Weaning a Strong Willed Toddler

Give her something else, to comfort with.

My friends, put Band-Aids on their nipples. They told their child "Mommy has a boo-boo..." or "Mommy's milk is broken..." and that worked for them. Reapplying Band-Aids until it is forgotten. These were with kids that were the age of your child.

For me, I self-weaned my kids. My daughter stopped at about 2.5 years old on her own.
BUT, I explained that it is MOMMY's boobs. Not hers. I also had rules about 'manners' about it. Asking nicely, not in public, NO grabbing me or my shirt etc.
If she asked, I would also sometimes tell her "In a minute, Mommy is busy..." then I would make myself busy and not sit down. And she would get distracted and forget about it.

Your child knows, if she tantrums about it, you will give in.

Or tell her only at certain times.

Or, if she is at your boobs... ONLY let her stay there for a short time. Which is up to you, not her.

Does your child do this, only when she is tired?
Does she have a lovey?
Try also giving her a sippy cup....
does she drink whole milk by now?

For me, I would also explain to my daughter, that "one day..." she will not need to nurse. I did that over time. Calmly.

all the best,
Susan

I would start by making the sessions shorter. I told DD she could only have "a little bit" and I gave her a 1 minute warning so she wasn't caught by surprise. I praised her whenever she let go without being a pest about it. The "little bit" got shorter and shorter til that session was gone. I had the best luck with the mid-day/nap session and breakfast. Nighttime is hardest and we are still working on it, but if DD will take a sippy of water, she'll often to go bed without. If she asks during the day now (when nursing is not available), I ask if she's bored or hungry or tired to see what she really wants.

How is she about waiting in general? Is she ever patient? Can she ever deal with a minute to pee, or wash dishes or swap the laundry? I'd teach her to wait in general if it is not her strong suit. If she wakes at night, is she looking for comfort? Could someone else put her back to bed? Could she do with a sippy of water instead? Is she hungry? My daughter gets a healthy bedtime snack and that really helped nightweaning.

Now, I will say that with my daughter it has been a long process. Probably 6 mo. or more. I really started active weaning around the time she turned 2. But it's working for us and I don't see myself nursing her anymore in a few months.

Obviously nursing is very important to your daughter so finding a way to wean gently is important and the right thing to do. It's really unfair of other women to judge you for nursing your child. As a nursing mother, you know it's more than nutrition or hydration: it's about comfort and connection and relationship and attachment with your daughter. Here's a fact sheet on extended nursing:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

How Weaning Happens and Mothering Your Nursing Toddler are good book to read. You can also find books written for children about weaning where the main character stops nursing. I can't recall the titles though...

I'd go slow with the weaning and just let it take a few months. Cutting each nursing session a bit shorter might help. This gives her some control still yet lets her learn and get used to not having as much. And you could still try to distract when she does ask. Does she love being outside? Get her outside and distracted by sunshine and warmth when it gets to be spring in your area. Go shopping, run errands, get to the park. As you get more of a routine to your day you could only nurse when she comes back inside. Or pick any time during the day when she needs it the most and stick with that.

I'd go slow. I feel like letting her tantrum for an hour is a bit hard on her and I'd comfort her with nursing at these times. She's telling you this means a lot to her. But at other times you can be more firm. The ends of the day are always tougher times with toddlers being cranky and needing extra comfort. You could stick to nursing at the end of the day, but be more firm at other times.

You've really given your daughter a great gift in nursing her to 2 years old. Really...that's wonderful!! Hugs to you!

I offer this respectfully and not like I'm trying to change your mind, but you could consider continuing to nurse. I found nursing a 2 yo to be so immensely helpful. I had a lot of time when it was time to stop playing outside, but my son just wasn't willing to come. If I just said, "Honey, we could sit and have Mommy's milk on the couch when we get in" he'd come right in. It was nice I didn't have to pull in a tantruming child or offer unhealthy foods to get him to come inside. Nursing was just another tool in "Mommy's Toolbox" for difficult situations or tantrums or boo-boos.

Good luck to you!!

My son is almost 2 as well and I am going thru the same thing, and hearing any type of what I feel is Negative feedback such as oh your still breastfeeding doesn't answer ur question. I am currently 3 and 1/2 months pregnant so yea breastfeeding needs to be done, and right now my son eats food and drinks from a sippy cup but comes to me for comfort or when he is tired or right before bed time and the feedings technically aren't real feeding I am like a pacifier I suppose. I tried to distract him as well as refuse certain feedings and he went nuts! lol threw a trantrum fell all over the floor and cried for over an hour and to me I was doing more damage emotionally and with his sense of security then just weaning him. So I plan to continue to nurse lessening the time on it and then handing him the sippy and playing or finding new distractions to give him the ur ok but don't need mom's milk as much and hope this helps him gradually accept just eating and having his cup or sippy. I did breastfeed my two older children when they were little but never had this issue til this little one which is nine years younger than my other two so time and patience is on ur side just be gradual and let no one pressure your way of weaning and hug and love your little one when ever she needs comfort for sense of security and just lessen the time nursing before cutting the time all together so it won't be too much for her all at once. Hope this helps a little.

If you are alright with the nursing, but not her behavior - you should implement nursing manners. Usually Moms start this around 1 y/o, but better to start late than never.

Have her learn "wait", "when we get back to the car/house/bedroom", etc

Her wanting to continue to nurse is completely normal, but her reactions to your desires to wait for a more opportune time isn't. Nursing manners will definitely help!

wow 2 yrs old an still nursing?? my kids were off the bottle before age 1..if she can drink out of a cup-of any kind-its time to cut her off cold turky-temper tantrums never hurt any child..you need to start setting some serious boundaries now...whats gonna happen when she gets older an you say no??..really think about it-boundaries start at birth-its up to you to enforce it an make the changes...good luck..jmo

unfortunately I have no advice for you but I came looking for some good ideas! My oldest I nursed til about a year - then gave her water bottles at night and she was done. Piece of cake. Fast forward 10 years and this one who has never been an "easy" baby (colic, refused bottles & tippy at daycare by 8 months...) only nurses before bed and a time or 3 during the nightI've tried lots of things - saying "no!" and having her cry it out seems so easy until she's screaming for up to 6 hours overnight and somehow I'm supposed to function? It's nice some ppl offer support. Jeanette thanks for the info on those books. Too bad others have to be so rude with their opinions Kathy.

Just wanted to say I UNDERSTAND. I do not want to be still be nursing a strong willed two year old. I'm trying to follow his lead but I swear he will nurse FOREVER. :) I am grateful for all the non-judgemental and supportive moms here that offered up their tips and tricks! Good luck!

well, first off ive heard and experienced that the best way is dont ask dont refuse.
next, try to rearrange the furnature where you normally have nursed her. changing the environment might help her to not be reminded. it might be inconvenient for you, but it might help.
another thing that might help is a vacation! go to a waterpark or zoo or something, something that takes her out of her normal routine. things that would keep her busy and unable to get "bored" enough to remember that she wants to nurse. travel is a good option too, but can be hard if you dont have the ability/funds.
anyway, just have patience, and try only dropping one at a time. shake things up somehow. you could take a weekend away if you would like. check out information from the la leche league, and contact a group nearby; it is VERY likely that they have experienced this and can give you direct, mom-tested advice.

and by the way, congratulations and thank you for nursing so long! you are doing a fabulous job as a mom, and its definatly a lot of hard work to be so dedicated to nursing! :):) way to go!