....a woman who does nothing but eats (too much--food is not an option), sleeps, and talks?
I'm not trying to be disrespectful, just stating the facts for responses, but my MIL's world is very small.
She goes nowhere (except out to eat a few times per week and the doctor's office), does nothing (no reading, no hobbies, etc) except watches tv, and has literally NO interests.
Usually, I leave this up to my husband who buys her restaurant gift cards, maybe a sweater, and some Bath & body works bubble bath and slippers. It's the SAME gifts every year--but when someone does so little--what can you get!????
She's overweight, needs two new knees (which she refuses to get done), and just had a pacemaker put in.
ANY ideas? Any? Anything? LOL
Great ideas so far! As for Netflix or a Roku box...these people are so low tech it would be a complete waste of money--like the cell phone, the GPS, etc.
The wooden snack tables might work IF they had any room in their tiny living room.
As for cooking stuff--forget it--she doesn't even "make" a bowl of cereal by herself! Obviously the woman is depressed! That's an understatement. She's had edible arrangements and liked them. Her idea of "eating healthy" is having the healthy stuff AND then gorging herself on unhealthy stuff as well. Curves? I don't think so--the woman cannot WALK--please re-read--she needs TWO KNEE RE PLACEMENTS. It's pathetic I know, but she is what she is. Her need to lose weight is a fact but not one she is interested in.
So far, I really like the digital picture frame idea.
Riley--thank you for the explanation about the knee pain--people just don't realize you CANNOT "get" a 275 lb. woman with bone-on-bone pain OUT for a WALK....just not gonna happen. A cooking show or weight loss show is not going to motivate her to lose weight--probably the one thing that would bring some relief to her knee pain. Her next step is a wheelchair. She has no interest in "getting out" or watching the grandkids play" etc., etc., etc. I cannot do anything about it. Her daughter suggested a therapist for depression and she was thrown out of the house and cursed at. Sigh. If she was MY mother, maybe I could "do" more.....but she's not. And she is quite happy to have everyone around her under her instruction, fetching and stepping for her.
Thanks for the great ideas though. Might go with a digital picture frame. I hope she can find a spot for it.
I've had a lot of women in my life like this.
They go nuts for
a foot spa foot massager.
good slippers and a housecoat
babypowdered scented perfumes
How about movie DVDs? Or how about season O. and two of some show she likes to watch.
My stepfather is in a wheelchair and can't get out of the house and is in bed at times quite often. Walmart has DVDs of multiple old classic movies in different genres like mystery, westerns, romances, sci-fi, etc. You can get 10 movies in O. for $5-10 each so we've gotten him a lot of different types of DVDs to keep him occupied. Those I've found mostly online. In the store they have $13 DVDs of 3 or 4 movies. I got my stepfather the original Ocean's 11, the new Ocean's 11, 12 and 13 all on O. DVD for $13. And for $13 I got I, Robot (Will Smith), The Day After Tomorrow (Dennis Quaid) and The Day the Earth Stood Still (Keanu Reeves). I got my mom 3 movies in 1 of Michael Landon Jr's old west love stories. Forget the names, lol.
I think movies would be better than giving her more food to add to her problem.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
Some comfy lounging clothes to sit around and watch TV in?
A fancy TV remote?
A food-of-the-month club membership?
Does she cook? If so, maybe some kitchen gadget? I got a stick blender for Christmas last year and it has been very handy (no pun intended.)
A really nice set of wooden T.V. trays for the dinner she's eating while watching T.V.?
Netflix subscription - or pay for a few months of service.
added: Netflix still mails DVDs to your house! Very low-tech. You can sign on to her name and add movies. My cousin mails DVDs to my grandma all the time thru Netflix.
an electric scooter!
I don't know why but a 'male stripper' comes to mind
Subscription to Weight Watchers magazine.
Okay: The quick bit: Get her something you would get a pregnant woman on bedrest.
The long part / having gimped in those shoes:
I get depressed, too, when I can't move. And I've been there with my knees. You can't move your legs at ALL when your knees are bad, and when you're in a 'good pain day'... imagine labor pain. But every time you bed your knees. It's something most people who haven't blown them can't really wrap their head around until you go through it yourself. Like the first time you seriously injure anything and all of a sudden realize how much you used that before.
