What Is Wrong with Me, My Life and My Marriage

A.,

If there is something wrong with you, then almost every woman has had it or still does. It's so brave of you to voice this because I think that alot of women don't talk about these feelings. Wouldn't it be wonderful if it really was as easy and as perfect as we make it look everyday? Noone wants to admit that sometimes they feel like they might lose it. We're women and we have to keep it all together.
My mother just stopped by for a visit and I said to her, "I don't know how you did it, 4 kids, working". I have one and work a flexible schedule and feel like a single parent most of the time. I don't think men would understand unless you were not there all of a sudden and they had to do it all themselves. They think it's easy because we know what to do to make our children happy. But it's not easy. My mother said she looks back and thinks that most of the time she was pretty frantic and did lose it a couple of times and she should not have worked. But she, like many of us, don't have that choice. Women are just expected to do it all these days, not complain about it and definitely not feel depressed about it because that would be pretty selfish...right? Wrong.
I am not a doctor A. but you sound like you are losing you. Maybe that's what's missing. Who is A.? Yes a working mother, but there's more to A. than that. And I think you need to rediscover who that is. This doesn't mean divorce or leaving your kids but it does mean time for A.. I think going to the gym is a huge move on your part to do something for yourself. But your husband's jealousy is taking away from that now too. He needs to understand that in order for mommy to be in a good mood and feel peachy about everything, A. needs to take care of A.. It's detrimental that you define yourself outside of mother and wife and career. Eight years ago, A. was A. and that had a different definition that maybe you have forgotten. I think that counseling is a good idea but maybe just for yourself at first. I'm sure you didn't always feel this way about yourself and you should be more proud of yourself now than ever before. Look what you do day in and day out? I empathize with you, you're not alone. I was just thinking to myself this morning as I was in the rain, hurrying the baby in the car to get to the sitter so I could go to a sales meeting...and my fiance was in bed...."hmmm...he doesn't ever do this". I was up at 6 so we could be ready by 8. Now wonder men age gracefully:) I hope you're feeling less alone. This site has actually helped me. I wrote "My fiance thinks I'm on vacation". I heard such encouraging and inspirational responses from these women and I think of them every time I start to feel bad about myself. If you ever need soemone to talk to, drop me a line. You will get through this. You're already a portion of the way there by recognizing it, talking about it, and not sweeping it under the carpet. Maybe when you find you again you'll find the husband you married eight years ago.
N. W

A.,
I can relate to your feelings. I was in a similar situation. I ended up in a divorce. It was nasty. No matter what your husband tells you and what you tell him. Those things are not grounds for divorce. My husband and I argued and I even called 911 for him pushing me around. I went to an attorney and basically he told me that I have to antagonize my husband into a physical altercation to get him out of the house. I asked my attorney if I could leave my husband and take my kids to my mother's house. He said that if I took the kids out of their home it would be considered desertion and my husband would have the kids the next day and I would be out without a leg to stand on.

My husband and I finally went to a mediator and divided everything up. I lived with my kids for 5 years after the divorce. I am now remarried, my kids are 17 and 20. It was a long drawn out process.

Truthfully, I love my current husband. However, everybody has problems. My ex-husband had problems but I just exchanged them for the problems that my current husband has.

I think that you should seek counseling. If you are not in an abusive relationship it could help. You are in a tight spot with 3 small children, life is demanding for you with little reward. Working out and exercise will help you feel better about yourself and about your family. No matter what your husband says-he is dealing with his own insecurities. Exercise releases endorphins that bring about a sense of well being. I'm a gym owner and personal trainer-so I know what I'm talking about.

When it comes to personal relationships, it's hard, but take a step back and look at it with a different perspective. You and your husband need to respect each other and above all other things, be nice to each other. I don't know if you've ever heard this but "Kill them with kindness" is the best thing you can do.

Exercise and maybe yoga would be good for you. It will help you with your feeling of being "lost and confused". You are not lost - you have young children that need guidance and love. There is nothing else as important as that.

I hope this helps. You should know that you are not alone in how you feel. There are lots of women who have experienced your feelings.

C.

