Want a 3Rd but I Am Going on 38... - Brookhaven,NY

Are you kidding? You're still young to have kids. I had my first at 41 and she's very healthy. Go for it!

If you want a third, I'd say go for it. I had my third at 37. As a doula and childbirth educator, I can tell you that the risks are greatest when it's a first baby at a later age. Yes, the risks of Down's Syndrome increase with age, but the reason that they start testing at age 35 for that is not that it's a significant increase -- it's the fact that it's the point when the risk of a baby with DS is equal to the risk of causing a miscarriage with amniocentesis, both being about 1/200 or .5%

Having said that, in many ways it was easier to be pregnant when I was younger, though I had much less morning sickness the third time around. You'll probably be tireder than you were the first 2 times, both due to age and due to the fact that you've got 2 children. I also ended up having a kidney stone at 36 weeks, which was extremely painful and stressful, but I believe that had nothing to do with either my age or my pregnancy. It was just bad timing.

One thing you should think about and research, with 2 previous cesarean births, is the risk of placenta accretia, a very dangerous complication, the risk of which increases dramatically with each cesarean.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

I wouldn't be thinking of complications (well I would but..) I would be thinking more about my energy levels. I had both my kids later in life, my first at 28, my second at 33, and my energy for my younger who is now an extremely busy 3 year old is almost zero. I don't have the patience either that I used to have.
So if you are very fit, healthy and patient, go for it!

I see no problem having another baby at 38. What would bother me is being 56 when they graduate high school and want to go to college. I am just too old to be back there again. You may not mind being one of the older moms in the group of friends parents. When my son was born, most of his school friends were the youngest child in thier family so I was a young M. compared to their moms. 6 years later when I had our daughter, I was 29, so when she started kindergarten I was nearly 35 and all the other moms where 23 ans 25, so they thought I was old! You are about 10 years older than I was when she was born so calculate time to get pg, and 9 months, you could easily be 45 when the baby starts kindergarten. Is this comfortable for you? Then 12 years later, will you and your husband be more interested in being retired and traveling or having the house to yourselves when this child is just graduating high school? Who knows, you might be the same age as all the other parents and fit right in and never feel out of place. I guess it boils down to..do you want to go thru all the raising of another child at the age you will be?

I also am 37 and I had my 3rd 18 months ago. He was a "surprise" (we were faithfully using BC) and my husband and I feel so blessed to have him. We thank God he's healthy and only abnormality is mild hypospadias. Having 3 kids isn't like 2 though. Seems there's never enough of me or my husband to go around. When all 3 are crying or talking at once it's really tough. That being said, I wouldn't change a thing. It's much harder with 3, but I love it!
I think the real question I would want to answer before trying for a 3rd is: "Would I be happy with my choice to have a child if he or she had some mental or physical challenges?" "Would I be OK with raising a child with Down's Syndrome or any other chromosomal abnormality, autism, cerebral palsy, etc?" If the answer is yes, I think it's time to toss the contraception and get busy. Odds are good that you will have a healthy baby even at 38. At 38, the incidence of Down's Syndrome is 1 in 115 and the incidence of all other chromosomal abnormalities is 1 in 65 (just for an idea of how risk rises, 1 in 417 fetus are DS and 1 in 208 have another chromosomal defect for women age 33). Younger women also have babies who are DS or have other chromosomal abnormalities so I guess ALL of us should ask ourselves these hard questions before we try to conceive. Raising a child is a lifetime commitment and we don't really have much say in what kind of child we are handed. midwife mom of 3

I don't know if this helps you or not, but I know multiple couples who have had children way into their 40's. I think if you can provide for your children and are physically, emotionally, financially able, there is no reason not to. If you have that twang of pain longing in your heart for a third---go for it!! I have some friends who had their 1st child at 39, 2nd at 42, and 3rd at 44. I hope this helps. GL!

M

Something to keep in mind is that 'worst case' (not including miscarriages, since miscarriage is 'normal' and most women have at least 1), if you and your husband don't feel up to raising a special needs child (downs, as an example, since that is the stat that raises the highest to the best of my knowledge with maternal age.) there are *waiting lists* for people who WANT to adopt special needs/ downs children. Often healthcare workers, or Special Ed teachers who have affinities for certain physical and developmental disorders.

