Unhappy with Daycare

Hi J.,

Well being a home child care provider myself and a mother I am going to give you both sides of my thoughts on this.

Daycare provider thoughts first. I think you should talk to your normal provider first and see if she can give you any insight as to why he was/is always crying when you pick him up and then why he cries and for how lomg after you drop him off. Just because he does cry doesn't always mean that there is something wrong. And communication between you and your provider should be the 1st thing.

My mommy thoughts, I think you should talk to the provider that is currently watching him. Talk to her about how he isn't crying anymore and how he was, she if you can give you any insight on the matter. I think you should talk to both of them 1st before assuming something is wrong with the other one.

And then discuss with the current provider when she might have a fulltime opening if you do want to move him there. Depending on what that answer is would dictate when you would let your other provider know of your plans.

I always trust my childs judgemnt went it comes to things like that. I believe that child are a really good judge of charactor, plus you donot see what happens after you leave but they do. I would trust your instinct and your childs to make the right decision.

My heart goes out to you.Choosing a person to take care of your little angel is so stressful and all-consuming. I chose a home day care person at the Lutheran seminary. A lot of wives there took in children while their husbands attended seminary. The lady who watched my child had three kids of her own and she was really wonderful with my infant son. But one day, I arrived early to pick him up. I knocked on the door and no one answered. I could hear children inside, but it became apparent that she was not home. Just before I went into full panic, she came down the stairs from another apartment. She said she'd just stepped out for a moment and did think it was any big deal to leave babies alone for a few minutes (if that's all it was!) When my daughter was a toddler, my next door neighbor offered to do daycare for me. That was really convenient. I worked from home, but could not get things done, so next door daycare was ideal. The very first (and last) day my daughter stayed at my neighbor's house, I happened to look out the window and saw the woman who was caring for my child strolling back to her home with her two children, one in a stroller. My daughter was not with her. They had been out on a walk. She told me that my daughter had been sleeping, and that's why they took a walk without her. Wow. So, I think as well-meaning as many home daycare people are, there is no one monitoring them. I think they relax into the job a little too much. If your son isn't happy where he is, it really doesn't matter why, but it could be that he's not feeling secure and not getting the attention he needs. A licensed daycare center has multiple adults and rules to follow - not that they are all perfect either. But it's worth whatever time it takes to find the right person or center for your baby.

The new person can't take him on full-time? Or, it might be worth interviewing more people. But, if you are noticing that big of a difference, then it is something I would consider well worth your time to explore other options. At that age, there is usually a reason (if it's not sepration anxiety) for their tears. And it sounds like it's not the sepration issue. Maybe the new person would consider extending the time until you can find somebody newer :) Good luck, it hard leaving the kids to go to work.

I too, am a provider and a mom. When I read your story I felt like you were writing about me! I had taken my 12 month old at the time to an in home provider (whom I thought was going to be great) and after two days as soon as I would pull into her drive he would start screaming and was crying when I picked him up. Although she assured me he wasn't crying through out the day, after 4 days a friend of hers actually called me at work to let me know she was locking him up in a back room in a pack n play and letting him scream for hours. Long story short, after getting feedback from other parents, I found out he was being neglected and I immediately pulled him and his brother out, and started my own daycare. My advice would be to listen to your child. In my opinion it is a definite sign if everyday your little one is unhappy at drop off and pick up. I still kick myself for not listening to his signs earlier.

J.,
My best advice to you is to listen to what Wendy has said. I too am a provider and a mom. I know how you feel. But I know kids too. Sometimes it's an easy fix. Sometimes we can't figure out exactly what the difference is. Sometimes it's a personality clash between the child and another child or the child and the provider. Sometimes the child is very unforgiving. I've had kids that loved coming to my house and parents that told me how thrilled they were until something happened they hated. It could be getting put in time out or another child teases or hits them. Sometimes even if it's only been one time the child never gives the provider or the other kids a chance again.

I have a child now that screams and screams for hours if her father drops her off. But, when she has been dropped off at my house by her school bus, she loves coming in, doesn't cry at all and plays nicely for a few hours before she needs to go to bed for the night. It's all in who is dropping her off.

I've had other kids that were always dropped off by one parent and was happy but if the other parent dropped off the child you could forget it.

Another thing to consider is that sometimes the new place just feels different and since we are often creatures that like change it could just be new enough and different enough to be cool for now.

Ideally, it would be great if the new provider could talk directly with the old provider. Maybe the new provider and the old provider could compare notes and figure out what are the major differences and the solution might be easy.

Suzi

Is it perhaps one of the kids at the other daycare that he doesn't like. Maybe it isn't the caregiver but one of the other kids that makes him unhappy there. It is a hard decision. I know I have had periods when my kids cry when I drop them off and then other times they run off and I can't get them to hug me goodbye. They seem to go in phases.

Good luck with your decision. Hope you find something that works out for you.