What Is Appropriate for 7Th Grade?

I do not think you are over reacting . I would be going to the school and having a talk with the principle about the teacher and the students . I would not be happy about the way the teacher handled the whole thing .
Good luck . Because it sounds like it is going to be just a big joke and no one is going to do any thing about it . Sounds like those boys get away with lots of things .
Mabey it is time some one stands up to them .

Please talk to the teacher and found out what her thinking is on the matter. If you don't feel satisfied with her response then askl for a meeting with the teacher and administrator. As a teacher, I want parents to talk with me if they have concerns. Then if I haven't done a good job listening and/or explaining why something is the way it is, the parent should feel free to take their concerns to my administrator.

Here are my thoughts...
I think that while these boys went for shock value of their topic with the teacher and she accepted the challenge, I do not think that these "bad boys" will actually have the guts to do these presentations. "Bad boys" once separated and faced with speaking in front of the class will most often show their true colors of the low self esteem and low confidence level that fuels their behavior. Especially with something like the subject matter of condoms. Bad boys or not, at 7th grade actually making a speech about condoms would hit on a high level of embarrassment. It is still an embarrassing topic at more than the "shock value" stage for kids this age. In my opinion.

My advice...
If these kids actually have the guts to do this, which I don't think they will, you could go to the class and listen to their presentations. Then you will be able to answer any questions your daughter may have afterward. Your daughter may know alot more than you think. If she doesn't then you may want to educate her, as I believe that alot of the other kids in 7th grade do. Some kids that age are already having sex and I wouldn't want my child getting led into something because he didn't know better. No offense intended. My son's school started some sex ed in 5th grade.

I honestly have to commend this teacher for challenging these kids that are already labeled as bad boys. She is trying to reach them too, rather than keep letting them slide thru the cracks. Even though this probably wouldn't be her first choice of subject matter. I bet those two boys never forget this teacher. But again, I would be suprised if they actually do their speeches on condoms. Also remember it is a speech not an open discussion, I also think the teacher would be checking these two boys speeches over before they would read it in front of the class. I would be interested in how this all pans out, keep us posted.

V.

I know you have a lot of responses but here goes:last week, I sent a message to a friend of mine that teaches 7th grade and asked if kids in 7th still write notes to each other as a joke....I was shocked at the things she said she has read at there age!!!

1. I'm sure the students already know what condoms are. 2. I'm sure the teacher has plans of stopping them before they say anything inappropriate. (Your daughter is pretty smart for catching on to the teachers objective)
3. At 7th grade, students are old enough to understand there are consequences to their actions. If the teacher told them, they can do the speech but they will fail if they say anything inapproipriate and they take on the challenge...so be it.

It already sounds like your daughter knows what a condom is. The truth is they have been probably talking about sex since they were in elementary school on the playground. Also perhaps the teacher was trying reversed phycologie on they boys... I'm sure after they start researching or thinking about that idea a little more they will come to their senses and pick a diffrent topic that is more comfortable for them. Also belive ist or not, I'm sure there are some kids in her grade doing it already!

So I guess what I'm saying is don't worry about it. Remember when you were a kid and the stuff people talked about???

If you're not talking to your children about sex already, you're too late! Seriously, the kids are talking about it. Some of them are already having sex. Yes, that's hard to realize, but it's true. Talk to your kids about sex. Use this as a stepping stone if you have not started already. Since you know when the speech is happening use this as an opportunity to correct any misconceptions they may get from these boys.

The teacher has set up some perimeters. This might be a good time to create a relationship with her and and find out what those perimeters are.

Don't be afraid of sex. The more knowledge our kids have about it the better off they will be. Talk to them. Share your feelings and beliefs about it. They will be much better off if they feel they can talk to you about it.

If you're too shy, reach out to other organizations that offer parent/child classes. The YMCA has like a 4-6 week class that parents can take WITH their children so they can learn how to talk about it. Sex is not a bad thing that happens to people.

Good luck!
W.

Whatever you end up doing is fine; just go with your gut.

However, I do not agree with all the posters who find this situation "shocking." 7th graders are interested in sex and they want information. They SHOULD know about condoms by 7th grade! It's really important to arm children with knowledge, and they could learn about condoms in 5th grade, from their parents.

