What Are Your Opinions on Childhood Competition?

OK. My friend and I have been around long enough in the work force (when I was still working) to see the people who "won trophies no matter what" as kids enter the work force and progress into adulthood. Let's say for the most part, we would joke around at corporate dinners that these young recruits "were too young to drink (which they weren't)" because they were always calling in sick with the sniffles, crying at work, quitting, or at least complaining constantly about the boss if they weren't revered, because they thought they were so great and no one could ever say a negative word to them.
Not saying getting a trophy for playing will do this to a person all by itself, but I think the "we must build self esteem because kids are so fragile" parenting movement since the 80's is behind customs like rewarding everyone for everything. Fine. But the rest of the international competiton doesn't operate that way, and we're behind.

ONLY the first place winner should have the gold metal (or blue ribbon), ONLY second place should have the silver metal (or red ribbon), and ONLY third place should get the bronze metal (or white ribbon). Just like at the Olympics. Childhood IS real life!! There is no dress rehersal!

That said, I don't see a problem giving the rest of the kids a slightly different 'participant' ribbon, maybe a green one (like these: http://bit.ly/hOy7il).

Yup we are an 'entitlement nation', a 'spread the wealth' nation.
I refuse to allow my kids to have this type of attitude in life, it will do nothing but cripple them. Success should be praised but so should best effort.

I'm with you. And I find it interesting, in an almost scary sort of way, how many responses you seem to have that seem to support that in the younger grades. It's all fine and good to recognize that all the kids present at the event (whatever it is) worked hard and made an effort. But it seems that all anyone cares about these days is NOT OFFENDING the sensibilities of the kids who DIDN'T achieve. They tried really hard, but they were not the best at whatever. I say, what about the kids who WERE the best at whatever it was? Do we REALLY want them to feel like it doesn't matter if they work hard, because their rewards will be the same as the kid next to them who didn't run as fast, or answer as many questions correctly, or whatever? Really? Is that what we as a society want?
I don't.

I want my kids to strive to be the best. I don't push them too hard, and I don't expect perfection or excellence at everything they do. That is totally unrealistic. But to expect them to continue to want to work their hardest and best when the reward (or lack of) is the same as the kid next to them that did nothing, well.... that is asking for everyone to sit back and "let someone else do the work". Ever see that study by the college professor? The one who told his students at the beginning of the term that all the grades would be averaged and everyone one earn the same grade? In the beginning, the kids who were motivated worked hard and did well. But their grades didn't reflect the work they were doing,... so they quit working so hard. ALL the kids ended up with worse grades by the end of the term because no one got any reward for working. Is that the trend we want to start teaching our kids at the first opportunity?

Sure, sportsmanship, etc needs to go hand in hand with every competition. Being a good winner needs to be taught. But so does being a good "loser". It is a skill just like anything else.
Even kids young enough/old enough to be playing tic tac toe and checkers know that there is a winner and a loser. Otherwise, what's the point of the game?
The reality of life is that we are all different with different strengths and weaknesses. Some are good at one thing and others are not. Some are really BAD at certain things... but mediocre at others. That is just LIFE. Everyone should get an equal opportunity, but the reality is that some aren't going to be on the football team (insert whatever the competition is) because they weren't as talented or didn't work as hard. Some kids will make it every year. They all know which ones are practically guaranteed a spot and which ones are NEVER going to make the cut, so why pretend that they are all equally talented and will all work equally hard?
I think that doing away with 1st 2nd & 3rd place recognition is just one more sign of the overbearing "PC" crowd that is ruining our country.

Studies have shown time and time again that healthy competition is good.

I teach competitive tumbling and our team has kids as young as 3 and as old as 14. In our competitions every kid wins something, but only the 1-3 place get medals. The rest get ribbons.

Our competitive team kids do better in tumbling than our non-competitive classes. They learn faster and their skills look better.

We take anyone who is interested on our team. We don't just take the best. We have all kinds of skill levels.

