Wedding Kiss- What Would You Have Done?

Updated on April 24, 2011
T.C. asks from Round Rock, TX
28 answers

I just found an old email that reminded me of this situation. It's been over 15 years, I've definitely moved on, but I still wonder about this:
What would you do if your mother told you she did not approve of kissing at your wedding because it's sacrilegious (but HER father said he would be offended if you didn't.)

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Yes! We did kiss at our wedding. It was definitely traditional in my church(which my mom had attended for 20 years), and I had never heard of any religions being against it. Since my mother had been raised in a different church, that's why we asked my grandpa. I don't remember talking to my dad about it at all. I figured maybe my mother had made it up either because she was stressed about "losing her little girl" or because she didn't approve of my choice of husband. She did help with a lot of the wedding plans because I was away at college. She's never brought it up again, and we get along fine living 600 miles apart. My brother, his wife, and 2 kids live close by them so they are the focus of any parental meddling now. I really have moved on- just found the printout when I moved a stack of old yearbooks.

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J.B.

answers from Houston on

Well since I wasn't marrying my mom, I think I would have kissed my man at my wedding :D We did a peck, just didn't want to go all intense in the presence of others, but I think either way is just fine ;)

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

I perform weddings and tell the bride and groom at the rehersal to keep it simple. I have witnessed a few couples act like they are about to rip each other's clothes off and I don't like that. But a nice heartfelt kiss is beautiful.

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I would think that was crazy. I didn't go crazy but certainly kissed.

I thought I heard somewhere that "William and Kate" will not be kissing at their wedding but will kiss on the balcony where his parents did.

1 mom found this helpful

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

I'd politely remind my mother that she's not the one getting married...

7 moms found this helpful
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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I'd do whatever I wanted at my own dam* wedding.

4 moms found this helpful

G.T.

answers from Modesto on

Hello? We all kiss when we get married dont we? It's the handshake of the vow agreement. Not sure where your mom was coming from on this one. What does your dad say?
YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE. Has that changed? Am I that old that I dont know this stuff?
I dont think you should slobber all over each other for the wedding kiss, but you should definitely give the kiss. Oy, this site freaks me out sometimes.

4 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

If I had been told this, I would have asked the preacher to invite the Entire congregation to partake in their own kissing as we took our wedding kiss!

Big ole make out in the church!

I do not know what religion she thought it was sacrilegious, but I know I would not have been allowed to be a member.

3 moms found this helpful
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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

I would say thanks for you input, (to both of them) and then do what I wanted with in reason according to the rituals of the church in witch your have decided to marry!

Your day, you decisions..

Blessings.

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A..

answers from Kansas City on

Well, I would've told her she can do what she wants at her own wedding and you are a grown woman getting married and you will do what you want at yours as well!! Sorry, but what a weirdo!!

2 moms found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Savannah on

Hmm. Laugh? Revoke the invitation? Make out? Give her a blindfold and some prayerbeads? :)

2 moms found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

I cannot relate to anyone who thinks they can tell other people what to do in their weddings. Do I PREFER to watch long mushy kisses at the alter rather than brief ones? Nope. Is it any of my business? No. She's making that up about the sacrilegious part. Some people just need that "It's God's opinion too" angle to force their points.

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R..

answers from Chattanooga on

I would tell her that she didn't have to come. What you do at your wedding ~And in your marriage~ is NONE of her business.

How crazy is that though? I mean, it's not even an age thing... everyone kisses at their wedding, and it's been that way for generations! I can't even think of a religion that would call it sacrilegious...

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W.M.

answers from Nashville on

I would tell your mom that is crazy and everyone kisses at their wedding! her father is correct. how odd.

2 moms found this helpful

N.G.

answers from Dallas on

I don't understand people who think they can impose their opinions on other people's life events- marriage, having children, divorce, etc. I like the phrase, "It's NONE of your BUSINESS!"