<grin> Like me. If there was a way to test an infant for ADHD, I'd be ON that waiting list to adopt an ADHD baby/ child. I absolutely love and adore adhd kiddos (I'm also adhd myself, as is my son). Of course, ADHD isn't something one can tell at birth, or even for a few years... but I teach classes to ADHD kids in the homeschool community, and provide "respite" type care to some families I know, because their kids exhaust them, but are "easy" for me/ give me energy of my own. If I had a gazillion dollars I'd open up an ADHD school. LOVE those kids!

Point being; for every disorder or syndrome, there is someone that disorder is perfect for. Downs, birth defects of various kinds, drug babies, cardiac problems, blind, deaf, ASD, adhd... you name the disorder or syndrome... and there is someone who is actively seeking out those kids as "their" kind of people. Other parents discover that affinity through their own special needs kids.

Point being; even if the 'worst' happened (even though odds are against it), it's not the 'worst' for everyone, and the absolute 'best' for others.

Now, I'm not advocating for or against you trying for a third. I think that's a choice that cannot be made by, nor should be influenced, by others... just wanted to toss this up there for you to think about.

While I'm 30, my husband felt the same way about a third. We had twin boys when I was 27. The pregnancy was better than anything I could've dreamed considering how extremely high risk multiples are. Our babies were such good, happy babies. I really wanted a third, and my husband was afraid to push our luck. We did just have baby #3 a week ago. I know she's only a week, but, holy cow she's even more relaxed than our boys were. I know these aren't the same concerns you have, but I think many parents still worry about pushing their luck with another. If you really want a third, go for it and pray that all will turn out the way it is meant to be for you and your family.

I am 37, and will be turning 38 when I deliver my third baby (due two days after my 38th birthday). We knew we wanted 3 (sometimes I evern think about having a fourth!)--a few months back, I went to see my doctor for something totally unrelated, and we ended up talking about family size--I told him I wanted another but that I felt I was getting too old. He is an Orthodox Jew, a father of 7. He said that I am not really old--that our society says so, but that it's not dangerous, uncommon, or too old to have a baby at this point. And, my sister had her fifth when she was 39. She, like you, felt like she was "pushing her luck" and was scared that she might not have a healthy baby. Everything was fine. I think having those fears is normal. Good luck to you--I say go for it!

I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with our second and I am 38. Yes because of my age they look for more things and do more tests but so far everything is perfect. Against my better judgement I decided to do the genic testing. I really didn't want to cause I just don't want to know now. But I did it anyway. Everything is fine. If you had healthy pregnancies before then you should be fine. My SIL was 40 when she had her son last year. And she had no problems. My only fear was I had a miscarriage last year and was worried that it would happen again. So before I went for my first sono they did the pregnancy levels twice before giving me the go ahead. I was so relieved when they called. I actually didn't take the call and listened to the voice message after the fact. I was afraid of what they might tell me. But it was fine and everything is going great. Except for the morning sickness that was really bad this time. If you have concerns then speak with your doctor about it. But if this is something that you and your husband really want consult your dr. I wish you luck.

Both of my kids, were conceived when I was 38 and after.
I was fine.
Conceived naturally.
My pregnancies were fine.Born via c-section. The first being an emergency.
My kids were born fine and over 8 pounds each and 21" long. Totally healthy at birth.
I had an Amnio, with both.
My choice.

I was actually pregnant a 3rd time, but that was a miscarriage.
Also conceived naturally.

I had my second girl at age 42, my first at 31. It was very hard for me since my since my first. I felt soo old and tired. My first was easy but I experienced how hard it was for me to devote all my time and energy to having a baby that I was unaware of before I had her. So I thought I would never go through that again but I did, cause I forgot how hard it was. Then the second time was super hard and really difficult. Because I was older I went through post pardon depression where you just cant handel it at all. It was also very hard to get help cause everyone who said they,d help you with the baby didnt. So this one is for the cons. Something to consider. Take care of yourself in whatever you do. We woman work too hard!

i'd count my blessings and call it enough......good wishes for whatever you dcide

I had my first and only at 42. Everything was fine :).

