I decided to start weaning the other day because my husband and I would like to get pregnant with #2. I know that it's possible to get pregnant while breastfeeding, but that doesn't seem to be working for us...so far.
As a little background, my son is 16 1/2 months and we have been down to 2-3 feedings a day - morning and night and sometimes 1-2 in between - and my son would probably still be happy with 12. :)
So, on Tuesday I decided that was it - I put him to bed without it and he cried for a minute but fell asleep almost immediately. I then proceeded to cry the rest of the night. It was so much harder on me emotionally than I had imagined it would be. Last night, same thing. He was upset again but was out within a minute and again I felt a little bit like I had "forgotten" something...if that makes sense.
My breasts are itchy and a little sore, mild discomfort, but the urge to nurse is overwhelming and of course every time I sit down I get mauled by him. At this point, though, I have not nursed him since Tuesday morning.
I'm just wondering if I jumped the gun. Would it be better to go down to just 2 feedings, or just the night feeding to ease the discomfort for me and the "trauma" to my son? Is it traumatic to an almost 17 month old or am I just projecting my own issues on him? :)
I really want to make the right decision and I know I'm probably the only one who can really know the right thing, but I'm hesitating on one hand, and on the other I'm assuming it's just going to get harder the longer I wait.
I'm also looking for other "bonding" exercises we can do at night if I continue to go forward with this. I miss that time so much and I know I'm not alone...
Mamas - can I please have your opinions?
Thank you so much for all your advice and encouragement! I can't imagine that I would have made it through this without it. I ended up nursing him on night 3 of the first attempt at weaning -- I had so much pain and I had sort of decided to give it up. The next day I read all your responses and thought I'd give it another try. That night just before bedtime he had been munching on his dinner and had set it aside. We were reading a book and he grabbed his blankie and started "burrowing" and pulling at my shirt, so I tried what one of the Mamas had said, and told him "It's all gone!" and did the "all done" sign. I swear ladies, he looked right into my eyes, rolled off my lap, picked up the rest of his dinner and finished it. After that he climbed up in my lap for a book and went to bed without trying anymore and without one single tear -- from either one of us. :) Tonight is night 3 of (final) attempt #2 and he is persistent, but again, no tears and he's sound asleep as I type.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
IF you choose to force wean rather than allow him to self wean, it's best to just take out one feeding every 3weeks. Hang in there, I can't imagine the emmotional stress. Le Leche League and many others have a ton of books on weaning at various ages, WELL WORTH reading.
I nursed both my children (son 9, daughter 5) till they were 3 yrs, 3 months. I don't think you should beat yourself up for "being weak". You sound like you are doing great.
The only thing I would worry about is weaning suddenly and the effect on YOUR body. Sometimes there is breast pain and ducts get blocked and that is very painful.
I think it's fine to nurse just once a day if you wish or 2 and that might offset that issue. Then it could turn into the "long goodbye" which I think is perfectly fine. You ARE eventually going to limit, limit and then eliminate.
My daughter is 5 and after I weaned her, she was very upset, but I told her she could still cuddle with my littles (our term for my nipples) to go to sleep and she still does that. I didn't let my son do that because it felt too weird to me.
BONDING
Both my children were very cuddly (so BFing fit right in) and to continue that without the nursing, you can READ ALOUD to him. Create that new feeling and help make books a pleasurable experience.
Jim Trelease is an expert on reading aloud.
http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/
Basically, the best bonding you can do is spending time doing something together. It can be anything. :)
My heart and breasts hurt just hearing your story. I just did this with my son about a month ago for the same reason. We just weren't getting pregnant - the working full time and feeding 4-5 times a night weren't helping my body I'm sure. My son LOVES (present tense) booby! Our big issue is that we cosleep. It sounds like you don't. I think that may be easier to wean. Anyway - the Baby Whisperer book helped me but we didn't follow directions to a tee because we did not intend to stop co-sleeping. I slept in the guest bed for three nights and it killed me to hear him cry. We closed my door and my husband said I was at work. I didn't want to end the breatfeeding bond with a negative. (Why won't she give it to me? Is mom mad at me? etc.) After night #2, I wanted to stop and just keep breastfeeding because he clearly needed it still. Everyone says they don't need the nutrition anymore but then after my husband said Mommy is not home, why did he then ask for oatmeal or cottage cheese or a different cup of milk? He was hungry! He would polish off a whole serving of oatmeal at 2am. We started feeding him two dinners - regular dinner and oatmeal or cottage cheese before bed. He slept throught the night! That was the first time in over 2 years! We are sleeping together again now and he often rolls over and puts his hand down my shirt or twirls his wrist around my breast but he is not looking for food anymore!
