Using Baby Name Again?

Updated on August 16, 2010
G.. asks from Troy, AL
38 answers

okay so i had a m/c last yr when i was 3 months along and we had already pick out names so we just started calling the baby i was pregnant with by that name well i recently decided i was ready to ttc again and my DH asked me if it would be okay to use that name again kinda like a tribute to the baby we lost so that no one forgets her and when the time comes we can tell the new baby where there name came from? so my question is..is this okay, is it wrong, i am not sure on how i should feel about this and friends i spoke with was like heck no thats gross? so what should i do advice please??/

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K.E.

answers from Buffalo on

I agree with Sephanie G. personally, but all in all it is what makes you comforatable. I get the sence you are not though because you are asking us.

Good Luck choosing.

1 mom found this helpful
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W.O.

answers from Houston on

You name the baby what you want to name her. You cannot please everybody and there will always be someone talking negative about what you do.

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H.S.

answers from Houston on

A close friend of mine's first baby was stillborn. When they had their second baby, they used the first baby's name as her middle name as a tribute to the first. Their daughter is 5 now and she thinks it's cool that she's partly named after her "big sister". I think it's all in how you present it.

Good luck to you!
-H..

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R.R.

answers from Cincinnati on

My mom had a miscarriage at 7 months. She too had already picked the name. She had my brother two years later and he has the same name and no one seems to think anything odd about it. He is now 16 and he knows that he has the same name as the miscarried child and he seems proud that part of his brother lives within him. Some people use the name as a middle name for a new child. You should do what you feel is right for you and your family.

5 moms found this helpful
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S.G.

answers from Philadelphia on

Personally (and this is just my opinion), I wouldn't name your current pregnancy/baby by the name of your miscarried baby. I believe that that name was already given to the child you lost and should not be "recycled". If you really want to give tribute to the child you lost, use it as a middle name for your current baby. Again, it is just my opinion.

Good luck on this pregnancy and I am sorry for your loss.

2 moms found this helpful
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V.J.

answers from Phoenix on

This is a very personal decision and I think you and your husband should do what you feel comfortable with. If you want to use the name then don't let your friends tell you that it is gross or wrong because this is YOUR baby and your experience not theirs. There is no way that they can fully understand what you have gone through or how you feel. Do what feels right to you.

2 moms found this helpful

K.G.

answers from Boca Raton on

There is no right or wrong to this question.. If that's what you and your husband decide, then more power to you!!!!!

2 moms found this helpful

A.R.

answers from Houston on

If it doesn't bother you and your husband, then it's nobody's business. I say go for it personally. I agree it's a nice tribute to your little one.

2 moms found this helpful
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E.M.

answers from Johnstown on

I do believe that George Foreman gave all or most of his children his name. I don't see a problem with it if you don't..or give the baby the name to use as their middle name. It's ultimately up to you and your hubby to make the final decision.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.T.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I agree that this is a very personal question and only you and dh can decide. i would not use the name directly if it were me though... i would probably figure out what the name meant and then find anew name with the same meaning, or just give them the same intials or use thier first name as a middle name. my dh and i never lost a child but had boy and girl names picked out for our first two, the girl name was the same both times, for some reason after #2 was a boy, that little girl(Karah) was gone to me and when we did have a girl two years later a new name was needed, and Karah holds aspecial place in my heart (strange probably, but how i felt just the same) We did choose a name that meant the same thing one the new baby came along. hope that helps you and p.s. your friends are rude for telling you it is "gross". try telling them that something is gross when discussing important information about them and special to them and let them understand that was totally uncalled for and hateful..imho anyway...

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M.R.

answers from New Orleans on

I am sorry for your m/c and I wish you a very healthy and happy pregnancy. My husband and I told people the sex of our baby, but kept the name to ourselves. Everyone has an opnion on "the baby's name" but this is clearly up to you and your husband. The child will be the one to live with the name you choose. Do what feels right. You will know it fits when you look at that beautiful little face. You could even use the name as a middle name or look at the meaning of the name you chose and then find something similar to the meaning. The meaning of my child's name is "great enthusiasm for life" and it fits her perfect. Good luck and don't let anyone persaude you in a different direction.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.P.

answers from Houston on

A friend had a name picked out for her baby girl, whom she lost in the last week of pregnancy. When she became pregnant a year or so later, she found out she was carrying a girl, again. She asked her son, age 3 or 4 and VERY BRIGHT for his age, if he thought it was all right to name this baby the same name. He thought it was great that he was finally going to get to hold a baby with that name.
No one really thought anything about using the previously picked name.
If you and your husband are comfortable with it, go for it, it is your family.
This is how we get family names, names from the deceased.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

Only you can answer that question at the end of the day. There is no etiquette, and if you believe that it will be in memoriam to the baby you lost, I'd definitely consider it.

Think through all the possibilities before making a definite selection since you were obviously attached to the child you lost and whether you will truly be able to distinguish one child from another once this child is born.

I think it's important that you never lose the love of the child you weren't able to bring full-term, but be cautious of how the child you will delivery may feel knowing the story behind their name.

