Unfriendly Moms at the Playground

Hi J.,
I received the same treatment at a gymnastics class that I took my 2 year old to. The rest of the moms all know each other & I was the odd one out. I also look a lot younger like you, that & my being new to the gym were 2 things against me, but I kept going & after a few of the classes I sort of butted my way into their conversations (tired of being the only mom playing with the kids & not chatting). They usually talk about their kids so I would just start telling them about mine, and they realized I was just another mom & were cool.
I don't see any of these moms outside of the gym, but if I see them in the halls now I know I can say hi & it is now fun for me & my son to go.
Good luck on the playground!

I havent had the same problem as you. I feed that i have a hard time meeting other moms cause im a bit shy.
What town are you from?

You should just smile at them, and if they are not friendly, then you don't want to be friends with them anyway. I am actually older than the other mothers at the playground, and have experienced the same thing. I think that people just aren't that friendly, and are happy with their own friends. Don't take it personally. Every once in a while you'll meet someone great - just keep smiling.

Hi J., Sorry to hear that moms snub you. I t ake my son to the park alot and can usually tell who will talk to me. I'm almost 27 and our second son is on the way, actually any day now! My sons will be just about 2 years apart. I don't know what area you are in but would love to talk with you some time. oh I also married my highschool sweethear. we have been together for 11 years now and married for 4. we sound very similar.

hi which city do u live in i get alot of that 2 but im single and only 23 with a 19 month old id like to make new friends with kids so my son has kids to play with

Hi J.,

I'm sorry to hear that you are being treated that way by other moms...it's sad! I would either try to ignore it all together, or find another playground. Maybe if you continue to go there, you'll find some other moms who aren't as judgmental. Don't let these people get you down, or spoil you and your kids fun.

I feel your pain....I am almost 29 with a 4 and an 8 month old. I felt the same way. I too look young. I wish I had words of wisdom...I know how lonely it is out there...have you thought of joining a MOMS club? I did and even though we are all different ages, I have found wonderful and supportive women there. It's a shame we can't just support one another! Good Luck!

I also look very young, I am going to be 31 soon and I dont look a day over 18. I still have people ask me at my job how come I am not in school...I have two children also my daughter who is 6 and my son who will be turning 4 soon. Well anyways, my advice is still go to the park and have some fun with your children and if the other moms snub you, then you probably dont want them to be your friend anyways. There are some moms out there that im sure you will meet that are very nice. When my daughter started school, When I had to go to parents night by myself because my boyfriend had to work, I felt so out of place but once I started doing functions and getting more involved you would be surprised how people (moms) open up. So keep on going and if so be you and your children play together all the time then have some fun....Good luck

Hi -
I'm on the other end of the spectrum and would just like to say it's the same for us "older" moms. I am 38 with a 9 month old and I dread being around the 20 something mommies. They look at me like I'm an old hag when I try to join in, assume my child must have been conceived with fertitlity drugs, and talk about soap operas and the latest with Britney. I guess women in general just get nasty once they're in the safety of a clique - no matter what their age!

Jen , Im 23 and the only time that i have made sum friends she when my Daughter started School. she is 4 now and she started last year pre-k for 3 year olds . she made friends and i have a One mom form last year that we keep the girls together.It is hard and ppl are nasty and when there are mean kids in the park i NEVER got along with the mothers there.. U have to keep tryin to go to the park there will be that one other mom there that is lookin for the same thing sumone to talk to . it WILL take time . but when they start pre-k if u have it it will do a lot ... I mean like i said before im 23 and its NOT EASY.. i no where ur commin form... Hope that might work, But see about school dont no how old the boys are but it will be good for u and them ... (jaz goes for 2 1/2 hours a day ) .

J. Marie

I am sure we have all at one time or another have been in your situation, I agree with many of the respondants out there, just smile and nod... being a new mom to a little one is great and exciting and we should be able to go out there and have fun and enjoy our kids and not worry about getting snubbed by other moms, getting nasty looks from childless people that hate being near our screaming or laughing child, next time when you go to the park, take your kids and have fun with them... I always walk into my local playground with the anticipation that I want my son to have fun and if I meet someone there with his/her child/ren then it is an added bonus.
Playgrounds are for kids to get out and be active and have fun, parents should be there to supervise and enjoy their kids, not worry about what other parents are thinking, doing or saying about us. Just go have a fun time and run around with your kids and be silly for an hour. I guarentee you will meet another kid or mom that thinks what your doing is great and they'll want to talk and join you.

I am a young stay at home mom. I have 2 children and I am 24 years old. I just moved to North Andover from East Boston about a month ago. I have always had the rude remarks and nasty looks from other parents because I am such a young mom. I had my daughter at the age of 18. She is now 6 years old. I tend to just ignore the other moms and I teach my kids to ignore rude people. It's a hard thing to deal with and, unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it. The best thing to do is try to make conversation with the other moms so they can see that even though you are young, you are mature as well. Good luck!!

Sometimes I actually find older moms to be more understanding.Try to make conversation by introducing yourself and saying people often think im younger but I am 27 etc etc.

