Violent and Frequent Tantrums by My Almost Three Year Old Son

Are there any life changes that happened recently that might have triggered it? If it's not an emotional response, I would document every time and take him back to the doctor. It sounds like you talked to the doc BEFORE the change, so you can't use his previous answer as valid since he didn't have the new information. The doc may even have the opportunity to see one of these new tantrums. I'm not a doc at all, but the sudden change and his reacting to things that aren't happening make me wonder if there's a chemical imbalance of some kind going on. Good luck!

You might also monitor these tantrums in reference to what and when he is eating. Food allergies can cause any number of problems, including emotional ones.

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Watch his intake of sugar and certain drinks and foods that have red dye #5. Some children can react severely to sugar and preservatives in food. Is his Dad in the picture? Has the issue of autism been addressed? I would may be think about taking him to a child psychologist for evalutation.My son is three and a half and goes to the babysitter a few times a week so, he gets some type of interaction with other children. I would set up some play dates and get him around other children so he can socialize with them.

I hear your frustration. My son's behavior changed around this age, too. I found the book YOUR THREE YEAR OLD: FRIEND OR ENEMY by Louise Bates Ames to be very reassuring.

Obviously you are concerned at the sudden change and intensity. Go with your gut.....Why not get a second opinion?

I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS YOUR SON, but my nephew has Aspergers. It went undetected for years because the doctors and teachers didn't recognize the symptoms. It's a very mild form of autism. The child had an adorable, talkative, entertaining and goofy personality. Aspergers is high functioning.......even genius! Again, NOT SAYING THIS IS YOUR SON. I'm saying something may be going on and early intervention could make a difference. He may just have an ear infection and be feeling crummy but not knowing how to express it. Or even an unattended strept throat.

I'd say get him thoroughly checked out.

It sounds like he has Sensory Intergration Disorder. This is not Autism (though children with Autism can have SI). This is disorder is either a sensitivity to touch, sound, taste, etc... He can either have a problem with getting overstimulated or need additional stimulus to feel right.

My son has/ had mild Sensroy Intergration Disorder.

To work on your son's issues, it will be important to have him go to an Occupational Therapist. It will also be important to watch what 'triggers' him. Its a good thing that you are keeping notes.

I notice with my son that if we don't have his allergies under control, he is overly tired, or if we are out of our general routine, we will get more outbursts.

Good luck. You can do this. You will need to be his avocate since this is so unknown and his behavior can be misinterpreted by others.

Have you checked in with your school district? Many offer early intervention services, and your tax dollars are paying for it. See if they have an early childhood program and if they will evaluate your son.

You seem very on top of this! Keep up the good work, and I hope you find what will help him soon. Please keep us posted!

check his ears sometimes sinus infections drain back into the ears when on antibiotics. my son did the same thing we learned he had a major double ear infection even though he didnt act like they bothered him. we put him on antibiotics and his tantrums tripled. after those antibiotics were out he quit got his ears rechecked and started round 2 of antibiotics and they went back up. take him back to the doc and check his ears and maybe change his antibiotic. which is what was suggested to me on my son. if he can talk (mine cant) ask him what is bothering him if something hurts ears tummy from the medication etc. i would start by taking him back to the doc and telling him how much and the severity has increased.

Hi M.---So sorry your little one is having such problems. Keep your chin up and be resolved to figure out what is going on in his head and body. Because he is just 3, he will need your help figuring that out.

I am a Wellness Educator, taking a series of classes taught by a Naturopath who has her PhD in Nutrition. What I am learning boils down to this: our diet and lifestyle habits are the single biggest predictor of our health. This means our diet should consist mostly of plants, 85-90% of calories, which means fruits, veggies, whole grains, legumes/beans, nuts and seeds. Eat animal proteins sparingly and eliminate dairy (www.pcrm.org, put diary in search box and www.thechinastudy.com).
We must drink LOTS of filtered water, get adequate sleep, exercise regularly and as strenuously as possible and manage stress.

As important as these habits are to optimal health, avoiding negative foods is just as important as eating health promoting foods. Negative foods include artificial colors, sweeteners and preservatives, MSG, a neurotoxin, HFCS, now called corn sugar (because it is highly processed), and fully and partially hydrogenated (trans) fats. I know that our gov't tells us that any of these man-made products are GRAS, generally recognized as safe, but no studies have ever been done on what the combination of them do in a vulnerable body. These don't seem to affect some people, on the surface, but more times than not they cause a bunch of problems not usually directly attributed to these food additives. The problem with non-optimal habits is that they usually (but increasingly) don't cause immediate health problems, but rather build up over time to those dreaded chronic diseases as we age. It's like taking care of a luxury sports car...you wouldn't put regular gas in and not change the oil and other fluids or neglect regular maintenance on it. You would want to invest in it and keep it running by really taking care of it. We take better care of our cars than we do ourselves.

