I don't want to give too much as she throws away all gifts. I give her. She only keeps/uses gift cards. I was going to give her money but not sure how much. I don't want to give her too much since she doesn't seem to appreciate the things I do give her. What do you think is a decent amount? Edit: I love her and want to give her something. I just don't appreciate the ungratefulness.
I ended up giving her $200, a gold bracelet & a couple of other small gifts. I always give her a sep gift from hubby because he gives more practical gifts & I know she likes money & fun gifts. It's a good combo. She seemed happy with her gifts. Thanks for all of your answers. For those of you that were kind & really trying to help, I appreciate it. Taking the high road, was once again, the best way for me to go.
What is her dad giving her? Let his gift be from both of you. Just sign the card under or next to his name and let it go.
Are you trying to punish her or what? What does that mean, "maybe just give her a little, not the amount I was originally going to give"?
You are the adult so if you are having issues, you still give her a nice graduation gift. Because if you end up in a good relationship later, you don't want her to remember your pathetic graduation gift you gave her back in the day. JMO. Good luck.
I'm not sure I'm reading you right. She got snippy 8 years ago because you got pregnant, and your husband didn't step up (and a prior question said that your husband has an anger problem), and you're still mad at her? And you want to let her know that by skimping on a gift that you know she will keep/use (money)? What's your goal?
If this is an opportunity to get back at her for what she did when she was 10 (if she's now 18), it seems pointless and petty. You should have yelled at your husband instead of at her, frankly.
My grandmother (my father's mother) told my mother every year at Christmas, "I love you like you're my own, dear. But you're not." So my father and his brother got generous checks, and my mother and my uncle's wife got a little scarf or something. It was awful. When I married a man with 2 children, and even after I had a child with him, I was very careful not to do that to the older 2.
What isn't fully explained is why you have been giving her gifts for 8 years but your husband says nothing when she throws them out. Does she do this in front of you? In front of him? Are the gifts just from you, or from both of you? Does she make a distinction between things you picked out and things her father bought? Does he not step up and tell her she may not disrespect his wife?
If your SD has no manners, and your husband has no manners, you are the only one left to take the high road. Take it.
If she is going to college, give her a gift card to her college bookstore where she can buy a variety of essentials - college t-shirt, school supplies (printer paper, ink), personal items like shampoo. Or a card to Bed Bath & Beyond so she can buy stuff for her room. If she is going into the working world and an apartment, get her a gift card to Home Goods or BB&B. And hope that she grows up because she is doomed to be an ungrateful and resentful adult.
It's really awful that your husband didn't get a handle on this 6, 7, 8 years ago and that you are now consumed with the "I'll show YOU" anger from years of being disrespected her by and him.
You and her dad should give her the same amount of $ you would give your own child...and a nice card. Maybe her dad can take her out to dinner just the two of them and get some quality time together. I know it is hard to be kind to someone who is not kind to you...but she is the kid and you are the adult.
The gift should come from you and your husband together and be the same amount as what you would give to your own child, she is his child after all regardless of how much she acted like a normal jealous child when she felt replaced and like her whole world had fallen apart and was out of her control. I wonder, did you ever get her counseling to deal with the loss of her family and the fear she must have felt as her father was having a new child with someone other then her mother? Or was this child just told to get over it with no help? Let it go.
If the gift is from you and her dad and you are still together, then it should be as generous a gift as you would give to your biological children. If she is going to school or moving out, then a generous gift card so that she can pick out items for her dorm, or gift cards to local restaurants where she will be living, would be a nice treat. Gas cards and cash are always welcome too.
My husband and I are separated so my SD no longer lives with me and my ex no longer lives with his step-son (my son). Both just graduated from high school. I hosted a joint graduation party for both kids. My ex's budget is really tight so we agreed that for each others' kids, we would do a $50 cash gift - I was going to do more, but he didn't want my son to feel slighted that he can't afford to do more for him. He isn't doing a bigger gift for her from him because he has already paid for a lot of travel and college-related costs in the past years and he'll be paying a ton for college and moving expenses for her when she heads up to school later in the summer. My son is staying local so I already gifted him the airfare for a trip he's taking to London for a friend's dad's wedding. If we were still together, those gifts (including the prior spending on SD) would have been from both of us.
I don't remember the back story with your SD but you sound rather resentful towards her. This should really be something from you and her dad and as such, on par with what you would do for your own kids.
I can understand your irritation about this ordeal. But, why do you feel that you need to give her a gift separate from your husband? When married, all gifts to whomever tend to be jointly given. ,
I was give her a generous gift card and if she would like, a dinner out with dad.
Cake, balloons, banner (get little one involved) next time she was over. She'll appreciate it.
wow...you really don't like your step daughter, huh?
You see...if I had married a man who had a child with me and then decided to ignore my other child HE would be out the door.
How dare you? You don't have a relationship with her because you and your husband had a child. You yelled at her about her (totally normal) child feelings. You are not trying anymore, you have just given up.
Ick.
Get her whatever you want. Obviously it wont be given with love.
When my parents remarried, my steps didn't give me separate gifts. That's not really typical. Gifts either came from mom/dad only, or jointly from parent/step.
If you've been giving her separate gifts that are just from you, and she gets rid of them, stop doing that. You're beating your head against a wall for no reason.
Whatever gift you and her dad decide on, he can give it to her. Either from you jointly (if she doesn't also reject that) or from just him. No drama.
Maybe you could do lunch and shopping and let her pick out a gift.
i would give a gift card to a normal amount of money. or have her dad give her the gift with both your name and his on it
