To Share or Not to Share?

I like the sharing but then again I have to have them share at the time. I think if they are going to have to share when you have company then you should get them used to it now and not the day of. My two share room they're 2 all most 3 and 16 months. They've been sharing for quiet sometime. the only struggles is when she want to be alone in there. But if we had another room we would do something different for that situation. They shouldn't wake eachother up. Mine don't really now at first I think the oldest stirred some but she was bad about not sleeping through the night. They are doing much better about sleeping through the night together.

I put my baby in my 2 1/2 year old's room out of necessity. When we got a bigger house, they each got their own room, and they still camp out on each other's floor every once in a while. They don't wake each other, except in the morning when it's time to get up anyway. I think sharing is fine, as long as the older one gets his alone time every once in a while.

I have 2 girls only 20 months apart. We too had this conversation. My girls both sleep in the same room. We kept the oldest, almost 5, in her toddler/transition bed. Little sister went from the crib to a toddler/transition bed. We kept them in those beds, in the same room, for about 8 months them bought them bunk beds. They just love the bunk beds! I let them pick out their own bedding so they each have individuality, even with being in the same room. They are the best of friends! I say put the boys together.

S., every single one of my kids shared a room as a toddler with their infant sibling and slept just great. I think they become used to the noise after about a week and then sleep right through it all. I had to do it because we didn't have an option, but if you have the option and it's easier for you go for it. The thing that will be the hardest on your son is just having a new baby around. Make sure, though, that if you are going to switch him to a bigger bed that you give him enough time to get used to it, time to feel that it's his. You can still get one of those things to go on the side so he feels a little more secure. You will be amazed at how resilient our little ones can be if we give them the opportunity! Good luck.

I have 4 boys & they have all shared a room with a baby at one point or another. We didn't have a problem with the baby waking up the older kid. They adjusted really quickly & would just sleep right through the baby waking up. I was still a little worried when we moved my youngest in with his 2 yr old (at the time) brother, since he is the lightest sleeper of all the boys. But it went really smoothly, it didn't even take a couple of nights to get them used to it! There has only been one of the boys who even woke up enough to remember the baby crying if you asked him about it the next day. But he always went right back to sleep, very rarely even talking or rolling over before nodding back off. Anyway, that's how it worked for us. I hope that helps. I forgot to say that the baby was in the big boys room once they were about 3 or 4 weeks old, so even while we were still doing night time feedings.

Sharing is a great idea! They will more than likely become great friends because of it. The baby on the way is already used to your three-year-old's noises and voice, so that will not be a problem. And from personal experience, I'm pretty sure it won't take more than a few days for your older son to get used to the baby. It will be wonderfully convenient for you to have them share a bedroom!

I have two little boys. They've had to share a room since the youngest was 1, but man, before that, I think I would do just about anything if I could get them separate rooms. In fact, right now, I wish they could have their own space. Mostly we have problems at bedtime and during the night. If one cries, he wakes the other, and then I have TWO crying!
We ended up with an extra queen-sized bed and nowhere to put it except in our 2 year old's room, right after baby brother was born. We left his toddler bed in there, and one day, he looked at that giant bed and decided he would like to try it. He looked ridiculously small in it! But he LOVED sleeping in it. And it was really nice to lay next to him and read him bedtime stories.
I can't imagine having an infant sharing a room with another child. My friend did it, though. But I will do everything in my power to avoid that situation in the future.

The theory "of each child must have their own room" is very American! I am American so don't necessarily think there is a problem with it, I just don't think there is anything wrong with the reverse either.

If you put your infant in your sons room, your son will simply get use to it, and he will know no different. That will be what is "normal" to him.

The first few days he may wake up when the bay cries, so you need to be responsive to him as well as the baby when the baby wakes up. If he wakes up tell him gently "the baby is fine, you can go back to sleep" It will teach his brain that when the baby cries he can just go to sleep and it will be ok. As with anything else he learns--the lesson will stick and he will learn to sleep through that sound.

Thre will always still be times he will wake up if the baby screams loud enough though!! Your son will be fine. It will not harm him in any way.

S.,

When our girls were young, we had one in her room, and the baby with us. I found that having the baby with her sister, meant that big sister "tried" to take care of the little one, "trying to get her to stop crying", "trying to get her out of bed".

And, that's truly not the job for a 3 year old. Plus, your 3 year old won't be getting any sleep and will be cranky the next day.