Yikes!!!
I'd be calling the teacher asap to see if this was in fact true. The boys could be making the speech topic up to impress their peers. If it were my kid, I'd demand the teacher nix this idea. How on earth could she justify letting 12/13 year-old children talk about condoms in class and basically give children sex-ed? I think it's crazy and I'd also bring it to the attention of the principal as well. Then, if nothing is done, I'd pull my child out of that teacher's class permanently. She obviously has bad judgement and that's not a nurturing environment for a child. And what is this, English class? Is this an appropriate topic for English class, 7th graders, and non-experts on condoms, I'm sure!!??

I, too, consider myself to be conservative, but I am not naive. I think 12-13 year olds should be learning about these things. At least it's in a controlled environment. If you have a good relationship with the teacher, talk to her directly about it.

It sounds like your daughter is open and honest with you and that's a good thing! Use the opportunity to be sure that you instil your own values (without being judgemental, etc).

We started learning with sex education in the 7th grade health class. We were allowed to ask questions openly and freely without 'repercussions'. I would agree that it sounds like these boys are just going for shock value, but would it really hurt them to know about condoms? Especially if they will be graded on there knowledge and held accountable in front of their peers and teachers? If I were the teacher, I would invite the boys parents to attend their presentation.

I have taught 7th grade. I do not think this is an appropriate speech topic for 7th graders. I would call the teacher asap and make sure you've gotten accurate information.

If the teacher indeed is okaying this topic, I'd express your concerns to her, be firm and persistent; if you are not comfortable with it, tell the teacher and if necessary, make other arrangements for your daughter that day. She can always spend that class period in the library, etc....

I would also ask the teacher if she has talked to the parents of these two boys to be sure it's ok with their parents. Middle school/jr. high kids love to get attention by being "bad" and rebellious. Their parents probably have no idea that this has been going on in class. Even if this has been approved, more than likely, when actually given the floor/spotlight, these boys will chicken out.

Yes, this might present an opportunity to open up the dialogue with your daughter, and sadly enough, I had a pregnant 7th grader on year. Yuck. However, communication with the teacher is essential - no matter what the outcome.

Good luck!!!

Kids these days are hearing more then some parents want at an early age. But knowing the topic you can inform your child ahead of time with the correct information. By your letter, your daughter is open with you so if you never give her false information she'll believe you, i've learned from my own childern ( two boys and 2 girls) that they will come talk with you, so keep an ear ready as they will have some hard questions about life.

Hi M.
I honestly think these boys will not talk about condoms. but if they do it really opens the door for you to have a heart to heart about condoms with your daughter and give her all the right infomation she is much less likely to have sex if she knows the facts from her parents and also how you feel about sex. Good Luck T.

I wouldn't like that at all. My son will be in 7th grade now and it's scary to think of what he's going to be exposed to. already he has seen and heard more than I'm ok with. I would tell the teacher that it is inappropriate and you don't want your child listening to it, and that it should be the speeches that change, not the audience, so your daughter doesn't get singled out.

I don't think you are overreacting. I wouldn't like it either. I think 7th graders should learn about condoms in a health class from a teacher and/or from a parent. I would calmly contact the teacher to find out the full story and then express your concerns. Maybe your daughter misunderstood the situation. It's great she told you about it though. I like the idea of you sitting in on the presentations if that is in fact what is going to happen. It just seems so inappropriate for so many reasons--not the subject matter per se, but being presented by peers (of the opposite gender in your daughter's case) and who knows if the information they will present will be accurate. Middle school is a time when kids are very self-conscious and I can't imagine being a 7th grade girl being forced to listen to my male classmates talk about condoms. Maybe the teacher was trying to call their bluff and she's not actually going to let them go forward with it.

I don't think you are overreacting at all. As a former school teacher, I can't imagine what this teacher was thinking. It probably wouldn't hurt to share your concerns with the teacher or even the principal. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen if these boys are known to stir the pot and be obnoxious.