PLEASE GOD don't give her exercise things or videos.
Imagine buying for a parapalegic. It's just cruel to buy workout videos when you're crippled from the waist down. Which is what happens when your knees go. I've injured ankles, knees, hips, back, neck, shoulders. Out of all of them... knees are worst. Because you're just STUCK.
My knees are chronic. I need a double replacement as well... and that's 2 years out of your life, tens of thousands, and needing to arrange total care of yourself for a couple months, and assisted living / nursing care for another 6 mo., and daily, then 3x per week physical therapy for about a year. It is a HUGE undertaking; physically, emotionally, and financially. There's this brief little window of about 10 years when surgeons want to do that surgery (in your early 40s) and then they get very nervous. Too young and they're calculating all the following surgeries in their head and the stress that puts on your body... too old and they're worried about you never recovering from the surgery.
Oh.
They also have to be REDONE every 10 years or so after getting them done... because the parts wear out. 40/ 50/ 60... and then you just have to cope. Assuming, of course, your bones don't start degenerating... which throws a halt on the re-replacement.
At some point, I'll probably end up wheelchair bound for the rest of my life.
Knee replacement isn't a "fix" it's quite literally "buying time". Pain free time. But that time is very limited.
Fortunately, I'm young enough I'm still a 'pain management' candidate... and I'm young enough that the rest of me is mostly healthy. But I still go through bad pain days, and bad pain months. O. year was so bad every time I went up the stairs (dragging myself backward on my bum) even THAT movement had me in tears.
Frustrating.
Depressing.
It's worse than being on bedrest while pregnant... because you know FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE you're going to be like this. And many people don't think that the surgery is worth it... because things will get a lot worse for a period of time. For many people, the idea of "worse" is incomprehensible. For others, they don't want to lost those years, months, etc.
Breasts are just decorative... but how many women agonize about cutting them off to save their own lives? This isn't a simple or small decision.
With all due respect, I would try to avoid gifts that are only going to worsen her depression and laziness ( ie a subscription for MORE Tv watching).
Take her someplace! Her son needs to be over there getting her butt out of bed and making her get some fresh air, taking her to church, on a walk, etc.
Perhaps a motivational book? If she is too lazy to read, get it on DVD or CD.
A good magazine subscription
The biggest loser on Box Set - not kidding. What a motivational show!
Healthy eating cookbook
Scentsy - at least her house will smell good while she is in it.
Great idea, Jess. I agree Netflix!
Hmm, I wonder if she's okay in the medical sense.
Has anyone thought of early-onset Alzheimzers?
If I had 2 knee sugeries & a pacemaker, I'd be depressed.
Okay so let's see. How about:
*magazine subscription (a cheap O. albeit but something to read
nonetheless). Something easy: People magazine, All You
*word search magazine ($1.99 @ Walgreen's. Big print. Fun & easy)
*photo album you put togther of the family
*a bouquet of inexpensive flowers (red & white carnations) from the
grocery store to cheer her up
*Dvd (maybe her fave movie)
*Write down 10 uplifting lines on a pretty piece of parchment paper for her
to look at. Title it: reasons we love you, things to make you smile etc.
*cozy robe
*fuzzy, cozy socks (wish someone would buy them for me)
*a pretty, silver (inexpensive) charm that says I love you (to remind her
when she is sitting there all alone
*Time. Your time. A visit.
*Fuzzy, cozy blanket. (They sell these cheap at Ross & Wal-mart. I love
these!
*Something to put her remote in? (I know you don't approve of her tv
watching but it MAY BE all she really has. I've seen a lot of this lately
and it's sad)
*Would she really get nothing out of a Woman's Day magazine? Might be
worth a shot and they have cheap magazines now-a-days.
