Twins & Kindergarten Question

i had a friend in highschool who i never knew was a twin until very recently. Apparently her "older" sister who was in the grade above us was actually her twin sister... my friend wasnt ready for kindergarten but her sister was so she started and my friend started a year later.. i mean from kingergarten on they always had different friends.. to be honest i think it made them not as close as they got older.. they realy dont even talk much these days.. and as i said no one knew they were twins.. honestly i think my friend was kind of embarrassed to say her twin sister was a grade above her in school

My cousin had the same situation, (except the boy was more ready) Their birthday was end of August, She discussed it with the teacher and they agreed to keep them both back in K. Now they both get to be the older kids, maybe leaders of their class. Do you have a trusted preschool teacher/director to discuss this with?

Start them both at five.

It is not at all surprising that it is your son that is a little less mature. Is your daughter a little more of the leader of the two kiddos? If they are separated for Kindergarten I think you will find that your son starts to blossom very quickly. I've worked with several sets of twins and the less dominante child was willing to just let his sibling "take care of him" to some extent, but when they were separated when going to preschool that child kind of found his voice and really thrived.

M

Don't let one start and hold one back.

Hi O.,

I have twin boys who are 7, they have mid June birthdays. One of my twins I felt was a little more ready but mostly for social reasons. We had actually been debating for two years prior to kindergarten about whether to start them as 5 year olds because they would have been young like your kiddos. After talking to many many people who had gone before us we made the choice to give both boys an extra year, they did pre-k again in an Abeka curriculum school....BEST decision we could have made. When they started kindergarten as six year olds they were so very ready. Their teacher raved constantly about how prepared they were academically, mentally and socially. It was a wonderful year. Now they are in first grade and the success continues. Their teacher tells me they are so much more mature than most of the other boys (which I think makes life a little easier for her every day! LOL).

On the other hand, I have a friend at church whose son is two months younger than my boys (August 27th birthday) and they started him as a young five year old and it has been a difficult couple of years (he is a second grader now). Socially and academically, Luke has struggled and probably will continue. When he has to start taking the high pressure standardized test in third grade next year, I wonder how well he will do.

I know each case is different, there are some I've seen here on MP that are passionate about not holding kids back and some that think it's fine. You know your kids best. I look at it like this...you are a lot more likely to have regret sending a child you pretty well know is not ready than to have regret giving an extra year to mature up. Holding back worked wonderful for us.

Like others have said though, do not send one twin and hold the other back, I can forsee all kinds of bad consequences for that in the future.

Best wishes on your decision! Please let me know if I can share anymore about our experience with you :-)

I don't have twins but PLEASE think about the long term effects of holding only one back.
He will not only internalize the fact that he is the "dumb" one (yes, no matter how well we talk and talk to our kids and tell them how wonderful they are they still see the writing on the wall in their own simple, childish way) but for the rest of his school life his peers and classmates will be pointing it out as well. Be prepared for him to face years of questions, whispers and gossip about why he's in a grade below his twin sister.
Ask your pediatrician, preschool teacher/s and the future kindergarten teachers, they will have the best advice.

My sister has twins who are how 24. They were born in November and she started them in kindergarten when they were still 4. She and the twins have always regretted it. In fact, the twins asked her if they could be held back entering high school because they felt like they weren't ready for high school. Since they passed Middle School, that wasn't a option. Anyway, they both are athletic and they were at a huge disadvantage entering high school because they hadn't reached puberty yet and were not as strong and mature as everyone else, so they stopped playing because couldn't make the team. Around their Jr. year they caught up bet by that time had found other not so great influences so sports was out of the question.

Anyway, good luck w your decision!!

Updated

My sister has twins who are how 24. They were born in November and she started them in kindergarten when they were still 4. She and the twins have always regretted it. In fact, the twins asked her if they could be held back entering high school because they felt like they weren't ready for high school. Since they passed Middle School, that wasn't a option. Anyway, they both are athletic and they were at a huge disadvantage entering high school because they hadn't reached puberty yet and were not as strong and mature as everyone else, so they stopped playing because couldn't make the team. Around their Jr. year they caught up bet by that time had found other not so great influences so sports was out of the question.

Anyway, good luck w your decision!!

I have boy /girl twins and would never hold one back . It would be devastating .They were born in Feburary so we didn't have this issue. Our son does struggle with reading in comparison to his sister .If I were you I would wait until they were six. I have seen the results . Our 2 neighbors each have a child one a boy and one a girl born in August. The family with the girl waited to put her in kindergarten. The boy was put in kindergarten just barely 5 . The girl skates through school and the boy works every night to keep up and he's kind of short so that doesn't help.To me it's a no brainer. Set them both up for sucess.

