I have been married 5 years and married young and had my first child very youmg. I have spent over half my marrige changing the way my husband thinks. He was a very shelterd child with very weird ways of looking at what a wife is. He never belived that women should have friends jobs or even go out. I have changed they way he thinks about this stuff. My question is now thathe has made huge changes that were very hard for him because his family did not approve of what he was letting me do, i fell no conection with him, i feel like i am his live in nanny.i know he loves me he tells me all the time. He owns his own company so make a lot of money, when he knows something is wrong with me or i try to tell him we are having seroius problems he buys me stuff jewerly flowers and the list goes on, he thinks this should solve everything and it dost. Should i just give up to me it dosnt even seem like i want to be in the marroge any more, but when i do think about leaving i cant. Is it because i am scared to make it on my own with two kids, that i will be walking away from a great house nice cars and lots of money, or is it because it just isnt over and with a little more work i can make the relationsship work.
Please any thing would help at this point.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It sounds like the challenge of "changing him" has left you unfulfilled. Perhaps you need to look at the situation with different eyes.
I highly recommend the book "A New Earth".
~L.
www.notaboutfood.com
www.accesspilates.com
Hi A.,
Deciding to end what you've worked hard at is a hard decision for anyone to make. You shouldn't worry about the kids. He would need to pay child support to provide for them if the marriage ends. Have you thought about talking to a marriage counselor? What about starting an at-home business. That would give you confidence, build your self-esteem, and help you feel less stuck in your situation.
Just some thoughts.
M.
Don't give up until you talk to your doctor about depression. I had post-partum depression & still functioned (worked, kept up the house, took care of baby), but "hated my husband". Years later, things are great. Also, you may want to join a moms group, find friends who have things in common with you. You are very lucky to be able to stay home & enjoy your babies.
Other than the try counseling advice, I'd like to suggest you look into the issue of post-partum depression. It lasts longer than people think, and you sound more depressed and lonesome to me than unhappy with your marriage. Get a check-up, get involved in a mom/baby group--try your church or the local YMCA or even some hospitals run them. Get a babysitter and have a date night once a week or if you can take a weekend away with your husband and recharge, it'll do wonders to spend some time not being a mommy and to look at him as the man you fell in love with, not a renovation project.
It does sound like he's willing to try and wants to make you happy, so consider counceling. It's hard to do different than what you were brought up to do, especially if the family resists your efforts. If that still doesn't resolve things, then look for a lawyer.
Hi A.,
As I learned through the years is that you can't change a man. When you start trying to change them, that's when the heartache comes in. When you want change in your situation, we first have to seek change within ourselves. We have to ask GOD to change us; cleanse us from all unrighteousness and build us up to what He (GOD) wants us to be. During that change, you will find that dealing with your husband will be a lot easier. Issues will be a lot easier to deal with; you will actually deal with them differently. Remember your vows: "what GOD has joined together, let not man put asunder." On a piece of paper, write all of the goods about your husband; then write all of the bads...which one outweighs the other? Don't be so quick to quit; give it all you got. Don't try to change your husband. Pray for Him. The old saying goes, "clean up your own backyard before you try to clean someone else's". In other words, start with "self" first and let GOD do the rest. I pray that you will seek GOD for guidance and allow Him to be the head of your household and marriage. I pray that you find peace in this situation. GOD bless you!!!
