Ways to Keep Family Close as Kids Hit Teen Years

When you can't afford trips and meals out, take some time to cook meals at home together.
Conversations spring up over washing, chopping, and peeling vegetables.
Knowing how to cook and plan meals is an important skill every teen should know before they hit college.

my boys used to come into the my bedroom at night (this started about 6th or 7th grade) my hubby would be in the shower and the boys would lay next to me and talk about there day what was going on etc. sometimes hubby would have to wake them and send them to bed lol. sometimes I would fall asleep while they talked but they are now in there 20's and if they spend the night at home they still do it.

another thing we did was have family dinner at least once a week. I know that doesn't sound like a lot but once they are teenagers they all start working, sports, girl/boy friends, choir, band, play practices etc. So we made a point each week of having at least one evening set aside for a family dinner. it was wild and hectic but worked.

my last thing to say is don't even shut down a conversation that starts at 11pm. sometimes when I would say come on guys its bedtime a weird conversation might start and morph into something important. one of our most memorable was when my boys were 10, 15 and 16. my daughter was already moved out. but it was close to midnight on a friday night I was tired and said come on its bedtime. one of the boys said what if we were on a date we could be out this late and it morphed into "hoodrat" girls (don't ask how it jumped to that lol they were teen boys) youngest asked what that meant and middle son proceeded to fill him in on the fact that he didn't want to date the girls that all the boys passed around as she is fun but you could catch something which lead into conversations on how when you hit the age for it safe sex should be practiced which led into the statement "mom you don't have to get them at the drugstore they sell them at 7-11" and then into a conversation on how/why he had that knowledge etc. we all sat up and laughed and talked til about 2.

keep all your lines of communication open have no taboo subjects so they are not afraid to talk to you and it will be fine.

and to really make it happen start being the koolaid house when your kids start kindergarten. have the friends over to play and use your values / rules from the start. you won't have a problem later on.

Family game night

I know, I know... It sounds very lame and maybe my family is just a bit weird and this was a one time success case, lol, but I swear it worked for my sisters and I growing up. We STILL do it!

My parents, aunts & uncles, and grandparents have gotten together once a month for game night my whole life. Throw a pizza in, set out some pop and chips, and play games until the sun rises the next morning! Once us kids started getting older we got to join in on the games. Now some aunts and uncles have moved away and we only get to do the big game night twice a year. Even when I was in my "emo"/"goth" phase, I would still wonder out of my room for game night! :)

It even worked on a more immediate family level. My dad is a dairy farmer. He goes out to the barn at about 8am and comes in at about midnight, later if something breaks down which happens pretty often. So my sisters and I really only got to see him if we went out to the barn with him. When we started getting into our teen years my mom made my dad hire someone to do the night chores once a week so that we could do family game night with just me, my parents, and my sisters. It only lasted a couple of months because we really couldn't afford to hire someone every week, but I still remember and appreciate those family game nights.

Plan a family trip once or twice a year. Memories bond and reinforce the family unit...and kids love to brag to their friends just how awesome their parents are for taking them to fabulous places. I have a few friends with great relationships with their teenage kids.... I know this is one of the things they all do.

your breakfasts sound wonderful.

we always had family vacations, even if it was just camping (which many teenage boys LOVE). we always did road trips and the car time was pretty much forced bonding ;)

Family vacations, weekend get-a-ways, eating out 1 day a week, we also entertain quite a bit so my kids like to see their cousins and friends kids that they are growing up with. We also go to concerts together (a local theatre has tribute band concerts that we go to every year (Billy Joel, Journey and The Beatles). We also love musicals and we live less than an hour from Phila and 2 hour from NYC.
Since my kids were infants we also typically visit my in laws on Sundays. My 14 year old still like to go:).

Great question. My kids are 17 and 13. Neither is super popular and my 17 does not own a car, and neither is involved with sports, so I actually see them often and we all have dinner together almost every night.
My son is often at scout events with my husband, so that gives my daughter and I time to hang out together. I've also learned to watch shows that she likes (like Switched at Birth) so we have something to do together. I read books that my kids are reading. I ask them to find recipes they'd like to try, and then we cook dinner together. I take my son out for a small outing like ice cream or Dunkin about every other week. I've discovered that my 13 is very motivated by food - he can be convinced to spend an hour running errands with me on Saturday morning if there will be lunch at Subway after.
The car is a great place to spend time together. Even if another parent offers to carpool, you might prefer spending time alone in the car with your teen, even if it means driving both ways. Also, when you teach them to drive, you have lots of time alone together! My daughter and I spent almost 100 hours in the car together when she had her permit, and lots of time traveling to college visits as well.

You got a lot of great ideas. I have one more to add; Dave Ramsey program. He has a teen edition all about money and well it's so important for kids to have a financial plan and to understand money, as much as it is for adults.