I'm sorry you have to be in this situation, but you really need to do what makes you and the kids happy. I do believe that you took a vow and you owe it to your husband and the children to try counseling. Maybe you are too far gone, but I think you should give it a shot. You never know, maybe some things will be worked out and you'll be a lot happier, but if not then I would get separated/divorced. I know it's hard to break up a relationship when there's kids involved, but they need to be in a happy, stable environment. If you guys end up getting divorced at least your kids will have two loving homes, not one unhappy home. You're still young, it'll be easier now to go out and meet someone new. You don't want to keep staying in an unhappy marriage and then 15 years from now you finally have had enough, then it's a lot harder to get out there. I wish you luck & keep your chin up!

As I respond to this, I hope that you will have as much confidence as the mamasource ladies and I have for you.This is crucial. The impact of illness, war, and even a lost marriage can tear apart an entire family, and undermine the crucial sense of safety that kids need. The power of love is so important that during these rough times a marriage is not 50/50...it is 100/100...If you cant depend on your partner, you cant depend on anyone...Love is so much...love is being honest with yourself at all times....love is the source of reality..the source of unity, the source of success, the source of the future...the source of passion, sharing, and most importantly...the source of security...Love is life..Love cames naturally, but you both must work at making it last..try hard, and always be fair and honest...let him know what you are thinking, and try to understand him....Try to blend your lives together once again with enough freedom to grow as individuals...Always consider everyday you spend together special....Regardless of what events occur in your lives make sure that your relationship always flourishes and that you always respect and love eachother...Let yourself get involved in him"husband" more than you have ever...You are not a failure, but a woman at heart....a woman who cares deeply about finding herself again, and helping "A." find her life...you can do this while still being a mom and wife, but you cant do this alone...you need support...You need your family...and most importantly...they need you....Enjoy the possibility of what can happen...it might be the only source of happiness right now...but share it....Watch your children play, and laugh till you pee yourself...engage in conversation on a whim with your husband...tell him that you would like to go on a date...Like old times...he may look at you funny, or laugh at you, but look at him with a very serious face. You mean it...tell him that you miss what the both of you have had, and you want it again more than anything...I truly believe you do....Let him know you are in full control of your life, as well as your families...I hope that i have been of some help...maybe to someone who is even reading this...God Bles you, and if you need anything we are all here for you...

Go to counseling!!!!! You need to go w/your husband and alone. Your husband should also be going on his own. His accusations are born of insecurity, he's not trying to keep you down, he's trying to make himself feel better. He wonders why you are unhappy and blames himself. He is not abusing you, he just doesn't understand you. Additionally, OF COURSE YOU ARE DIFFERENT NOW!! You were apparently only 17 when you met, children. Now you are both moving into adulthood more fully. You should be worried if you hadn't changed. Give the counseling a chance, you would be amazed how good it feels to get all of the stuff that weighs you down off of your chest. Find a therapist that will see you both individually and as a couple. A minister is a cost effective way to go if you're attending a church, but you should b e able to find someone to help you. Stick to it
M.

Hi A.,
You are not alone with this.
I read Natalie W's reply below, and she says it all well. I hope her words and everyone here's will help you. I my personal opinion, leave the 'divorce' word out of any current conversations. Tell yourself it's not an option. Even if you just tell yourself that it's not an option 'for now'. The divorce talks can take on a life of their own...trust me on that one. Maybe you're different people now than 8 years ago...but look ahead to 8 years from now without him...and ask your heart and soul if that's where you want to be.
Your feelings are there, and both of you CAN work together on this.
I give you all the credit in the world for asking for help here.
Constant accusations are not a good thing...you need to respond to those and not hold it in. It is his insecurity that you are doing something for YOU making him say those things, and he more than likely doesn't want to and hates himself for those words. Talk to your husband about HIS feelings too. Let him know you're there for him too.
Warmly,
Sue

GO TO COUNSELING!!!!!!!!! Being a working mom is unlike anything that can ever be described!!! IT IS HARD WORK and everything else feels like it's coming apart at the seams and there's no way or time to put it back together. You need someone who has the credibilty of a medical degree to help you understand that you're not losing it and that how you feel is normal. Plus, you guys are so young- your husband's just being a jerky man! They don't seem to gain much maturity and insight until WELL into their 30s! He probably senses a change in you and he's freaking out because he doesn't understand and he just assumes that it must be fueled by sex- because, after all, what isn't fueled by sex in the brain of a man? Go to counseling and give yourself a break- sounds to me like you're a little depressed and feeling too alone. You need someone who will help you get back on track- with everything. Think about calling your Ob-Gyn too. They're very helpful with this stuff- it's their job to take care of WOMEN and the isses specific to being a woman. Relax as much as you can and know you're not alone. Being a mom is so hard, way harder than being a dad. I'm sure you're doing a great job! Hang in there!
C.

