Seeing the posts asking if it's okay to divorce one's spouse if they have Alzheimers spurs me to ask this question.
When we marry, we take a vow to only have sex with each other and forsake all others. I see people on this site, and indeed, on the news and in the community, who are embroiled in extramarital affairs. (I'm not including anyone with an Alzheimers-ridden spouse in this, just to be clear!) Some of the folks have sex with someone else behind their partners' backs, and some with their partners' permission. Some seem to have multiple partners. Some just chance into it, some look for it, and some are considering it, but haven't done it yet.
My question is, how does one justify this when one professes to be a Christian? We have in our marriage vows to be faithful to each other. We also have in the ten commandments the charge to not commit adultery. We also have a social fabric that heavily frowns on it. I'm not really talking about the occasional indescretion. I'm talking about a conscious decision to ignore the vows and what they stand for while professing a faith that has a basic tenant that just the opposite. To see or hear people say they have sex outside of their marriage or they want to, and then to also see or hear them say they are Christians and born again, confuses me.
I'll be interested in seeing the answers to this.
Thanks to every single person who wrote an answer on this thread; I have sent a flower to each and every one of you for taking the time to write. I am glad to have ALL responses from each end of the spectrum and all that's in between. (You can tell this isn't a political post, that I would say this - LOL!!)
In all my years being on this site, this is the first question of a serious nature I have posed here. I guess the Alzheimers question, though not related to this one, made me decide to ask. I do admit having trouble "wrapping my head around", as Emily S. puts it, having sex with someone else while being actively married, and still being able to call oneself a Christian. Maybe I will never be able to wrap my head around it. Maybe I could understand it better if the person doing it thought of themselves as "not a Christian right now", and after the extramarital activities were over, confessing it to God, and then considering themselves to be a Christian again. But like my dear Theresa N. said, there are none of us who do not sin on a daily basis. And it is so true, Denise P., that walking the walk is difficult.
And judge not lest ye be judged is a way of thinking that I really DO believe in. Yet, I have trouble putting some things together in my head where religion is concerned.
Marda's point about a narrow definition of Christianity is certainly a valid point. Perhaps THAT'S where the crux lies - my definition of Christianity. Maybe that's a different avenue I can go down in my thinking...
Many things in life puzzle me. So far, I don't have to worry about this in my marriage, so at least there's that. And I thank my lucky stars for that with my husband every day!!!
Thanks again ladies!
No matter what a persons religious beliefs... a person is human... and thus, they have free-will... and thus, act on it or not.
Not everyone lives the ideals, they believe in.
If both spouses agree to have an open marriage, it's not adultery.
Regardless of what religion (if any) you practice, if you make a promise of monogamy, you should keep it. If you find that you would rather be with someone else, you need to end the marriage first.
In my first marriage my ex was the one having the affairs. He was the abusive one. I was the one who divorced him. He has never given me a good excuse for the behavior he is a pretty messed up guy.
What is surprising my faith says we are still married and Troy and I are living in sin. To me that is complete bull. According to my faith god knows our path from the beginning. He knew my ex would not be faithful. He knew we would divorce so how could we have ever been married in the eyes of God?
Yeah have fun with that question. :)
In my mind my first marriage was for some purpose. It is an experience I had to go through to perhaps help others not make the mistake. Who knows, it is not like God actually tells you what you are supposed to learn and do.
Anyway that is my take on all of this.
romans 7:15 New International Version (©1984)
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
~~~
No one is perfect. We are all visited by temptation in one form or another.
We are all sinners. God is just, and will forgive our sins if we repent an turn away from the sin. It is not an easy row to hoe.
Emotional immaturity coupled with drugs and/or alcohol is what ruins most vows.
For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)
Sin is sin, and we all sin, Christians included.
Apparently your definition of a Christian is narrow. My definition of a Christian is someone who believes in Christ. One can have beliefs different than yours about whether or not the Bible is to be followed word for word or whether or not it's just a guideline for living. Because someone violates your beliefs does not mean they are not a Christian based on their beliefs.
I hesitate to add this but I will because it is an essential part of my Christian belief. Christ said, "judge not that you be not judged." He stopped those who were throwing stones at a woman at the well saying, those who are without sin may cast the first stone. Only God knows who is Christian and who is not.
There are people that admit to having sex outside of their marriage and still say they are Christians?!?! That is the very reason I do not attend church. They're usually chock full of hypocrits.
I guess I havent read those posts. I don't remember seeing that.