Having them share a room after 9 months is great in the beginning its better to have the little near you. That way if the little one cries, you get to snuggle them.

When my oldest son was 2 1/2 years old I put one of my 6 month old twin daughters in his room to sleep because she was waking up her twin sister who was starting to sleep through the night. This worked out great only because my son was a deep sleeper. My daughter was up once a night to eat for the next 6 months after moving her into a portable crib in my sons room and she never woke him up. At two years old my son did great with having two new siblings and all the attention they got and he didn't seem to mind his sister in his room. It worked out so well that she slept in the crib in his room for the next 2 1/2 years until she got a regular bed and started sleeping in her room with her twin sister. If your son doesn't mind sharing a room and he is a good sleeper it may work out just fine. My kids are now 10 and 12 and on weekends and during the summer they still all sleep together in one room.

My kids are exactly two years apart. They are currently 4 and 2. When my 2 year old was born, we put him in a bassinet until he was about 4 months. By then, he sleep was not as erratic. At 4 months we moved him into a crib and the boys share a room. It might be difficult at first. Our boys woke each other up occasionally when one sick and waking up at all hours. But now, we can't keep them apart. They look to make sure the other one is in the room before they go to sleep. A bassinet for the first few months might be an idea to try if it is a feasable situation for your family. This would give your 3 year old a chance to adjust to the new baby without feeling like all the attention is on the baby. Your 3 year old might react badly if the baby moves in the room right away. It's a hard adjustment for a toddler to have a new brother or sister.

We put our second daughter in with the first when she was 8 weeks old. Our first daughter was less than two years old at the time. The baby woke up the older girl the first 3 nights but she quickly went back to bed and then learned to sleep through it all. We have loved having our two girls in the same room together and they have loved sharing it. I say DO IT! :)

I only have one 2 year old daughter but when we have another soon I plan to have them in separate rooms, I will be giving up the guest room happily. It will be tough not being #1 anymore for your son and sharing his personal space may be a mistake. I know families who have done it just fine, but my opinion is that kids need their space for quiet time and independence. Remember how much they wake up at night for the first year or more, is this fair to your son to not get restful sleep? He may resent you and the baby for taking hat away form him. What if you need to let the baby cry it out a bit when it gets older to learn to put itself back to sleep. And what if one is sick, you would have to bring the baby into your room quite a bit I would imagine. I think it can certainly work both ways and in some cases has to so families make it work, but if you have the option to give them their own rooms, then I would. I dont think having company should be a priority over your child. Most friends/family should understand that a hotel is the polite thing to do when you have 2 young children, and if they are family and want to stay with you a sofa bed should suffice. just a though, I am sure you can make it work but just think about your sons feelings and how hard it will be on him not getting all of the attention. When they are both older and closer in playing age, I say they definitely could room together and that could be great if they get along well and both sleep through the night. Congrats on your new boy on the way, I look forward to having another baby soon.

I have 9 month old twins and a 2 1/2 year old daughter that all share a room...so it is possible! The first two nights they slept together my daughter woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep right away so I thought it wasn't going to work. But after a night or two my two year old went back to sleeping through the night. Now they never wake each other up, even though my twins still wake up several times during the night. If your son is a good sleeper, stays in his bed through the night, ect...you shouldn't have a huge problem. Kids are able to adjust better than we think.

I had my 3 y/o (at the time) room with her baby sister from the first day home and they still do. The oldest adjusted very quickly and I think out of the 3 years they have roomed together they have woken eachother up two times. I have evened asked if they would like seperate rooms and niether does, in fact they have a hard time not sleeping in the same room.
To make it easier for the older daughter I made it exciting. I played up how great it would be to share a room and encouraged her to help decorate the room for herself and her sister. She chose the colors, "helped" paint, picked out a dresser and decided where her bed would be. I think that made her feel more secure with the transtion. Hope this helps and good luck!

I currently have my 2 1/2 yr old sleeping in a queen size bed, because we opted for separate rooms - and thus the guest bed became my youngest's bed. I don't regret it, although it did seem odd at first. For a while we kept the toddler bed in his room, and occasionally he would climb into it during the night (i.e. we'd find him sleeping in it in the morning, or on the floor next to it, as he used to fall out of it quite often). I should mention we did this transition over 6 mos ago, so he was not quite 2.