I hope counseling helps. Ususally when a man accuses a woman of cheating it's usually them who are doing it! Before being married, I was emotionally abused and counseling didnt save us. Thank god I didnt marry that guy. big hugs to you

I stayed in a marriage for the children. It doesn't work. I eventually found myself to be unbearable, and am still having trouble bouncing back, even after I left my husband over three years ago. No matter what is going on today, it was the best thing I ever did. I do need to point out, we did go to counseling. I gave it the opportunity to change. I didn't just throw in the towel haphazard. I have to say though, I agree with many of the women when they say the accuser is usually the culprit. I don't want to make you paranoid, but you aren't crazy, you aren't a failure, you aren't dumb. You are sad, lonely, tired, frustrated, and confused. I must point out, you are also not alone. We are all routing for you. No matter what you decide, we are here for you.

I am remarried to a man that is my partner. We share ALL the responsiblities, good and bad. I couldn't ask for a better man. He has picked up with my five children where my ex would have NEVER EVER gone. I only wish EVERY husband in the world could be like mine.

I didnt have time to read through all the responses but I read a few of them and this is what I have to say to you about this whole situation.

One: You need to go to consouling. Not just marrige consoling but consuling for yourself. You have already said that you are depressed and that is not going to get better on its own. You need to go to consuling for you. Lets just pretend for a moment that you two seperate, these other problems are not going to go away, you will still have the kids, job, and house to take care of.

Two: One of the other moms said that when a man is accusing you of cheating, it is a sign that he might be. This is true, its a projection of guilt. I'm not saying that he is, but maybe you should look into that.

Three: You need to work out a system with your husband about the kids and the housework and things. If you need a mediator to get this done then go for it but in order to get things back on the right track, you need to sort the house out. Be frank with your husband about it.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I wish you the best of luck

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has feelings like this from time to time, some more often & severe than others, but still. I agree with the other post about men just not being mature enough to deal w/ issues like these, whether you guys have been together forever or not. You should try to go to marraige couseling, but you absolutely have to go to counseling on your own as well. If you're not ok, none of your relationships are going to be ok. You can work through this, it will pass, it will get better, but you need to go into it with your eyes open knowing that it will, in fact, be WORK. And your husband is going to need to help you. If you have any family or close friends in the area, now is the time to call on them for some help as well. That's what they're there for, after all! Keep your head up honey, and know all the time that there is nothing wrong with you for feeling dissatisfied once in a while!

HEY A., I AM GOING THREW THE SAME STUFF AT HOME, DO YOU FEEL THAT THE COUNSELING IS REALLY WORKING FOR YOU NOW? I ALSO HAVE A FULL TIME JOB AND 3 KIDS ,5 4 AND 4MONTHS.

A.,
All women suffer with the same issues. Don't compare yourself to people who you think they have it all together because they don't. Continue to keep working out. If he is accussing you of cheating tell him to come with you one time and he will see for himself it's all about you and YOUR sweat. I do recommend going to counseling. But go first alone and get out your feelings. Then when you are ready, go together. Please, do not stay togehter for the sake of the kids. Do you want your kids thinking "this is how a marriage should be???". And my ex through the "I am keeping the kids and everything", needless to say, I got the kids and almost everything. If you are serious about seperating see a lawyer. She can tell you where you will stand in a divorce.
Remember who A. is and good luck!!!

Have you went to the doctor for depression? I dont know if you are a religious person but I used to have trouble with my marrieage also mine was bad and we started to go to church and after a while we worked through a lot of things God can help all you have to do is ask him and belive he will help you.

Hi A.,
To add to the others. I would suggest your counselor to be a Christian one. God is our counselor and he does use "earthen vessels" (other people) to speak through to us. Church, as someone else here said would help more than you may ever believe. God is helping you now and He is for you (if God be for you who can be against you). He is there in the dark with you and you don't have to be afraid anymore. Keep doing the best of what you know to be right. And exercise because YOU want to FOR YOU. And its ok to be doing some for your husband too. But you first. With out God in the picture somewhere nothing will ever last. But I believe He is in yours right now. :) And believe it or not when you begin to look to God somehow someway anyway you know how. He WILL work on all the stuff you have no control over. He is so very real; and I stumbled in getting a relationship with him at first but I kept at it only to find He never fails us. I hope I haven't overwhelmed you. I too will pray for you. Love ya, K. PS. My e-mail is ____@____.com if you want to talk more.