Even the kids who never were very good really enjoyed competitions and being on the team. The kids learn sportsmanship, how to work at something they want and how to be gracious winners. All great life skills!

Our 3 year old groups don't all get first place! None of them have been damaged. In fact, many of our girls started as 4-year olds and they are still on the team and love it!

In life we need to do more than "show up." Yes we need to "try our best" but that's NOT what is expected in the professional world. Do you want your surgeon to just "show up?"

Many nations are ahead of the US academically, and they are all competitive nations. Children don't get their "self esteem" from receiving a ribbon for just showing up. They get true self-esteem from successfully putting what they've learned into practice and also helping others. Kids aren't stupid! They know when you're handing them a ribbon for no reason, and it doesn't make the ribbon worth anything.

Hope that helps!

I agree with you completely. In life there are clear-cut winners & there are losers. If all kids get the same "reward" for differing ability levels, what are we teaching them? Not only are we telling the kids whose abilities may be lacking that they're great when it's not true, we are also belittling those more skilled.

I am not saying that parents need to constantly push kids to be #1 in everything, I believe in a happy middle ground. I tell my kids I expect them to give me their absolute best in everything they do. If it doesn't work out, if they hate playing an instrument, if they never get played on the basketball court, well then we gave it a go & we can make some adjustments next time.

I agree with those who believe we are setting our kids up for more pain later. I also think we have stopped teaching our kids to be happy for other people's successes, talents, hard work, etc. I know an adult that can't enjoy going to other people's houses because it makes her feel bad that they have more than she does. How depressing!

It goes back to the saying, "Prepare your child for the path, not the path for the child." Stop taking all the rocks and boulders off the path and trying to make it all nice and smooth for them.

Anyway, we should be sure our kids know that we are happy and proud of them when they do their best, even if it isn't first place.

I agree that very young children should all get something for showing up and participating. But the ones who excel should also be rewarded. Sports, arts, academics, music...everyone will find their fit. But if from day one, every child is told they are the best, most fantastic basketball player, or artist....boy are we all in trouble! Or at least that child and their family, at some point. With a few of my daughters classmates, I have certainly seen this. They grow up with this incredible ego because no one has ever told them otherwise.

Have you never seen the American Idol try outs on TV??? OMG! Sorry, I couldn't help myself!

Everyone needs to be able to feel pride in what they do, and healthy competition can aid that and reassure some people. But if coaches and teachers, etc are all PC and everyone gets the same grade for different effort levels, those who do extra and push themselves will quickly figure it out and might alter their norms. Those who need to challenge themselves might continue to slack.

Fair and healthy competition needs to be reinstated! Thats my opinion!

Not everyone wins at everything in REAL life - competition is the motivator that our country lacks right now because for the last 20 years everyone gets a medal or trophy at the end of the season. There are true winners and losers in almost every event in life - it needs to start young!!! Otherwise, mediocrity is the norm.

I'm w/ you.
If we don't challenge kids, they won't try.

I haven't read the replies yet, but I can see both sides. I'm not sure that every child needs to win first place, but I don't think any child should be made to feel like a loser in grade school. Losing graciously is an important skill, so I think having all-equal rewards may be unnecessary, or even counter-productive. Kids need to learn to try hard, and if those who do try hard receive the same reward as everyone else, they might stop trying as hard. Also, kids who lose need to learn to be happy for those who win, and those who win need to learn to be gracious winners. All of these lessons are neglected if all children are treated equally in everything. But I think rewarding young children for competing will encourage them to want to compete again in the future. Some younger kids react to losing by wanting to try harder, while others internalize it and give up too early. I personally learned to hate competition from an early age, because when I won I felt bad for the losers and when I lost, I felt like the winners were gloating. What I mean is that I learned to dislike the tension in relationships that competition can create, and I think that's a bit much to put on young children. Children aren't really able to distinguish themselves from their accomplishments yet, so I think some reward for everyone is a nice idea.

