I just got back from our second week of music class. I am extremely unhappy because just before the class started (with three other parents in the room and more entering) the teacher said to me, "You probably did not noticed but E was upset and covered his ears everytime your DD squealed. I don't know whether she was happy or sad when she does this but we are not going to take the toys or instuments away from her so she doesn't make this noise." When I did not really respond (because I was really very shocked; she really did not scream last week) the teacher went on and said, "I don't like loud noises myself, so I have always taught my children not to make them."
I continued to not say anything because we are talking about a 16 month old BABY. My daughter was active and did squeal but did not scream and was not nearly as loud as she has the power to be. Besides, this was a music class and the teacher last week said that they could roam and do what they needed to do while in the class. I did try to negotiate with my DD last week because she was being greedy and taking toys away from the other kids and I don't want her to learn she can just take items away from her playmates. Of course, my DD responded unhappily when I suggested to her she shouldn't take the kids' shaker or ball away from them. I felt at the time, that I wasn't doing enough intervention because she took every childs' toys away even if she had one of her own.
I am pretty sure that this child that was upset at my DD's noises must be sensitive to sound.(Sensory Intergration issue) (All the other children were fine) I felt like telling the teacher that she is not helping this other child by telling my child to be quiet. I have an older child that has Sensory intergration and the way NOT to deal with it is to make other people change their children.
I am upset for several reasons:
1. She told me this in front of other parents. It looks like we are the 'problem'.
2. Age appropriate expections should be what is required; asking a 16 month old not to squeal is going to be down right impossible in the middle of this class.
3. The teacher thought I was being oblivious last week. No, I read body language really well; (especially simple body language when the other toddler put his hands over his ears).
4. She wants my child to be the only one changing. We are not doing this other parent / child any good if they are not taught to deal with different situations.
5. I feel that I had a responsiblity to teach my child not to take other people's toys away. But I guess it's more important to teach her not to squeal!
So frustrated!
For those moms who wondered what class this is and how long the teacher has been teaching. It is a Kindermusik class and she has been teaching it for at least seven years. We attended with my middle child when he was my daughter's age and usually she has a fantastic demeanor. The fact that she is usually very professional and apppropriate is one of the reasons I was caught so off guard yesterday.
I am going to keep on going to the class. My daughter loves it and I don't want to punish her. With that said, I will look for a different instructor the next time I need to sign up. I plan on talking to the teacher so I will update the 'So What Happened' after I do. Thank you for your support, I really needed it!
Yes, that was inappropriate, not to mention snarky with the "I don't like loud noises so I teach my own children not to make them" comment. I think I'd be asking for a refund and looking for a friendlier music class or activity. Sorry she wasn't nice to you. She was out of line.
unacceptable! I would bring this situation to the department organizer (or the manager of the facility) and explain how poorly this was handled.
If this teacher does not want loud children in her class, maybe she should teach college students!
Sorry that you had an awful experience, try another class soon! there are better ones out there where the class and the teacher will bring the best out in each child.
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This is a music class. They make noise anyway and it with young children. What would possess her to even mention it? And if it is only one child disturbed by your DD, shouldn't the bothered childs parents be spoken to? I.E seems like your little one gets aggitated by loud noises, I hope you are prepared as this is a MUSIC class, lots of noise here!!! I wouldn't diagnose the child like you did, but the teacher was wrong to mention in front of other parents. Is she realted to this other kid that she would be so sensitive to his/her needs? And finally show me a 16 month old that doesn't squeal when happy or excited. This makes no sense.
Just wondering why a child with sensory issues would even be IN a group music class like this.. anyhow, you are definitely in the right here. Squealing is part of the territory with children that young and if you cannot be around it(as a teacher OR a student) then you should not sign up for the class. Your adult teacher should be instructing older children. I would most definitely get to class early next time and tell her this.
Oh-and to the PP who thinks that a baby should not be in a music class -you should do some research on just how great music is for young children. Done properly a music class can be one of the most enriching experiences for a baby-one that will benefit her for the rest of her life Check out this program for more info:
http://www.musictogether.com/
#4. Age appropriate expectations....
Why in the world does a 16 month old baby need a music class? Or a teacher, ANY kind of teacher? You and the teacher BOTH are expecting her to behave like a preschooler, which she is NOT.
As for the teacher's behavior.....I'm assuming this is a private program and the 'teacher' is the owner or employee of an owner of a private business, in which they are not required to uphold any government policies?
