Unplanned Pregnancy, with Little One Already in the House!

I can't really respond to the space issue, but can to the "not that excited" issue. I had son #2 almost 8 years after son #1. I wasn't really happy or unhappy about being pregnant. I wondered what I was doing pregnant at 41. When son #2 was born (when I was 42,)it took longer for me to "get into" him. I loved him, but was so exhausted from the c-section, and a blood clot by my incision (ouch!) that it took a while before I was able to really enjoy him. He's 7 months now, and I can't imagine life without him. He makes everyone smile! So, while you may not be excited right now, give it time. You don't say how old you are, but if you are over 35, you will probably have several ultrasounds. Seeing his little profile always brightened my day!

In regards to the sleeping arrangements...you shouldn't have any troubles having them in the same room. I have 2 boys 20 months appart and since day 1 they have slept in the same room.

Maybe a couple times the first week my oldest woke up...we would just tell him the baby's crying go back to sleep and he did.

After that...he slept through it. In fact, right now, if one is tantruming while the other is sleeping...he will sleep right through it.

It will be fine!

You're toddler will most likely sleep thru the baby crying. We have 3 kids and only a 2 bedroom house. All 3 kids are in the same room. My youngest is almost 2 but my 5 and 3 yr olds slept thru when my youngest would wake up and cry.

Your little ones will do just fine sharing a room. My house is small and even if you didn't share a room with the baby, you hear the baby. They get used to it.

As for unplanned babies, God amazingly gives us the best even when we don't realize that's what we're getting. I am currently pregnant with a baby we were not planning. We had two babies die in 2006 and we just didn't think we could handle it if we should loose one more so we agreed to not have another. I am not young and this pregnancy has been difficult. My family didn't get excited when we told them. My Mom said she just couldn't get excited because she was too worried. I explain that all my children, wether alive or not, are gifts to be celebrated. I decided to be thankful for each day that this baby was with me. God had done what we were to scared to do. She is scheduled to be born by c-section in Feb. and we still are in awe that she will actually be here. Relax and it will come. Go look at the pictures of when your older was born. I can never resist those snuggles and the smell of a babies little head. I will say a little prayer all goes well.

Congratulations, J.!

My husband and I live in a smallish house with our two girls, who have always shared a room. Now that they're 7 & 4 1/2 they really are at the peak of enjoying the closeness. They have two twin beds, right next to each other and when we check on them before we go to bed we often see they had fallen asleep holding hands--too cute! We feel that the fact we only have two bedrooms has helped our family home transform naturally into a comfortably close place in which to live.

One of the biggest pleasures for us was our fortunate choice to practice attachment parenting, which we really believe is the reason why our girls have, since weaning, been wonderful, cooperative sleepers and secure kids. Cosleeping and responsiveness are the keys here. When my second baby came along, I switched beds so that my husband slept in our bedroom in a twin bed, and I slept with my toddler and my newborn on a big mattress (mine and my husband's regular bed) which was placed right on the floor. That way I could nurse the baby whenever she needed me, and my toddler could get more of my attention at bedtime and wakeup time. I always had a humidifier going in our room and this was nice for the white noise. In the hot summer we used a window air conditioner (old house). We never did use a crib for either child. The transition to 'big girl beds' was absolutely easy, and when the baby was weaned she was more like a two year old and by then I was TOTALLY ready to get back to sleeping in a big person bed with my husband. And I got to! It was a sacrifice at the time and I guess it was, but looking back on it I really am thankful and joyful about the way we did things and I'd do it all over again if we ever had a third.

How great you get to have another baby. I wish you all the best!!

I totally understand where you are coming from. Yes, all babies are gifts, but even the best of things can come at a bad time. I just had my second daughter at the end of October and my other daughter turned 2 at the beginning of December. We also have a 16 year old. We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment and so when I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter, I freaked. Our 2 year old was still sleeping in a crib at the foot of our bed and transferred over to the other room only a few months before the baby was born. Now the 16 year old and the 2 year old share the room and have bunk beds. Crazy. I thought I wouldn't have enough energy or love or time or sleep etc for all the kids. I thought I would leave someone out or forget someone at some point. We are only a few months into me juggling them all, but it's going better than I thought. I do forget things sometimes, but I did before too! I guess I am just sharing my story with you to let you know you aren't alone. I had a really hard time getting excited about my new daughter when I was pregnant and felt horrible about that. But I got over it. You will too. Believe it. Even though I am a stranger, I am sending you a hug. Everyone could use a hug! Keep your chin up.