I used to teach junior high, and I was once a judge for a speech competition. There were 11 competitors and the rewards went up to 10th place. I thought that was just wrong. Why make the one child who comes in last feel miserable? The other teachers didn't think the rules needed to be changed in this instance, and the one girl who didn't place cried, I'm sure in mortification, when the results were announced. She wasn't crushed that she hadn't won first prize. She was crushed that she had been made into the loser. My heart still hurts for that girl to this day.

I am a Gen Xer and was not raised with the self-esteem is critical notions that most Millennials were raised with. My parents also were not fans of the everyone-is-a-winner notion or that you need to be patted on the back for everything you do.

Best example: They did not come to my college graduation. Their theory was, "We helped pay for that and of course you should finish what you start." In other words, it was not an accomplishment that was super above and beyond their expectations. I don't think they they thought I was a loser, but nor did they think it was worth a gold medal. I really dig their approach.

I hate that everyone gets a participation award. It has resulted in mediocrity! My husband has seen the program he participated in just fall apart as this trend came in. He was in swim team at a public pool, went on to swim for high school, and then was a coach and instructor. He broke records, felt the thrill of doing his best and winning, and learned to do his best even if he wasn't going to win.

Then everyone started getting little plastic trophies. And everyone stopped trying. What's the point of a race if no one wins? REally? Then we're just all out for a swim together, or a jog together. My husband watched as his program turned into a play date at the pool. And there was nothing he could do about it.

I really hate what it teaches our kids. I think it teaches

(1) entitlement: look what he has, I should get one, too! This is a pervasive attitude that I think we can see in America. We don't try to keep up with the Jones so much as we think we deserve what the Jones worked so hard for, even if we didn't put in the effort.

(2) No effort required: all you have to do is show up.

(3) Can't handle disappointment: everyone needs to learn to lose graciously and deal with the emotions that come with losing. Competitions generate a lot of losers, and only a few winners. Winning is only sweet if you've tasted bitter loss.

(4) Everyone is the same: This isn't true! We all have different strengths and weaknesses. We're not the same. I find this attitude terribly frightening. How will the next great artist discover their talent if everyone gets the same ribbon on their art project? How will the next Einstein discover he's smart if everyone gets the same work, no exceptions? How will the future car designer ever get the spark of excitement to lead him to his career if no Pinewood Derby winner is declared? Competition teaches us about ourselves.

(5) Fairness means everybody gets the same thing: NO! Fairness means that everyone gets what they NEED. If it meant that everyone gets the same things, then it would only be fair to give all the kids in the classroom an electric wheelchair if one kid needs one. And everyone would get to skip first grade if a gifted child needed to move up. And everyone should get a medal if the winner of the race got one. It makes no sense to give everyone the same thing, regardless of need or merit.

How do these competitions prepare our children for the real world? They'll show up for a mediocre job and expect to get paid even if they don't do their best work. Then they'll find out that so-and-so is making more money and start complaining about unfair treatment. They'll max out their credit cards because so and so has a nicer apartment and nice furniture, and they deserve nice things, too.

It also cheapens victory. How does it feel to train hard for an event, do your best, and come out on top! It feels amazing! And they hand you that medal and your heart soars, and then they hand the next kid the same medal, and the next kid, and the next, and then you realize that all your effort meant absolutely nothing. What's the point of trying? All you had to do to get that medal was show up.

I don't even think every participant should get a reward. I think that's a great way to fill up our landfill and raise the price of karate lessons to where people like me can't afford them (and I feel like we can't). There is a reward inherent in DOING. I think we short-change our children when we don't teach them to find that reward within themselves.

I think it is important to know they have to compete that not everybody wins all the time or you are just setting them up to fail. There is a first place and a last place they need to know that in that life.

Yes, healthy competition is good, whether it be a race, a science fair or a spelling bee competition. Kids excel at different things and should be able to be proud of their accomplishments!

When they are really little all kids should get a trophy. I will never forget when my 4 yo did baseball for the first time at the community center some jerk dad was the organizer and arranged a baserunning competition so his child would get a humongous trophy and so would the first runner up. The rest of the team got a cheap ribbon. And they made a big ceremonious to do about it. Even at 4 my kid was crushed. I raised holy hell with the center about that.

