Weekend Misery

Discipline tantrums and he won't have them. He my cry or be more "Sensitive" when tired, but full on tantrums can and should be stopped. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. She's a grandma who raised her kids before tantrums were considered "age appropriate" by everyone. Tantrums are normal, but not appropriate. I have 3 tantrum free kids, including a spirited 3 year old non napping boy. You can do it!

Get active....he is needing that play time and sunshine...get him in swimming and or an activity everyone can do...start him on easy board games..just some ideas..its hard when they are 3...an in between age...good luck

Stop the screaming. When you feel the "temperature" rising inside you, switch gears before it gets "too hot." Keep your voice calm and walk away if you must. Teach your son how to react without screaming. Tell him you will only listen if he has an "inside" voice and walk away.

Relaxing on the weekend is good but don't change sleep time. My daughter gave up naps when she was even younger than 3 but she still "got" to have quiet time with books and quiet, soothing CD's. You can time it with CD's that he likes.

Examine your behavior. Look to see what you are "rewarding." If he has a tantrum, do you just walk away and tell him you will be in the next room when he is done? I've heard of a psychologist who steps right over the child as he walks away. Calm voice, no reaction is key!

Anytime he has a behavior or tone of voice that is not acceptable, just walk away if you cannot stay calm. Just act like you are bored with whatever he is doing and walk away. He is trying to get your attention. Only give it to him when he is behaving nicely. Then smother him with attention: hugging, laughing, playing, etc.

It will be difficult to stop the screaming but it can be done. My husband and I had to help each other. (We both came from loud homes.)

First, it is pretty normal to have a challenging three year old. At the age of three, most kids are learning how to test boundaries, expressing their independence, and discovering their own personality. One of the biggest jobs we have as parents is to teach them CONSISTENTLY what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour. For the most part this is modeled. What strikes me about your post, is not what you said about your three old, but rather what you said about everyone in the picture... "Saturdays and Sunday usually end in tears and people screaming at each other." Tears and screaming on the part of the adults in the equation will only make matters worse. If your child hears you screaming, you are teaching him/her that it is OK to scream and that screaming is how to solve problems. Is that the message you really want to send? There is a great book called "Parenting With Love and Logic". I highly recommend it and I think it will show a tremendous amount about how to handle situations like these. Best of luck to you!

Here are some suggestions and the link has more info:
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/08/11/...

When children whine and argue it is tempting to say, “Stop!,” “Quit whining!,” or “Calm down!” However, the next time your child has a meltdown, try repeating, “I will be happy to listen when your voice is calm like mine,” or, “I will be happy to help when your voice is calm like mine,” in a non-emotional voice. Parents report that if they are calm and consistent, it doesn’t take long for their children to learn that the adult is not going to get hooked into the argument. And, the child learns to calm down quickly!

Yeah... I've often said, terrible threes, not terrible twos. It seemed that as soon as both my kids turned three, they were nightmarish! It subsides though. I find that the weekend schedule change-up from the week can actually stress them out. Little kids rely heavily on routines and we take those routines away every weekend. If your little one is a creature of habit like both of mine are, that may be happening to you as well. I would try to stick with the same sleep/wake schedules that you have during the week.

His behavior is a reflection of what's occurring around him. It's not a fault with your son so I would try to refrain from calling him a "holy terror." If he doesn't have these tantrums at preschool and only at home, that tells me that he's thriving on the routine and schedule that they have there and he needs the structure of having a set routine. It doesn't sound like you're providing a scheduled routine on the weekends. Being "laid back" isn't working for him.

That's not to say that you can't do fun things on the weekend but I think that you need to standardize how your weekends are set up. Establish a chart with set blocks of time where you do specific things at specific times each and every weekend. The activity parts of the weekend that are fun family events can change, but the routines surrounding those events should not.

Also, don't extend his days on the weekends. Keep them manageable for him. If his normal bed time is 8:00 then don't keep him up or out of the house. Make sure you're home in time to start his normal bedtime routine unless you're away for the weekend and can't avoid it. Keep his mealtimes at the same times. And if he refuses to nap no matter what, then have set times for resting during the day where he must sit and color or read quietly. No physical activity. Just quiet time where he's resting or laying down but doesn't have to sleep unless he feels like it.

If he seems to be getting out of control, have a plan to get him to a quiet place. Don't call it a time out, but tell him that it's so he can have some alone time to calm down. My 10 year old would get overwhelmed and still does, so she uses this tactic even at home when she feels like there's too much happening at once. All of my kids do this to "detox."

Preschool kids 9(and even some stay-at-homes) are 'off their schedule' on weekends.

Think about it... kids love, crave regularity and predictability. I'm a preschool teacher and a mom, and I know this on both sides: the day or two I thought it would be "fun" to mix it up with my group-- say take a walk through the sunny neighborhood before our morning gathering... the kids were "off" the rest of the day. They live and breathe for that routine.

