Disagreeing with Husband About Watching Our Nephew

Could you get the family to agree to continue to look into other options, and help them in the short term. Just be clear that this is just until they can figure something else out.
Then sit down with your husband and let him know this is not what you want, but are willing to help (since his family has helped you so much) if he takes over the kids and dinner the nights your nephew is there.

I.

I just wanted to say I feel the same way with any other kids other than my own. I'm just not cut out for kid swaps, babysitting or day care. I like my kids, I know their behaviour and I feel free to correct them when they're doing something wrong. With other kids, their families are different and they behave differently. Not wrong, just not what I would expect my kids to do. And it wears on me! Other people kids are work for me. You're not alone :)

Hug!

if your husband feels you guys need to do this then tell him to feel free to do it. you, and only you, know how much you can take on your plate. when the plate is full no one will be there to help out. even for short amount of time, i would be afraid, because then how could you say no more? their issue is not a temporary one. they need to find a reliable babysitter or a permanent daycare.
i also understand about watching someone else's kids. i could not do it. i love my kids but i am not hugely fond of other people's kids. i just don't have it in me and i wouldn't do something just to do it unless i would be doiung a great job.

So you're going back to school, already are taking care of your own very young children and your husband thinks it would be easy for you to take on the care of your nephew as well? That if you can't take on that added responsibility you should quit school?! I'm sorry but that's asinine! Stick to your guns...in the long run it is more beneficial for you to finish an already started degree and keep the workload at a level that won't stress you out needlessly. Your nephew is NOT your responsibility and 3 days a week is NOT a little amount, especially if it's all day. Family is important, yes, I don't discount that. But lets not go overboard. No, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all...if you don't feel that you can take on the added work and responsibility and still keep a good hand on your own studies and children and previous responsibilities then your husband needs to respect that and tell his brother no. Good luck!

If I were in your situation and I had the free time (and by free I mean not working, not being in school), I would do it. Just because it is family and I'd hope that they would do that for us in return.

However, you said that you are not comfortable watching him, so you should not feel like you should have to do it.

Could you come to a compromise and watch him 1-2x a week or every other week for 3 days? Even if you could watch him 1x a week that would help out, especially if money is tight.

Just my .02!

I was going to say exactly what Jaye said, she is right. If you are that
uncomfortable watching someone else's kid then DON'T do it. Men don't understand the pressure we put on ourselves to care for someone else's kid and the sacrifices we make to do so. They make everything seem easier said than done, that's just men! haha So he may unfortunatelly never understand where you're coming from but he needs to back off and support your decision. I've been a SAHM since my daughter was born, 8 years ago. There have been sooooo many times when money was tight and I wanted more than anything to care for a few extra kids every week to make some extra income and thought, hey it would be great for the kids too to have play mates over, but the more I thought and thought about it, the more I couldn't go through with it. Some people just don't have it in their blood to care for anyone elses kids then their own, and theres nothing wrong with that! I'm just like what Jaye said, it's hard enough for me to leave my kids with my own mom who I know loves my kids to death and she's the only one I trust with them so I can't imagine ever bringing them to someone who wasn't 100% there for my child. I use to be in the same situation with my OWN sister, she needed childcare for her son who I love of course, but can't handle him whatsoever, he's a very hyper boy, back talks to me, doesn't pick up after himself, etc. and it was very hard to let my sister know I can't keep him but I wasn't happy doing it, the extra money just wasn't worth it anymore and he so my Mom stepped up and took over, Thank the Lord! : )
Just know that I understand exactly where you're coming from, you're not alone in your feelings nor does it make you a bad person. Nothing's more important than taking care of your own kids first. I can't imagine it being too difficult for them to find a good MDO program, daycare, etc. if they're willing to pay you then they obviously can afford to pay someone else. I say for the sake of the child, do what you feel is best, he deserves to taken care of by someone who can fully commit and "want" to take care of him every day they have him. Maybe you could be an "occasional" fill in but let them know you can't be the full time care taker. Good luck to you, hope everything works out for everyone!

