Trouble Dressing My 5 Yr Old Daughter

My girls were independent too, put a few outfits out on bed for mer to choose. Gives her options without control...girls are pips..I have 5!!Great day tomorrow, enjoy..J.

Many years ago when my now 19 year old was little I learned a trick from someone.

Only and consistently present just two choices.

Allow them to have the choice but only two to select from.

I do this with just about everything and all my children. A or B -- you pick.

Well at night when yo are putting her to bed i would let her help you pick out her clothes for the next morning. If the only pants she likes to wear are not available then explain she has a choice of this, this or this!!! Explain to her that if she doesn't pick something out than you will do it for her. I also would put all the summer clothes away (out of sight, out of mind)!! I also would explain to her that if she acts like that (the meltdown) than when you's get home from school/work than she will not beable to do (her favorite thing) a tv show, color, a game etc... take something away. She is 5 and needs to know and understand her boundaries and what is appropriate and not!! well good luck!

R.,
I am 45 and have a 5 yo son. These struggles are wearing me down (more!) LOL
If I was you, I would buy duplicates of the pants she likes so she has enough for the week. She may not even realize there is more than O. of each pair! You'll know they are clean and she will think she's getting to wear her favorite pants every day. Win-Win.
Then, at least at the end of the week, you can do a full load of pants!
Good luck to you! (Now if I could just get my kid to dress himself and zip up his coat....)

My six year old boy will only wear one pair of jeans and luckily they are black so stains don't show! LOL Plus he will only wear black t shirts. Also a black leather jacket. I guess he wants to be a cat burgerler when he grows up! (he asked santa for a ski mask for christmas!) HAHA I feel sick when I look at a drawer full of colored shirts but what can I say, Clothing choice is a battle I choose not to fight. Plus they will hand me down ok anyway. I guess I would just try to go with the flow and ride it out.

R.,
My daughter started becoming very picky about clothes at 4yo. I bring her shopping with me and that helped alot. She gets to pick her own things out within reason of course. Once the morning dressing became a big issue with all the crying and yelling I implemented the routinef ppicking clothes out the night before with the understanding that there is no changing her mind in the morning. She is now almost 11yo and for the most part it has worked very well. Still picks her clothes out at night and our morning run much better. I hope this helps.
L. R

Been there and am there again with #2. In my opinion, just is one of those battles I just choose not to engage in (with the exception of church or a few special occasions). Trust me, preschool teachers are used to it and if you feel funny about some of the get ups your daughter chooses, just explain you're letting her have some independence when it comes to clothes - encourage her creativity. I do insist that the amount of coverage is appropriate (no teeny tiny skirts that really fit little sister) and warm/cool enough for the weather. If that means sweater tights and a sweater with a summer dress in December, so be it. My 5 year old is in this phase now, and that's one area I let her "win" in. My 7 year old did the same thing, but now is much easier to work with - for better or worse she's somewhat conscious of what people think, so helping her decide what's appropriate is a little easier. Though many days I wish she worried less like she used to. As for the pants vs. dresses, most come out of the dresses only phase too - mine around 5 or 6. They still love dresses, but also jeans, etc. Laying the clothes out at night may help, but sometimes mine still comes down in something other than I put out or with some strange accessories. Try not to stress over this one.

Oh R.,

The trials and tribulations of girls! My daughter, turning 6 tomorrow, has and is still a bear about clothing. We went through the "pants" issue. What worked for us was: we sat down with my daughter and explained that clothing must protect her body- so that means warm clothing when it is cold and cooler clothing with sunscreen when it is hot. We then told her that if she continued to throw tantrums in the morning getting dressed for kindergarten she would lose her choice in clothing and we would lay out her outfits for her the previous night. My DD also had 2 pair of pants she would only wear so I now have her do her laundry with my supervision, meaning she puts it in the washing machine, she then transfers it to the dryer, she then puts it into a laundry bag and folds and puts it away- this shows her how much work is involved in clean clothes (my DD also changed her outfit 3-4X a day). Lastly, those 2 pants she would only wear got put in the wash for 2 weeks and she had to find something else to wear and again, if she threw a tantrum or back talked, she would lose the privelage of choosing her own outfits. It took some crying on her part and holding firm on my & my husbands part but now 2 months later we rarely have aurguments over clothes with her. I do still have to remind her EVERYDAY to put socks on her feet and her flip-flops had to be packed away. Oh yeah, pack away any of the clothing that is seasonally inappropriate. If it isn't there to see, she cannot argue about wearing it.

Good Luck! It is the most ridiculous argument and can make you feel crazy!

A.

Hi R.,

What do you think the cause of the meltdowns are? What's really bothering her? Is it a sensory thing? Or is she just being willful?

