Vacationing While Leaving the Child Behind. What Now?

Your child needs to know that parents need adult time. This trip will be so good for his independence. When he sees the two of you spending time together this will help him with his relationship with his wife when he grows up. Children need to feel cherished but they do not need to think that the world revolves around them. You are not only strengthening your marriage but helping shape his future values. If you get the chance start doing this at least once a year if not more. The trips don't always have to be 4 days, they could sometimes just be one night away just for Mom & Dad. As far as rewards just bring him a souvenier back from your trip (for good behavior at his cousins). I wouldn't give him anything before you leave because there is no behavior to reward yet. He will be fine without you. I know as a parent that we probably miss our kids more than they miss us. Do this (without guilt) knowing that you are doing a good thing! Enjoy your time together, you deserve it!

God Bless & safe travels!

I think we all feel a little guilt when we leave our little ones behind but as you stated, he will be in good hands. His "reward" is that his parents love each other and realize this is important to their marriage. We tell our children that the best thing we can give them is a happy mommy and daddy and that it's important for us to spend time together just like it's important for him to spend time playing with this friends. You'll miss him, but keep reminding yourself that it's just for a few days and it really is very important for the two of you to stay close and in love with each-other. You are doing the right thing. Another huge thing is that you are showing him as his role model how to treat your wife and show your love to her. This is wonderful for him to see for his future as a husband and father.

J.,
Hello. I know it's hard, but it's good for all involved to take a parent only vacation. It's good for your son too. Best advise we received was on our honeymoon from a couple that had been married over 30 years at the time, they said to take at least one couple trip per year, even after kids, even for just 2 days, but make sure you do it each year. It's something for the parents to look forward too and it's good for the child to know that when you go away, you come back again. First year with a child, we were only gone for 2 days. Then, we were gone for 3 days the next. Last year my husband and I were gone 6 days away from our 2 year old. I did have a small "gift" for her from us each day like a puzzle, stuffed animal, game, book, etc (which I realized later wasn't necessary). I don't recommend the gifts so much as a note for each day for him to have from you. And a souvenir is fun for him to when you return. You'll miss him, but try not to let guilt take over. It is really good for you ALL. He'll have fun and will probably ask when you're going on another trip again soon after you return. My daughter asks us that because our trip was delayed this year, but she's use to us going somewhere without her now and she's very attached to us, but it's good. We all need that break and couple time is so important. Best of luck and ENJOY your vacation.
~ J.

I know how you feel, I feel guilty too when we leave our kids and go out of town. I tell myself and the kids that I will be a better Mom when I get back, this is a time for Mom and Dad to re-charge, when we are tired, we get cranky too just like they do and we are not very nice to be around. It will be hard, but it will be good for everybody. And promise to call everyday, you can even make it a "phone date" with your child, that gives the security that you will connect every day and are thinking of each other. We like to bring candy back, kids love it and we can get it at the airport, leaving the vacation time to focus on re-connecting with each other and re-charging our batteries.

Reward him? for getting to stay and play with cousins and relatives? You said he's going to have a great time. It is not like you are leaving him in a dog kennel for 4 days.

He is going to pick up on your guilt (and work it), so get over it. A simple "Sometimes Mommy and Daddy want time together to do adult things. We've made plans for you to stay here and do things kids like to do." If he still seems interested in your trip, remind him that you have taken family vacations and will take more, but this trip is NOT a family vacation - it is a parent vacation. Then ENJOY!

Don't feel guilty!! My husband and I went to Japan when our son was 4. Before we left, we recorded several of his favorite stories so that he still had a bedtime story from us each night. We also used the recordings as an opportunity to teach him his birthdate, his address, phone #, etc. He listened to that recording over and over -- even after we got home --- loaded down with souvenirs!

My husband and I had the same issue last February. We made a big deal about our daughter getting to sleep over with family for several days. We called her once to see how she was doing. She was too busy playing to talk! We did make a big deal about bringing her home a special treat and made sure to spend lots of extra time playing games and doing things she wanted to do for several days after we got home. Honestly, it was harder on us to leave her than it was for her to stay somewhere without us. The trip boosted our marriage so much that we are going to do it again in January. :) Enjoy your trip!
J.

First of all, you are not doing anything wrong, so don't feel so guilty. Tell him you love him, and encourage him to have fun. When my husband and I left our son, he was very unhappy at first, but did end up having fun, so don't beat yourselves up. What helped our son was doing something he really liked that took his mind off it, so you might want to make sure some activity like that is in your son's schedule.

The first time I left my two kids with my parents for a few days gave me anxiety leading up to the whole thing. I was so worried they would cry and be mad at me. I ended up having such a great time without them, even though I missed them a lot. It was nice to feel like an adults and individuals instead of Mommy and Daddy. I was going to get them a toy but ran out of time. When we went to pick them up 4 days later they were excited to see us but threw a fit when it came to leave! And my Mom said they didn't seem to miss us too much. Now my kids keep asking when they can go to their grandma's house and we will go.
I think your son will have a blast. And the break will be so nice for you two. It will recharge your batteries and I think the break makes a better parent. You shouldn't feel guilty, and I think once the first day is over with, you wont feel bad about it. Make sure you try and focus on being a couple again and try not to bring up your son, that also helps with avoiding any sort of guilty feeling. And like the first person suggested, a small souvenir should be enough or maybe letting him pick out where you go out to eat for your first family dinner back. Have a fun trip!

My mom used to take her students to France every other summer from the time I was about 3. She had done it every summer before I was around and then took a short break. She let me spend the night at my aunt and uncle's house before the trip, so I could get used to being there overnight. She would not necessarily reward me when she left, but she did when she came back. Since she was gone for 2 weeks, she would send a postcard as soon as she arrived in France. That helped show me that she loved me and missed me and thought about me. She tried to call once each week she was gone. Of course, she would always bring me back a few souvenirs so I would have something to look forward to. She also talked to me about where she was going and what she would be doing. She told me about things that I would be doing when she was gone. When I was old enough, she enrolled me in summer camps to help keep me busy. When she got back we told each other all the things that had happened while we were apart.

Don't feel guilty. What you are doing is good for your marriage and ultimately, good for your son.

I hope this helps. Have a great trip!

Hi J.! My hubby and I went to Europe a few years ago when our oldest daughter was just 3. It was sooo hard to leave her, but the chance of a lifetime because the band he was playing in had booked some shows over there. Of course he was going, and there was NO WAY that I was going to miss out on going to 4 European countries with him! ;)

Here's what we did: I went to Wal-Mart and got little "happies" for her to have every day from us. Nothing expensive at all. Things like a bracelet and necklace set, coloring book, paints, book, toys that she'd enjoy. Then, she would receive something from Mama and Daddy every day to know that we were thinking of her and to help with any homesickness. Get enough for every day except for the day you and your wife return home - that will be the best gift of all!

Now - hard as it is, go and have fun!

p.s. We also brought back souvenirs, so once we got home she had all of those fun things to look at and play with. :)

What's to feel guilty about? You've made great arrangements for him. Why not make it seem like he's going on vacation to their house. Bring him something nice from your vacation. Married couples need time alone as well as anyone. If you act like you're doing something wrong, your son will assume so. Anyway, go away and enjoy. 4 days is not very long to be away from your child.

There is no reason for you to feel guilty, and he does not need a "reward," either before or after.
Go, enjoy yourselves, and bring him back a souvenir.