Very Emotional 5 Year Old

I have very sensitive kids myself, and I think the key when you're talking her through things is to make sure you're not sending the message that she has to stop being sad, or disappointed or whatever. Sometimes when we try to show them the bright side or explain reasons why they shouldn't be upset, it makes it worse for them because their feelings are wrong. The trick is to validate the feeling and make it OK for her to be hurt, sad, or whatever, then guide her and help her find ways to deal with those feelings.

So when you are leaving a place and she's sad, encourage her to find ways to feel good in those moments. maybe a hug goodbye from her friend? making definite plans for another play date? What would ease her pain a little? Remind her that it's absolutely normal to be sad when you're ending something fun, don't make her feel like she has to get over it and move on for you. Let her be sad. And with her school stuff maybe even add in some "I can see how you'd feel that way, it sounds hard, what are some ways you could handle it next time."

Listen, empathize and help her find ways to cope. It'll get better.

You might want to check out the "What to Do Guides for Kids" books by Dawn Huebner like "What to Do When You Worry Too Much" - uses analogies and activities to give kids (and parents) tools and strategies to learn to control our emotions instead of them controlling us
http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473...

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It's possible your daughter has a sensory issue dealing with transitions. I would read the book The Out of Synch Child which explains a lot about sensory processing issues. There is a lot you can do to accommodate and prevent the melt downs. My own son has a vestibular issue where he would seek out physical pressure (imagine running full speed into a wall). It caused a lot of problem with wrestling/rough housing at school. As soon as we began to accommodate, he improved and stopped the rough play.

My nephew is similar to your daughter, and what they finally realized is that he felt panicked when change happened too quickly. They do not know why since his parents are very loving and attentive as well. They started giving him a written schedule for the day so he knew when things would shift, and this really helped him a lot. With your daughter you might try a visual schedule (using pictures instead of words).

I hope you find something that helps!
B.

I think 4 and 5 years old is the hardest on our children they are going through so many changes and allot of it is emotionally. I think you have done a tons of prewarnings, good parent you are. I too had to warn my son about not crying for his 5th birthday party because he did on his 4th, wanted to open all his presents because I told him he can't open them until the party is over, it was hard on him but adventually he got back in the party mood. On this 5th I told him again, he can't open his presents especially since it's at an indoor plaground and you have to take them home and open them, he understood but made a compromise, asked if he could open just one gift on the way home, I said yes and the party was a hit, no crying just played and had a great time.
Now with your little 5 year old, sounds like you have given plenty of warnings, perhaps doing some play therapy or perhaps have a consequence box, just thinking but I do hope you get some great advise.