The biggest problem I forsaw with having them in the same room, was their varying sleep schedules. My oldest doesn't nap, so he sleeps longer at night than my youngest. Also, putting them to bed at night would be more challenging, because they would play and talk to each other rather than sleep. We find that when we travel (and we are all in the same hotel room), my oldest doesn't get enough sleep because his brother wakes him up too early, and stays up too late. Just our experience. Also, I like that my oldest can go into his room, close the door, and play with toys that his little brother isn't allowed to play with, or that he doesn't want his little brother to play with (e.g. marbles, or his 'special' stuff).

I had my son sleep in a crib in my room until he was sleeping better through the night. Having a newborn share a room with toddler will prove really hard for your toddler to get a really good and rested nights sleep. My son slept 10 hours at night when he was like 6 mos old so at that point I put my kids in the same room. On nights my son was really fussy or having issues with sleeping, I would then put my daughter in my bed and sleep in her bed so I could get the baby and not have it wake anyone else up. You don't want a cranky toddler on your hands with a newborn. I would wait to put them together until they both sleep well at night. My daughter was finally used to the baby at that point too and VERY excited to have her little brother share a room. If he happened to wake to eat when he was 6 mos I would get him and feed him in my room. I just kept a baby monitor on so I could get him before he fussed too much and woke my daughter up. Thankfully my daughter is a sound sleeper too! :) Also if your son is jealous over the baby or can play agressively you do not want to leave a newborn in with him until he is more comfortable with the idea of his new brother.

This was a struggle for us as well. I have a 2 yr old and a 1 mo old. After polling other Mom's they said that the older kiddo got used to the baby crying. We co-sleep so we won't know until the baby goes into his own bed. Not much help, but that's what I've heard.

A.

When our daughter was born she slept in a bassinet in our room for about 2-3 weeks (until she was on somewhat of a schedule). We then moved her into our 4 year old daughters room. First had lots of talks with our daughter about being the big sister, and not to put anything into the crib. Our daughter was very excited that the baby would be in her room. The "baby" is now almost 2 and they do very well together. I think it depends on how good of a night time sleeper your older son is. If he sleeps pretty soundly they will do fine. Our son is an incredibly light sleeper and the baby would wake him up when they weren't even in the same room. The only problem we have had is naps because the oldest can't play in her room when younger sister is napping. She now knows that when sister is ready for a nap she needs to get anything out of her room that she might want to play with. If i had the choice I would prefer the girls have separate rooms. Maybe if you decorated the other room with your sons help and allowed him to pick a theme then the transition would not be so hard. I think either way you can make it work.

My kids are now 3 and 6 years old. When the youngest was born, she started out in the same room as her brother. Yes, the baby does wake the other one up and vise versa. We eventually moved the baby into her own room. Everyone, including us (the parents)slept much better after that. Of course, everyone is different. You may have children that can sleep through anything. Mine do not.

I think sharing from the very beginning is easiest. We started when the night time feedings ended. The boys love waking up to each other. Our boys are almost exactly 3 years apart. Occasionally we have issue with them going to sleep at naptime, but most of that is due to the 4 year old not taking a nap everyday. It's only been an issue since his nap mostly dropped. We're glad we had the opportunity to let them share.

Hi S.,
I think you're going to get very different feedback from each person that responds. Each child is so different from the time they are born it's hard to know the right thing to do. My daughters are 4 years apart and I kept them in the same room, my olderst who is now 18 still talks about how much she hated it. It didn't last long because she made it very clear she didn't want to be woken up each night. We moved her to another room down the hall (which is what I hated) and to a bigger bed. She had the little net thing to keep her from falling out and was very comfortable. What's funny is a few years later my girls slept in the same bed every night, they each had their own rooms but preferred to be together until again my oldest at 14 decided she wanted her own space. My youngest hated not having her sister with her...but she hates to be alone in the house even today at 14, while my oldest has never had a problem with being alone. Throughout the years I've seen them come together, separate and then come together as one catches up to the other. It's an amazing experience and the key is to listen to each child's needs as they will be very different. I would try to keep your son in the same room so he doesn't feel like he's being "kicked out" by the new baby. But then let him decide if he wants to stay or move out. And make the new bed an "adventure" for him. Special big boy sheets just for him or something that makes him happy to have the big bed. Worse case squeeze his little bed into the other room with the big bed until he decides he wants it out...may only take a few days or weeks.