I'm in agreement with your husband, I know that isn't what you wanted to hear but that's just how I feel. My sister helped me out a lot with my kids, her daughter and my middle son are the same age, just 6 weeks apart. Now she didn't watch them on a regular basis at first. I was a single mom with my older two and my family has helped me out tremendously. I always feel like I should help them back out whenever they need it or however I can give back. My kids and my sister's child are very close to this day, both 13. Also they have someone to play with.

Also, my sister watched my youngest when I was in a really bad situation and needed someone to watch him. She didn't want too, but she did it anyway, and really did enjoyed the time she was able to spend with him. within 4 months I moved away, so she's glad she did get to help me out.

Maybe God is opening a door, here is your chance to give back...

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. If the pros (money, helping family) don't outweigh the cons (time invested, responsibility for another child, etc.) then it's not a good idea.
What's also not a good idea is to leave them hanging.
Maybe a compromise (6 weeks this summer or O. school year) would be a good solution? It would allow them to find other arrangements in the meantime.
I think it's pretty ballsy for your husband to offer YOUR time and life so generously! Just my opinion.

If you are not comfortable watching someone's children then you shouldn't do it. That's the part that stuck out in my mind. I think that takes precedence over him being family. I would never want someone who wasn’t comfortable watching my child. Heck I have a hard enough time leaving her with people who are comfortable. It’s a huge responsibility. What if he gets hurt? Will they blame you? Sue you? I definitely wouldn’t want that on my conscience. Plus, your education is important for your family and yourself. It’s an investment for their future and yours. But really, the main issue (to me) is you don’t feel comfortable watching their child.

Normally I would say it's important to do what you can for family, however if it means sacrificing things for your own LOs - that's different.

if thats too many kids to handle dont handle it. maybe u can compromise and offer one day, not 3. dont quit school over it. family always asks family for favors first because its cheaper and easier for themselves. u dont have to give in to it

i say because you are in school & starting the program this fall that you shouldn't do it......maybe you can help out til they find a replacement

I dont agree with your husband 100% or you either. However, i understand the urge to want to be there for your family, but you are not in teh daycare business. You should not have to take on this job if its not what you want to do. If you were in the daycare business I would say yes, or if they were asking you to help out (for free until they found someone) then maybe, but they are asking you to WORK for them. You don't have time in your full schedule for another "job". There are tons of wonderful daycares out there and they can find one.
I am all for helping family and my family has helped me when I needed a sitter, but not as a permanant job. Except for the small period of time that my sister in law watched my daughter. She has a daughter the same age and 2 babies was too much for her at the time, so we went somewhere else. No hard feelings between us.
They honestly can't hold it against you if you dont want to sign up for employment with them.

I think it would be too much for you. A 13 month is a full-time job on its own. I would recommend having your husband watch all 3 one day (without your help at all) and see if it seems fair to ask you do to it 3 days a week. You could maybe offer to do it for a few weeks while they find someone else.

Only you know what you can handle. Saying no isn't selfish at all. Sometimes saying no is hard, but essential.

I find it funny that one poster said that she was hearing "me,me,me" in your post. How can she know what's best for you? Mabey SHE should watch your nephew! lol! :)

Your husband has no right to put this burden on you. After all, he won't we caring for this little boy, taking care of a family AND going to school. He needs to take into account how much it will stress you out.

Good luck!

I agree with Kirby's comment - is it possible to help them out for the interim? Make it contractual that you're willing to help for 2 months until they're able to line something else up, and if the 2 months comes and goes, too bad.

I see both sides of the argument. My honest advice would be to say no, since you're not comfortable, but to stop accepting the generosity of his family as well so there's no indebtedness.

My husband and I are completely independent from either of our families. We just took our first vacation in 6 years because other priorities have made it impossible. It's hard to see friends/neighbors get vacations from grandparents who pay all the expenses, give them new cars, etc. But, we also recognize that's the life we chose.

Good luck finding resolution - it sounds like you're very grateful for the generosity of your in-laws but just don't have a good gut feeling about this. It will all work out one way or another.