I have 2 kids - 2.5 and 4.5. I recently started staying at home with them but quickly found out we could really use a little spending money and I decided to take on one part time daycare kiddo. She's just under a year old. I figured it was sort of a natural age gap for siblings and I liked the idea she'd still have regular naps, etc. Flash forward to now and regret is starting to set in. It's a few days a week only,and my kids are really pretty independent which allows me to take care of the little one as needed. However, the guilt is killing me as I am constantly putting my kids off to the side because I need to do one of a million things. We love getting out of the house and it's very difficult with the third kiddo who screams during car rides, gets super fussy in a stroller, etc. Also, she only naps about 50 minutes once per day, no matter what I try.
I realize I got myself into this and I do feel really guilty, but I think I made a mistake! There's just NO much interruption to our flow and I quit my job so that I could focus more on my family. That being said, my kids love having company and I don't mind being busy. Maybe I should have sought out another preschool aged child who could interact better with my own kids, need a little less constant supervision and would do better with our regular activities.
Am I doing the whole grass is always greener on the other side thing? With children these ages, who would be the ideal candidate to try to find in need of daycare? Is there a gentle way to back out or am I destined to feel really shitty if I do? I will add, I really do like this kiddo, would miss her and feel sad about this. I'm just not sure this is going to be a great fit. Her mom and I have had pretty good communication and she said she believes its going really well. Advice!?
I don't resent the kid and I'm not looking for the easiest thing possible, I am just looking for the best fit for our family! I just feel badly that I am learning the hard way this probably isn't it....
I think plenty of notice is best. It sounds like you can give 30 days since you are on the fence as to whether you even want to quit watching her.
I think other kids the same age will have pros and cons. Built in playmate, yet if there is just one child there could be a 'threes a crowd' issue and one will feel left out.
Back out but give the person plenty of time to make other arrangements. Just explain the situation.
It sounds like a preschooler between your kiddos' ages would be ideal; especially if they shared napping characteristics or schedules.
How about no babysitting and finding a part time weekend or evening job?
I remember your previous posts. This baby is very clingy and will hardly let you out of her sight. She's also only with you a few days a week, so her schedule is very inconsistent. Poor thing.
I would never agree to watch a baby 3 days a week. It's just too inconsistent and you cannot give the baby any stability. That's why she's so fussy and inconsolable. She has no idea what to expect on any given day, so she protests everything.
I'd let her mom know that it's just not going to work out for the long term. Give her a good month's notice, and if you know anyone that you can recommend do so. Don't look for another child to watch for awhile. Be 100% certain that is what you want to do.
I would partially look at it as a transition. It's PT, so you can still do a lot of things with your kids on other days. My DD hated the car seat at around 8 months and that might be just part of it - that she's just at a weird age. I'd keep working on the naps, and talk to her parents about her usual nap time/routine. I would try to work this out til the end of the year and if it still doesn't work, give her time to find a new sitter.
The easiest kid would be an elementary school aged kid at a school that your kid already attends, where you do before care, drop off, pick up and after care. Kids are pretty self sufficient, you aren't doing anything "extra" you'd be taking your own kid to school anyway. Plus the time slots aren't all that long so there isn't enough time to even misbehave, cause trouble, disruption, resentment etc.
Best,
F. B.
PS-
If you chose to stay at home to put your kids first, then any work during their waking hours is going to conflict with that aim. You can't both prioritize your employer and your charge, and your own kids.
I agree with Kristen, back out but give lots of notice so she has time to find other arrangements, and then seek out a child closer in age to your own children.
I would let the parents know it is going to work out and give them plenty of time to make other arrangements. Since you stopped working to spend time with your kids, any work (daycare included) that you do while you are with them will take conflict with this.
How in the world do you figure a not quite 1 year old fits in age wise with a 2 1/2 year old and 4 1/2 year old? Get rid of that one and get a 3 year old who is on the same level age wise so you can do stuff together.
Give the parents notice that they have to find new care, because you're done in x-weeks. You can tell them that you adore Baby Girl but you're feeling overwhelmed and can't keep it up.
Not everyone is cut out for babysitting, even if you have kids of your own. I know I'm not. Any child you take will be a disruption in some way and will require you to change how your household runs.
I'd just give a big notice -perhaps a couple of weeks and don't look back. Perhaps offer to occasionally sit in a pinch. Any other child of any other age will also be growing and changing. Sit down and decide how much extra money you realistically need. You only have a short time with your own little people.