My friend A.,
You sound so much like me. I've been there, done it! I'm on my second marriage because I (or I guess we) didn't make the effort to try to make it work. From my experience of losing my first marriage of 11 years, you do get into "ruts". You are only in a rut. It's OK. You will get through this. Don't throw in the towel just yet. Talk to the hubby, REALLY TALK, cry, yell, do whatever it takes to get your feeling out and let him know what is going on inside of you!! Is it possible for you to have the kids stay overnight somewhere so you two can have time alone? Once you've done this, you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders, and the strength (even if just a little) to move in the right direction to re-connecting with your husband. Rekindle that flame you once had. It's there...just give it time. And ya know what? Once you feel like you have a partner again in life, everything else like the job and kids will seem a lot easier to handle. Please exhaust all possible avenues before contemplating the "d" word. I wish I had. Hope I have helped you in some way and best wishes to you and your family! :)

Hello A.! I understand how you feel. I'm there right now because of the situations in my life and the only thing that has helped me is prayer. I'm not sure of your religious background or how religious you are but Jesus can handle all your problems and take that depression away from you. He's done it for me and has healed my marriage and I know he can do it for you. If you need or want more information on this I can help. I'll be praying for you. God Bless!

i am getting the same for my hubby we been together for 8years married two years and he is always saying iam cheating on him i take care of are three kids he will not do a thing for me or the kids

Have you had any marriage counseling? You can even get some counseling for yourself to help with life changing decisions.
Your husband probably senses that you are not happy and his only reaction is to think you are cheating; It just makes things worse. Good Luck and hang in there.

I'm coming into this discussion a little late, and I see that there are many supportive responses. Marriages can't always be saved, but they are worth working for, especially since you have your precious little ones together. If the counselor is a good one, he or she will help you and your husband learn to communicate better, and help you see what you need to see about yourself. No matter what, please know that God loves you more than words can say, he sent his son for you. And as someone else said, that is ultimately the source of what you feel you are missing. I and others are praying for you, but please find a caring pastor or Christian friend to give you some personal spiritual care. That's so brave of you to share your story.

Go to counseling, your kids need you and hubby to at least try before you give up.

Hi A.. First let me tell you that you are not alone. Most mothers will tell you that they are over worked and underappreciated, usually they go on to give the image that it's ok, it's just a part of motherhood. If they have someone close to them, they might just hint that it's not the rosy life that they portray. You are depressed and need some help on a personal level (not with your husband). I have battled depression all my life and i firmly believe that just drugs don't help, councelling and although it's hard a positive outlook can really help break the cycle. It's a self fullfilling prophecy, if you expect to feel bad, you will. I am having a hard time myself at the moment with a husband that spends much of his time on the road, i am at home with a 3 year old and a 4 month old and i cry most days trying to figure out how i'm going to get everything done and deal with the kids (and their crying fits) and i don't even work!!! I am impressed with anyone that works and has kids! Regarding the husband, make sure he does his share of work even if it ends-up being on the weekend. Try and get time for your self alone with your husband for dinner or by yourself at the mall. Remember that kids change a marriage, it's no longer a selfish relationship with sex anytime you feel like it. most of the time sex has to be planned with little ones around, which isn't the most sexy thing. Changing relationships are a part of life. Remember that guys don't understand women as it is, if you throw depression in there they can't fix it and don't know how to react. If you take away sex (whether it's on purpose or not), they really don't react well. I hate the way your husband is reacting to all of this with the name calling, he needs help himself! When you think about ending the relationship, remember that things are going to be 20 times harder by yourself. Things should get better if you both try to get help. You are in my thoughts, please get some help!

I feel so bad for you! I know exactly how you feel. I was in the same boat about 10 years ago. I was depressed and thought I was very much underappreciated. I worked hard only to come home and deal with home issues (the kids, cleaning, dinner, etc...) I never went to counseling but I did find something just for me that I really enjoyed doing. Find something and schedule it for the same time every week or every few days, whatever fits your schedule. Try explaining to your husband, if he will listen, how you are feeling and that you need some "me" time. Show him information on what you plan to do so that he doesn't think you are hiding anything from him. The secret is that whatever activity you choose, it has to be solely for you and not a family thing. Go shopping, take a class or a walk in the park, volunteer, get involved in yrou church, anything that makes you feel good. You may want to see your doctor about your depression. It is never healthy to let these things linger.