I have 4 boys and they are all in one room at the moment. When I had my last (now 10 months old) I was really nervous to put him in the same room with the others. I kept him in my room for about 4 months and then moved him in with the big boys. I have not had any problems. All of my boys are very sound sleepers and they have learned to sleep through just about anything. At times one will wake up crying in the night and it doesn't effect any of the others. Even naps have worked out pretty well. I have a sister-in-law who put her 2 girls in seperate rooms and they both woke up several times a night, when she put them in the same room they both slept alot better. You will have to figure out what works best for your children. Good luck!

I am a mother of two boys, 3 yrs. and 17 months. They currently share a room and it works great. There are days when they like to play (like at naptime) but usually end up wearing themselves out within 20 mins or so. I usually put my younger son to bed first, give him about 15 mins to go to sleep or get restless and then tuck in my 3 year old. My 3 year old is pretty well behaved so he does pretty well when it is time for him to go to sleep. I would recommend this, because it also seems to be comforting for them to have each other near. It is surprising how much noise each can tolerate when sleeping. The baby sometimes wakes up in the night and it doesn't even phase my toddler and vice versa. I say, "you'll never know unless you try it, so go for it!" Good Luck!!

Ask your three year old if he would like to share his room with the new baby. If he wants to, explain that the baby might wake him up sometimes and ask him if that's okay. It will allow your three year old to feel like he's part of the decision process and may increase his excitement about being a big brother. If you decide to have them share a room. Ask the three year old where he thinks the crib should go etc.

I have a 3 1/2 year old girl and a 6 month old girl sleeping in the same room right now. My three year old is in a normal size twin bed, and the 6 month old is in a crib. My three year old often goes to sleep before we even put the baby in the crib, and they sleep quietly all night. When they do go to bed at the same time (both awake) they usually go right to sleep. Once in a while, if the baby wakes up, I'll hear my three year old saying, "It's okay Audrey, don't be sad." She absolutely loves her little sister. Usually they sleep all the way through the night, and if the baby starts crying, my three year old will just come get me in the morning to tell me "Mom, Audrey wants you. She's really hungry." So far, no problems whatsoever. I also have 1 1/2 year old twin boys who have also shared a room (separate cribs, and now separate beds) since birth. They also have virtually no problems. They keep each other entertained when it's naptime in the middle of the day, but eventually fall asleep and have a good nap. I don't think there's any problem having them share. Just watch to see what happens, and if there ends up being an issue, you can decide what to do then. Congrats on baby #2!

That sounded like excellent advice. As long as it is an option I wouldn't put them together right away.

Hi S.,

I also have two boys---age 4 and 6. Obviously EVERYONE will have a different opinion on this, but for us it worked really well. My big boy had only just moved into a bed two months before our baby arrived. Our little one stayed in our room for two months but then we moved them in together. They have been in a room together ever since (and have had the option many times to go into two rooms). Couldn't believe how soundly our big boy slept!

Good luck with your "newbie" and the adjustment of having two. I LOVE IT (even with all the challenges!).

M.

S.,

My two daughters are three years apart. When our second daughter was born My husband and I decided to put her in her own room. Our first daughter was finally sleeping through the night and we didn't want to disturb that. Our girls are now eight and five and are still in seperate bedrooms. I wouldn't have it any other way because if one of our daughters wakes up during the night the other one stays asleep. If you are worried about transitioning your older son to a larger bed it actually goes alot smoother than you would think. Both of our girls are in a full size bed and they love them. Plus if one of them wakes up I can lay next to them in their bed instead of them coming into my bed. It is nice for our girls to have their own space. Especially when they were younger and one had to take a nap or go to bed at a different time.
Good Luck,
T.

Hi S.,
First of all, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY. You & your husband's sacrifices are very much appreciated.

I gave birth to my 2nd child when my first born was 2 1/2 years old. We moved into a tiny 2 bedroom house when my 2nd born was 1-mo old. They shared a room from the beginning, because we didn't have a choice. We never really had a problem with them waking each other up. Once in a while, when they were older, I'd catch them playing when they should have been sleeping, but all in all, it wasn't a big issue. (It was actually kind of heartwarming, and very funny, at times.) When we built a house a few years later, we had 3 bedrooms, but it was a while before they slept apart. They each had their own rooms, but they bunked in together frequently, because they missed each other. They're teens now, and they are still very close. Even now, they occasionally "slumber party" in each other's rooms. That's my experience! Hope it helps!
Good luck,
M. W.

