O.K. I know I am overprotective, but I'm starting to think I am paranoid? I am starting to notice now that my kids are older that there are a lot more kids dropped off at birthday parties and also a lot of kids dropped off at houses they have never been to before to have a playdate with a new friend they have made at school. I have not done either of these things yet. My kids are 7 and 8 and I'm starting to feel very alone in this matter. Tonight I took my son to a party at an arcade and several of the kids were dropped off. I kept a close eye on my son to make sure he was safe, but most other parents who stayed sat in the party room and their kids came in every once in a while. Whats the norm? Do I need to start letting go a little?
Thanks,
Nickie
We started at kindergarten. With two kids, I've sat through every boring kid party imaginable, so it was a happy day when I could just do a drop-off!
Kindergarten at the latest! Even before kindergarten I took the lead from whoever was hosting. I know I didn't want a bunch of extra people at my kids parties. I am lucky, helicopter parenting is not the norm where I live. There is maybe a couple and we just don't invite them.
It is bad enough sorting through the occasional child disagreement but when you have to deal with a mom intervening with don't you see you made my baby sad or better yet, did you notice that kid over there, he looks scary and you realize it is your older son trying to keep an eye on the group.
Nope, sorry, I can't stand paranoid people, I don't invite their kids. Makes me wonder how many of the "no one includes my child in events" posts are caused by this same dynamic. Either that or I live in a unique area.
Depends on the kid. My 5 year old has been dropped off for over a year - she'd ask to me leave if I tried to stay. I can see my 3 year old needing me to hang around a little longer, just because she's more cautious by nature.
I guess just do what you're comfortable with. But personally I think it'd be ok to start letting go a bit, especially with parents you know.
i'm sort of going through this too. Bottomline i have to do what I feel comfortable doing. An arcade I would have stayed and supervised too. I'm starting to relax a bit about house parties, but only only only if the parents seem to keep a good eye on their own kid and the kid has manners and isn't crazy. I also sort of judge by how comfortable my kids are.
good luck it's hard trusting other people.
I started when they were in kindergarten. Stay for a few minutes, say hi to the parents, make sure there's nothing weird about the situation, your gut will tell you if something is "off."
Though honestly I HATE arcade/Chuck E Cheese/party place type parties at this age, I mean come ON, can't you just have some cake and play tag in the back yard without having to worry about a bunch of random strangers?!?!
But I digress....
You do what makes YOU comfortable with YOUR children! :)
My daughter will be 6 next month. I've never dropped her off at a party anywhere except my sister's house. She's only stayed with family members or some long-term friends without me or my husband there with her.
I dunno how old I would want her to be before I ever just drop her off!
A party at an arcade I most certainly would have stayed!!
But I would have done a combination of what you said the parents did... sounds like you were "following' your child around the games... I do think, at your child's age, that's too much.
I would have sat w/ the parents, told my child to check in every so often ... and would have snuck in and checked up on him/her w/out them knowing.
Play date at a friends house... the are WAY too old for you to be staying, esp. if you know the parents.
At those ages, I think I'd be ok dropping them off at a friend's house, even if they hadn't been there before. I don't think I'd drop them off at a public arcade, but depending on the layout of the arcade and how crowded it is, I could see myself staying in a room with the other parents and having the kids check in every few minutes. Or doing a walk-around myself every now and then to make sure I at least see them. This is what I basically do at those indoor play places, which admittedly are not nearly as chaotic.
We went to a Chuck E. Cheese party a few months ago, and I did pretty much shadow my 5-y.o. the entire time. So did all the other parents there (the oldest child at the party was probably 6). It was so crowded, and there were just too many blind corners where I couldn't see him for me to feel comfortable letting him go on his own.
I usually drop off my dd as long as I know there is a reliable parent throwing the party. Her playdates are only with people I know well so they usually pick her up after school or I drop her off. She is 8.
Who cares what others do with their children~ You do what makes you comfortable. Start experimenting a bit when you feel ready and see how it feels. Then you can judge if you want to let go further or hang tight where you are at. I personally don't see myself letting my kids go to anyone's house without me knowing them personally-fairly well and having full 100% assurance that they will keep my child safe at all times etc. If that puts me into the overbearing catagory, then so be it. I would rather have my children be safe, healthy, happy, and loved. Than to follow other parent's and leave them alone and risk them being hurt etc. Good luck~
M
I think my girl was 8 or 9 the first time I dropped her off at a party for a fellow girlscout. She was fine. :)
I think it depends on the child and where the party is... My daughter was ready for me to drop her off at a party at a friend's house when she was 7... as in drop off and leave and come back when the party was over. She may have been ok at the arcade as long as she knew I was in the other room and she could come and go.
All kids are different and some are not yet comfortable enough to be left in an environment they aren't familiar with or they aren't comfortable in large groups of kids. I would do what you're comfortable with and not worry about it. I don't consider knowing your child's needs and hanging out at a party helicopter parenting.
My oldest is 7 and I've been the parent at the arcade who stays in the party room. As long as my son stays with a buddy and checks in every once in awhile, he's fine. I would drop him off for a house birthday party, but not if it's at a venue like the arcade, and it's a case by case decision. I've never dropped him off for a playdate when I don't know the family, but I'm sure that'll happen soon. It really depends on if you think your sons are ready to handle it. They're old enough, so it comes down to if you think they're mature enough. Do they know what to do if they are uncomfortable with a situation? Will they tell you if something happens? Maybe let go a little, give them an opportunity to show they can handle it, and re-evaluate depending on how it goes. Letting go is hard!
I would think at 8 you could hang out in the party room and no keep such a close eye on him. He will need freedom to practice making his own choices.
when it gets to be you are the only mom hovering he will start to feel embarrassed. I'm not there yet with my six yr old but I see at least half the parents are.