Point is, clean up the diet and eliminate all processed foods and see how that helps him. Then, have a heart to heart with your family to ask for the help and patience in helping your son...THEIR family. You will get this figured out. I pray for your strength. Good luck, D.

I agree with the other answers, those tantrums and sensitivity are quite disturbing and warrant a better check up. Early intervention (just call the district or check their web site for contact) would be a good start along with an OT.

I would also as someone said pay attention to his diet, avoiding processed foods, HFCS, dyes, sugar at the minimum and so on.

You may be interested to look into what the NACD has to offer
http://www.facebook.com/swagbucks#!/pages/The-National-As...
They do a very detailed check of what the kid does/the troubles he has and a very very complete and detailed follow up to adjust the program every few weeks.
Two of my friends follow that with their kids and are extremely happy with the progress their kids made and all the work the NACD does to help those kids. It's expensive but worth the price if a kid had deep troubles (autistic, asperger, sensitivity, dyslexia and so on)

Hope this helps !

Please read all you can. I admire you for posting about it here, and I wish such a resource was available when my younger child was small. So many things can be intertwined.

Sleep issues can cascade out of control, and emotional stress that can be tolerated by some can become intolerable. Sensory issues can cause repeated and extended meltdowns. So can "depression" but remember - depression is a symptom. You must find and confront the cause(s) whether biological or emotional - family environment - or usually - a combination of factors. And yes, even very young children can have the symptoms that we label "depression." That doesn't mean throw medication at it.

I have a website to explore - http://www.ItsNotMental.com You may want to read the book also "It's Not Mental" - the doctor dismissed autism because of the social nature of the child.... yet... there were overlaps in the "associated characteristics" including the sensory issues, frustration intolerance, and extended meltdowns.

It is not too soon to get counseling for not just the child - but more importantly - the family unit.

And yes, antibiotics and the resulting gut issues (most of our immune system is in the gut) and even allergies and inflammation can be intertwined.

My niece was recently diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder. Since I'm not around her daily, I don't have all the details, but some of the things you are describing sound just like her. Especially, the small irritations that turn into BIG tantrums. It's because their bodies can't "turn off" or get past whatever is bothering them. I would definitely have another talk with your pediatrician and if you don't get the response you need, then seek a second opinion. Good luck!

Lots of great suggestions....my son has always been a 'drama king' as I call him...only child, needs to be in control all the time or is a ticking time bomb when not in control. While he wasn't hurting others with his tantrums, I did the love squeeze to calm him down often. Three was about the age I started an "attitude adjustment" tactic: I got into his face and calmly told him his behavior was not acceptable - granted this is after he had calmed down to the point that he would listen. As he aged, we would talk afterwards about alternative ways to express his discontent. Now, at 8 1/2, he recognizes when he's losing it and will sometimes take himself out of the situation (stomps off to his room, leaves for a few minutes, etc.) because he knows tantrums don't solve anything. I make sure I listen to his side of things, but let him know there are some things that are out of his control and offer alternative ways to cope.
ALL family members need to work on this - it's not going to get better if people are yelling at him (your dad yelling is NOT a good role model).
Having said all this, you mentioned he was sick and is now on antibiotics - were the antibiotics started just before this escalation of violence? Could be a reaction to the meds or a secondary infection (someone said check his ears) that is causing the intensed irritation? When he's calm, ask him how he's feeling. Much of it still sounds like age-appropriate tantrums, but there could be some underlying thing going on.....letting him be heard and understood will help whether it's his age or a medical issue. Lots of luck!

My first child was a lovely two year old, but when he approached three years of age he developed tantrums. I would have to restrain strongly like you describe and keep telling him I love him for some 5 minutes plus. Friends with children of similar ages watched this unfold and were astounished at what I had to do. He was advanced academically, but emotionally he was immature. He did attend preschool at the age of four and had no issues. The tantrums just seemed to run it course during his three year old time. I did not work so I was home most of the time. He usually only had the tantrums for me; his grandparents and a few relatives never really had to desl with them. He is 32 and still experiences some form of the tantrum when he is hungry, tired or frustrated. We just leave him alone for a span of time and everything becomes fine once more. He is a math teacher and quite successful in life. Keep an open mind. This too will pass. (His middle school principal just described him as an absent minded professor with a photographic memory.) He was very successful in school and in college. He is going on to get his masters in mathematics. My son showed an allergic reaction (hyperactivity) to Dimetapp , foods with natural salicylates (apples, apple cider, oranges, orange juice, etc.), and red, yellow dyes. Taking those out of his diet was a big help until he hit elementary school and could handle them being put back in.