It's not really that big of a deal to put him in a bigger bed. Just make him excited about it by telling him that he gets a big boy bed. He will love that.

I encourage the separate bedrooms until the baby is sleeping through the night. The added noises will disrupt the sleep of both boys unnessarily at first. It is better for the new baby noises to be gradually introduced to the toddler for better adjustment and acceptance of sharing mommy and daddy. Plus, the baby will sleep better if they do not hear the movements of the toddler, allowing the baby to develop good sleeping habits from the beginning. I speak from personal experience, as my 4 month old has had to share a room with his toddler sister, and he has taken longer to sleep more soundly at night.

Hi Sara, I went through the same thing with my girls. When the second one was born, the first one was almost 3 years old. We decided to have them in separate rooms and here is why. Our three year old was sleeping in a toddler bed and had just learned to potty train. We didn't want the 'stress' of an infant to reverse those to major events in her life. So, we decided to put the second one in her own room with a queen size bed, so we didn't lose the extra 'company' space but she still had her own room. When we have company, we move the crib into our room. We have asked our now 4 year old if she would want to share a room with the 17 month old and the answer is always, YES! So, at some point we will put them together and once they get a little older, I am sure they will want their own space again. Needless to say, this has worked for our family and my older girl did not regress at all. I hope this helps.. Good luck with your pregnancy!

Hi,
I have my oldest girls sharing a room and I did it when they were 2 and 4 yrs. old and even still if one wakes up so does the other. So I think it would be hard on your toddler to get all of the sleep he needs and you definitely don't want them both awake in the middle of the night!! But you could always try it and then if it doesn't work out then you could move them. Another thing to think about is naps...if your sons toys are in his room and the baby is napping in there then he won't be able to play. Maybe you could keep them seperate until the baby is older like 1 or 2 then put them together. Just try lot's of things because something might work out for you that didn't for me or someone else. Good luck and Congrats!

I wouldn't put them in the same room immediately. He's going to need his own space to adjust to the new baby. When my daughter was born she slept in our room until she was nine months old, and then she shared a room with her brother. They rarely woke each other up. My son was really good about getting up quietly in the morning if he woke up before her. At night, my daughter would go to bed first, and then when it was time for my son to go to bed, he would lay in our bed and we would read to him, then he would quietly go into the bedroom. Once in a while he would get wacky and wake her up, but not too often. But I would wait until the new baby is older before you put them together. Especially because out of jealousy your son could accidentally hurt the baby at night. If I left my son alone with his new baby sister, he would hit her with toys. After a few months, things settled down and he was fine. But give him his own space for a little while, then put them together.

I have recently gone through that decision. We decided to put our new baby in a cradle in our room until he was sleeping mostly through the night. We have a 2 year. I know he would have woken her up and that could have been crazy. Recently now that he is 3 months he isn't waking up until early morning and so we have moved him to the crib and her to the bed and they seem to be doing really well. They will occasionally wake each other up, but both of them go back to sleep easily so it has been okay. It is really nice to have our room back now.

S.,

How exciting! It is always fun anticipating a new baby. Yet, not always fun trying to figure out what works best.
I have two sons as well. For us, it does not work best to keep them in the same room. First of all, with an infant there are many night disturbances and it was best for me to keep that from distracting my oldest son. Second, an older brother is just as anxious and curious as anyone else! I found my oldest many times in the crib with the baby. That doesn't work so well without constant supervision! As much as the older children love their baby siblings, they don't always reason what is going to harm them or not.
Good luck with your upcoming adventures! Hope you find something that works best for you!

Sincerely, Natalie

Hi S.,
My experience tells you to put the 3 year old in a "Big Boy Bed". Where he and big brother can sleep when he comes to visit. Also you'll have a comfortable place for company.While company is there you can make a bed on the floor in your room. You'll love the infant in his own room for an earlier bed time and naps during the day. When the baby comes the 3 year old will seem really big!
Thank you both for serving our country! H. G

S.,
I have 5 children, ages 14-5. Each time we brought home a new baby, the kids had to share a bedroom. I also worried that the baby would wake the toddler, but in our family, that was not an issue. In our experience, the older sibling was very excited to let the new baby share their bedroom, and almost provided for another type of bonding between the two. Good luck with your little ones!