I get the same thing i am 25year old a mother of a 1 year girl. I look really young and i just go up to people and introduce myself and my daughter and her favorite word at this time is of course daddy so i just say no daddys at work remeber he works so i can stay at home with you then it kind of put me and the "older looking" mothers on the same page.
and i think its good to look young.

Hi Jenn,

I had that problem too!! I was shy back then! Now that I own my own Tupperware business I try to talk to everyone I can. You kind of have to think of it as they are losing out by not talking to you. Try complimenting them about something to break the ice. That always seems to work for me. Then try to keep the conversation going by asking questions like how many kids, do you work, etc. Before I started my business I actually made Mommy business cards to pass out to people I met in case they ever wanted to get together. It shows them that you are open and inviting them into your life. Meet me at the park and you can be sure that I will talk your ears off!!! Email me @ ____@____.com and if you are local maybe we can meet!! I have 2 boys too!! 4 & 6 yrs old. Hope to hear from you!!

I'm sorry you've encountered unfriendly moms. I'm 29, with a 2 year old, and I've found that cliques exist on the playground just like back in high school. Maybe they're just shy - and extending a "hi, how old is your son/daughter?" might break the ice? That works a lot for me! HTH.

Hi J.,
I also have gone through this alot at the playground. I am 29 and also look young. I have 3 children that are 10, 8, 6 and when they were younger and we would go to the park I would hear the comments " She should be in school and not babysitting" or "Did he call her mom? thats just wrong". The comments always hurt no matter what is being said. The hardest thing for me was when one of my kids would go up to someone on the slide and ask if they could play with them and the "mom" would say NO. Kids don't understand at all and it isn't their fault. What I did when I would go to the park is I would find myself a nice comfy spot and put my blanket down. I would make sure that I had the best snacks for the kids to eat and I would let them play for a few minutes and then I would join them playing racing games, pushing them on the swing etc. I found that the "oldermoms" would sit with their cliques and not actually play with their kids and then their kids would be asking me to push them or play tag or whatever and then we would snack on goodies. I would eventually have all the kids playing with my kids and I and the moms would be so mad that their kids were having fun they would join in. So i dealt with the moms and a few times they even apologized for their comments. On one occasion a mom made the comment that "It is so wrong when babies are having babies and are on welfare" and it was pretty much right to my face and I told her one I am not on welfare my husband makes enough money for me to stay home and just think I would still be young and spry at 40 when my kids graduated and unfortunately she would be in her 60's. She shut up and I never heard a bad thing from her again while I was at the park.

it's hard to meet new people ... try some smaller playgroups or gym activities.. check your rec dept and see if they have yoga or something where people interact, but on a smaller scale.. it will change when the kids go to school.. hang in there

I am 23 my daughter is almost 2. i am a SAHM. Other moms won't even talk to me or my daughter unless they are telling us about mothers groups in other TOWNS!(towns of a "lower income class" assuming that i must be poor because i'm a young mother.) Matter of fact i brought my daughter to the Y today (unaware of a mothers meeting taking place) and THREE moms said that to me! THREE! By the third one i responded with " are they are ignorant as the mothers here? i would just like to save my daughter and i sometime." and left.....it felt so good to stand up for my family. but, when i got into the car i just cried and cried. My daughter is my life. She is a good girl, so friendly, and well behaved. I'm soooo proud of her. I feel your pain. people say "kids can be crewl" i think they learn it from their mothers.

I just turned 28, but I look very young as well. I actually think that people may think I am the nanny or babysitter at times, until my 3 and a half year old calls me mom. I feel as though I get that same reaction at times, but honestly it is those mothers that look foolish and it isn't worth your time trying to get to know them anyway. As for your children, depending on their ages, I wouldn't think they would realize it was happening. Which parks are you going to?

I have had the same types of experiences for as long as I can remember. I had my first son when I was only 19. So I have dealt with all kinds of people who think I was too young, or think I ended up pregnant because I was promiscuous. And even though now I am 26, married with 2 boys, it seems that people still like to act like they are better than you. My oldest is 7, in 2nd grade. And everyday I go to his school and stand with the other moms waiting for our kids to get out and almost all of them act snooty. Unfortunately I think it's everywhere and there's nothing you can do to make people any nicer. Some of these women may have had the same situation as you did. But for some reason they act rude. I dont know how old your kids are but with my son, he notices when people seem rude. All I can tell him is that some people are just in bad moods sometimes. I tell him its the same thing as when he wakes up grumpy. And he has to try to ignore it. I honestly dont think that there are certain places that are good for making friends with other moms. Not from personal experience. Maybe at a gymboree class or something like that, but even then Im not sure. I've just noticed that sometimes you click with people and sometimes you dont. I dont know if this helped at all, but these are my experiences!! Good luck!!!

Hi J.,

I understand what you mean and I am 31! They aren't that much older than me!! I have found that some people can just be really rude! If you want to get together with me and my son, I am always ready to meet knew people!! As for those people at the park you don't want you or your kids to be friends with someone who would teach there kids to act that way!! My email address is ____@____.com! If you would like to get together!