I agree, an Occupational Therapy evaluation is needed. However, while you do that search, you can do some things in the interim - your son responds positively to what OTs call "deep pressure" by calming when he is fully restrained - you can provide deep pressure hugs throughout the day giving him little doses of this when he is not out of control as input to his sensory system - so maybe a firm hug, you can wrap your hand around one arm at a time and sort of "walk" your hand up and down his arms and legs in "arm or leg hugs", firm (not hurtful) pressure back rubs - any type of firm touch; sometimes kiddos with sensory processing problems will use negative behaviors to get the sensory input they need; for example, he acts out and is hitting and throwing things, you come in and physically hold his arms and legs so he cannot do this which in an unintentional way provides him with the sensory input he craves. I highly recommend "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz - she has wonderful examples of different children and ideas to help these kids feel better, you can find it at the library - check it out today. In the meantime, consider any other ways you can provide some of this deep pressure input. Swimming is a great activity for these types of kids; rolling around outside in the snow all bundled up, wearing clothes that have some pressure to them (like lycra), sitting to watching tv with a heavy pillow on his lap.
Sensory processing disorder is real and it has been described to me by a person with it, as almost painful, as they don't process the world around us as others do. Don't give up getting treatment which can be very helpful.

I agree to check into sensory integration dysfunction and aspergers. One other thing is seizures. I work with autistic kids but some have constant seizures that cause this sort of outburst. Unfortunately not all 24 hour EEGs show the seizures and SPECT scans aren't as universally accepted.

Good suggestions allready, but I wanted to add, your doctors excuse for it not being Autism is an old one. My mom still thinks that way as well, but it's just not true. Our son who just turned 5 went thru this. My hubby has anxiety issues and was able to give me a bit more insight. Anxiety can play a huge role in his mood. Some kids thrive on repetition more than others. We used to not be able to change to new shoes with our son. We had to ease him into this, we couldn't expect him to just be OK with different plans, new clothes etc. It caused anxiety because it wasn't his routine. Anxiety to a child is hard to understand, it's like having something jump out at you in a movie jump except there's nothing there except the fear, no reason.. Even if you have adjusted to a new home, new surroundings, his father not being there, he may be having trouble finding his routine. Try setting one up, and following it, giving him 'his' space and seeing what happens. I know if my son doesn't understand WHY he is in trouble or why something is wrong he gets frustrated, he has to explain the whole thing over and if you won't listen gets upset. It's his coping skills. Yes he's smart, quick and very meticulous, but change scares him. That's the way God made him, we just have to take that and figure out how to direct it for good. Try limiting his dairy and sugars, and even gluten foods (we just avoided breads, grains and sweets for a while). It's a start. Our son has Asperger's. I'm not saying your son does, but it sounds very similar to many children who do.
Research is your best friend!

I would continue to explore the possibility of some form of autism but it may just be his nature coupled with his developmental stage. My oldest was the tantrum queen and she's a doctor with 5 kids now. She was very smart and always wanted her own way. It wore me out. some of what you describe does sound like autism and not all kids in that huge category are the same, especially at this age. Hang in there and keep exploring possibilities. Your doc is probably not an expert on autism.

I completely understand what you are going through with your son. I have lived with a similar situation with my son for the past several years. He is 5 1/2 right now and doing much better. He started out with head banging when he was barely 2 and then it progressed into the tantrums that you describe. We still see it occasionally now but the frequency has diminished immensely. When he was 4 yrs old and in preschool they recommended that I speak to the pediatrician about his behavior and seek some type of therapy for him. My pediatrician sent him to a neurologist first. They did a QEEG on him (brain map) and diagnosed him with ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). My husband and I both felt very strongly about alternatives to medicating him so the neurologist recommended that he receive neuro feedback therapy. He has been doing this since last June and we are starting to see some great changes in his behavior and his ability to make better choices and calm himself down. Also, along with the therapy we have eliminated red, orange and yellow dyes from his diet. After the dyes were out of his system we noticed that if he has anything with them he absolutely cannot control himself. One big culprit that I didn't think about at first was amoxicillan (it's pink!). Now we make sure that his medications are dye free also because that was a very trying week for him at home and at school. He is in kindergarten this year and we were able to get him classified as a special education student with emotional impairments which has allowed him services through the school to help him work through his anger and remove him from the regular classroom when needed. The couselors and social workers have all stated that we may see a diagnosis of either bipolar disorder or aspergers syndrome when he is a little older.

As far as preschool, look for a school offering the Great Start Readiness Program in your area. My son was accepted into the program based on several factors. There is a long application to fill out and the program is free. They are geared toward children with different problems so he is less likely to be refused or asked to leave the program. There is information about the program at this website: http://www.michigan.gov/mde/0,1607,7-###-###-####_6809_50...

All kids are different but your story is so familiar to me and my husband. I wish you all the luck in getting your little guy on track. If you need a friend that understands feel free to send me a message anytime.