J.,

We have 4 kids back to back (the oldest was 6 when the youngest was born) and when it was time to have them share a room, there were a few things that made it easier. We had the newborn sleep outside our bedroom door in a cradle for the first few months when they just slept and woke up. After a couple months when they were sleeping through the night, we would put one to bed and let them fall asleep before putting the other to bed. At first, it was the toddler who went to sleep first and then the baby. But as they got older, the little one went to sleep and we did the bedtime routine for the older one in the living room and taught them to quietly slip in bed not to wake the younger one.

My children love sharing rooms. Children have shared sleeping areas with lots of siblings since the beginning of humanity. It has only been in the last few decades that children have had "their own rooms." My kids would love more siblings and still ask for more babies, but my husband and I think we are done.

Good luck,
S.

J.,
Congratulations! Just know that your growing family will adapt to whatever it is you are dealing with. A baby is a gift and at some point you won't be able to imagine your life without this new little one. Just take it a day at a time and have faith. Your daughter will be excited to help with this new baby and your home will adjust for space. Our first home was small as well. We made it cozy and got rid of things we didn't use or love anymore. That is helpful for anyone. If you have a church group of circle of supportive friends/Mothers/family etc. spend some time with these people. All a baby really needs at first is some diapers and basic clothes, Mother's milk and to be loved. All the other stuff is just extra. Just give yourself some time to adjust. Even women who are wanting a baby have to allow adjustments. It is life changing and wonderful. Enjoy. The days are long but the years are short. At some point you will look back and wonder how it could have been any other way.

Take care and enjoy this time.
J.

It will get better-trust me. I had two kids a boy and a girl and they were 4 years apart. The age difference suited me just fine. When my youngest was 7 months old, I got really sick. I thought I had mono or something-9 months later we called her Erin. I was terrified of having kids only 15 months apart. I felt like I was robbing my now middle daughter of the toddler hood her brother had. My husband just about went off the deep end. All he wanted was two kids and was planning a vasectomy. It always is very scary when life throws you a curve ball, but I wouldn't take her back for anything in the world. My girls are currently the best of friends. They are 2 1/2 and 4. Just take it day by day. Not every woman is happy all nine months. By the time the due date gets here you will be excited for your little one. Then you will remember the labor and delivery of your last one and make your husband promise to get the vasectomy before you leave the hospital!!
About the sleeping arrangements; I would have the newborn sleep in your room if that is possible for a while. Unless your toddler sleeps well. My daughter slept in a pack n play for about 6 months until her older sister begged us to move her in. Good luck and hang in there!

hi J. , i feel that your unexpected new member to be to your family is a gift and a blessing from God , he knows what is best , etc. for you and even though at times you probably don't see it this way , i believe deep down that God is in charge and won't give us more than we can handle . ~~ as far as a newborn and a very young child at home already things do work out = you are not the first in this position and definitely won't be the last . ( my daughter has a daughter that is 4 y.o. { born in feb.'04 ) and a 3 y.o. son ( born in july '05 ) ; these 2 children have always shared a room w/ each other and all in all its not been a problem ; other than the somewhat typical sibbling squabbles over toys and similiar items , which would more than likely happen a good percent of the time anyhow

I have 2 little girls- 4 and 2 that were both unplanned. We lived in an apartment for 2 years and they started sharing a room there. We are now living in our duplex which is less than 900 sq feet and my girls share a bedroom. It is tiny but it works. Oh, and I am pregnant with my third. We are planning on making it work here until we find/build the right house. Also, having 2 close together was the best thing that could ever happen. They play so well and it is such a blessing. Everything will work out for you! Sharing a room is much easier than you think! My toddler then slept through all of the baby's crying. Hang in there!

Hi J., I know this is an unplanned pregnancy,all 3 of mine were not planned...and I was even on Birth Control!!! So, through my experience this is what I have learned. You may not have planned to have another little one, but it really was no accident....because God planned it for you. So, just think of it as a gift from God (that really helped me through it). (Just keep telling yourself, "This is a gift, this is a gift").
If you gradually put the baby in the toddlers room to sleep, she will get used to it rather quickly. Kids are very resilient. They get used to things faster than adults, who get set in their ways. Everything will be fine. You just take care of yourself and stay healthy. Your daughter will be better off having a sibling to play with too. I will keep you in prayers :) CK

I consider every child a blessing and I have 4. Not all of them were planned. As far as the children having to share a room that's not that big of a deal. Years ago when large families were the norm kids shared rooms and beds all the while they were growing up. I also believe that children are lucky to have a sibling close in age so they can have a friend growing up. They learn how to act and interact by having a sibling.
Congratulations on the new baby.