It sounds a lot like my daughter, but my daughter has sensory issues. It's always a struggle... :(

C.

R. T

When you were buying her clothes did you let her pick them out. My nieces daughter at that age would not wear the things she bought for her either then she started taking her shopping to pick out her own clothes and it may a big difference, she is now 14 years old and is still a little fussy about her clothes but not like she was. If she is having a real melt down this might help some. Explain to her that the clothes she picks she will have to wear and of course you might have to monitor what she picks set some guide lines. Dont know if this will help but it might be worth the try. Good luck

Hey, Mom, try de-stressing. Does it really matter if she likes the same two pair of pants ? Each morning, give her the choice of one pair she likes vs one pair she doesn't like. she'll choose the one she likes, and let her wear them. And you are busy. I wouldn't worry about washing them so often. What does it hurt if she wears the pants 2 days between washings ? Just have her wear a clean shirt, and rotate the pants. It may not be what you want, or what you hoped for when you bought her the varieties of clothes, but allow her this little bit of autonomy and save your energy for battles that you really need to win. For whatever reason, she happens to like the two pair of pants. So, if you buy more for Xmas, buy ones that look and feel like the ones she likes. In the grand scheme of things, whether she wears the same pants all 5 days of the week isn't going to make a big difference in her life, but if every morning she has to fight to get dressed, and melts down over arguments with Mom every day, that's gonna be remembered.

It doesn't make you a bad mom. It makes you an understanding mom who rolls with the punches, and in the end, that's the kind of behavior you want your child to be able to imitate. That way, when life gives her curves, she'll be able to keep going, and make adjustments, cling to what is important, and jettison the things that aren't the substance of her life.

I have a 13 and a 15 yr old. I can't tell you how many clothes I have given away that they never wore. We have also received hand-me-downs from friends that were never worn until they came to us. And now when I shop without them, I have them try stuff on at home, and then I return what they don't like. It's a whole lot cheaper !! :-) and the reality is that if they don't like it for whatever reason, it won't get worn. It can be frustrating, but clothing is for warmth, for modesty, and for making them feel good about themselves. Their clothing isn't for making me feel good about me. I learned I had to ease back on that long ago, and I had to allow them to dress themselves. :-)

My advice: Take pictures, this will be funny one day. Also, you are pretty much the only one who notices that your daughter wears the same thing over and over.

I just let it go, all of my kids went thru this, and I only did laundry every 4 days. That meant that they wore it twice before it got cleaned. If it got stained, or smelly, they wore it dirty or chose to wear something else until I "got around to washing it". My daughters had pants or skirts as favs, my son has 3 t shirts.

A trick that has worked with all 3 of mine: have a favorite relative present them with an outfit (even if you buy it, and they just act excited and present it to your daughter).

I once picked out an outfit, which my daughter had a meltdown over in the store, but when her "Uncle Peter" gave her that SAME OUTFIT on her birthday, she loved it and wore it all the time. She actually got upset that it became her sister's hand me down!

My other kids do the same thing, a jacket from "Aunt so and so", a pair of shoes from "Grammy", they like that someone thought of them and gave them something "special". This is how we got our 6 year old to wear a jacket, a friend that she admires presented it to her.

Good luck!

This is a big issue for a lot of parents and each situation is different so I will give a few suggestions.
* Is she sensitive to clothes? She only likes the 2 pants. Are they similar in feel? Have they been washed a lot? Do new clothes other her?
*Ask her why she likes the 2 pants (Not during meltdown time). It may give a clue
* Let her pick out clothes from weather appropriate drawers. Who cares if they match as long as she is warm.
*Ask her teacher what she said to her

Have a nice holiday weekend
B. Davis
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I do not mean this is a rude way: Let it go. A power struggle over clothing is such a waste of your time and energy. Just let her wear the same pants over and over. Stop buying her any more pants untill she decides to wear them. Children this age can be mini controll freaks over, what seems to us, the most obscure and strange items. What she is doing is building her self esteem and self pride. By you "forcing" the issue with her she is digging in her heals to gain controll of her enviroment int he small way that she has power to. Sell her other pants to recoup the $ if you need, but the struggle over this is futile. She may look silly some days, but that is up to her to figure out why she is gettig strange lopoks, why she is cold, ect. It can be embarassing to you, but to her this isn't even on her radar. She doesn't understand what you mean and will just do it her way anyway. This is such a small thing to let her have power over. Let her have the power and just rel;ease all that pent up emotion over clothing :)

R.,
I have totally been where you are. Exactly. It's not your fault, and it may not be a "control" issue with your daughter. For us it turned out to that my son had Sensory Processing Disorder. This may NOT be the case with your daughter. You can find a sensory "checklist" online to determine if she needs to be evaluated by an OT.