I would say by second-third grade it is not a bad thing to rank the kids and award by merit. I have actually found by that age the kids kind of know it is a little bogus. They still do like to get those little trophies though!

I'm wondering about what age group you mean.
Little kids--kindergarten, elementary school...have a LOT to gain by being encouraged to participate.
Higher grades I think the kids can handle the exclusion.
As for some of the other thoughts expressed. Isn't life really about "showing up and trying your best"?
Really?
When you think about it?

Do we "show up" when your kid brings his papers home and takes them out of his/her backpack?

Do we "show up" when they express a fear?

Do we "show up" when we stress not eating junk?

Do we "show up" when they are frightened, disappointed or discouraged?

DOES life have such clear cut winners and losers?
REALLY?

I wonder how many of us would trot happily to the "loser's circle" if it was that easy?

I wonder if winning the First Place trophy really paves the way for a "winning" life.

What IS a "winner" exactly?

I believe that there should be winners and losers. How else is a child supposed to learn that they will not be the winner every time and how to be the loser. How else will the child learn to strive to be the best and not do substandard work/participation on everything, because they know that no matter what they all get the same reward. Now, I don't have a problem with everyone receiving a participant ribbon. They should be recognized for participating.

I always keep in mind the quote from the dad on The Incredibles when griping about having to go to the son's 3rd grade graduation. I don't remember it exactly, but it was something to the effect of "rewarding mediocrity".

With that being said, I have in the past few years that my son has played baseball and soccer been all for getting the kiddos a trophy at the end of the season for their participation (the parents have all chipped in or the coach bought). However, neither league does any kind of 1st/2nd/3rd place standings. His age level in soccer this year did have an end of season tournament. But, not all of the teams had to participate. I wanted them to have a trophy as a reminder and notice of "job well done" for participating. None of the trophies make mention of a standings in the league. They just give the team name and year.

It depends on what the competition is for. If it's something where their personal efforts play a role in their success (for instance, number of books read in a read-a-thon), then give places. If not, skip it.

I remember in high school, our places on the tennis court in PE were based on our abilities. So, first court went to the athletes and then all the way down to seventh and eighth court, where us less coordinated folks hung out. I always thought it was really unfair to rate people based on something that they had no control over.

Not every kid CAN be a 1st place winner unless they are competing against only themselves. I believe that it is ok to recognize the "place finishers" but too much emphasis is not a good idea. All participants should be recognized for participating and doing THEIR best. Emphasis should be on participation and FUN while doing their own personal bests and not on the competition itself.

I agree with you. I don't like the trend of "everyone's a winner". I believe our job as parents is to prepare our children to be responsible, independent adults. How is it helping a child to make them believe that "everyone's a winner" in real life? Not everyone who tries out for a team will (or should) make it. Not everyone who tries out for a play can get the lead role. Not everyone who applies for a job, or a promotion, can get it. How will children learn to handle life's let-downs if we make them believe that they will win every time? Why is it NOT okay to reward a child who goes above and beyond? Prizes and trophies are meant to reward being the best. If we award prizes to everyone, there is no drive to be the best. Therefore, we are rewarding complacency, and doing the bare minimum. Where would we be without adults who go above and beyond what is expected or required of them? Do we really want our children to be okay with complacency?

In contests, especially when the kids are your kids' age, they really have to learn how to win and lose with grace. When my daughter was 4, she really wasn't ready for that, but at 6 (she is 6 now), definitely. As long as it's not competition for grades, or for regular class assignments, then it's healthy to learn that. Special academic contests like spelling bees, etc., and sporting events often come with winners and losers, and if a child "wins" every time, he or she will never learn how to act when he or she doesn't win.

There is an exception. Sunday schools and church camps often play games with no winner and no loser. In those situation, the lesson is different (being inclusive, loving your neighbor, etc.) and in that context, I think the "no winner and no loser" rules are appropriate.

