Used to Be Sweet 18 Month Old Is No Longer Sweet! HELP!

Welcome to the twos!

If you can, when he walks away from you, walk the opposite way from him, saying "bye, bye". Do this only if it is safe! I would get a "soft leash" for him for trips to the mall or other busy places. Put it on his wrist. That way he can't walk away from you. I used one. Worked wonders.

If he throws toys, or takes them away from people, he need a time out. Away from others. Two minutes max. A first it will be a shock. And then he will cry like mad. Don't ever give in.

When the baby comes you need to bring him some very special gifts from the hospital. Give them to him as soon as the baby is asleep. Make a big deal over him. Include him as the big boy so he feels that he is still very important.

Congratulations on the baby.

L.,

I don't know about the why's of what he's doing, but it sound like you both need to have some voice training put in place ASAP. My kids are 2 and 5 1/2 and as soon as they could walk we started with the "listen to Mom/Dad or you don't get your freedom to walk".

Being preggo and due soon will make it a little harder, but it should still work, especially if you get your husband in on the same page as you. When walking in the the parking lot it's: hold a hand or you get carried. In the store it's: stay with Mom/Dad or you ride in the shopping cart. Or, listen to Mom/Dad when we say __________ or you ride in the cart.

In an amazingly short time both my kids learned that they didn't like riding in the cart, so they listen. My daughter doesn't like holding hands, but she will hold a pocket and that's a compromise I'm ok with because she's actually closer to me that way than holding my hand.

We also do red light/green light with my older son. Red means stop, yellow means walk, green means he can run, purple means come back (he chose the color) and blue light means start giggling and laughing while running cause Daddy's coming to get you. My daughter follows this as well, just not as consistently.

Please, please, please!! don't get one of those stupid kid leashes with the cutesy animal backpack. I think they are demeaning for the child (they're on a leash like a dog) and scream at me that the parents don't have time to actually work with their kids or pay attention to them. Teaching my kids very often resembles dog training, with a lot of Sit! Stay! kind of commands involved.

Be firm and consistent from moment to moment, and also between you and your hubby and you little guy will do what you ask like a champ.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I have a 19 mos old who does exactly the same thing. Some of it is just age.....developmentally, this is about the age that kids go through autonomy vs dependence. Ie. learning that it is OK to No and be different from mommy and daddy and still be loved and accepted. I typically ask her to come and then wait until she comes with no other interaction. When she comes I praise her lots! This has seemed to help the most, especially because often she would run thinking that this was part of a game. If we are going somewhere and I can't or don't have the time to wait, then I distract her by giving her a task, "where's your baby, bring your baby to mommy". this works almost everytime. With sharing, I just keep practicing these skills...it takes time and could be realted to the new sibling coming. It can help sometimes to get them as involved as possible with the new baby. Good Luck!

Welcome to the toddler club! They love to push boundaries! Totally normal, although some kids push much further than others. If you are really worried about him running off get a kid leash. I know that sounds horrible, but really, if you have a kid that is really prone to running off then... you do what you need to do to keep them safe. Before I had kids, I thought people who used those were horrible. Now my youngest is a very defiant 2.5 year old, and I have considered a leash.

Congratulations, your baby is now a toddler! Very soon, you will appreciate having a "big boy" around to help with the new baby. He can bring you diapers and blankies, hold the baby's bottle, and entertain her when you are busy. In the coming months and year, this independent streak will lead him to potty training, so use it for all it is worth!

Invest in a dog or monkey backpack leash (10 bucks at Walmart or Target), designate a timeout area and hang on cause you've just entered toddlerhood. I was in your EXACT same position (enormously pregnant with a sweetheart 18 mo old turned monster!). This is going to be big adjustment but it is totally possible. Your sweetie is still there, but he's learning to be independent and find out just how far he can push the boundaries. Word to the wise? Set those boundaries FAST and keep them or he will only get worse. If he throws, even a little throw (usually done while looking at you to get a reaction) simple take him and put him his timeout and be firm. Set reasonable times (a minute per year is what the expert's say - works great for us). After timeout is over tell him what he did wrong and what you expect next time. I know he seems young to understand, but he knows more than you think and will catch on pretty fast.

Once baby is born include him. Take lots of pictures of him next to the baby and show him how to care for baby. We bought our daughter a baby with a bed, bottle, baby bag and an extra change of clothes and she loves to care for her baby while I care for her little brother. My friend did this for her son with the same results. We also showed the kids how to kiss and touch baby brother (gently touching the head and saying "nice" or something to that effect).

