Twin Prob

my pastor at church said somthing (I havn't tryed it yet, but plan on it) and when I read this question I thought of it so hear goes. "if you want to put the fear of God into your children, wisper" Try it when on of them starts to act up go to hear ear bend down and say exactlly what you would say as if you were yelling. Just wisper very softly. Let me know if it works! I just havn't had to yell yet this week, but the week is young!

Growing up, I had that problem with my sister. We are not twins however, My sister was always a competitive type...tinged with a green streak of envy and jealousy. It caused friction all these years until adult hood, whereby she actually told me she was jealous of me. Who knows why, as we were raised the same. It is just her personality type.

That being said. Your girls are young...but still, every child needs help to ground them. My parents, would always emphasize that we were a "team" and that as siblings we are to protect and be there for each other always. I see that you treat them equally.... and that's good. Perhaps they need their "own" uniqueness and activities? The main thing is that you don't want "resentment" to be added to the pot. THAT is a hard nut to crack. I know, I dealt with that with my sibling.

I don't have any answer for you per say, just my own experience in dealing with that sort of situation in my life with my sibling. It's not easy. Perhaps, your twins are different in personality... and perhaps they both need different ways of being handled. I know it's not easy. Sorry I couldn't offer a specific thing. But my sister said she always felt like I was the "favorite" even though she was the "class president" type. Sometimes, a child just needs more and needs to be sure of themselves more, and needs more attention for their own individuality. Some kids are always trying to "prove" themselves too... and this can in turn be turned toward the other sibling in a negative way. Perhaps, have one-on-one time with each twin, separately. With help from Hubby of course. That is what my friend does, who has twins herself. Each child is unique and nurturing each is different.

Well, just some reflective ideas on things. Hope it helps... good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

have you tried to give them task to do together? like seting the table? it does seem that they are competing for attention. maybe try to do things with them apart like you take one to the park and your husband take the other to a movie. then switch the next weekend or day. good luck i hope you find something that works!

The problem you are describing is not just for twins. My 5 y/o dd is exactly the same way lately. If i'm not standing over her telling her to do something and watching every move, she won't do it, at least not right away. This morning after breakfast I asked her to get dressed...an hour later she still wasn't dressed, so I had to physically help her. She is completely capable of doing it herself. I just think that at this age, their little minds are busy with their own stuff. I have to work extra hard to stay calm and use humor as much as possible. Yelling never works. If possible, I try to encourage a race, who can get dressed first, etc. I try to make life fun and laugh as much as possible. Good luck.
M

Try turning what you are asking them to do into more of a game instead of a task or chore.. hey it works for super nanny! LOL

Hi M.,
I have twin girls however they are now 30 years old. I guess my first suggestion would be to stop shouting. They will learn from you when they are fustrated they will also learn that shouting is OK and it becomes a vicious circle. Have other playmates come over (pick the calm ones). Have them in different classes at School.My girls stopped liking each other in JR HS and HS, but remember they might not like each other, which is OK, but they MUST love each other. I thought they would hate each other forever, which hurt me deeply but they ended up going away to college together and now they are adult women and are the best of friends. They learned blood is thicker than water! Talk to each one individually and spend time with each one alone; alternating. There are some things that are NOT acceptable...hitting, screaming, throwing things etc. Hold them tightly so they can't hit and wisper in their ear that you can't let them do that because you love them and your responsibility is to teach them how to behave. You will find thier bodies relaxing after awhile and just keep wispering until they relax. It will feel like it is not working but be consistant.(Dad will need to help and do it too) Make cookies together, each one picks a task if they fight about doing the same task then you do it and assign them differnt ones. Tell them you are doing the task they were fighting about because it mast be the "Best" task since they were fighting over it! :-)Make those yummy cookies together. After they are made have each one wrap in celophane with apretty ribbon and each pick who they would like to give theirs to. (it will teach them giving is good and phrase them} They are acting out for YOUR attention. Ask them if someone asked which finger they would they like chopped off they would reply NONE, ask why. They would probibly say because it would hurt...well that is how your love is. Any finger would hurt because they are all the same. So is you love for them (the same)Hug them and tell they you Love them ALL the time even if Dinner is late and the house is a mess. (Dad needs to do this TOO)! Mom and Dad need hug and kiss, to be sean as loving one another TOO! Remember Mom's have "Eyes in the back of their heads", but kids have "Big ears"! When the kids are in bed, let the laundry go(do it the next day while they are at school) and take a long hot bath!
God Bless,
J.