I was a lot less entertaining taking care of a newborn than daycare!)

Whatever you decide will be right for you and if you need personal time or find it easier to rest or survive by your child still going those 3 days a week DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!

Keep him in daycare. He really doesn't know your home with the baby and you will get bonding time. Try to sleep when baby is sleeping. Good luck .. enjoy the new baby.

with all the change going on, daycare will actually provide some consistency for him and also eliminate the need for another transition when you go back to work. you could do shorter days or less days at daycare so that you still get to spend additional time with your son while you're on mat. leave.

that will give you time for a nap with baby and time to focus on cuddling and interacting with the baby too. your undivided attention is good for baby & you, and doing both of those will help you have more energy and time to focus on your toddler when he is home.

I don't have any kids in daycare and fortunately haven't had to put mine in daycare, but having worked at a few here is my suggestion:

I would keep him home with you simply for the fact that October really kicks off the cold and flu season and with a newborn I'd be more worried about my todderl bringing something home to "share" with everyone than if you are in complete control of the people your newborn is exposed to. I'm preparing to have my baby next week and have been re-reading all the info the doctor has given me about caring for a newborn and what keeps sticking in my mind is how much family we'll be seeing this summer and making sure everyone washes their hands before they touch the baby.

By all means, I'm not an extreme germaphobe, kids will get sick but with a newborn that is my bit of advice. Hopefully you can get your toddler a few playdates, but I just don't know if daycare is the way to go.

Good Luck & Congratulations!

I kept my daughter in her daycare/preschool 3 days a week after I came home with her little brother. Definitely keep her there, esp since you will be returning to work later. You will need the time/break and it will keep things consistent for her. Is there any way you can arrange for your husband/partner to drop off and/or another childcare mom to carpool for a while so you are not driving daily?

If you can afford it, send him. It will give him time to play with friends and give you time to bond with your new little one.

i would try the two days... just so he can still have what he likes.. and this wil give you time with the new baby and to do things.. good luck

I agree, I would go two days. :) Keeping things consistent is good for kids and you'll need those few hours to catch up on Zzzzzs or just to shower, watch tv, veg, etc.

I like the two day a week idea. It will give him plenty of time to spend with you and the new baby, but also keep his schedule similar to what it is now. Congrats and good luck!

I personally think that if he's happy at his daycare, and you can afford to keep him there three days a week, you should take advantage of that time for just you and your new baby. You'll be grateful that you gave yourself that focused one-on-one time, trust me. I felt so guilty sending my older daughter to daycare while I was home with my newborn, so I took her out to stay with me. But, it ended up a mess. She was bored and jealous, and I was tired and frazzled. I ended up asking my daycare provider for a couple days a week, and it was the best decision I made. It was just enough of a break to regain my balance. And, it does help, when I went back to work I only had to worry about transition for one baby instead of two. It really does make a world of difference.
Just do what makes sense and works for you and your family. Your maternity leave should be your time to bond with the new baby and to recover. Your toddler will be happy if you're happy :)
Good luck and congratulations!

If he loves being in daycare you might as well take advantage of that! You are going to be exhausted with a newborn and 2 years olds need alot of attention and entertaining (at least mine does!) Your newborn will make your schedule and it most likely won't fit into his. My son was 20 months old when my daughter was born and I would have lost my mind if I were having to take care of both all day that first month. My daughter would wake up every 2-3 hours to eat and my son would get up at 8 and be ready for breakfast and playing outside. Luckily my husband was able to be home for 6 weeks, so he stayed on my sons schedule while I was on my daughters. Good luck with which ever you choose and congrats on the second baby!

I would certainly have done it differently than we did when our second arrived.

Based upon all the factors to take into consideration, I'd keep him in day care at least part time so you don't disrupt his routine too dramatically. He will naturally want to be more attached to you after the 2nd baby comes along since he's used to being the sole recipient of your attention.

When I was laid off last year, I kept the kids in day care 3 days/week despite the expense because I didn't want to lose their spot and didn't want to worry about disrupting their desire to be there and their socialization.

Congrats and good luck with your decision.

When I had my second, my oldest was 3. She stayed in daycare the week I was in the hospital and then stayed home with me and the baby. She was a little momma's girl and would not have been happy with being "sent away" while I was home with the baby. Plus I didn't have to pay for daycare. With that said, it is definitely nice to have one on one time with the baby. If your toddler wouldn't mind going to daycare when you are home with the baby and your finances allow for it, two days a week would be great! Just do whatever feels right for you and your little guy. Good luck with whatever you decide!

My kids are 15 months a part and I had this same situation. Luckily Grandma watches the kids while I work, so is flexible. While I was on maternity leave I still sent my daughter over 2 days a week just to keep the routine consistent. It also allowed me have baby time and gave me a little break. I would continue to send him at least 1 day a week if you can. I think kids like routine and a new baby is enough to adjust to, let alone a new routine. You might be surprised how nice the break is for you as well!

Absolutely, if you can afford it, let him go to school. It will be good for all of you.

We had our daughter go to daycare while I was on leave with her brother. She was 2 1/2. We felt strongly that she needed to maintain her routine. She doesnt do well with change. We also would have lost our place at the in-home daycare (which we love love love), so it made sense to keep her going. Also, it was really nice to have that one on one time with the baby like I had with her. She loved going to daycare and it wasnt an issue at all. She would come home everyday and tell brother about all the fun she had and what it was like for when he got to go with her.

regardless of keeping up with his little 2 year old friends or any of the other reasons you mention, the most important thing for your son will be keeping his routine. with a new baby he will be upset, disoriented, feeling insecure...the best possible thing you can do is keep him on as close to the same old schedule as possible. it may seem counter-intuitive to keep him leaving you every couple of days, but trust me, it will be better for him to have a predictable routine. not only that, but he will be the "big brother" who gets to go to school, when the baby is too little to go. it will give all three of you a break, he will enjoy being away from you and the baby for a bit, and you and baby can definitely use a break from an energetic toddler. good luck and congrats!