If you find the new baby is waking your older child, we've found our white noise machine to be a huge help!!

Hi J.,
Congratulations to you and your family. you are going to be fine. As you said it was unplanned...you'll need some time to adjust. My youngest brother was also unplanned (well actually 3 out of the 4 of us were technically unplanned...my parents obviously had no idea what birth control was LOL). I was 16, my brother was 13 and my sister was 10. My mom had just finished her bachelor's degree after years of night school and working full time. She got sick and the doc required a pg test before giving her a certain med. The nurses had to throw my dad out of the office. he kept telling them there was no way he could go home and tell her she was pregnant! They would have to do it. He was there an hour! Everything eventually worked out and we were all very happy. It was a very difficult/life threatening pregnancy but it all worked out. My little brother is a senior in hs this year! So don't worry right now. You'll grow into the idea of two kids eventually.

As for the bedroom situation. I shared a room with my brother that was 3 years younger for a couple till my parents built a new 3 bedroom house. When my sister came along i shared a room with her. You just make do with what you have. ten kids were raised in the house my husband and i bought. It was two bedroom house! When there were too many kids to fit in the small bedroom (10x8) the parents moved to that bedroom and the kids were put in the large bedroom (15x20).

Your oldest will probably sleep through the baby. We kept our daughter in our room for a few months before moving her in with our son. Plus the baby might be a great sleeper. And they are so close in age they'll probably be happy to have the same room in preschool. our kids still sleep in the same room most nights and they are 4 and 6. Good luck to you.

I completely know how you feel. When our son was 10 months old we found out we were pregnant and we were not planning to get pregnant until he was about 18 months old. As for not waking up the sibling the best suggestions I can give are to either keep the baby in with you if that is possible until they sleep through the night or else, after a few days/weeks your 1 year old is going to be used to the noise and will not wake up anyway. Good luck, it will be fine. The one thing I am very greatful for with our two are that our son is totally adoring of his little sister and doesn't want to do anything without her.

J. - make sure your 1 year old isn't sleeping in complete silence now - get her used to sleeping with a little bit of noise or an occasional outburst of noise so by the time the baby comes she'll be used to a little commotion. I think there is comfort for little ones as they get a bit older when they have someone to share their room. My son used to ask why we got to sleep together but he had to sleep alone.
And the bright side of having two so close together is that they will have a playmate and a sibling to be close to. Read books about sibling rivalry, there are some really good ones out there.
A small house doesn't matter to a child. Keep it as clutter free as you can - they don't need a gazillion toys. Pots and pans, plastic bowls & spoons, cardboard boxes, pillows, etc. all do fine for toys at some point.

Hi J.,

First off, congratulations!

Let me first address your concerns about your house being small. Remember that up until a generation ago, it was VERY common for siblings to share bedrooms--and even beds! When I was born, I shared a room with my mom & my grandma. Later on, I shared a room with my brother.

Some children can sleep through ANYTHING, so you might be surprised at how well your daughter will sleep through the baby crying. I was 5 when my brother was born, and he was an extremely colicky baby. While the adults in the house would sometimes be up all night because of his crying, I never once remember waking up because of this.

Also, your second child may be a wonderful sleeper, and not be up all that often! Even if your daughter does wake up in the night, she can simply nap a little more during the day if need be; it doesn't sound like she is old enough to be in school yet.

When my son was born, we lived in a tiny, 1 bedroom apartment. My husband went back to work right away, so for the first several weeks, my son and I slept in the living room, he in his bassinet, and me on the futon. Maybe you and the baby can sleep in the living room at first?

As far as not being excited or happy, it will come. I think an unplanned pregnancy is always hard, especially if you had in your mind a picture of what your family and future plans were going to be, and now that's been blown out of the water. Having a child is a HUGE deal, so just know that you are not a terrible person for feeling this way, and that ANYTHING you feel right now is "normal".

My son was a planned pregnancy, and at first I was overjoyed and excited.... Then it really "hit" me and I actually spent a couple of weeks praying and hoping for a miscarriage. This admission may seem shocking to some, but I'm sharing it with you (and anyone else who reads this) because I know I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way.