Also, are they in preschool ? It is so good for them . Were they premies? Because their age should be based on due date . Good luck :0)

Every kid is different. Their teacher will know how to deal with a kid that doesn't feel as ready. I would keep them together, though, not split them up.

My neigbours twin girls started kindergarten in the fall. They put them in a school that had two kindergarten classes so that they could have them in different classes. The parents felt that the girls would appreciate the time apart since they have very different personalities, and they did not want the teachers always comparing them to one another. I wouldn't worry about a child being ready for kindergarten. Kindergarten is a time to get ready for grade one, and the teachers are used to kids coming in with different levels of readiness.

Kindergarten readiness involves simply being 5. I would not over think this.

Hi, I have boy/girl twins born in October...I did NOT send them to school til they were 5 (almost 6)...why rush/push them into kindergarten any sooner than necessary??? Yes, the girl is normally more mature than the boy at a young age but that does eventually change. My twins are now 20 years old...and guess what? My son graduated valedictorian! lol I would never start one before the other though. And I kept them together in the same classroom when they were young, did not separate them until they were a little older, then they always had a "friend" in class! To this day they are good friends...they live together in a place up in WA...we miss them, they live very separate lives, but it sure helps on rent, etc. and helps pay bills, lol BTW, my parents had two sets of twins.

boys might take awhile longer to mature. that is very common.

i just wanted to say, if you're talking about the fall of 2013, you have sooooo much time. that's like an eternity, for a 4 year old. work with them, i'm sure they'll be fine. like someone said, you don't want to split them up. (different classes, yes, fine, but not holding one back a year.)

Boys usually are slower than girls in being ready for school and in some areas such as verbal and language,etc. But if you started them different years that would be very bad for them down the road and he'd feel bad. Maybe have a teacher talk with you ahead of time and be sure she understands your concern and then decide whether to split them up or not. Our oldest set of twin grandsons were together until maybe 4th grade, don't remember though for sure. They seemed to do better later on split up. Although identical they are very different and needed to be their own person. I think with a boy and a girl it would be a bit easier in the same class and maybe help them. I doubt your son will be as 'ready' whenever he does start as his sister but he will be up with the other boys probably.

I think that they both need to start school at the same time. When they are 5 years old.

By keeping one back and sending the other then the one that is left behind will have that judgement from you that they are not as smart/worthy as their sibling. Why in the world would you want to do that to your child?

They are twins, they will have differences throughout their lives. If the one that isn't as ready as the other one flunks kindergarten then that would be something you would need to deal with at the end of the kindergarten year.

I still don't think I'd let them hold one back at that time either. Kids go through a huge developmental stage between ages 5 and 6 or 7. They stop being a little kid and become a child that is a school ager. They enter a period where their brains are turned on and they become sponges that absorb every scrap of information around them.

So if one is still behind at the end of kindergarten I still think I would send them both to 1st grade. Then they would start their learning experience level. Both should be closer cognitively at this time. Developmental stages should be evened out by the time they are in 1st grade, it could be at the beginning, middle of the year, or even at the end of 1st grade but they should catch up to each other and be very similar cognitively.

As a former kindergarten teacher and early childhood professional, here is my input...

Boys generally mature/show readiness slower than girls do. I am not surprised that your daughter seems more ready than your son.

What specific concerns do you have that your son is not ready? It is a tough call for boys born in the summer before the school year starts - especially those born in August. I have worked with MANY children (both boys and girls) who have those late summer birthdays who may have benefited from waiting a year, but once the school year got underway with the great teacher they had (ha ha!), there wasn't much difference by the end of the year.

I would not hold your son back and send your daughter. What I might recommend is requesting that they be in different classes. One set of twins I worked with, mom really wanted them in the same class. But the principal recommended otherwise so she decided to go with that recommendation and is SO glad she did. She was afraid one of her boys would not do well adjusting without his brother there but it was the opposite. He did extremely well and was able to develop on his own without the constant of his brother. She was SO happy she went with the principal's recommendation. So - with your case, it might be better that they are in separate classrooms so your son might not always be "compared" or in competition with the skills your daughter already seems to have.

If you have any other questions for a kindergarten teacher - feel free to PM me! :-)

I would start them together, be it this fall or the one after. But I might split them up. Friend's twin sons are in different classes and she says that it didn't take long for each boy to find his own path, friends, etc. They also get to experience different things and have new things to tell each other every day. I would look at the districts' requirements for an incoming 5 yr old and help your children where they may be falling behind. My DD will also be a young 5 next fall and is doing really well in preschool. Her teachers are not worried.