What Do You Do When Time Out Doesn't Work?

What does the school do for discipline when he bites? Is it consistent with home? I used time outs at home but they need to be done right away. I think this behavior is in the normal range for a 2 year old. At three my son had a lot of trouble with hitting and pushing but the school worked with him a lot rather than kicking him out. they sent him home for the day a couple of times and there were one or two kids they never had him with (he was the most aggressive boy in his class at the time but definitely not the only one).

Get books by Jo Frost, the "Supernanny" of TV. She does a lot of excellent time out strategies (the key: putting the child back in time out over and and over and over if the child leaves time out, even if it takes hours!) and her boosk may also be able to help with the biting issue. You have much more going on here than time outs not working -- with biting, hittiing and being asked to leave day care, you do need more help than most of us can give. You also may want to have him evaluated to see if he might have food or dye allergies or other issues that are making him lash out more than most kids do (and while some hitting or even biting do go on, for it to reach the point that he does it every other week is not normal, and will continue to get him thrown out of day cares unless you can stop it or he just matures to the point he no longer does it). I hope this can get worked out and it may just take time for him to mature before he can be back in any day care.

You need a school that is willing to have someone "shadow" him. This means have one of the workers in the room always have an eyeball on him and is ready to swoop in and manage things when conflict starts. If he has advanced speech and intelligence I can see where he would get frustrated. He's probably told to use his words only to have the other child act his or her age and not cooperate. Kellhy hits the nail on the head when she says that you can't discipline him at home for what he did at school and expect it to have any effect. He most likely doesn't remember the incident by the time he gets home - and nor will he remember the discipline by the time he's at school tomorrow.
I also have a difficult child who wouldn't stand in time out at age 2. He actually enjoyed the attention he got from being dragged to the corner over and over! We began using spankings and it was a huge turning point in getting his behavior at home under control. He needed a form of immediate discipline that didn't leave any room for him to try and get out of it.

When my second child (a girl) was 2-3 years old she was in complete control of our house. Nothing I tried worked. Finally, in desperation, I ordered 7 books on parenting from Amazon one day. The one that helped me get back in control of my daughter and my house was called "Parenting with Love & Logic".

For my daughter, what finally worked (from the book) was giving her the choice to do what I needed her to do, either with a swat, or without a swat. So if I needed her to put her coat on, or stay in time out, or stay in bed, I would say, "You can either stay in time out with a swat, or you can stay in time out without a swat. Which would you rather do?" She tested me only once, and received one swat, and I never had to give another one. A bit later, after she was under control, I could offer other incentives instead of the swat, like taking away a toy, or taking away a privilege. One thing I learned with her though, was to never, ever bluff. If I said I was going to take a toy away, it had to be one I was willing to part with, but if I gave her an inch, she'd take 3,000 miles! :)

Good luck!

I have never had an aggressive child but my son's preschool teacher when he was in the two year old class once suggested to another parent to send a dropper in with some vinegar. If the child bites she would put a tiny drop of vinegar(quickly) in the child's mouth. It was harmless but it made the connection that biting someone else is nasty. For my kids depending on the situation I will give a pop on the butt or time outs. At our house time outs are sitting in your room with the door closed so you get no attention. Not for very long but long enough. My oldest is four now so I can take away privileges and just talk to him and it works. I personally don't think you can reason with a two year old. If he does something the consequence should immediately follow.

Sounds like he needs a pop. Not to hurt him, but to get his attention.

For the biting, you need to bite him back.

For the hitting, grab his hand and speak firmly on his level that he is NOT to hit anyone at anytime for anything. I can tell you as a mom of two boys who are 2 years apart, they will hit and fight as they get older, but only once has it gotten to a point where I had to intervene with more than words.

Time outs don't work for all kids. If you are against giving him a swift pop on the bottom, I can only say good luck.

Even tho you say he is bright &has excellent language; that of a 3.5 yr old, you have to remember that emotionally, he's still a 2.5 yr old which is why he bites instead of vebalizing his wants. This biting is very common for a child his age. Being 2.5 is the same reason why the TO's are not working. It is very concerning that at his young age he is being booted from day care for a second time. First the daycare should be experienced enough to know this is a age-appropriate phase, altho a disliked phase. As well as being able to handle it. Understandable that the other parents are getting angry & asking him to be removed. This is a tough position for the daycare provider: keep the family that has a history there or make the other paying parents happy. You don't mention any biting at home? So if he's only biting at daycare but not at home, I'd take that as a sign that something is not right there & is making him unhappy. I would spend some time at the daycare & observe what's happenening. I agree w/other responses; you can't discipline a 2.5 yr old at home for something that happened hours ago as he's already forgotten about it. You cab try a sticker/reward chart at this young age but the shcool has to be in on it as well. Since the problem is at school, maybe just start out only using it school. Make it all about caught being good as in he's rewarded verbally & w/a sticker for every time they notice he's using his words to solve a problem which again, is very hard to do at his age & will require the help of the daycare staff. Also, make the 'payout' for good behavior happen quickly so set short term goals; if he gets 3 stickers for good behavior he immeditaley gets a reward like exra outside time or time w/a favorite toy. Depending on how long he's in daycare, he may need to get more than one 'payout' for good behavior. He can't wait for the reward til pick up time. Still lavish him w/praise & a special treat but make sure he's already been rewarded by the staff. You don't mention how long his day is....this is also a factor in his behavior. You might consider shortening his day if possible. But, as much is this daycare is the right fit for your older son, it may be the wrong fit for your younger son. Good luck!

D., it's not "normal" for a child to be kicked out of 2 day cares by the time he is 2.5 years. I have 3 and 5 year old boys and believe me, they act up but not to the extent that they are kicked out. Being kicked out indicates big behavior issues. I would suggest an evaluation. Also, make sure you and your husband are on the same page as far as discipline. Get "Love and Logic for the Early Childhood Years." Also, and I know you aren't going to want to hear this, but it sounds like you need to quit your job and stay home with your kids. His behavior is indicating that he needs more stability and more help than he's getting. I work fulltime too and I know how hard it would be to quit but he needs you. If that just is absolutely impossible, can you get a nanny? We did that for a while and it was great. Good luck!

Ok I have questions for you. Does he bite at home or only at school. What does the school do when he bites. 2 year old punishment 4 hours after the instance will not work. So after you pick him up and then punish does not really do it. Of course you can take his favorite toy away and put him in time out but really its way to much after the fact. When he bites at home of course take away the toy even if he was right someone was taking it from him. Put him in time out for the 2 minutes required. Don't talk to him be consistant if he gets out before the 2 minutes start it again. At school request to watch a play time without him knowing you are there. do a surprise visit to the school. Watch the play ground.