I was 38 when I had my third. That was 20 months ago. I have an 8 year old girl and a 5 year old girl. My husband and I talked and talked about it and then it just kind of happened (surprise) and I wouldn't change a thing. We are very tired (my husband is 42) and those first few months of him waking up every couple of hours to eat was insane and I was even more tired than ever, but it was the best choice we ever made. He is quite the handful now and there is never a break anymore, except early in the morning and late at night, but get used to being tired with three. Someone always wants or needs something. My children are the best and I wouldn't change them for anything!! Good luck!!

Hi D.
I am 24 weeks preggers with my second and I am 37 yrs. I would love a third so will hope to get pregnant soon after this one lol.
I am practical but I try to remain positive that all my babies will be born healthy.
Good luck and enjoy if you decide to try for another !!!
B. k

listen...if u want a 3rd...i say go for it!! i had my daughter when i was 35 and now i'm about to have my son in august and i am 39.
other than that, my daughter was born healthy and is a chatter mouthed 4 yr old now....=)

my pregnancy now is also normal....i was offered the amniotic fliud test but opted not to do it. i'm 34 weeks and i feel great and my baby's fine, so it's all about taking care of yourself...=)

i do feel that this will be my last baby. i don't want to take a risk after 40.
so i say go for it....good luck!

Oh my gosh if you can get pregnant go for it! I couldn't have anymore children who knows why? And up until two years ago when I had a hysterectomy. I still wished for more. Leave it up to God and see what he brings to your life!

Evaluate your motive for having a 3rd, the risks involved in going thru with it, and have a little faith.

If it is to happen, it will happen, if it is not to be it will not be. I had one, wanted a 2nd, and age was a factor for me too. Had complications and false alarms with the 2nd one, and he turned out to be the one that is "perfect" - I didn't want to have one child to face this world alone, so I had another by faith.

This has to work for you, you have to be totally convinced you need a 3rd and be willing to face the challenges that may come IF you were to have another. If you are not ready to deal with all the "possible" risks, don't take the chance.

It's good to be aware of the risks of pregnancy at 38, and for you to discuss your thoughts with your husband. You and your doctor or midwife should discuss any health issues that you might have, also.

I began trying for my first baby at 38 and had two early miscarriages (very common) then I had my daughter at 41 and had absolutely no complications. I only saw midwives, no doctors, and had a great pregnancy and childbirth experience.

I got pregnant with my first at 40 and with my second the very month I turned 45. I had no complications and both of my kids are perfectly healthy. It was harder for me to get pregnant the second time. It took me two years and probably a lot of luck.
I love being a mom later in life and I think my kids will keep me young. My first child has an extremely easy temperament, but my second (now 20 months) requires a lot more energy to keep her out of trouble and I'm exhausted most of the time. I'm not sure if it is because of my age or just the extra energy required to parent this particular child. I don't mind though because they bring so much joy into my life and I love my second child's personality, even though it isn't exactly an easy one.
I am older than just about all of my kids friends parents, but in the part of the country that we live there are a lot of older parents and so it is not uncommon to see parents of young children in their 40s.
My husband and I are in good health and no serious health issues run in either of our families. I think it would be a lot harder to be an older parent if you weren't in good health. I try my best to do everything I can to keep my self healthy so that I can have a good quality of life for my kids.
The biggest stress to me as an older parent so far I have is financially planning for retirement and college tuition for kids at the same time. That does cause me to lose sleep at night. I do the best I can and pray for the best.
As far as the risks of having a healthy baby later in life you should keep in mind, even though the risks are higher for birth defects you still have at least a 90% and (at 38) probably a 95+% chance of having a healthy baby. When I was pregnant each time I went to see a genetic counselor and did an amnio with my first and CVS with my second. The genetic counselors go over risks for every disorder they test and looking at the "increased chances" of each disorder scared the you know what out of me, but if you look the chance of having a healthy baby instead, I think you will most likely see that the odds of having a healthy baby are way on your side.
I think, like others have said, it is important to understand your motivation for having another child and make sure you are doing it for there right reason. I just thought I'd share my experience.
Best wishes!
B.