I think people are intrinsically selfish and entitled. It htink your ability to feel empathy and consider the needs of others is the basis of love and underlies your ability to be committed to anything including a relationship, even without marriage vows. People who cheat simply put their own needs first above their significant other or spouse. Simple. It doesn't matter if it is a couple who dates exclusively or a Christian marriage or a civil union of athesists. I think the cheaters make excuses to justify the selfishness - I think it is just that simple.
As for "permitting" a spouse to seek partners outside of the marriage. I do not understand that. I believe it must involve one partner feeling powerless to keep the marriage together otherwise or two people who really aren't committed. Perhaps someone who lives this way could better answer.
I haven't heard of any groups of Christians claiming that adultery or extra-marital relations are okay. I can't imagine ever having a sexual relationship with anyone other than my husband. I guess something for people trying to justify that would be the same thing that people deliberately breaking any moral "law" should read:
"If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God." Hebrews 10:26-27
So I suppose if I'm a Christian and then I deliberately keep on sinning, I'm in a lot of trouble, possibly more than someone who has never been convicted by the Truth and is not yet repentant. So no, I couldn't begin to fathom what justification anyone would have for that.
(Key word in that verse is "deliberately.")
Let he (or she) who is without sin cast the first stone . . .
I only know of one Christian who never sinned (two if you count His Blessed Mother).
I don't think it's right - not saying that.
I'm a born again Christian and I know what the Bible says about adultery: it's a sin, plain and simple. To go against what the Word of God says is just man (or woman) doing what he or she wants. Of course no sin goes unpunished so there will be consequences: pregnancy, disease, divorce, regret, guilt. I'm sure anything negative one can think of would be a consequence. Marriage is sacred in God's eyes.
Personally, I'm with you. If you're gonna talk the talk, then walk the walk. If you make a CHOICE to have an affair, and especially be unrepentant about it, you can call yourself a Christian and born again all day long but it's a lie.
You should see one of my older posts. It involves one of my friends and her extramarital affair with a married deacon in the church I used to attend. There affair lasted over 3 years until I sent the deacon an email and asked him to step down as deacon. He stepped down as deacon and stopped seeing my friend (To my knowledge. She no longer speaks to me). They both thought that I was going to tell their spouses, which was never my intent and still isn't. My problem came when I knew that he had laid in a hotel room with my friend on Thursday and then gave me my communion on Sunday. I am absolutely floored at the audacity of some people. Their indiscretions made me think a lot about religion and commitment. The Bible is their crutch. It tells them that they were born imperfect and man is fallible. They use that as their excuse when they can't control their impulses. Then they feel they are forgiven as soon as they ask for it. They are not what they claim to be. I have questioned the church and Christianity to the point that I now do not go to church any more. I'm at a stalemate.
I am not perfect. My moral compass does not point due north 100% of the time. But I still have a problem with this.
EDIT: The whole point of me telling about my former friend, is that she was claiming to be a Christian, but completely unapologetic about what she was doing. Nothing else seemed to matter. Forgot to state that.
"To see or hear people say they have sex outside of their marriage or they want to, and then to also see or hear them say they are Christians and born again, confuses me." Who are these people that you mention? I have never heard of any Christian utter these words.
I guess morals/Christianity is very personal. You cannot walk in someone else's shoes. We all 'fall off the path', whether you are a Christian or NOT is irrelevant. But if you are truly a good person with a good heart it is about finding your way back on the 'right' path. Evil/temptaion is all around us everyday, so surround yourself with 'good' people and hopefully this will never happen to you.
You can't. Same goes for most things.
It counts...even if no O. is looking.
AS far as being a Christian goes: It's easy to talk the talk, not so easy to walk the walk.
Christians are funny like that, i have lots of "christian" friends and honestly it makes me laugh. they tell every one how christian they are however they go out to the bars flirt with other men, drink ect. i think christian isnt exactly what it used to be......
They can only justify it by lying to themselves about Christian teachings on marriage. Or, by completely disregarding them for their own passions.
Personally on those that play outside marriage w/or without permission it depends on the reasoning. Some do it as their partner can not, some do it for many other reasons. I think too many people get divorced for dumb reasons myself..I believe in the till death do you part deal. Religion shouldn't play any part in that. I think you are thinking of the story on the news which is nuts
Ditto to Jenny S.
And to add: I think there is no justification for it. I'm not a believer, not a christian...but I do believe in respect and integrity. Those who profess to be Christians are compromising those two things. That is what I cannot stand as well.
