Unplanned Pregnancy and Subsequent Miscarriage

All I can say is so sorry!

It reminds me of the Friends episode where Rachel took a a pregnancy test but was too scared to look at it. So Phoebe look at it, and she told Rachel it was negative. Then Rachel got quite and kind of sad, because all along she didn't want to be pregnant, then when she found out she wasn't she realized it was what she wanted. Well, then Phoebe said, "just kidding it's positive' and Rachel was so happy b/c then she finally realized how she felt.

I know that's random, but it seems like a lot of people go through those emotions they never knew they had. It's perfectly normal to feel conflicted and sad.

My husband and I did not plan to have any children of our own (my husband has a son that we have custody of). I got pregnant 7 months after we were married. We were very shocked and anxious, etc. but viewed it ultimately as the universe talking to us. Months went by and we got more and more excited and happy. I lost her at 23 weeks. It was devastating. Even when you don't expect to be pregnant and maybe don't even want to be pregnant, you can't help but get excited. You start thinking about the life growing inside of you and you start wondering about what they will be like, what they will do, etc. Even if those thoughts aren't fully formed, they are there from the moment you find out you are pregnant. You have a right to grieve the loss of those hopes and dreams. Allow yourself to grieve. (and don't discount your hormones wreaking havoc on your body). I'm sorry for your loss.

This past winter I had an unplanned pregnancy. The father and I were no longer seeing each other. I managed to work up just enough courage to message him once that I had something important to talk to him about and he never answered. I am a full time student and work a full time job, as well as a second part time job. I did not want a baby at that time, and felt like there was no way I could do it alone. With that in mind I decided to have an abortion. About a week later I lost the baby. For months I mostly just felt relieved, even though I felt guilty about feeling that way. Last month the father contacted me and I ended up disclosing what had happened. He had apparently never received my message, and was very apologetic and guilty he had not been there to support me through it. Ever since I found out he would have been there, I have felt sad. I don't even understand why I feel like I need to grieve now, or sad because I never wanted that baby. Ever since we talked all I can think about is 'what if...'

S.,

I am so sorry for your loss. I know you said that the pregnancy was unplanned, it is still a huge loss! Take good care of yourself, be gentle with yourself and your feelings. You are bound to have some emotional days or weeks--its ok. Its normal and good to grieve however you feel it. Sometimes it helps to do something in the baby's honor to celebrate its short life within you and aknowledge its existence. Do whatever feels best for you.

Take care,

Molly

S.,
Years ago, when my husband and I were a young couple with a baby, I thought I was pregnant. It was the wrong time for us. We weren't ready for another child, financially or emotionally. Well, it turned out that I was mistaken. What should have been a sigh of relief turned into sadness and I was never even pregnant. Just the thought was enough to produce real emotions for both my husband and me.

You are entitled to feel sad. You have had a loss and your mind, your heart need to mourn that loss. However, if you find yourself still very sad a few months from now, please, talk to your doctor. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

~K.

I have written a few blog posts about this topic--my personal experience and the emotions I went through.

www.unplannedpregnancymiscarriage.blogspot.com

I lost several babies in my late thirties, but they were planned. I don't know how unpractical they are. My husband and I ended up surprised when I was 41. I am so thankful for that little life! I love having her around.

When we lost our children it was incredibly hard to see families with new babies for quite awhile. I hated walking through the baby sections of any store. Some of it was hormonal and some was true grieving for my babies. Give yourself some time.

Sorry for your loss but congratulations on your already basketball team! ;)
You are probably still very hormonal right now which may explain your mixed emotional state some. I'm sure when you get back on track you will feel better, it does take some time tho.

I haven't lost a baby, but I think it's perfectly normal to feel let down after you do, whether you planned the pregnancy or not. Especially in our late 30s and early 40s, I think many of us feel a last urge to reproduce -one that's completely biological because our bodies are getting ready to be done with all of that. I've had those tugs at 40 with two small children and I KNOW I don't want any more (husband also just had a vasectomy), but most of my friends my age have experienced the same thing. You're normal!

I'm sorry for your loss. Whether you planned on being pregnant or not you were and you are already a mom, so you feel the loss. There is that old saying " you never know what you want till you lose it". Your body is still healing and you need to let your heart heal as well. I had a friend who had 3 kids and was done. She had an ooops moment and at first she was thinking abortion, because she felt overwhelmed, and wasn't ina place to add to her family. While she was still thinking about her choices, she miscarried. Days after she called me crying, why did she lose the baby etc? I said to her I thoough you weren't sure what you wanted. She said she had decided the morning of her miscarriage that she wanted to keep the baby. Months later we talked about it again, and she said that everything happened for the best but while she was pregnant she figured her hormones were all over the place and put her in a place where she would consider another baby. Just give yourself time and I would write your feelings down in a journal and maybe as you let time pass you'll look back on your words and be able to understand why you felt what you are feeling at this moment and be able to move on. Just be kind to yourself.