I didn't think I was emotionally ready either but he still loves me and I spend just as much time cuddling and telling stories as I did breast feeding. Actually, I think we are closer now because I am mommy and not just a boob. I used to get home from work and Isaac would come running "BOOBY!!!" Now, he says "Mommy!" We can cuddle and he isn't pulling my shirt off! Its great! Good luck to you! Lets hope our plan gets both of us pregnant! P.S. I was already menstrating regularly but I got my period a week and a half early 5 days after stopping breastfeeding. Just a warning!
I don't think there's any harm in only nursing him once at night before bed if you want, especially if you were nursing 3 times a day before. To go straight to nothing is definitely hard on you (physically and emotionally).
Your boy is fine though, especially if he's getting regular milk or other calcium source. Don't worry either way. It won't traumatize him to stop cold turkey or to go back to once before bed. Just don't be surprised/hurt after stopping if you try and he doesn't really want to nurse anymore.
I knew my son was ready to be weaned when he would just nuzzle my breast like it was his lovey and barely even eat anything. He was a year old. I was so relieved at first, then I really missed it, and when he would have a hard time falling asleep I would try to offer it to him and he would refuse. It made me sad. But after I got over it I felt like I finally had my body back (well, not my old body, but you know what I mean)!
I went through this with my 2 year old at the beginning of the year. It is SO hard but if it's any consolation, it does get easier. My Gyno told me as well that SOME people just can't get pregnant while breastfeeding (and I'm 39) so that's one reason I stopped. The other was that people warned me that if I didn't do it then, it would be harder later on. Plus, my husband had been ready to be done with it for a while and it had caused a strain. I would give your body a little time after you stop to get recharged before trying to get pregnant if that's at all possible. In my case, my son had pretty much weaned himself for the most part with the exception of naps and bedtime. Since I had to drive him to get him to sleep in the car at nap, he didn't really need to nurse to get to sleep then either. The way you describe your son as attacking you to nurse makes me feel SO sad too so I can understand the sadness you are feeling. That along with the hormonal changes is SO hard!!! You and your son are both a bit younger than me and my son so perhaps there isn't quite as much urgency to get started with the next child. Only you can decide that though. Also, you are more in touch with your child than anyone else. Do you think he's ready? My son was definitely not at that age. The signs will be there when he is ready to wean and even then he will probably put up a good fight. :( My heart goes out to you in this difficult time (I really struggled and cried too...It's SO HARD) and I wish you the love, wisdom and strength to make the best decision for your family. Take care of yourself and do relaxing things (bath, cup of tea, light candles around the house, etc.). Peace and love
Hi Holly,
I felt the same way when I stoped breastfeeding. I breastfeed my son for 21 months. It has been harder on me then him that is for sure. It has been a little over a month now and he goes to bed with out even giving it a second thought. It hit me hard like my little baby doesn't need me anymore but now we have a different bed time routine. I give him his bath then we read books for 10 to 15 minutes on the couch. Then we give kisses and hugs and put him in his crib and read one more book then its off to sleep. Trust me he will be fine. Just make sure he is getting plenty of milk from other sources. I have noticed that my son is now drinking way more milk through out the day when before he drank water. (he will actually ask for milk and if I give him water he gives it back and says milk) Good Luck and stay strong.
Tina
I would say at this point your son nurses out of habit more than out of nutritional need. So if you want to cut out the breastfeeding, go ahead and do so. Since you've already started the process, I would just continue with it. If you go back and start breastfeeding him and try the cut down method, it will be harder since you've already stopped for a few days. Just explain to him no "breastfeeding" or use whatever term you use for the boob.
Other bonding you can do at nighttime are:
book reading, snuggling (my kids like back petting), singing songs, rocking (in combination with any of the other three suggestions), moderate play time on the floor of his room, etc. I would probably suggest that at least for the next few days to a week that your hubby take over the nighttime routine, just until your son gets used to not breastfeeding. Maybe you start off the night with book reading, then have Daddy come in and do some rocking and then tuck him in bed? Whenever there is a change in our schedule or switching from breast to bottle my kids always do better if I am not the one to tuck them in bed. For some reason they know that Daddy means business and it goes a lot smoother.
Don't worry, trust your instinct. Whatever route you choose will be the right one for you and your son. You aren't traumatizing him, at least for the long term. He is young enough that in a week or so, he probably won't even remember what's happening.
Yes, nobody tells you how hard weaning is emotionally - on the mom! I was actually surprised at myself. I was one of those who was DONE with nursing. I just did not wanna do it anymore (after 13 months) and STILL when I weaned I cried a lot!!
If you haven't nursed him at all in the past 2-3 days, then I would just continue with that. Especially since your son seems to be doing pretty good without it! I would think if you start again now, and then stop again later, he might get confused...
Just tell yourself that you've gone this far in the weaning process, no point in going back now! There will be a bit of discomfort no matter what, when you wean. Just deal with it best you can, and it doesn't last very long!
As for other ways to bond, how about reading books with him cuddled in your lap? Or just plain "snuggle time"?