But kids spend much more time in school and have to learn to get along in life. If they want to play a game that doesn't involve a winner or loser in PE one week, fine. But the next week, if they are going to play basketball with a winning and losing team, that is fine too. During field day, they can have first, second, and third place winners. Nothing should be off limits.

I think it depends on the age level and what it is.

I personally don't believe every kid should be a 1st place winner - that just sets them up to fail in life.

I think when kids are little life is a bit more 'process' oriented and effort counts, so the reward is for participating. Every kid gets a ribbon or whatever and you recognize the kids for 1st 2nd & 3rd place. I think you should do that to give the other kids something to 'aim for'.

However, once the kids are in high school it's time to start preparing for the real world. Which means you don't get anything for just showing up. Not every kids gets a reward. You get rewarded if you place (1st, 2nd, 3rd) and you might see other rewards - most improved, best attitude. But kids that age will not be motivated by getting something for nothing. That does not build self-esteem. It builds a false sense of what it takes to succeed. Then they get out in the real world and they can't take it when no one tells them how great they are cuz they showed up for work that day.

Now - I think you HAVE to teach good sportsmanship and it's IMPERATIVE that you give kids a chance to improve their skills. But at the high school level it's about differentiation of talents. not every kid gets to play in the game..... if that kid isn't showing skills at that game (or whatever), then the kid needs to be coached on what their strengths and interests are so they can do something they are good at.

Just my $0.02.

It only sets kids up for unrealistic expectations if everyone is rewarded. There should be clear rewards for those who do their best. Rewarding mediocrity is why our country is last in most educational markers these days.

I think that all kids SHOULD receive something for participating, but that there should ALSO be different awards for 1st - 3rd.

I've enjoyed looking over all the Certificates of Participation from my
children's activities, oh so long ago. They give us a record in a scrapbook
medium that is easy to keep and a record of all of their trials and accomplishments. Memories of the activities have built self-esteem.
I think some form of memorabilia should be given. Only top winners get
their special prizes.
Participation, simply, should be celebrated and encouraged.
We five siblings growing up were so competitive, put encouraged to
do our best and try to learn something to better ourselves. Winning
was icing but the cake was the best. I must add that I grew up in the
'50s. Some things don't need improvement.
EDIT: I think there is more value in the lessons you learn when you lose
than when you win.

I hate how all of the schools (etc.) are rewarding these kids these days for things that are required of them. We are not all equal. In this world, things are not always fair or equal. This is life. As much as we try to make everyone the same and try not to hurt feelings, it's just not going to work. If anything, those kids who are rewarded for last may end up lacking certain survival skills in life. No one wants to disappoint a kid for effort. Trust me, I don't want to see my child lose but it's just a part of life. If you want first, you just need to work harder and harder until you get there. Until then, you don't deserve it. When you get into the real world, the slacker is not going to be given the management position over the hard worker. The real world just doesn't work this way. I fear that our kids aren't learning how to deal with disappointment.

I think my sons' school last year handled award days really well. K-2 everyone got some kind of award on award day. 3-5 have to earn their awards, so not everyone will receive and award on award day. Or some student may received more awards than others.

I think competition can be healthy if presented in a good way. All kids need to learn the benefits of hard work and also how to be good losers and learn from their experiences. If you hand them everything, they will go through life thinking they deserve everything to be handed to them and not want to work to achieve anything.

For younger kids you want to build self esteem so T-Ball leagues where they are learning the game, don't keep score an emphasize "fun". But once in Little league, the score is kept and there are winners and losers, I think this works well as long as paretns and coaches are encouraging and don't take things to seriously.

Just MHO!

Sorry someone wins and some looses. That is life. Do you see the football team that lost a game get a medal? I don't think so. I aslo have a problem with the schools getting rid of the val and saludatorian. Now you have the top 10 or 20. Well, I don't see football and baseball teams doing that. In the true words of "Ricky Bobby" "if you aren't first, your last". Some kids excel in athletics and some kids excel in academics. I believe kids should be awarded properly for their accomplishments. We should not set them up for failure.