I love seeing posts like this, it makes me happy to see there are loving parents who want to grow with their children.

They really do pull away and start disappearing somewhere around 16-17y/o and you HAVE to adjust to keep things close!!! So, great question and I can't wait to read your responses!!

Your ono-on-one breakfasts sound cool!

We also do a once a month family breakfast out and every Sunday Night we have 'Family Dinner' which rotates at either our house, my sister's house or my Mother's house---->As they age I have allowed them to invite friends to these family dinners if I *had* to, I would rather they be there w/a friend then not be there at all, ya know?

I also have tried to find at least one TV series to share with each of my boys...that way we can have a 'date night' kinda thing and hang out and watch our show together. This may sound lame but it works for us!
*My 18y/o and I just found out that there is in fact going to be a Season 8 of Dexter and we couldn't be more excited!!!

We also try to include them (and their friends an/or GF's) in the younger siblings sports...like it's almost baseball season and I can't wait to go to the games with all the boys!

Other than that, we try to communicate as often as possible and we try to plan little trips here and there, like going to The Grans house (on husband's side, which is 3 hours away) for the weekend and little weekend trips to the lake in the summer.

Mom/Auntie to 6 boys and (the youngest) 1 girl
21, 18, 17, 13, 9, 7 & (almost) 5

My own kids are still pretty young, so I can only answer what worked for my parents. When I was about 16, my dad and I took up horseback riding. I fell in love! I would ask him to go all the time. Even in college, I would come home quite often on weekends to go with him, or we'd go for a whole weekend trip. We'd even talk on the phone often about horseback riding lol.

While you obviously don't have to become an equestrian if that isn't your thing...what would be great is to find a hobby that your boys love that you could do together. Could be something new, or something they already enjoy, but just trying it in a new environment? (exe:If they like sports, maybe take them to an away basketball/baseball pro game or something).

Your breakfast idea sounds great too...the OTHER thing that always brought me back home was the promise of a free meal lol (especially during the college years).

Best of luck to you!

My only experience is in being a teen, but if they are interested at all in helping to "run" the family - be involved in some "real world" "Adult" stuff like how you run your household, etc., start working them into that and encouraging outside the box thinking. I wish I knew more about how the world works, how "life" works. I don't know if it's possible, but I would think it might make them feel more "mature", more "grown up". Obviously keep it at their level, but skills that help them survive when they are old enough to strike out on their own would be huge, and being taken seriously by their parents for stuff like that might have a cool factor. :)

I have 2 daughters ages 16 and 17.

It can be hard with everyones schedules but it's really important to schedule some specific family time and events.

As an entire family unit...
- We do at least 2 mini vacations (one in Feb and one in Oct) each year.
- A week long summer vacation. The girls are a part of the planning process.
- Sunday evenings we all have dinner together. It has to be something special for someone not to be there. Hubby works late 4 nights a week, so it's difficult during the week, but we try.

I grab one on one time with the girls when I can get it. I will take them out for a Saturday lunch. Monday nights my oldest and I watch a show together. Thursday night my youngest and I watch a show together. We call it our date night.

I volunteer with some of their activities. My girls are doing the school play. Yesterday, was an all day practice, so I organized a committee to serve lunch to the kids. Hubby and I volunteered to be drivers for a recent Girl Scout camping trip.

Great question as you can read on this site how many mamas are not close with their siblings after they leave the nest.

I say do not let them bring friends to family events. Let family events be just for family.

You need to be involved in whatever activities your kids are involved. Our kids were in band, so we volunteered. Our kids were in swimming, so we volunteered. Our kids are in track, and we are there at every meet and at every meeting called by the coaches. Our kids are involved in youth activities with our Diocese, so we are involved.
We do what they do.
We have a great time. We see our kids interact with their friends. We interact with other like-minded parents.
We don't have to be "with" the kids every minute, but just being around makes for a great relationship. We drive them to and from all of their activities. We chat in the car. We go to iHop after football games with the rest of the group. You need to just be visible, available, and present.
YMMV
LBC

Talk with them, and listen TO them. Be interested in what they say and what they are interested in. Stay "plugged in to them" No matter what, be a part of their life, and have their friends over. Let your home be the place where the kids hang out. Give them rides. Be the parent that is willing to give up their time to drive. Go places with them, even if you aren't interested in where they want to go. You WILL be interested in THEM. I always stayed involved in my oldest 2 girls lives by staying involved in what they did, even when I had little to no interest in what they were doing. I am not a big fan of musicals, but my 19 yr old is a HUGE musical fan, so I went to every one that she wanted to go to. I could have cared less to watch them all, but I LOVED to watch her watch them. It made my day to see her get so engrossed by something, and she is actually a film/ theatre major now. I WILL watch anything that she is IN, because I AM interested in that!! :)