And I know you are tired, but consistency is what will make things better in the long run. The leash is a fun thing because it's a backpack and he can put a few things to take on trips (ie books, maybe let him put his sippy in there). Make him your little helper and praise his actions. The more involved he is the better it will be for you.

If all else fails get a double stroller for outings. Hang in there - it will get better.

Ha ha.. This sounds like totally normal 18 month old behavior. If you're in public you'll just have to keep him in a stroller or get a child leash (these really do work great for toddlers even if people think they're bad). There's not really a way that I know of to make an 18 month old understand and obey. It really just takes a lot of reminding (no honey, be gentle with the toy) and patience. It will be a lot of work to have two babies so close together. I wish you luck. :)

i just want to say thank you for posting your request because I am having this same problem.

What works for me in a certain scenario to set a time out spot. I put her in the same time out position for two minutes when she climbs on the computer the table end first. She will try it one more time then put back in the spot and she won't climb the rest of the day.

hope this helps you alittle bit too

This sounds normal.
Don't take it personally -- nothing to do with you as a mother.
But it's time to do some thinking about what boundaries are important for the safety and well-being of your son, and how do you intend to reinforce those boundaries? i.e.: consequences, discipline, etc. All children will test their limits -- for their own good you need to be firm and teach him to obey you.

My kids are 22 months apart, and I can assure you that the 18 month old is exhibiting normal behavior for that age and has very little comprehension that anything at all is going on with you, and has really little understanding of the baby. Welcome to the toddler years.

He is simply testing his boundaries with you and you just need to stay firm. Develop some kind of consequence for when he does run. I belt my kids in the stroller when they run off. They do grow out of it eventually (my 4 year old is pretty good about staying close now).

Before you get out of the car, always state your expectations as simply as possible: Parking lot-hold hands, walking feet, busy street-touch mommy or the car, etc. Remind of the consequences, and follow through consistently.

Good luck, and hang in there...it will be tough for the next year...but it will get easier!

My son also went from a sweet angel to a wild child. It is completely normal. The joke in our house is "Stop acting like a 2 year old!" because sometimes we need to remember that he is just doing things that a normal 2 year old does even though he seems a little crazy sometimes. Decide now what behaviors are absolutely not ok and what immediate consequence there will be when he does them.

My son also would run away from me. After his little sister was born if we went outdoors I wore her in a Moby wrap so that my hands were free to chase my son. When we went to the park I would tell him that he needed to stay near me and listen to me. If he ran away and didn't listen when I called him then I would tell him if he did that again we would have to leave, and if he did it again we would leave the park immediately. I remember several times having to carry a wailing child under my arm like a sack of potatoes so as not to squish the infant strapped to my chest. Many months later now when we go to the park he usually stays within the boundaries I ask him to and usually stops running when I call him. When he is good I always tell him on the way home from the park that he should be proud of himself. Now our biggest problem at the park is him begging for snacks from strangers even though I pack tons of food for him.

My son also used to never have problems sharing and then suddenly it became an issue. We practice sharing and taking turns with his stuffed animals and that seems to help. Reading books about sharing or talking about when characters in a book or video share something is good too. If he and a friend both fight over a toy and can't share or take turns then the toy is put away.

After my daughter was born my son definitely went through an adjustment period. Be sure to stay consistent with discipline but also with the love and affection. If he does act out at first it will get better. Best wishes.

Welcome to the terrible 1.5...
His behavior is completely normal and developmentally appropriate. Consistent but gentle discipline is important at this age. When he takes away a toy, give the toy back to the child and explain that he has to take turns (it will be a while before her will understand this concept). When my daughter throws toys, I will put them away and explain we don't throw toys. I also try to give her words for her emotions ("you are upset right now, I understand...everyone gets upset...")
Expect some hitting and/or biting to follow shortly as well. At 20 months we also have reached the occasional stomping and throwing oneself on the ground screaming...
As for the running away, I know it's not an elegant solution, but I would suggest you get a harness, especially while you are recouperating and dealing with a newborn. I'd rather look silly and be safe than sorry. You can get a used one cheap or free off craigslist or freecycle.
Good luck!

Hi, L.

My name is S., I am 62 years old and I have 5 children, 20 grandchildren and 4 great grandchildren. I live in Auburn, WA. I am raising my 3-year-old great granddaughter.

Get a safety harness. Walmart has really cute ones that look like animal backpacks. However, my girl learned to unlatch those pretty quickly so I use a plain black one by Munchkins, also purchased at Walmart. DON'T listen to people who think kid's harnesses are horrible. Your child's safety is the most important thing at this time in his life.

Good luck,
S.