Thanks becca

Some moms are just really tough. I have found it is very much like being in high school all over again. Ugh! Hang in there and don't let those moms get to you. Once my kids started preschool in town I met some of the local moms that wanted to go to the park together. Some moms just don' t know how to include outsiders into thier world and unfortunately thier kids follow in thier foot steps.

I go through the same thing. Then I posted on here about a playgroup and a girl started a group on moms cafe online you should check it out. The group in south shore playgroup I think but in any case you just have to keep sticking with the playground or some other social functions because our kids need it. I just don't bother talking to anyone anymore because like you said they aren't very nice. Since I started meeting people through this group though we've had a better experience.

J.,
Congrads on your two babes and hubby for one and also I know how you feel! But you cant let it get to you!! I know it stinks and all but if women want to be like that then that is there problem. I would try to tell them flat out hi my name is J. and I have two little boys and throw in the fact that your 27 and itch your nose with your right hand that has your ring on it lol. I know it sounds silly but I usually I say " oh how old is your baby, my daugther is 7months and its so hard to find mothers that talk to me because I look so young and I am 26. Dont you think thats weird?" and the other mom usually looks at me smiles and says yes and you know that they felt the same way before you even said hello to them but because I was out spoken and put that information out there it changed there thoughts... good luck hun and just put yourself out there.

I have the same problem! I am 30, and my husband is 36. It is so bad that people that don't know me have said to my husband, I didn't know you had a daughter in high school. They were referring to me! I would be flattered, but sometimes it is so insulting. I am 30, I have 3 kids, I am successful at my job, I own property, not that I need to prove myself to anyone. But you're right, people treat me like a "teen mom" too. And yes, sometimes they treat my children like they are unworthy to be near their kids. They are just being judgemental, not even realizing that I am a regular stay at home mom just like them. Half the problem is I don't have expensive trendy clothes and a designer purse. I have trouble fitting in with other moms sometimes because of this. But I am trying to get ahead, not spend frivolously, and if I look messy, thats my problem. But it doesn't make me a bad mom, I just have different priorities. Just know that you're not the only one. Moms can be so cruel and caddy to each other, and if these are the people you are meeting, you don't want them in your life anyway. As your kids get older and into school and activities, you will meet even more people. Hang in there and choose your friends wisely! As for those rude moms at the playground, I say you are better off without them.

I believe that no matter how young or old you are, it will still be like High School. There will be the moms who either have low self esteem and can't make conversation, or even better the mom who think they are too good for you and your child and make assumption about you and your lifestyle.
When I encounter moms like this, I simply act like I've met them before, smile, make small talk and continue on my way to play with my child. You leave the park feeling good/mature and you show your child to be kind and friendly to everyone.
It seems like many moms that responded to your request want to meet-up, I'm not sure where your from but maybe we should start a new post and see where everyone is from.

When I read your e-mail today I thought, oh my god this was me. I'm 28 now, last year I dealt with the same thing, its like because they're older and you look much younger they don't take you seriously, like your not a "real mom" or something. They gather in their little clicks and anyone not with the "in-crowd" get dirty looks including your children. It sucks but don't let it get you down, eventually you'll find another person, probably in a similar situation as your own. My friend Mia was a God send and we've been very tight ever since, looking out for each other especially when dealing with the large number of rude "adults". Right now though just keep being there for your kids like you are and maybe they will get over themselves and see what a great person you are.

Hi J.,
I also have this problem. But, i'm only 23 with a 3 year old. People don't realize i've been married for almost 4 years, i own my own home and my daughter was planned. Alot of people would ask me if she was my little sister. At first this bothered me but now i love being the young mom that plays with my daughter at the park instead of just watching her. You can't change the way people act, you can just make the best of spending time with your little ones. Best of luck!

I'm sorry you feel that way. Have you checked out Meetup.com? It's a free site and they have groups for SAHM, playdates, playground outings. It's nice because you get to know a little about the other moms in your area online before meeting up with them and their kids.

Good Luck,
J. D.

i'm so sorry to hear about your experience. i'd play and chat w/ ya,although i'm 34, i don't relate to older mom's...i'm still young at heart and most of my friends are in their late 20s with kids. i have found a MOM's Club (support group) of SAHMs. and they were great. and it was a nice way to meet other mom's too.
i wish you the best....and keep going to the park...those moms are jealous, b/c you can keep up and they prob. can't

I just tried to respond to this message, and my 2 year old punched the computer-so if you get half a message, that's why. Anyway, I joined a mom's group. It's kind of like dating. You're not going to like every mom in the group and vise versa, but you're going to connect with someone. I did it, and met one of my best friends. It took awhile, and I met some really nice people, but she was the one I really connect with. I went to meetup.com, typed in my zip code and then chose from the list of meetups that they have. There will most likely be one in your area. I hope this helps! Good luck.

They're probably just feeling insecure because you are younger than them. I would take a chance and go up to them anyway keeping an open mind. I'm sure that once they get to know you and start feeling more confortable that the ice will start to melt. However, if that doesn't work and they are overtly rude, I would say that you're better off without them since their rudeness isn't a good example for your children anyway. Good luck!