*Does she have pets? If so, stock up on her pet's dog food
*Does she like a particular coffee, tea or wine? You could get her that
*Vanilla or cinnamon air freshener (not the kind you plug in. In case of fire
*a deck of cards (she can play solitaire)
*a phone card to call her old friends
*the newspaper from her hometown
*fortune cookies (from the grocery store so she can get a new fortune.... I know you said no food but it's her life not yours & it might be fun for her)
*scratch off Lottery ticket
*framed picture of you, hubby & your kids
*warm knit gloves for doctor visits
*her horoscope (the "you were born today" kind
*Big tablet (w/pretty cover) & a pretty pen to jot down notes or lists
*Cut out a bunch of funnies from the comics (things to make her laugh)
*a note w/the comedy channel from her tv provider to serve as a reminder to turn to it w/a note saying "laughter is the best medicine"
-a visit from you for some company (just a short visit now and then)
A Roku box for her TV..
You have described my MIL to a tee!!! Same dilemma here but we only buy gifts for the kids so we don't have to worry about what to get her. I read your post to my husband and he said "how about a plot or a gravestone". We mean no disrespect but there's not much you can do for a person who refuses to help themselves. My MIL has had two heart attacks and has diabetes and refuses to change.
O. of those blankets with sleeves?
subscription to TV Guide? or a Soap magazine?
an asdsortment of cards (birthday, Get Well, Anniversary, etc) and some stamps
Oh, jeez, this sounds like my late grandmother. I liked a lot of these, until I saw your update. In that case, I think Tracy K's ideas may be the best (my grandmother also wore "house coats" -- haven't heard that term in ages!) Love the foot spa/massager idea.
What about a snuggie (did I really just suggest that?) or a blanket?
Man that's a toughie.
Does she like coffee or tea? Maybe a big gift basket of her faves?
My grandmother was much the same. We used to get her things for her house. O. year we got her a new TV, a plaque for the outside of her house that had large house numbers, the movie channel that had her "old movies" on all the time. She may also appreciate if you do a shutterfly book of her life. That might be really appreciated. Pictures of her with all members of the family or at activities out the house where she was having fun. Maybe look into your local senior center and see if there are activities you can attend together to get her out and about more often. If she has someone to "go" with she may be willing to do more. :) Good Luck
Maybe already mentioned, but what about experiences? Like a trip to the zoo in the spring (she can be pushed in a wheelchair)? Gateway Clipper events (dinner cruises, site seeing cruises, etc)?
With my mom, anything done with a family member is the best thing ever. Good luck!
A Netflix subscription.
How about framing some old family photos for her. Or get a digital picture frame and fill it up with pics of her grandkid(s). Might brighten her days to see happy & familiar faces. :)
How about a really nice bouquet of flowers? You could have them delivered if you knew someone would be there to accept, or just bring them yourself. I send my Grandmother a beautiful bouquet every holiday so she has them for her holiday table, and she loves it.
Or what about some crossword, word find or sudoku books? My older "folks" love these, especially the large print ones. You could also get her a "lap desk" if she doesn't have O. so she'd be comfortable.
To those who suggested motivational or weight loss books/etc.... I know you mean well... but people who are overweight are not idiots. They KNOW they're overweight. It would be so cruel to give ANY O. the "Biggest Loser" box set. Holy cow! Think about if you have something you're self-consious about (big nose, birth mark, heavy thighs, etc) and then someone gave you a thigh master, or some spot remover face cream. Cruel.
O. and Done....you sound really frustrated with her weight. I want to suggest that she is seriously depressed. If all she is doing is eating and watching TV than I think something is probably wrong. Don't give up on her!!
For gifts. Umm...I guess it depends on what you want to support out of her three hobbies. You could get her a really nice pillow or blanket. You could find out what O. of her favorite shows are and get her the season on DVD. You could get her O. of those fruit edible arrangements!! Those things are good, and it's a ton of fruit so it's good for her! You could also get her Dr. Phil's more recent book. I am sure I don't even know the name of any of his books, but O. of them is about weight loss and living your best life.
Good Luck,
L.
- With all due respect, can't the doctor prescribe some slimming meds? Or is it possible to seek some help so as to counsel her to loose weight & furthermore gain motivation to get herself involved in healthy activities...
-Friends can be good rescuers too :) Until & unless she herself isn't motivated nothing much can be done...
