Not So Nice Toddlers at the Playground

Ever heard the expression, "It takes a village..." ??? I don't have a problem disciplining strangers kids in public when their children are doing something unsafe or not nice.

That happened to me yesterday! OMG!

Except the kids were about 7 or 8 maybe 9. The kids were trampling all the other ones.

One headbutted my son (age 3) and then the other grabbed my daughter and turned her around! Not in a nice way either as my almost ywp year old didn't understand what was going on. I was furious!

I watched them closely to see exactly what was going on before stepping in, then twice yelled at them in a firm voice "No headbutting" then "do not touch her again." The parents were chatting and I understand not watching at all times as they were trying to get a break out of life too.

However, they did not say anything to me and I was glad for it. If they had I would have simply said I understand, however, for the saftey of my children it was imperative that both my children do not learn and/or repeat this behavior and that they should not feel physical harm on the playground. Had it been vice versa I certainly would have done the same to my children.

These kids were not playing, they were rude!

In your circumstance, I do not see anything wrong with simply saying, "your sons was physically touching my child and although his intentions are innocent I have to be concerned for my child at all times." Anything further than that or an enraged response from the other parent only is setting a bad example for their child and that is their problem.

Any parent who is a parent at all, would understand, even if they thought the circumstances were not crucial. I often explain to others (parents and children) my child's beahvior, such as, "oh she's doing that because that is how we play at home.. " and then tell my child not to do that to others ect.

Anyhow, don't feel bad, it happens to all of us at one point or another. It makes me not want to send my kids to school! My kids really don't understand other kids on the playground.

~J.

I removed my child from the not so nice kids. I also said it loud enough, that I did not want her near those boys (3 brothers,who were slightly older). The parents were no where to be found.

I can understand both sides. An alternative might have just been to say excuse me and tell the child, please let go of his legs, he would like to get down. Or just excuse me and pick your son up off the slide. I don't think it was necessary to have touched the other child, he would have let go when you went to pick your child up anyway or most likely on his own when you asked. The other child was young too and that behavior is pretty typical of that age, so I think it is a bit soon to label him as some of the other moms were saying.

With that said his Mom should have been watching, and it was not a big deal what you did for her to get mad about. Hey you can't change other people, just prepare your son to deal with them!

Kids need to learn how to deal with eachother also, for future you can teach your son how to handle things on his own. To say things like: Thats not nice. Thats not how to play. Let go of me. Leave me alone, etc. Then allow him the chance to handle things on his own and see what he does first and then interceed if needed, talk about it afterwards- how he could have handled it differently or congratulate him for handling it well.

It will be good for his confidence to learn how to handle things on his own and get him ready for when he has to go to daycare and school.

Just my humble opinion, hope it helps!! ;>

A.

I've had this happen many times over the past 12 years of being a mom. Maybe try moving your child from the situation. Then, if the issue persists and it's not a very minor thing, you may try talking to the parent. If you don't communicate to the adult, they won't know and they may not be aware that their child is acting inappropriately at all. If you do it in a kind, non judgemental way, it should be ok. Just remember, kids are kids and all are different and act differently, so not all kids will act the way our kids do or will have the best parental supervision. It's a tough world out there, I wish it wasn't though.

I would just pick my child up and move him.

Unfortunately this happens a lot! I can remember a few times there were 4-5 yrs. old kids picking on my 1 yr old (at the time). It is never a very easy situation if the other parent is not being observant or not even there. I have always done exactly what you did and politely rectified the situation. It is not our place to disipline someone else's child but by all means take action if their behaviors are infringing on your child's fun. That is a tough situation when a parent takes your actions like that but you did the right thing you are protecting your child not only that you are showing your child how NOT to act. I think you did the right thing!
J.

B.,

I think you reacted the way any responsible parent would. That woman has a lot of nerve to fail to properly address the situation, then get mad at you for protecting your child. I have a two year old too and I know it would probably be extremely difficult to leave abruptly, but if that type of situation occurred more than once or if the child followed you and your son to the other side of the playground after you move away, I think I would do exactly that. I imagine, given that mother's lack of parenting, I would probably announce loudly, "I'm sorry honey, we have to leave now because that little boy is having very bad manners and I don't want you to get hurt." My son's montessori school teaches the children to say, "Stop!" very loudly if another child invades their personal space. This is actually a very useful tool for young and old. Saying it loudly often gets the child to let go out of surprise and it doesn't teach them to push back, but to stand up for themselves so they're not bullied by others. It's not a perfect solution, but it works well in the 18 month to three year environment. :) Good luck. It's extremely difficult to deal with inattentive, uncaring or ignorant parents, but we can control whether or not we allow bullies to continue their behavior and you have every right to ensure that your child is not the target regardless of what that small-minded woman said to you.