Best of luck to you and good luck getting pregnant again :)
I also tried to wean my son, 14 m.o. then, for the same reason earlier this year. During the process of cutting down to one feeding every other day, I got pregnant and went back to bf and my ob encouraged it. It was definitely harder emotionally and physically for me than for him as well during the weaning. Hang in there. Maybe you will be able to return to bf after you get pregnant as well:)
I can't respond to all your questions, but I can share my experience. When my second child was 18 months, I got a staph infection from a redwood splinter, that within one days time left a red line going all the way up my arm. So the doc had to put me on very strong antibiotics that were not okay for me to nurse with. Until then I had never given a bottle or anything like that, so I basically had to stop nursing cold turkey.
Thankfully (as seems to be your experience)the baby was fine with it. I tried to start nursing again when the antibiotics were out of my system, but the baby didn't want to anymore, so that was that. It was sad for me, but then I realized, hey, it's not so bad, now I am not tied down by that anymore, and it just kind of started a new chapter in our life.
And for you, maybe that new chapter will be a new pregnancy :)
Not to mention, I was real scared about the discomfort of being engorged again, but since I went cold turkey it really wasn't that bad. I think it might prolong it if you try to keep up one feeding a day. And you might have the emotional drain for longer if you don't just go cold turkey, since eventually you might feel like you have to, if you are still having trouble conceiving. Just my thoughts. I just had to move on I guess at that point, or it would have kept bothering me.
Blessings!
There are a bit gentler ways to wean but if you have been going for a few days without and he is starting to forget then I recommend just keep going with it. You can go a bit slower with the next baby (lol)
You might find your breasts full of milk - mine went rock hard - for 5 days or so, but once your body realizes there is no one drinking it it will the milk production will go down.
I used crushed cabbage leaves in my bra to cool. I felt it helped for the pain. And there is a supplement that you can get at health stores to diminish milk supply, I will look it up and email you later.
I weaned all my children around 16 months. more or less within 2 weeks, 3 with a lot of discomfort to me - the last one effortlessly. We also do not get pregnant while I am nursing. All my children went through it fine.
Weaning is one of mothers first lessons (with birth being the very first) how to start letting go of our children. Having to let go of something always hurts deep in our heart. But as you know, this is just the first of many and you might as well throw yourself into it and work through it. You will find all the little "letting go moments", and how they all give you a little pinch in your heart... the first time he walks on his very own, the first time he stays overnite with grandma, the first time he chooses to tell a secret to a friend instead of you... the first time he leaves for elementary school, college, moves out...
and every time he does you will see that because you are supportive and able to let him go, he will be fine and confident and excited about the next step.
he is a big boy now :) good for you!!!
Live it deeply - feel the pain in your body as well as your soul, hold him close, snuggle him for naps and in between play time. Just give him love in other ways, tell him that you love him so - He is fine. When he asks about it tell him: you drank it all, it is all gone. :) He knows. He already moved on. You would just confuse him by giving it back. And as for: you don't be sad about not being able to breastfeed, you are going to have another baby! you can do it all again!
:)
congratulations to you for being a wonderful mother!
-C.
It is such a special time, I can understand how you are missing it so much. Certainly it's a family decision as to when to wean, but I did want to respond to the part about it being harder to wean later. I recently weaned my son and 2 1/2 and it was very easy. I did the "don't offer, don't refuse" plan for a few months, and the frequency slowly dwindled. Toward the end, he even nursed 1x/week for a few weeks, and now it's been over a month since he nursed. The times that we "faltered" during the weaning, was all on me -- sometimes I did offer despite my intentions when I really wanted him to get down for a nap at a certain time, and I couldn't "force" it any other way :) Anyway, I feel for you and know you'll make the decision that feels right for you. Best wishes!
It is so hard emotionally. But I weaned my son at 18 months and I was so afraid of losing that bonding time with him. He is now 3.5 yrs old and we are just as close as ever. We still cuddle all the time, probally more than when he nursed, and kisses and hugs a lot. He is still a momma's boy and wil spend as much time cuddling as possible. Your relationship realy doesnt have to change. Just replace the nursing with kisses and hugs and you will do great. Good Luck!
I was like you and could not get pregnant again until after I stopped nursing. I was working on weaning my son (down to 2 feedings, one before bed and one when he woke up) when he fell down and busted up his lip. He could no longer latch with a big fat lip so that brought nursing to a stop. We were on vacation and I did not bring my pump either. What eased the transition for us was giving him bottles of cow's milk. I still held him close and fed him his bottle so we were still bonding but without the boobs. I did eventually have to break him of the bottle, but by then, I had my cycle back and was pregant (still am) with baby #2! I really missed nursing at first too, but snuggling with him with the bottle really helped us both. We just took one transition at a time and it worked for us. Good luck!
