i have a friend that has 2 children 3and 8. she has cebral palsy, stay home mom, and not had one day away from these kids since they were born. she asked me to come help her with her kids and help her gain control of her 8 yr old. I went over and observed how she handle's her kids. i've concluded that one she needs time away; and he takes advantage of her handicap, and instead of that "fear' of her being in him, he and has that fear in her. I've told her to not show that fear or go through with what ever he "threatens" suggests to do (as long as it's not abusive).
got any suggestions? i'm pretty good with kids and making even the wort behaved kid mind me, but i need suggestions to give to her to enforce when no one is there but her and the kids. he actually does well, for just about everyone i've seen except for his mom (even with company there)
I have told her constiancy helps and differ's between each child as to what dicipline to use. She's been convinced by her dad that it's too late for her 8 year old, so i jumped in and said it's never too late, but the longer you wait the harder it is. I've told her i have no problem coaching her, but to do any good, it needs to be her or dad directing her son, no one else. i was over there last night to meet her husband and this kids pretty much obey's anyone BUT her...someone always had to jump in and back her up. not to mention her mom does not help matter's by underminding her in front of him..i told her she needs to put a stop to that as well.
Let me clarify myself, she is not threatening her physically, but threatening her as in "i'm telling the teacher's you're doing this" or DHS or why dont' you just throw me through the window..and yes i've told her if he says something that scares you....DO NOT SHOW IT
She has the option to call DHS herself, and ask for help. They are not there to be the bad guys. They offer parenting classes and may be able to help her to get control of her son. She can also try the YWCA, they are awesome with womens issues.
... I think, in light of everything... her son should get some kind of counseling/Therapy.
He is obviously having problems... and perhaps does not even know how to deal with him Mom's health condition. He has no coping-skills... nor a place to 'vent' properly nor does he know how.
No it is not too late.
But... its best to get it handled, now... BEFORE HE REACHES the pre-teen/Tween ages. Tween ages are from 9-12 years old.
Then, it will get harder.
AND, she cannot do it alone. PROFESSIONAL help, is needed.....
I repeat, she cannot do this alone.... other family members are sabotaging her...
Thus, this kid, is getting away with things and others are not 'respecting' the Mom, either.
all the best,
Susan
You are wonderful to offer to help this mom with her rude son. This is going to be pretty firm but the first thing that comes to mind is that I would quietly pull him aside and tell him that she is your friend and you don't allow ANYONE to mistreat your friends so he should STOP before you call in a detention officer to handle his poor behavior (if he wants to play hardball ... tell him you'll go there too) .. AND the threat of calling DHR (DHS) would hurt him far more than anyone else. Kids that threaten with this, need to be told that THEY will be removed from the home and placed in foster care if it is determined the care they are receiving isn't good. Do THEY really want to live with strangers, who knows where and go to who knows what school? I bet the home/school wouldn't be his favorite. Tell him about that procedure and that probably won't be such an exciting threat anymore. You can have that discussion with him quietly while sitting on the porch but in a serious manner. It is terrible that you can't treat him with all the kindness in the world right now, but maybe that will come later. He is bullying his mother and you are right .. it MUST be stopped or it will progress to other women in his life as he gets older. It is definitely a respect issue. None of us are born knowing what respect is but we sure learn to show it when necessary. Good luck!!
If he is physically threatening her, I think she needs to get him to a counselor..... both of them.......she also needs to keep something near her at all times to protect herself if he comes at her................other than that, I agree, she needs to take control........fast and swiftly...........And she needs to be pretty tough on him for a month or so and then if she thinks she can, let up a bit..........what I mean by that, have a talk with him......let him know the new rules, you do this, this happens.........and for how long.....in other words, you yell at me, you lose TV for a night, you yell again, 2 days.....etc.....no discussion, no compromise..............
Yes, she needs to find out what hits him......going out to play, being on the baseball team, etc.........then take it away...........make sure she puts this information out where they can both read it.....so that if he does something, he knows pretty much what the punishment is going to be. (And in case she forgets, it's there for her to go to and point it out to him) Then she has to follow through and it doesn't matter how much begging he does, he is NOT off the hook.........
She can do this........and if this doesn't work, tell her that she can have him put into counseling.
Tell her Good Luck, stay strong, and to hang in there......
Little kids will take advantage if they can.
It's just a fact.
Your friend has health issues and her kids should actually be more respectful of her because of that, not running all over her.
She needs to be consistant with her approach and they will rebel if they're not used to it, but it will be better in the long run.
I think kids actually crave boundaries and discipline. They may think because their mom has health issues, that by being naughty, she will be forced to give them what they crave.
My motto is...."Never let them see you sweat."
Mama needs to let them know that no matter what...she is still in charge. Not the other way around. It will alleviate their anxieties and make them feel more secure in the long run.
Really.
I wish her the best.
She needs to be consistent with her words and take immediate action if he has the nerve to threaten her. My seven-year-old so much as threatens me with anything, he immediately loses privileges, toys or goes straight to bed. She needs to assert that she's the boss, no matter what. He doesn't get to dictate things. The big thing is to figure out her son's currency ... what punishment can she give that will hold any meaning to him. This varies a lot by the child. It may be losing video game or TV time or the ability to invite a friend over after school. Her husband should also be made aware of all of the bad behaviors. I know our son HATES to disappoint dad much more than me, so that can offer some leverage.