I think everyone has something they do better than anyone else.
It just takes awhile to find out what their particular talent is.
Some are athletic. Some are artistic. Some are musical (my sister can play 3 instruments - I sing). Some could memorize the encyclopedia.
Competition could/should be fun.
Parents who forget that and push push push for first place all the time just kills the fun for everyone.

I think as the kids get older (2nd/3rd grade) that the clear winner should get the trophy, gold medal, or whatever. But, I don't think there is anything wrong with everyone getting something. I compare it to when I run marathons and half marathons. I will never be first and get the grand prize, but I do like the medal I get when I cross the finish line:)

I have to agree with you on this one. If our children never lose then when they get into the real world they won't know how to act when they do. It teaches them good sportsmanship and that you have to work hard to win. The whole idea of no one should EVER FEEL BAD is kind of stupid. If that was the case then there would be no need for playoffs and no need to work hard for ANYTHING bc EVERYONE WINS. Not screaming just trying to make a point. By our children losing every now and then I think makes them better ppl. My oldest is now 9 and has competed not only in sports but also in pageants. He has learned that if you work hard it will pay off and when he doesn't win he still gets excited when his friends do. We can't smother our children and then expect them to be a good sportsman when they lose.

I agree with you that from school age up(maybe even a year before) there is no harm in having a winner. Kids have to learn that not everyone wins every time. When my children were 3 and under, I let them win games, but once they hit 3 1/2 and 4, I started making sure I won some, too. My oldest took it pretty hard at first. Once he turned 5, my husband and I started playing to the best of our ability(most of the time). He has no problem with losing(or winning) now. We have taught him how to be a good loser and a good winner. Both are important.

Yeah I made the mistake of when my child was younger, if she didn’t get a 1st – 3rd place, I would buy her a first place medal or something. Next thing I know, as she was getting a little older, she EXPECTED a 1st place megal/trophy and I realized what a mistake I made! I had to undo it!

It’s all good now, but I’m handling it different with her younger brother. Believe it or not, he is not a sore loser at all. In fact, he is usually the first to congratulate the winners!

Bottom line = I agree with you.

I didn't read any of the other responses, but here's my take.
I am a pianist (or - used to be before I had three kids - ha!) that started seriously competing when I was about 9 or 10 all the way into my college years.
I learned that I needed to work hard if I wanted to succeed. I learned how to take constructive criticism - which resulted in a healthy does of humility. I learned how to perform in front of judges and an audience. I learned that you're not always the best at what you think you do well. I learned that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and that comparing yourself to others doesn't help anything. I learned that Asians have a better work ethic than Americans :)
As for competition making me feel worse, yeah, I had my moments of not being happy with an outcome of my performance, but on the whole it taught me some pretty valuable things that have helped me in my adult life.
So, I guess the upshot of this is that we could all use a little bit of it. We learn from those experiences and they shape the kind of people that we turn out to be.

Ok so I am a volleyball coach and have been for 13 years. I coach for a select club team. So the girls have to try out and "make" a team. Now so many clubs practically keep all the girls and make teams with the best of the girls to the worst of the girls and because of this type of thing I don't think kids know who to take disappointment. Bye the way I am not a huge fan of this either because when you put a bunch of girls who really do not have the skills to be a successful team together on the court I feel it may crush their self esteem worse because they will never know what winning feels like either. When I played volleyball you had to tryout and not everyone made the team. And if you did make a team you didn't get to have your parents complain that you were not on the same team as your friend and that you both really wanted to play together. You were just happy you made a team and you worked your butt off as a part of that team. So as a result kids don't really try as hard at things as they used to because they will "make" a team anyway. I think kids need to be taught you have to work hard and try your best to win. They need to learn you don't always win every game every time. I am kind of against rewarding participation. You are rewarded by just getting the opportunity to participate. Not every child is an athlete. There are many other types of activities children can involve themselves in besides sports. But that is a different situation all together and I won’t go into that.