One more thing...my husband always accused me of cheating on him. He gave me the same line you are getting from your husband. My husband was cheating on me (5 times in 9 years!). I discovered by talking to other women that this is a common tactic. Think about your husband's activities. Is there unacounted for time? Is he working more overtime at work, but you never see the extra money? Does he get defensive when you ask him where he is going or where he's been? This is something that your marriage counselor can get to the bottom of. If he is cheating on you, get rid of him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I know this from personal experience. Find a good lawyer, regardless of the cost, he or she will help you keep the kids and the house.

If you ever want to talk or vent or share good news, I would be happy to listen. My email address is ____@____.com luck to you! I will keep you in my prayers.

ok first of all take a breather calm down and take some time for you whether you have to lock yourself in the bathroom with a bubble bath and a good book for an hour or 2 or hang out with friends take time for you counceling is a good idea for the problem you are having about feeling like you and your husband are drifting and aren't the same as you were when you first met but people change and i think you should get to know eachother again You are not losing it and you are not a failure you are a woman who has lost her way and needs to gain some perspective before moving any further. All i can say to feeling unappreciated is talk to you husband and explain that you think you need help around the house more and a little credit for all that you do. And the cheating thing it is either he has a guilty conscience or he is very insecure but thats not your fault that is something he needs to work out on his own. Good Luck with everything and just remember to relax and take time for you.

Hi A., My response is going to be a little different than the other two. I agree with both of them though. You are not alone in your feelings. Counseling would be good for both of you. It will help your husband to know how you are feeling and it will help you work through the feelings as well. Don't give up. And by the way...staying together for the kids sake is not necessarily a bad thing. What better reason to be commited to something than to provide a stable home with both parents for your kids. Now for my "other" advice. Are you a Christian? If you are then you need to get on yours knees before the Lord and pour your heart to him, He is the true healer, true comforter. There have been times in my life where I all could cry out was "Help me". The Lord has been my answer. My value as a woman and my purpose in life is from Him, not some man, not some job, not some image of what I think I should be. It totally changes your perspective on life if you look at through his eyes. If you are not a Christian, maybe you guys could consider going to church and finding out more. I am not sure where you live, but I would be more than willing to point you in the right direction for finding a church. Your marriage and your life and your kids are all worth fighting for. True love is an action, not a feeling. I will pray for you.
A.

Dear A. R,
You are not alone.!! I was there four years ago. But I have three kids all to my EXhusband. He always told me I was sleepping around on him. I worked a 12 hour job. He took me in and picked me up at night. i do not drive so every where I went he was right there. Dose that make sence?? Well that is not all but i will not go into it right now. If you need to talk I'm here. By the way I left him and won my kids in court. Your not alone !! If i could make it I know you can. I will pray for you. Drop a line if you want to talk, ok. L. M

1st of all, Those who are accusing are the ones that are usually doing the wrong thing. 2nd.. A happy Marriage is very important not just for you but the kids as well. Kids can tell when there is conflict between the parents. I would go to counseling and try to fix what is broken. Communication is the most important thing in a marriage. As far as the gym, you have to feel good about yourself, he is only jealous that you are getting in shape and looking great. Just remind him that you do it for yourself and him!

A., I am going to have to TOTALLY agree w/ the "other" A.! I have problems w/ anxiety and panic attacks and fear of failure and it really hit me hard right around my son's 1st b-day. Hormonal coincidence...maybe. I am taking an antidepressant for that, but have also turned to God for support. Like A. said, if you get your self worth from God it is everlasting and no one can take it away. I pray that you will find hope in what you are feeling is a hopeless situation.