Again, only you can make that decision. Best wishes with a healthy pregnancy.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.H.

answers from Dallas on

I don't see any issue with it. I have a neighbor who had a stillborn child last year and had a burial/funeral for the child. In that case, I would not use the name again but I don't see any issues with using the name again as you were so early on in the pregnancy.

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A.F.

answers from Dallas on

I say this is a matter for only you and hubby to decide on, if you two are happy with the name, that's all that matters. After getting reactions from friends that way, I say don't share any more of your baby name ideas with anyone until baby is born, just tell everyone the name will be a surprise and that way you won't have to hear any negative comments that will make you think twice. I personally don't see anything wrong with you using the name after an unborn child. I did something similar after the loss of my doggy. I was 16 yrs old when she unexpectedly died, I was heart broken for a very long time, it was like losing a child (since she was my only baby at the time) and her name was Bailey. I always said I'd name my first daughter after her since I loved her so much BUT after hearing all the comments from friends and family (like what you're getting) I didn't go through with it but chose the name Kaylie instead. I think if I had ignored everyone else, I would have stuck with my original choice so I hope you don't change your mind like I did, there's nothing wrong with wanting to give tribute to your unborn child, I think it's beautiful! Good luck to you and your husband!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.O.

answers from Chicago on

I think it depends on how you view it..I mean would you want to be named after someone who died tragically? As a mother, do you view your miscarried baby as "Susie"? Or was it simply that you were calling your pregnant belly "Susie" until she was born. And since that didn't happen you still love the name? From your post, it sounds like you already had a child named Susie who you miscarried.

I guess what I'm getting at is if you view your miscarried baby as Susie, then personally I don't think I would name my next child Susie. Perhaps use it as a middle name if you REALLY want to, but I wouldn't use it as a first name.

You already had a child named Susie. Give your new baby the gift of his/her OWN identity.

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G.G.

answers from Austin on

My friend and I were just talking about this recently. Her opinion is that it is strange, my opinion is that it's not at all! People are going to have their opinions and they can keep their stinking opinions to themselves. When you tell people that you have decided to use the same name, just be confident and tell them this just feels right for you and your husband. I don't see how this is much different than people naming their children after family members who have passed away. My cousin named her baby after her brother who had passed away at a young age. I didn't think it was strange at all. It brings the family great comfort. Unless these opinionated people have had miscarriages themselves, and know exactly how you feel, they need to keep their opinions to themselves. You know, regardless, they should just keep quiet. You just go for it, if it feels good and right to you.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

our daughter was named after my mil. her middle name is in honor of her. they thought my brother might be a girl so they had my name already picked out. i think it would honor the little baby. if your iffy about it use the same middle name or first for a middle name. good luck.

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D.G.

answers from Houston on

Absolutely name your baby whatever name you want. It is your choice! There is nothing gross about the loss of a pregnancy, naming a child after another, or having a name stuck in your head that you dream about.

Oh, and I've "been there" too. 4 losses and 2 living children. My children were going to have their names if they were on my 1st try or my 6th try. I am horrified by reading some posts below. I'm sure that whatever you choose to do, the people who love you will respect and honor, and I'm also sure that whatever you choose to do will be right!

J.B.

answers from Houston on

I think that is totally up to you and your husband. I don't think it is gross at all, just don't know if it will be good for you emotionally or not. I read a book by a lady who lost a child while pregnant with another. She said it would be so tempting when the child was asleep to just let herself pretend for a moment it was the child she lost, but she would always stop herself from doing that bc it wasn't fair to the child she still had. So that would be my only concern. If there is any part of you wanting to sort of bring that baby back or hold on, then it might be best to start with a new name for this new little person. If you feel that you are healed and that you can recognize this new little baby as totally separate and distinct little person, then it could be fine. I would say talk it over honestly with your husband and then make the decision right for both of you. And don't worry what anyone thinks, this is totally you and you hubby's call:)

K.N.

answers from Austin on

eeewwww, that gives me the willies... I'd only do that if you decide to rename the baby you lost to something like Angel (and always refer to it as that new name). I'd never tell my child that he/she was named after an unborn/dead sibling.

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S.B.

answers from Peoria on

you do what you want, it's your child, but here's my opinion:

if you truly consider the lost child one of your children, i'd pick a different name. or maybe use one of the names as a middle name.

you also might consider the child who will be having the name.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would suggest you not use the name again. That was the name you picked out for that baby, find a new name for this baby.

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I agree name the baby what feels right for you. Maybe it will be a version of the original name or not, whatever you decide, SOMEONE will always have something to say!! Congrats on your pregnancy, stay well, and enjoy the naming process, however you choose. It should be fun, not stressful :)
be well

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H.J.

answers from Minneapolis on

This is just how I feel but I wouldn't use it as a first name. We just named our third the same girl name we had picked out if we would have had a girl as our second. We ended up having a boy and hubby still liked the name we had picked out and I still struggle to wonder if we would have thought harder about names that we might have chosen a better more suited name for her. I have never struggled with this before. I feel bad that I don't feel that her name is right for her. Now as a middle name that wouldn't be bad, we do that in our family naming after loved ones in heaven.