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M.T.

answers from New York on

You say you've moved on but if you're still asking after 15 years, you haven't. Married couples kiss (so do non marrieds). What's the difference if you kiss as part of the ceremony with your priest, rabbi or minister telling you to than when you kiss at any other time? Would your priest/rabbi/minister tell you to kiss as part of the ceremony if they felt it was wrong? If your mother is of a different faith than you, her role was either to skip the ceremony or keep her mouth shut. Have you ever heard anyone else say there was something wrong about the bride and groom sealing their marital union with a kiss? Have you ever been to a wedding where it wasn't done?

1 mom found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i would lovingly tell mom that she is free to kiss or not kiss at her own wedding, but that i would decide what to do at mine. who the hell are these people to be offended (or not) at what your and your husband's legally consecrated lips do? did they also try to have input into the wedding night?
khairete
S.

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S.H.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Well, since God encourages intimacy in a marriage, I'd tell her she could close her eyes. She doesn't have to watch.

1 mom found this helpful

M.P.

answers from Provo on

Has she not hear the phrase "you may now kiss the bride"????? Your mom sounds like doosey of a character that she and I would not get along with. And I generally get along with everyone.

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R.D.

answers from Kansas City on

If you do some research, you will find that there are people that DO NOT kiss at their wedding. Some churches do think it is sacrilegious and offensive. Most notably (and most recently in the news) here's an example: http://yhoo.it/e912D0 Some people are just more into traditions than others.

As far as the wedding officiant saying "you may now kiss the bride," this is up to the couple. EVERYTHING is up to the couple (well, the bride). Whether s/he (officiant) reads I Corinthians 13 ("The Chapter where Love is Defined"), whether the couple writes their own vows or repeats after officiant or just says "I do," and what music is played is ALL up to the couple getting married. I have done music for many weddings for several years now, and most women want the wedding march; HOWEVER not all do! I have had some come down the aisle to "their song." Same with the exit music.

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L.G.

answers from Austin on

There are so many degrees of what is appropriate in a church. Some do not allow instruments in a wedding or any service, for example. It is all in what you are used to. I think I would tell my mom that I had never heard that before and I would be sure to check with the pastor who was marrying me. That way, you aren't criticizing her view or opinion but deferring the appropriateness to someone else.

It's the same when someone tells you what you should or shouldn't do in raising your kids. If you don't agree, just say that you hadn't thought about that and you will be sure to check with your pediatrician (even if you don't).

1 mom found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

i would have thought, "what a loon!" and did exactly as i wanted. :)

1 mom found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Daytona Beach on

If you just got married in a church, in the eyes of God, who blessed your union, how could it be sacreligous? If you weren't married, in the church making out, ok fine. But married, really? I don't see it

1 mom found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

I would tell both parent and grandparent that they don't get to decide what's appropriate or not in a ceremony that is the purview of the officiating religious authority - priest, pastor, rabbi, whatever. Then I would change the subject and just go ahead and do what I wanted to do. This sounds more like an effort to control than a true problem with supposed sacrilege.

I attended a family wedding years ago - the bride's mother had threatened to disrupt the ceremony by getting up a certain point to slap the groom's mother. Charming. The bride's father and other family members were instructed to basically sit on Mom so she couldn't get up, and the clergyman was on guard to have her removed if she disrupted anything. Some people will make an issue out of anything in order to be the star of the show.

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D.H.

answers from San Antonio on

What do you believe? It was your wedding. What if someone told you the day before your wedding they didn't like your dress or where you were having it.....would you have changed things because of others opinions. It's okay to disagree with your Mother, actually it's healthy.

DH

1 mom found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

It's your wedding - kiss if you want to.

1 mom found this helpful
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B.B.

answers from New York on

I would probably laugh at her and ask if she would be offended if we did the deed right there on the altar - but don't worry we won't kiss while doing it, LOL!!

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C.M.

answers from New York on

Aren't we supposed to kiss our new husband? I wouldn't have an all out tounge battle, but there would definately be some kissing goin on. Lol

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P.B.

answers from Spartanburg on

doesn't the officiant always say: "...you may kiss the bride" ? :-O

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