Hope that helps,
L.

Lillian Vernon makes a 5 day clothing sorter that hands in the closet. I did this with my daughter who has very...ummmm...creative taste in clothing. We would pick out the outfits together and put them in the sections. She didn't have to wear Monday on Monday, etc...but all of the outfits had been "pre-approved" so she could still go with the outfit she was in the mood to wear. I have found with both of my younger kids that working together to put their outfits together the night before helps a lot. If there is a fight or problem, it then happens in the evening and not in the morning when there is all kinds of other chaos going on. The other thing that has really helped with my kids is to give them two choices - this one or that one...period. As far as only a couple pairs of pants - sometimes it just isn't worth the fight. I have bought my younger son more than one pair of the same type of pants because he likes them, they are comfortable and it minimizes the clothing drama. It might be that everything else just feels funny. My younger son has severe sensory processing issues - when something isn't right (whatever that *something* might be) it really kind of is the end of the world. We have a neighbor boy who couldn't wear jeans until he was a teenager - the weight of the fabric and the texture of the waistband pretty much paralyzed him. At 5, she might not be able to verbally express *why* certain pants are better than others - but if it's a texture, weight, etc. issue, it may well be a battle that will be a difficult win for you. Just a couple of thoughts...good luck!

Hi R.. I am a mom of 4. It's very important that your daughter nows who is in charge. Sometimes what seems to be a small battle of the wills can give the little one enough power that it leads to other disobedience in the future. Bottomline is, you're the parent and she needs to listen to you. I believe discipline is in order if a 5 year old doesn't submit to your authority. The sooner they learn this, the better. After reading so many of the responses below I had to write more. I am shocked at how many moms think it is okay to indulge this behavior from a small child and are willing to go buy more of the same "favored" pants just to avoid any conflict. I have 3 daughters and I, to this day, don't take them shopping with me. They just wear what I get them and they are happy about it because they have no other option. It's not something they need to have an opinion about. They can choose something out of the drawer of options and get experience making independent choices that way. Let's break this cycle of entitlement ladies!! This is so prevelant in the children of today. Children need boundaries and consistency. They can't handle the power that is given to them by parents. That is why they fail so often. We can do this in a loving way and raise respectful others focused adults. Blessings to you all.

I read thru the notes and the one thing I didn't see that we did with my child is buy several of the same type of pants that she did like. My child would not wear jeans for two years...so I kept trying different pants and when I finally found a style she liked I bought them in several colors and several pairs in some of the colors. this eliminated the issue of the type of pants and having enough clean clothes to wear.

Like the others I suggest taking her with you to shop or be prepared to return a bunch of stuff.

It's not about the clothes, it's about the tantrums. She's controlling you-don't allow tantrums for any reason!
Get up early to allow ample time to address the meltdowns until they pass, and they will pass if you're firm and CONSISTENT. Don't try a little and then give up or the problem will be worse. Implement your most effective firm discipline the minute she begins a tantrum. Do not ever give in on the clothes, she can earn back her privilege of choosing clothes when she has learned not to throw tantrums. Since this has become a habit already, it may be very hard to break and she will rebel, but you have to be calm and firm. Don't get flustered or angry, just implement the consequence consistently right away when she starts. Your husband must be on the same page-no good cop bad cop. Make this your policy for all tantrums, not just the morning dressing ones so there is no confusion. You're the mom. It's your job to set strong boundaries so she has faith in you and respect for you. You can't make your life difficult with excess laundry etc-it's not good for her to learn she can do this. She may be acting out for some other reason as well, so be sure to give lots of extra attention and affection and special time just for her in addition to the new rule of not having tantrums. Good Luck!

I'm a 41 yo mom to a 4 yo and I feel your pain :) She is very fussy about the way clothes fit her and feel on her. She doesn't like "slippery" pants (anything that's slightly big in the waist and falls down). Or the jeans that sit low on the butt---she's constantly pulling them up. Maybe your daughter doesn't like the way some clothes feel on her or fit her and just can't express it to you.

To end my pain, I basically let my daughter pick out her own clothes. I put all her summer stuff away so that's no longer an issue. And she has a play clothes drawer as well as a "bye-bye" drawer so she'll always be wearing appropriate clothes. I do pick out her school clothes and her Sunday School clothes for her, but since they're nice, dress clothes, she has no complaints. She also knows if something is in the hamper, it stays there until I do the wash. Even if it's her favorite pair of panties :)

If your daughter's favorite pairs of pants are dirty, she needs to learn to go without and to wear something different. I would not wash those pants just because she wants them to wear.

Good luck to you :)