And so, yeah, she's not gonna change how she does things for you. If it's not a good match, find a new 'teacher'.
But really, a playgroup is MUCH more age appropriate. And music can be integrated into your daily family life without a 'teacher'.
:)
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I saw a reply below from a former Music Together teacher. If your current class isn't a Music Together class, you might want to look them up. Their teachers are well trained and the music is terrific both for grown-ups and the kids. Nope, I'm not one of their teachers, just a parent who was really pleased with the several MT classes we took. And DO keep going to music classes. They are great for children this age in more ways than I'll go into here. Find a class that fits you and that recognizes that toddlers are toddlers and that parents shouldn't be "called out" in front of the group.
Wow. What an unreasonable teacher! Has she ever worked with kids before? Seriously, she is being ridiculous. I would be just as irritated as you.
She did handle that very inappropriately. She should have talked to you privately and she should also be talking to other boys parents. My older daughter has a sensory problem much like that boy has; if it's too loud (even if it doesn't sound loud to us) she'll hold her ears. If it is bothering the child that much, then he should not be in that environment and the teacher should have been talking to them about it. NOT telling you to keep a toddler quiet when she's being a normal, exuberant little girl. What kind of qualifications does she have? Also, she sounds very snotty. If she doesn't like loud noises, why is she teaching music to toddlers?
I don't really get it. this is a music class, but children are running around playing with toys? I can't quite get the mental image. but I will say that this teacher has only a limited amount of time to teach whatever she's trying to teach, which is not social interaction. She needs to do whatever she needs to do to be able to teach the class in the time she has so for her to not want to take the time to deal with your squealing DD is not surprising. I agree with you that there's very little you can do to stop is at 16 months, but you shouldn't get offended when someone else doesn't want to hear it or deal with it. I absolutely HATED that age with all of my grandchildren. I don't have any sensory issues, but that squealing hurts my ears!
As a Kindermusik educator, I agree with others below that the teacher did not handle the situation well. If she had concerns, she should have told you privately. For me, only safety concerns (such as throwing a hard instrument) require an immediate intervention from me, if the parent hasn't already intervened. Even so, I would always be respectful of the parent.
That being said, she may be a newer teacher or have had a bad day. I would phone her or arrive early and explain your position. See if you can have a dialogue on the issues from the last class, and ask her to speak to you privately about any others that arise.
Group activities such as music classes are a great opportunity for children to learn to interact with each other. I think you were right to teach your child not to take things from other children. Do try other techniques than just saying "no" (if you haven't), such as asking her about the shaker she does have ("how does it sound? can you play it on the floor?").
I would pull the teach aside and ask her next time she has to "speak" to you, could she please take YOU aside and not do this in front of other parents. I find this to be very rude of her.
i'm confused - what kind of class is this? is it for mommies and babies? if so, it sounds like they don't know what they're doing. they can't expect babies not to make noise. if that is so, get out of the class and give the teacher some very clear feedback - basically the list of concerns you shared with us. they could benefit from this feedback if they are truly attempting to involve the babies in the class.
good luck mama!
That was TOTALLY inappropriate and unrealistic of her. I agree with you! I would definitely talk to her about how she dealt with the issue and explain to her that this should have been something to discuss in private. In addition, anyone who expects a 16 month old baby to listen and not make squealing noises knows nothing about babies.
I am shocked by the person who questioned music classes for babies. It is one of the best things you can do for your baby if many ways.
Teacher sounds kind of c#@nty to me but maybe your child is just too young to be in a group music class at this time. Besides, I wouldn't want to go back to her class for a third time. Try again, and if you see that your child is disruptive(grabbing things from other kids) and the teacher has attitude with you then I would ask for a refund and try something else.
This does sound very inappropriate on the teachers part. I worked as a Music Together teacher for awhile and would have handled this very differently. If it was a problem for the other child I would have privately talked to his parents about it and see if they felt it was a problem. If they did I'd suggest we direct HIM to the best spot in the room for HIM allowing his parents to take him out of the room for brief breaks if they felt it was necessary. Also, if he's covering his ears, he may be learning to deal with it just fine or even experimenting with how the sound is muffled when he does that. About her taking instruments from other children (developmetally appropriate) there are a lot of fun distracting things and games a teacher should be able to model and ways to set it up so this is socially acceptable. If this program has a director I'd recommend letting him or her know this happened. The teacher may have meant well but needs to be trained (and should have been) how to handle these situations.
I think a music class for a 16 mo is just a glorified play date. Take her out.