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A.T.

answers from Stockton on

Save yourself some heart-ache and don't think about names 'til after the 20 week mark.
I've been preggo 7 times and have 2 kids.
My bro - in-law was named after a baby that died and has always been haunted by it - he can't understand why they didn't give him his own name.
Sorry about the caps - 5 yr old spilled juice on the keyboard. Yay
in the end you name your kids whatever you want and everyone else should butt out.

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L.G.

answers from Austin on

People name their babies after deceased relatives all the time! If it is a tribute then it really makes it special. If it is because you can't accept the previous loss, then there are things that need to be worked through. It is a special way to honor your baby that died only if both you and your husband agree. Your friends don't have to agree, especially since they probably have not gone through this situation.

Be prepared to do things that your friends won't agree to. We are all different.

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J.R.

answers from Houston on

As an old grandma, I think this is one of the disadvantages of knowing you are pg so early and ultrasounds that (almost always) tell you what sex you are having. I read a book by a very funny woman who had 10 children in 12 years (all singles). Her advice was "don't name a child until you actually get to meet them because you may not get the child you thought you were getting." I found this very wise. We had a girl name picked out for #2 but by the time she got here as #3 the name didn't fit HER.
It was also very much the norm in generations past to give a child the name of an older deceased sibling. Using it as a middle name is also a good solution. Best of luck with your family. DO WHAT MAKES YOUR HEART SING.

V.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think it's fine. Go ahead and use it :)

My father has the same name as his older brother who was a still born.

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R.M.

answers from St. Cloud on

My suggestion would be no. In honor to the m/c baby that was it's name and now the new baby should not be given that name to find out it was the first baby's name..always joining the two as technically there are two babes. There are many names out there..chose another one you like.

P.G.

answers from Abilene on

Well I learned a long time ago that it's not your friends decision it's you're own. There were alot of people giving me oppinons on what to name my daughter and I finaly stood up and said enough. I am naming her what I want to name her. Anyway I think that you naming your new baby after the one you lost is a very good idea. When you tell you're child about where his/her name came from im sure that they would be happy that you named them after her.

M.M.

answers from Houston on

I think it is a sweet gesture, though I personally would not do it, so that I could remember the babies with their separate identities. Perhaps a slight alteration of the name or using it as the middle would be a nice tribute as well.

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M.G.

answers from Austin on

I agree with those who have said that it should be between you and your husband..it's no one else's business. Best of luck in ttc!

And to anyone that said "gross" or anything like that..that is just about rude! It is a parent's right to name their child, in any manner or for any reason they see fit. You named your child for whatever reason seemed good to you..what if people thought YOUR kid's name was "gross"?

L.M.

answers from Dover on

At three months, did you know if you lost a boy or a girl? If not, unless you were using a "unisex" name why would you start calling your baby by either name that early in pregnancy? NOT CRITICIZING YOU, just wondering!

Anyway, if you had picked out the name but hadn't started using it I think it would be fine. But, you started calling the child by his/her intended name which in my book makes it his or hers. I say pick a new name altogether.

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D.R.

answers from Brownsville on

I feel like you should go with your initial feeling about when your DH first asked the question. Why? Simply because you dont want to regret doing something just because someone thought it was "gross". If you do decide to go with it, perhaps you should only tell the tribute story to those closest to you. It is a personal story & i think family & dear friends will respect your decision. Maybe you could even change the name up so it has some "element" of the original or use it as a middle or second middle name. Congratulations & good luck with your decision. * Upon reading the replies of other on your post about the childs negative reaction when they found out the story behind their name i want to add it all in how you share this with them. I hope you do decide to use the name again.

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

My parents had one name picked out for a girl and one for a boy when they decided they wanted to start a family, and my mother had 3-4 miscarriages before I (the eldest) was born. They would have had to find a new name for each new baby! That would only add to the emotional difficulty of miscarriages, I think. I don't know if she ever thought of the babies inside of her before me by my name, but she knew her first daughter would have my name - and I do!

A friend of ours lost their baby to a tragic heart defect 2 weeks after he was born. They used his name as their second son's middle name, as a tribute to that baby. I think that is beautiful, but they also actually gave birth, had their child, and had to bury their child, so I personally think it's a little different from a miscarriage. I supposed it depends on how you viewed your miscarriage (some see them as the tragic death of a child, and others see them as the natural way that nature/God takes care of something that isn't meant to be), and I agree that it is a personal decision, but it's also no one else's business. It's too bad that you told your original name to people because you will get some reactions, but in the end, I don't think there is anything gross about it. In a way, it is kind of uplifting. If you are comfortable using the name again, don't let anyone tell you not to. Do what you want to do, and don't be bullied into anything else, or you may regret it. Good luck.

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L.B.

answers from Corpus Christi on

NO This would be a reminder for the rest of you new baby's life that it was going to be the other's name. Give you baby a name that is it's own. Why remind your self over and over about your loss. It is a child that would have been not one that is... Been there.

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M.B.

answers from Houston on

I think it's a personal decision between you and your husband and that you should not worry about what friends think once your decision is made. One important thing to consider... Many people are very interested in the meaning of their names and why their names were chosen. What will you say?

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