I don't altogether disagree that it isn't a topic that couldn't be discussed because (after all these kids have most likely had human growth and development classes since 4th or 5th grade) but it is a sensitive issue that I wouldn't want to leave up to a couple of boys that seem to have the reputation that they cannot be trusted to deliver information that is accurate and appropriate. Therefore, it is probably best to leave that subject untouched for now.
I doubt if the principal knew this topic was chosen, he/she would not allow it. I would voice your concerns.
A.

Absolutely, positively NO WAY would I have my child in the classroom to learn about condoms from 2 7th grade male classmates!!!! Shock value or not, I don't think it is appropriate the teacher said yes. I would talk to the teacher, if that doesn't help then the principal. I would also let the other parents know about this, so they can voice their opinions. If the boys are allowed to do it, I would NOT have my child in the classroom. I could see MAYBE if they were older, but at this age, a lot of them may not have been taught much by their parents yet. I could see if it were a health lesson being taught by the teacher. But NO WAY should it be done this way, in a speech, by 2 classmates. I agree with you 100%! Talk to the teacher ASAP! Good luck and let us know what happens.
S.

Hi M.,
I have a 7th grader also and she has had to do a couple speecches this year as well. There is such a double standard going on in our schools (and world) right now and makes me sad and angry. My daughter and I brainstormed as well and it was made clear that she could not mention GOD in her speeches. Not sure if her teacher would have actually allowed a speech on condoms either. If it was my daughter in that class I would definitely talk with the teacher and if she could not control her students subject matter I would not allow my daughter in the classroom for the speeches.
I do not feel you are overreacting in the least. We have the right to teach our children the way we feel is best. I wish you the best in this situation.
Blessings,
L.

i would immediatly talk to the teacher. see what is going on. if the teacher doesnt seem to satisfy your concerns, talk to the administration such as principle or whatever.

good luck.

I know it is shocking to think that 7th graders are learning about any form of birth control. But think of this as an opportunity to brooch the subject with your daughter. After the speeches ask her what was said and that will give you a chance to correct any mistakes made by the boys and give her correct information. You shouldn't have to go into great detail but you can explain that while she should not engage in sexual activities until she is much older she will now have the info to use if she should ever need it. Explain to her that condoms not only prevent pregnancy but also prevent STDs.
Information is power and our children need to be empowered. It is perfectly okay to have the 'say no to sex' talk also with her. But we know that sometime in the next 10 years she will say yes. We also know that not all males are honest as they are trying to talk a girl/woman into having sex. While it is tragic to think of a young girl/woman suddenly pregnant and having to raise a child on her own and still finish school. It is more tragic that that same girl/woman contract HIV or herpes or genital warts because some guy lied to her. All three of these diseases are incurable and her life would be tragicllly changed forever.
I would keep the conversation private and in her room or your room, maybe have a little snack ready. Keep it light and easy and let her know that you are there to answer any other questions she may have in the future. Try not to look embarassed or unsure of what you are saying. Go online and look up information or call your local Planned Parenthood or your OB/GYN's office and talk to a nurse. You may be able to pick up some pamphlets or books you and your daughter can look through.
Good luck, my kids are all grown now, I remember the days when we had these talks. It's not easy but we survive.

You are not overreacting! That is NOT appropriate. Don't be afraid to be an advocate for your child. I'm sure other parents in the class would be just as concerned. I'm hoping the teacher is bluffing. Talk to her and find out what is really going on. The boys may be trouble makers but they need to be controlled in the classroom setting and not allowed to have free reign at the expense of the other kids.

this is completely and totally inappropriate! If this were my 7th graders who is a boy, I would contact his teacher first and if that wasn't enough I would go right to the principal AND if that isn't enough I would go to the school superintendent. Hopefully this will stop at the teacher, but I expect the principal will stop it for sure.

This is certainly not a subject that any 7th grader is mature enough to discuss or give a speech on. The fact the teacher is allowing is very disappointing.

My kids go to an OPS school. When anything of this subject matter is discussed in the classroom, we are always informed as parents and then given the option to pull our children out of the classroom.

You are NOT overreacting. You are just using your God-given common sense and I think you should say something first thing tomorrow morning!