My son is very much a relaxed homebody, for the most part, but I know a lot of kids who MUST get out of the house early to keep up with their sense of routine. In our house, while our son isn't as particular about this, I can tell when he's getting dragged around on too many adult errands, so we try to stagger these. This weekend, for example: trip to the clothing store, stop at a park to play/walk around, out for a snack, and then home.

I'd also find out when they are offering snacks, rest times and meals, and 'live' by that schedule yourself. When I pulled my husband back from his more free-form weekend days and got him onto our son's schedule for eating and down-time, the weekends became far more pleasant. Hubby now understands that a few things in life are better treated as "carved in stone" than not!

I'd take him out for an activity after breakfast when he's likely to be at his best. Out for a walk, or early trip to the park. Or even head over to a local farmer's market or orchard to pick some strawberries or something. Then head back home and have lunch. After that give him some 'quiet time' - like reading books or watching a movie on a portable dvd player in his bed. Likely the stimulation he got and energy he expended in the morning will help him to wind down a bit. Then after that play some games, bake cookies, go for a walk, play in the hose in the backyard, whatever. then do dinner, bath, bed. :)

Preschool kids 9(and even some stay-at-homes) are 'off their schedule' on weekends.

Think about it... kids love, crave regularity and predictability. I'm a preschool teacher and a mom, and I know this on both sides: the day or two I thought it would be "fun" to mix it up with my group-- say take a walk through the sunny neighborhood before our morning gathering... the kids were "off" the rest of the day. They live and breathe for that routine.

My son is very much a relaxed homebody, for the most part, but I know a lot of kids who MUST get out of the house early to keep up with their sense of routine. In our house, while our son isn't as particular about this, I can tell when he's getting dragged around on too many adult errands, so we try to stagger these. This weekend, for example: trip to the clothing store, stop at a park to play/walk around, out for a snack, and then home.

I'd also find out when they are offering snacks, rest times and meals, and 'live' by that schedule yourself. When I pulled my husband back from his more free-form weekend days and got him onto our son's schedule for eating and down-time, the weekends became far more pleasant. Hubby now understands that a few things in life are better treated as "carved in stone" than not!

Updated

Preschool kids 9(and even some stay-at-homes) are 'off their schedule' on weekends.

Think about it... kids love, crave regularity and predictability. I'm a preschool teacher and a mom, and I know this on both sides: the day or two I thought it would be "fun" to mix it up with my group-- say take a walk through the sunny neighborhood before our morning gathering... the kids were "off" the rest of the day. They live and breathe for that routine.

My son is very much a relaxed homebody, for the most part, but I know a lot of kids who MUST get out of the house early to keep up with their sense of routine. In our house, while our son isn't as particular about this, I can tell when he's getting dragged around on too many adult errands, so we try to stagger these. This weekend, for example: trip to the clothing store, stop at a park to play/walk around, out for a snack, and then home.

I'd also find out when they are offering snacks, rest times and meals, and 'live' by that schedule yourself. When I pulled my husband back from his more free-form weekend days and got him onto our son's schedule for eating and down-time, the weekends became far more pleasant. Hubby now understands that a few things in life are better treated as "carved in stone" than not!

Try to schedule your activities early in the day when he is more amenable to cooperating. Also, my kids are 13, 10 and 6 and ALL dropped their naps early, but I make them do quiet time. In their rooms with only books and soft music. Yes, they MUST stay in their beds (well, not the 13yo, who uses the time to get his homework done). 9 times out of 10 on the weekends my youngest would sleep for an hour or so. They just need to be forced to slow down. I needed the alone time to keep my sanity, they needed the rest even if they are only resting and not sleeping.

If you institute this, it will take some time to adjust. Just tell him he has to lay in his bed until Mommy or Daddy comes and gets him. If he gets out, explain that he may need more time added. We do it for 1.5- 2 hours, but go with whatever he will give you.

Good Luck!

Don't let him sleep real late on Sat and Sun, to make up for lost sleep.
If He still gets up fairly early on those days---make the most of his energy early: park, outdoors, run around the yard playing....early morning activity will help his mood for the day and make him more tired for naps and night time.
Little boys (and big boys) have tons of energy and it has to be used on something constructive or it will be used on something destructive.

19 years with boys has taught me that!!! Good luck.

Sounds like he's a late bloomer with the terrible twos. :-D You are not doing anything wrong. My son went through this two. May be more physical activities for him because it sounds like he has some bottled up energy. :-D My son at three years, didn't take naps either. Only when he pooped out from having a lot of exercise. Sometimes when kids act out like this, is more of them asking for one on one attention. Been there myself. :-D Kids thrive on routine and structure. Make sure you follow through on consequences when he does something wrong. After a first time warning though.
Basically I would just give him more physical activities during the day if you are able to. That way he will use up all his energy and be too tired to throw a fit. lol

i can so identify! I would look forward to going back to my hateful job, weekends were so stressful! I can tell you that now my daughter is 4, they are generally very enjoyable.