A couple of years from now, how you feel right now will be a distance memory, and you won't be able to imagine life without your second child! Good luck to you, and take care!

Congratulations! It may not seem like a blessing now, but it will be really nice to have 2 kids that close in age. And as long as you are stuck home with one, you might as well be stuck home with 2. In the long run, it is nice. It's a lot of work at first, having 2 in diapers and giving them both a lot of attention, but you'll get the hang of it. You have 9 months to get used to the idea.

I agree that your daughter will probably sleep through the crying, but if you are concerned you could let the baby sleep with you in a basinet or pack and play for a little bit when baby is getting up a lot and then switch over to the "new" room when the schedule slows down and becomes a little more predictable at night. As for the "not getting excited," I've been there. My first two girls are 13 months apart (talk about "unplanned.") Do the math and I had a 4 month old when I got pregnant with #2! Anyway, I had trouble getting excited at first, but trust me, you'll get there! When you feel the little one growing and moving and especially when you see him/her you will be as in love and excited as you were the first time around. The most important thing (I think) is not to feel guilty about how you feel right now. Give yourself time. Talk to your husband about your feelings. And, there are a lot of joys to having 2 close together. They can be great friends and, I've found, it can be a lot easier getting the second one to learn to do things (getting dressed, etc.) wanting to keep up with "big sis." Most of all, try to relax and enjoy this as much as you can. Don't worry about the "excitedness." It'll come. Congratulations!

I have three under the age of 4 in one room. They get used to it, just takes a little while to get the hang of things. You can keep the baby in your room in the beginning. Once the baby sleeps better, put the two together. I run a fan for white noise and play a lullaby cd when they are falling asleep. My 1 year old sometimes wakes up and the older two sleep through it all. Don't worry about it. It will all work out. Congrats on the new baby!

I don't want to offend you in anyway, but if this child is truly not a part of your life plan at this time and your not able to be happy or get excited. Please keep in the back of your mind that adoption is an option and there are so many beautiful families waiting to share their love with a child in their life.

I can't speak to the room sharing, but I'm happy to see others' comments. We have a 5-year-old boy and 3-year-old boy, each in his own room, and a 9-month-old girl still in our room. And we're trying to sort out who will sleep where now that I'm really ready to have her out of our room. : ) So I'm glad to hear from so many people that it works out well in the end.

Regarding the surprise pregnancy, I've been there. After our second son was born, we decided we were done. But surprise, surprise, we found out we were expecting again. To say it was upsetting would be an understatement. I cried and fought with my husband for days. We didn't know what we were going to do at all. But finally we concluded that whether or not we'd expected it, this was our baby we were talking about, and we were just going to get used to the idea of it becoming part of our family. I'd say the first few months of my pregnancy were kind of tough emotionally, with people always congratulating me (especially at the dr) and me not wanting to explain that I wasn't really that excited about this whole thing. But as time went on, I did get excited about the baby. And I distinctly remember a few days after she was born (so I was admittedly pretty hormonal) just crying and crying over the thought that there was a time when we didn't want her.

Big changes can be hard to take--especially when they're unexpected and you're hormonal. But don't feel like there's something wrong that you're not more excited. It will come, and your baby will know that you love him or her, not that it took some time to come.

I know how you feel. My oldest was only 8 months old when I was pregnant with the second. I thought "how can I have another baby when I have one so small?" and then I had her. She was so perfect and so sweet and my son even at 17 months old was in awe over his little sister. He helped by getting me diapers for her and watching over her, letting me know if she was crying. He really was a big help. It will be fine as long as you include your daughter in caring for the baby like getting the diaper or helping with bottles, pacifier or keeping the baby entertained. You can even have big sister "read" books to the baby. One thing you do is make a big deal of being the "big sister" and how special that is.

As far as the waking up the older one during the night, they get to sleeping so deep, chances are if it does wake her up it would be just stirring and then back to sleep. Might keep a hall light or night light on so you don't have to turn on the light in the room since that would wake her up more then the baby crying.

Good luck and enjoy, they will grow up best friends being close together if you don't cause jealousy between them.

You're giving yourself way too much stess sweetheart!I'm guessing you have at least 6mons.'till new baby arrives right? Then you can keep the nuby in your room in a bassinet for as long as possible 6-8mons.(depending of course on what is safely allowad by the motor skills of your child)But give or take,you have a whole year before you will even need to stress over this.So relax,and enjoy.Take things as they come.Once they do share the room,your family will be tighter-knit becaude of it.