This is not appropriate. Call the teacher and tell her your concerns. If she will not reconsider then call the principal. I'm sure you are not the only concerned parent. I am not a conservative person but I do belive this is something that should be left to the parents or for health class. I wouldn't be surprised if the teacher has already changed her mind.

Robie H. Harris has two very good books that are a perfect aid in helping talk about sexuality with your children, "It's perfectly normal and It's so Amazing". Some of the things in these books are a bit blunt for very conservative families, but I think now is a really good time to pass your values about condom use on to your children, don't wait for it to happen in a peer speech. We just had a sex educator come to our ECFE class and it was very eye opening for me. She said the most 8 and 9 year olds have heard explicit details about sex. If your daughter's innocents has been protected this long I am very happy for her, I hope you can use this opportunity to start a safe open dialogue with her so she has a safe place to ask questions and get answers that pass down your values. I do think that the teacher is making the best call she can by showing that she is not going to be intimidated by these boys. I hope this goes well for you.
Many Blessings,
A.

Hi there,

Now I know that I'm going against the grain here, but...perhaps it could be a learning opportunity for the kids in the class. Not what the boys themselves say, unless they do take the task seriously and actually make it informative, but perhaps the teacher could discuss it after the boys are done...correct the things that they might've said. Perhaps even have the health teacher, or the one who usually teaches these issues, in the class that day.

Because kids do talk about this stuff, and this way, a teacher could actually refute the "mis-information" that is given.... Just a thought! :)

I agree with you. I don't think you are overreacting.

I would prefer my children to hear about these things from me and my husband at the appropriate time.

I realize 12-13 even 10-11 years old are way too advance then we probably were when we this age but these are our children and I believe we have to do whatever it takes to keep respectable and honest children because we need more of these kind of people in this world.

Hope this helps - Oh, I would probably talk to the teacher and express your concern - Maybe the kid said it was ok by the teacher and she really doesn't know??? You never know unless you ask.

M.,
As a teacher, I know how important it is to hear concerns from parents first-hand, before things become an issue. You have very legitimate concerns, and your reasons for them make perfect sense. This doesn't really seem appropriate to me either, and I am not exactly conservative! If the teacher is not receptive to your concerns, do not hesitate to take things higher up in administration. Your concerns should be heard and they should somehow be answered. My guess is that the teacher will have the boys do something else rather than face the wrath of many parents. Also, when you talk to the teacher, you may get more information than your daughter is able to provide.
Good luck,
Amy K

Their in 7th grade they know what condoms are and I'm sure some of them are already having intercourse. Seriously go visit a junior high one day. I'm 28 and I remember junior high that's when some kids start to lose their virginites and start to experiment with smoking or drugs. Kids are crazy theses days.

If they are going to appropriately give a discussion on condoms sounds like the teacher is testing them then what's the harm? If your child doesn't hear it then she'll hear it in the halls of the school.

Hi M.. I was a middle school counselor before I chose to work from home so I could be here with my daughter. At the school I worked at, the students had a health unit in 6th grade that went over information like this. It was presented by a female teacher to the girls and the male principal to the boys. A letter was sent home to parents, allowing them to "opt out" of the presentation if they wanted to be the ones to educate their children on this matter. Even in the high school health class, parents were allowed to remove their child from class when the "sex" unit was taught. I don't think you're over-reacting - I think many parents would be disturbed by 7th grade boys giving a speech about condoms. As a parent, I know I wouldn't want my child to hear the information in that manner, even it it isn't the first time she's heard it. And I would would certainly hope that the teacher is planning to review the content of the boys' speech before allowing them to get up in front of the class and say who knows what about what they probably learned on the internet! What good does giving them a zero do if they've already presented incorrect information in a manner that could really stir things up? If I were you, I would definitely voice my concerns to the teacher and possibly an administrator.

I find it shocking and I wouldn't want my child finding out about condoms or any other sexual issue from anyone other than myself. I would have a hard time if another adult wanted to discuss condoms with my child and to have two bad boys explain it to her would be totally out of the question. This makes me even more thankful that I decided to home-school my 7th grader.