Sorry for lack of punctuation I was writing in a hurry.

I know so many women who have babies past 38. If it were me, and I felt like there was another to have, I wouldn't even look at my age as being a problem (I know, I'm weird). Complications can happen no matter what. Babies with health issues can be born no matter how old you are. My oldest was born when I was 23 with a fatal disease. It can happen to anyone. My mom had a baby at that age and everything was just fine! She might have been 39.

If you pray, pray about it and see what feels right.

If you don't pray, put lots of thought and consider everything and listen to that feeling inside. I don't at all think you're selfish for wanting another! I say go for it! :-)

I turned 38 a couple months after getting pregnant with my third, turned 39 5 months after she was born.
I had zero complications, issues or problems. I delivered at a free standing birth center, a completely unmedicated, intervention free birth. At my first apt the midwife asked me the list of usual questions. I am healthy, active, had 2 healthy children-my second haven been born there. I had one miscarriage between my second and third and that wasn't considered an issue. I take care of myself, not a smoker or drinker etc. She said because of that my age isn't a hinderance. This is a place that can not take you as a patient if there is any risk of problems or if you are considered "high risk", if you have multiples etc. They did not feel I was a risk simply because of my age and I went on to deliver there.

If you are generally healthy, exercise, eat right, etc. etc. there is no need to worry about being 38. If you are able to conceive then your body must think you can handle it. I think you should go for it if you and your husband want another baby.

I was 38 when my last child was born. I was tired but then again I had an 18 month old toddler to chase around as well. I had no problems with the pregnancy or birth. I declined all of the "advance maternal age" extra tests and whatnot as well.

Best wishes.

Well, ACOG feels that two cesareans is really the "safe" limit, your risk of rupture and other issues goes way up with a third cesarean, and you'd be hard pressed to find a doctor/midwife to do a vbac after two cesareans (although i do know of a doctor in Westchester who sometimes does them). It's not your age that's the risk as much as the two cesareans. It is good to be grateful for what you have and carefully consider any risk when you have children already. Good luck

I had my son at 36 and my daughter at 38. If my husband would have been game I would have tried for a third maybe even a fourth child! I had no problems with my pregnancies, although I did get sketchy results back from the quad screen test (for downs), but those tests are skewed all the time and my daughter turned out to be perfectly fine. If you are in good health right now and didn't have any complications (other than ended up having c-sections with your last pregnancies) I say go for it! I ended up having c-sections too because my babies were on the larger side (8.5 lbs. for my son and 9.5 lbs. for my daughter) and I tend to be "narrow" down there, so they got stuck! Anyway, I think you will do great! Good luck!
A.

I had my third at the age of 38. I felt like I was pushing my luck too. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, one of my old high school friends announced the birth of his baby. His son had Downs Syndrome. I began thinking that if it could happen to him and his wife, it could happen to me too. (By the way, his son is adorable!)

The pregnancy was miserable, but my son was born perfectly healthy. I just turned 39, and now that I'm not pregnant any more, I feel just as energetic as I did at.....37 ;-)

If age is the only obstacle, I say go for it. As everyone else is saying, it's really not that uncommon to be "older" with a baby these days, and the risks are in your favor (that all will be fine), just realize that they are there and they do exist. I will be 37 in September and have been undergoing IVF treatments for almost a year now, with no success. I conceived my two kids effortlessly, but for some reason, even with technology, great ovarian response, great fertilization, and no issues for me or my husband (despite my tubal ligation after #2 was born), five embryos later across three cycles, nothing has implanted for longer than one week. Just be aware that it might take you longer now, and the risk of miscarriage is higher. That being said, I have a friend who is pregnant with #2 now at 39 and it only took her two tries. I don't get why it has been so impossible for me, but it seems to be easy for others older than me. Hopefully you will be one of those cases, and you never know unless you try. Have faith that it will work out as it is supposed to, be committed to the process, and see what happens!