Another strong vote for giving notice and ending this job.
And this part isn't what you asked or want to hear, but....as a mom who also gave up work to stay home, I want to add: Don't take on another babysitting gig, please. Stop looking for another child who might "fit your family" because there's no ideal child who is not going to create any "interruption to our flow" as you put it. And since any child you are babysitting for pay is going to end up getting your extra attention because you'll feel obliged to put that child first before your own in some ways -- Either find another way to make money or just stop until your kids are older.
If this is just for spending money (which you do say in the post) and not to meet bills, please reconsider. Your older child will be in kindergarten very soon, and your days of both kids with you will suddenly be over. Enjoy the time before K starts, and once K does start, you will have precious hours to spend alone with your younger child, giving the younger child some one on one time with mom that the second kid in most families seldom gets.
Unless this money is really for important reasons -- for the kids' college accounts, or to tuck away into retirement, or to help with essential monthly bills -- then I would drop the idea of paid work until both kids are in school. If you took time off working to stay home with your kids, then you and your husband figured out, before you quit, that it was financially OK to do so, right? Be confident in that choice and enjoy your kids before they are both away from you most of each day.
Once the kids are both in school (which will be in only two and a half years, which is no time at all) you can do work that will both get you out of the house and pay better. But your kids' young years before school will fly by; do you want to spend those years with someone else's kid in the mix if it's not truly necessary?
If you quit your job in order to spend your time with your kids, it's possible that offering daycare is not a good fit for you overall. No matter what age children you babysit for, they will still need your attention. I'm not sure how you thought you'd be easily on the go with an infant under a year old. If you get a 2 1/2 year old like your younger kid, he or she may not be a well behaved 2 1/2 year old, and if you get a kid your older child's age, your younger one may cry because he is left out, the odd man out. Or with an older kid, there's always the possibility of a younger sibling, so then you'll have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and you're back to the issue of having a needy baby, and trying to keep track of four children when you go out.
Think carefully before taking on another child, because you are making a commitment to those parents and they are counting on you to watch their child(ren) so they can get to their job.
Daycare sounds like a great job to do while you have your own kids at home, but it is still a job and it is not for everyone.
YIKES!!!
You need to give notice and find another way to earn the income your family needs. Either go back to work full time until your family can afford to live off one income or find a position at a grocery store to work in the evenings?
If you are going to do daycare? You need to realize this is NOT a sibling. And younger than your kids will NOT work as you are used to a certain amount of hands-off - as you have figured out.
Tell the mom the truth, give her 4 weeks to find another care giver, that her daughter is great, but you are overwhelmed.
Good luck!
it's not really an age thing. you could have a super-easy infant, or a terribly defiant preschooler. but no matter what age or type child you choose to babysit, you are going to have to 'put your kids to one side' because you are ethically obliged to focus on this baby when she needs it.
i do think this is a grass-is-greener situation. the only one who seems unhappy with it is you. and there's nothing wrong with trying in-home daycare and having it not work out. it was worth the experiment. but i don't think the problem is the baby, and i don't think you can fix it by trying to find a more compliant kid. i think you should just keep looking for another way to bring in a little money.
khairete
S.
At this age this child should be taking one nap after lunch for about 2 hours or more. It's odd she doesn't nap longer than 50 minutes. If you did take a child in that is nearer to your own kids ages you're still going to have to have more structure. Kids this age should still be napping after lunch themselves.
I'd have done a child nearer to my own kids ages too. Are you legal to do this in your state? Some states have a zero tolerance for running a home child care business without a license.
This child seems to be a good baby except for not liking her car seat or something. I'd stick with it just because you and the mom seem to get along so well and she's happy with the care. Perhaps you can find some home child care business owner's organizations in your area and join in. They may have some ideas as to how to answer your other questions.
Kudos for the valiant effort: but Nope. I couldn't do that either. Give notice. Don't feel bad. Take and older kid if you want but honestly, even when my kids have one friend over for an hour or two it stresses me out.
For example. Today was a delay of school so their friend (8!) was dropped off here this morning to go to school late with mine so her parents could go to work on time. What a a crappy morning. One more mouth to feed. One more kid to reprimand (unless they're a little angel). One more kid causing chaos because kids are more riled with another kid on board...if it was just my own kids we would have chilled out and read or gotten in extra piano practices before lessons this afternoon, but with another kid here: it was a racket and the house is now a mess. Fair enough because this mom and I sometime swap..but eeeeks. I could never do it regularly.