OH M.. what a delima A friend and I both think you should talk to the teacher about this. If these boys are serious about the speech then they should have to give it also with their parents present and also maybe the schools health teacher and principal. I am also leary as to know where they are getting there imformation. I know as a parent that I don't think that I would want my child present for the speech . It is one thing to learn this imformation in health class where all families have been informed that "the speech" was to be had. Have the other parents of the students in this class been informed? I almost wonder how the teacher can feel this is at all a responsible raction to these boys queery. Do you really want your 12 yr old to learn this stuff from these boys. I would cantact the teacher and if you do not get a decent response then I would go to the principal. Good luck with this.

First of all, are you in the Anoka Hennepin District? Your first step should be to contact the district offices and ask to speak to someone that could answer your questions and address your concerns. This isn't conservative/liberal issue. I believe it is a policy/curriculum issue. I addition to that, visit your daughter's school and speak IN PERSON to the principal and to the teacher and voice your concerns. Get the whole story. Sometimes, with all due respect to your daughter, the story isn't always the same when it gets home to Mom & Dad. It's just good to hear it first hand.
If you remember right, in every grade they send home parental permission slips when they anticipate the TEACHER will be discussing sensitive subjects (those concerning sex etc.) and YOU as the parent have the right to opt out. Granted times have changed but our responsibility to our children HAS NOT! I applaud you for not just sitting back and taking the "whatever" attitude. More than that though I believe your daughter deserves "props" for having the maturity, common sense and guts to bring this to your attention. You obviously work well as a family and you all should be commended for that. Thank you from another Mom who struggles to do the right thing for her kids. It's hard work, but well worth it in the end. :o)

Personally I'm not very conservative, but I agree with you. Not only is 7th grade not an appropriate age group to be given lectures about condoms from other students, it's not appropriate of the teacher to ok a topic that may not be ok with other parents. I would voice my concerns with the principal and the teacher as well as not allow my daughter to attend the class when the boys were presenting their "information." While I believe that children should learn about sex and protection, there is no way that it should be taught by other children their age. Plus, for the teacher to allow the boys to even touch the subject with only the threat of a zero if the information goes inappropriate is ridiculous. Keep your ground.

Hello! I taught middle school for several years and I know how persuasive students this age can be. I understand the teacher's decision to "shock them back" because it is tempting to do that some days, especially with troubled students such as these. However, just because I understand it doesn't mean it's right!

I TOTALLY agree with you that these children should not be taught by other children. Even with a teacher listening in and grading their content. She is positioning herself to answer all of their questions and correct all of the information by herself and I'm not sure that her principal would approve of her being in that role. The people who teach sex ed. are generally health/fitness teachers who have had training to do so.

I would ask for a face-to-face meeting with this teacher (those always got my attention more than a phone call) and calmly explain that you are concerned about her decision to let the boys do their paper on this topic. Explain that it amounts to children teaching children about something that is a very adult issue and that you aren't comfortable with your daughter hearing it. If she backs down, great. If not, explain that your daughter won't be allowed to listen to that particular presentation and leave it at that. Contact the principal and let him/her know that your daughter is not to be in class for that portion and tell them WHY. I would guess that you'll solve the problem at either the teacher or administrative level, but even if you don't you have at least protected your own daughter's ears!

You could suggest to the teacher that she check/see the boys' presentation before they present it to the class to make sure their information is actually informtive and not just a silly grab for attention.

If these boys do go through with their topic (in would not be out of the ordinary for this age, of course, if they just claimed this to be their plan for the shock appeal) how could it not be innappropriate? What could 7th grade boys possibly say about condoms that would be appropriate? I do not think that you are overreacting in the least (remember--the best parenting comes from the gut) and I wonder what options you have for dealing with this. Also, I want to put in a plug again for defending our parental rights. They are fading fast. I don't even know if you have the right to keep your son out of class if that would be your choice. I know my parents did have that right but I have heard lately of many cases where parents do not. And subject matters are getting much more offensive. Do what you can, and keep us updated. I will be curious to see how it goes.

I taught high school for 8 years, and have had my share of "be careful" sex talks with kids who I knew were having sex. I am religious, and I myself waited until marriage. Some of my kids even knew this (they'd ask; I'd answer). That said, I believe that too many parents today don't or won't talk to their kids about sex and taking responsibility. THAT said, I'm pretty confident that that teacher knows darn well those boys can't discuss condoms at the level she expects them to. My guess is that you're exactly right--they DON'T have the ability to stand up in front of their class and talk about condoms, much less the other words involved with it.