I had my 2 year old twins at a public playground a while back, and there was a kid there that was probably 5, he was picking up pinecones and chucking them at the other kids! His parents, (young and very Gothic-looking) were sitting on a bench, not even looking at the kid. So I went close to the kid and said 'you do not throw pinecones at other kids, it's not nice and you could hurt someone, and if you hit one of my kids, I will be very, very mad'. Well, within minutes, the kid started again, and he hit a couple other kids, I marched my butt right over to his parents and said the same thing to them, he's chucking pinecones and if he hits my kids I will be VERY mad. Guess what the parents did? Absolutely nothing. So I went and stood in front of the kid when he had pine cones in his hand so he would hit me if he threw them, finally the parents called him over and they all left.

I have a 2 1/2 yr old son and I am glad I am not the only one with this problem. It is a very awkward situation when a parent allows their child to be abusive and disruptive. I wish I had a good solution, my husband says I have the evil eye. lol I guess I tend to give mothers or fathers a "look" when they are letting their child do things to show my disapproval. Personally I have experienced this several times, my son knows not to hit and he usually tells the other child no no we dont do that, or be nice. If I were miss proper I would tell you that you need to explain to this mother that her child was hitting and pulling your son and that you simply touched his hands to remove them from your child, then remove yourself from the situation, bla bla bla... Truthfully I know that any mother that would allow here child to act this way is not going to give a squat about what you say! But I would suggest resisting the urge to demonstrate t her what her son did :) Give her the evil mommy eye. lol Wish I had some ingenius advice.

T. R.

In your defense, if the other child had long finger nails, than pulling your child away might have gotten him scratched. It's good that you have the natural ability to be watchful and protective. I prefer you over the parent that watches (or doesn't watch) from a distance. That was a teachable moment for your son. I used times like that to teach my son to speak up and exactly what to say. If he couldn't to it then and there, I would talk about the situation at home and act out how he could handle it in the future. "You need to stop!" etc... He practiced saying it loudly until his voice could be heard strong enough. It worked. He is a sensitive boy and one who you would not imagine would speak so assertively, but when picked on he is empowered to speak up. When he was two, time and again there would be some kid who was just drawn to him and unfriendly. He spoke up, to my amazement, as I watched. Now six years old, and he handles himself well. He has many good friends and knows how to keep them. I am so proud of him! You sound like a great mom!
Take care,
C.

Today my three year old and I was at a kids consignment shop and the lady that runs the shop had her little boy there, he was playing with a train in the middle of the walk way, my little boy tried to play with him but the other little boy was mean to him. So I told my little boy to stay away from that boy, but the other little boy followed us around the store getting onto my son for everything, the mother did nothing. She was to busy with other customers anyway when the other little boy decided to get physical that were I told the little boy that was enough and to behave himself. After that the little boy went over and laid on the floor under a rack and my little boy went over and ask if he was okay the little boy said yes and started being nice to my little boy and wanted to play nice. He didn't want us to leave the store. You can't teach your child if you stand by and let the other child treat him that way. I think you did what any mother would do and sometime we just got to remove our children from it and let them know there not in trouble but the other child behavior is not acceptable.

B.,
That is always a tough call. Bottomline, it is your job to protect your son and show your son the "right", safe, ways to play. Since the other Mother failed to see the actions of her son, I would say that she has little to say. Your removal of her son clutches is not unreasonable. It is sad that she feels that fearful of others, when she is relying on others to parent her son!! Maybe, you could have tried to talk w/ her but ...chances are, she wouldn't have been much help anyway. I suggest that you explain loudly what is going on to your son and the other kids, and move to another area. Tell your son that you prefer he plays gently in this area until the "aggressive" child(ren) leave. If the "problem" child follows your son, then, tell the kid that you would prefer for him not to play with your son in that manor that you are teaching him good manners and he needs to pratice them with other children who want tohave good manners. That will really kick his Mom, and motivate him to use better manners. If the Mom gets angrey ....bat your eyes and say, "Whatever, are you talking about? We are working on our manners." Smile gently, walk away and have fun. Don't leave.
Too few ppl have any manners these days! Don't let yours slip away!
Good luck!

B.,

I have a daughter who is 16 and a son who is 11 but I still remember dealing with this sort of thing when they were younger.

I don't know about society rules in America but in Australia things have become very sensitive about touching other people's children. I remember once in a shopping centre coming across a small child who was lost. Instead of encouraging the child to accompany me to centre management I went into the closest store and asked one of the shop assistants to accompany myself and the lost child to centre management. I was congratulated by management on this approach. Although this is not the same incident as yours I should think although first reaction is to remove the child so as to prevent the possiblity of harm to your child, I would suggest firm words to the offending child to 'not be nasty in play' and removing your child to a different area would be the best approach.

I fully understand your frustration at parents who do not observe their children and responding to bad behaviour in an appropriate way. I should think that letting your small child know that the other child was not behaving as they should (in earshot of the nasty child) would be a good idea.

Best of luck and keep up the good work.