What helps: get a sitter/someone to watch him for a couple of hours so you can nap or get a break. Plan it every Saturday afternoon. if you're not exhausted, you can deal with his meltdowns with more understanding.

Also find the busier we are, the better (within reason) - go out together as a family or take him to activities, e.g. gymnastics, swimming, park, to blow off steam, have company and prevent boredom. Get together with another family that you enjoy t a park -- kids play together, parents can commiserate with each other and feel like they have a social life!

I doubt if you are doing anything wrong. Some kids are just more intense than others (trust me, I have one of these). He might have an issue calming that little head of his long enough to take a nap or go to bed at night. I don't know what time you are putting him down at night but do it early, if he's not napping. Start at 6 or 6:30 so that he's asleep by 7. Some kids are so tired, yet so over-stimulated, that it's chaos at bedtime (been there!). Have you tried natural remedies (for example, melatonin, valerian root for kids, etc.)? Go to Whole Foods, Sprouts or Natural Grocers and talk to a specialist about what you are going through. Give him the supplement at bath time so that he will be tired 30 minutes later. Lastly, he might be understimulated at home on the weekends (which is a good thing but he's used to being stimulated at daycare all week long). Boredom leads to doing things he shouldn't be doing, which leads to getting in trouble and that turns into a tantrum. When he's acting out, ask yourself if it's really fair to have a 3 yr old entertain himself while you are doing laundry, or whatever. Try to get creative (all of the time!) and involve him in what you are doing. Then praise him for being such a helper. If he helps you with something, take him for ice cream and make sure he knows that it's for helping. By the way, make sure you are not expecting to much from a 3 yr old. He might really be messing up your laundry piles but thinks he's helping. You are going to have to recognize that and reward him anyway, as long as you think he thinks he's trying. :) He might always be hard and dramatic but there are things you can do to cut down on how often this occurs. Just get creative and never expect him to entertain himself too often. He's in daycare all week long and stimulated. When he's home on the weekends, his routine has changed, his friends aren't around and his schedule/routine has been messed up. Weekends might seem like the good life for adults but this change is hard on a lot of intense kids. Lastly, it may feel like an eternity before it's over but 3 yr olds are SOOO hard! For me, it's the worst age ever! They can be so cute but so awful! It improves as they get closer to 4. :)

I agree with schedule for sleep/wake/meals/bedtimes shouldn't change on the weekends at all.

While I cannot say for anyone elses kids, but mine... If overtired, they wouldn't nap. We are extremely strict with our sleep schedule no matter the day, event, place... That keeps the peace pretty well.

Maybe just some down time in the early afternoon for him? Even though he's not napping, maybe just kick back, relax, and read a book, or softly sing to him... Anything to halt activity for an hour or so. That might just be enough for a recharge for him.

Updated

I agree with schedule for sleep/wake/meals/bedtimes shouldn't change on the weekends at all.

While I cannot say for anyone elses kids, but mine... If overtired, they wouldn't nap. We are extremely strict with our sleep schedule no matter the day, event, place... That keeps the peace pretty well.

Maybe just some down time in the early afternoon for him? Even though he's not napping, maybe just kick back, relax, and read a book, or softly sing to him... Anything to halt activity for an hour or so. That might just be enough for a recharge for him.

My youngest son was exactly like that if he got off of his schedule. I would RACE home just to get him down for his nap on Saturday and Sunday. I planned everything around that schedule until he went to school. What time does he take a nap at preschool? That is the time. Take no arguments. Do not waver. It will be hard at first because he is used to getting his way at home, I bet he does not give his teacher the same trouble. My youngest is 7 now and my life is more relaxed. It gets better after they start school. The 3rd year just seems to be bad. Two's are nothing. cb

Have you tried laying down with him for naptime on the weekends? Try incorporating a family rest time for an hour or so.

Is he getting worn out during the day? Do you take him places or are you mostly staying home doing chores? If he's spending a lot of time at home he's probably bouncing off the walls.
My good friend is a working mom with two young kids. Their weekends typically go like this:
Sat morning mom takes the kids to gymnastics class, then out to lunch. Then they go on a costco or target run. By the time they get home dad has had time to get some stuff done around the house, so he takes over kid duty, usually sitting out front while their kids play with the neighbor kids. Mom's inside putting away groceries doing laundry, etc. Sometimes after dinner they all take a walk or a bike ride to the park.
Sundays are similar except no gymnastics or shopping, and maybe the kids will have a playdate, or the whole family will have friends over for BBQ.
I think the key is to MAKE SURE HE HAS OTHER KIDS TO PLAY WITH. If you don't have neighbor kids, maybe he could invite a friend from preschool over some afternoon.