On the other hand...you have said you are conservative, and your beliefs also deserve to be honored. That's a tough road for teachers, so I'd suggest being as non-confrontational as you can be. But...I'd also suggest exactly what you said: if the school has not had their sex ed unit by that time, learning about condoms from other kids is inappropriate. (At the high schools I've been at, the sex ed has been early enough that most kids are aware of it.) Also, find out your school's policy--I've taught at a school where I was told the policy was abstinence ed. If that's the case, you can gently tell the teacher you believed the policy to be abstinence, and you'd prefer they not go forward with it.

Bottom line: I seriously doubt the boys will do the presentation. BUT...you do have a right to be concerned that your daughter is simply being intimidated by these kids and their sex talk, and that's valid. Perhaps even expressing that concern is reason enough for a/another conversation with the teacher. Also, if the kids have to practice speeches, those students can be requested to practice privately with the teacher or another school representative, perhaps the principal, to ensure that more innocent ears aren't shocked? :)

Hi M.!

No, you are not overreacting! And good for you for being conservative. I agree wholeheartedly with you.
First of all, I would ask the Teacher, "Whos in charge, you or the students?"
Then if she blows you off, which she/sounds like it. You have a choice to not let your daughter participate in the discussion. Your daughter could do the speech then excuse herself from the other speeches that are offensive.
The teacher sounds more juvenile than the boys do! So many Teachers,let these kids get away with stuff as they are whimps!
What is going on in our schools is atrocious and we as parents need to take a stand as we have rights. Students and Parents have more rights than we are aware of. Sorry! I was going to keep it brief. Good luck to you!

Trust yourself, if you think it is not appropriate it probably isn't. If I were in your shoes, I would call the school counselor and discuss this issue. (I have done this before myself). They are a wonderful resource to be able to contact especially for topics such as this one.

I very much agree with you about your statements, "One, if a bunch of 12 & 13 year olds are going to be learning about condoms at school, I don't think it should be from other students."

Good luck with this one, it is a difficult situation.

G. (Mom of 4 - 14, 11, 6 & 3)

right or wrong, or whatever your views on these boys talking about this in class, that is up to you. You'll feel how you are going to feel about it.

Just another perspective on this, it is possible that your daughter just wants to open up and talk about sex with you and didn't know how to go about that so this what she came up with. There probably is some truth to what she said but it could also just be her way of trying to talk about sex with you and she might have some concerns that she wanted to bring up. Try not to bring this to a level that will make it impossible for her to open up to you and bring her concerns to you. It sounds like that is right where you are headed with this, and your reaction to this whole thing is going to set the course for other things. You react in a negative manner here and this is what she will expect from you in the future and could possible shut down the roads to communication altogether or set limits on the communication.

Yes, talk to the teacher and see what the whole scoop is, but don't make a federal case out of it and get the school board involved and call the news stations and make a big deal out of it. Then use this opportunity to have an open and honest discussion about sex and condoms with your daughter. Making a huge deal out of this with her is going put an negative spin on sex as well. Like it or not she knows a lot about sex already and it is better for you to focus your energy on something productive to come from this than it is to focus on making a fuss.

Sounds inappropriate. Very few (if any) 7th graders have the maturity necessary to approach such a topic in a serious way. A couple options come to mind: 1.) Contact the teacher, let him/her know you heard about the boys' topics and let him/her know you plan to attend as a parent guest that day to hear all the speeches. Or, 2.) Go straight to the principal and request the topics get changed. Last time I checked, anything related to sex education requires each parent to sign a permission slip...At least at this age.

Wow! I cannot believe the school is allowing that! Have u spoken to the principle? I certainly agree with u that 7th graders should not be the ones to "educate" anyone on condoms! Unfortunately, nowadays, moral standards are so low that pretty much anything goes!

I think you are not over reacting. I think this is inappropriate! The teacher doesnt sound too mature if she cant just tell the boys no. I would go to a higher level and complain.