O boy alls I want to do is cry reading this. because my marriage has been the same in so many ways except paying the bills, and other things that right now is not the right moment to talk about it being we are talking about what your going through. I feel for you understand for the most part what you are going through. I cannot tell you what you should do alls I can say is do not let go and fight back. If it gets to bad you may have to leave, but the one thing you do not want to is leave the kids with him until you get settled, because the courts look at that as abandment even if that is not what it is. Fell a court order for custody of the kids as soon as you leave before he knows what hit him. Then the burden of proof is on him. If you love him try like crazy to work it out, go get the help from a professional if you think it will help, maybe you need to see someone own your own so that you can work things out for yourself, or both. I really do not believe there is anything at all wrong with you, I do believe that most people at one point of a marriage have thoughts like this. Stay strong you seem to me to be a very strong woman. Always think about the things that make you the person that you are. Like for me its my kids and I am sure that is it for you to. But my kids are what makes me wake up ever morning fighting to make it in this messed up world. With weight of the world on your shoulders right now i hope you have gotten what I mean and I hope I have helped you some. Take care

Hi A.,
I think it's a good sign that your husband is willing to go to marriage counseling. However, the fact that he's accusing you of having an affair sounds like a red flag to me. It sounds like you're pretty busy so when would you even have the time to have this so-called affair? Anyway, maybe you could ask your doctor or your minister if they know of a really reputable marriage and family counselor--it would probably be worth the investment. And if the counselor thinks you're showing signs of depression maybe they could recommend someone to help with that, too. It's good that you-re reaching out for help. Hang in there!
A. K.

A., I pray these responses help you in some way. I never try to compare my marriage to another. I often heard children in my church say that they want a marriage like me and my husband's not realizing I felt just like you A. at one time. Marriage is a job. You have to work at it, put your time in, manage it, the kids, the house, the finances. I was reading on here someone said she only had one child (I have 2 boys-10 years and 1year and a half), and her fiance never is up at 6am getting her child ready and rushing around in the rain. Imagine that with 2 kids or your 3 kids. I understand your pain and I've been married 11 years. I'm telling you I really do understand. I don't have too many friends, not where we live anyway. It was really only me and the kids. The thing that pulled me out of hopelessness and helplessness was ME. Believing that my boys needed their mother and I didn't want them to be without me. I didn't want them to see dark gloomy circles around my eyes, baggy, dingy clothes- when I work in corporate america and they were used to seeing me a certain way. Missing my son's soccer practices. Dusting myself off and getting back up and in line with where I needed to be. Make up your mind to do it for you first and then for them. Like I began this, I'll end It...I'll pray for you A.. If I can do it, you can too!

Hi A.,
I know that I am not going to make many friends with this post..but I just want to share my experiences adn my perceptions, you can take it or leave it.
I am just a year older than you, 26, with only one child...I can not imagine adding 2 more.
I have never been married but was in what I thought was a commited relationship with my daughters father. Had I stayed in that relationship for the sake of my daughter we would all be in a very bad place by now. It was not an abusive relationship but was much the same as what you are discribing. We both worked full time jobs and I for a time had two jobs. I did just about everything at home while he did very little. He would go off with his friends in NYC on the weekend while I would have to stay home alone. I was in a situation where I became essentially a single mom with a male roommate. He had been cheating, he had been lying and even though he suggested counseling I knew that was not going to make a bit of difference. It takes alot to decide finally to leave and go on your own. That was very hard for me, but I knew that what I wanted for my child, a healthy and happy environment to grow in, was mever going to happen until he could get himself together. I am not saying that you should not try. It sounds like he has gotten very defensive about things which makes things even more difficult. None of us can tell you what to do...but I think every woman has gone through something simalar. Life is never what they show us in the movies. Just know that even though this is scary and hard, you are a woman, and woman can lift the world up on thier sholders and still find a fabulous deal on shoes. You are a queen...remeber that.

Nothing is wrong with you. You are a mom. Hardworking and uderappreciated. If your husband is willing to go to counseling, it is worth trying. If couseling doesn't help, know that staying in an uhappy marriage just for the kids' sake is not helpful.

Hi A.:

Im not a pshyciatrist but you sound like you might have a bit of depression. Do you take meds for it? I have had depression for years now it comes and goes. If you can take the anti-depressants they might help you.

On the marriage thing, perhaps counceling will help but if you really feel in your heart its over...dont worry about being a statistic! Its your life and you need to do whatever makes you happy.
C.

I haven't had time to read the other responses, so I may be repeating what another poster has said. Forgive me if I do.

One thing to keep in mind - your husband may feel threatened that you are going to the gym and trying to get in better shape. He may feel that once you are in better shape, you'll leave him. I think this is a common fear with men, especially when their wives have just had a baby.

have you thought about going to counseling on your own first and work on your and your self esteem before you work on your marriage? It seems that you are lacking confidence in your abilities. As for you husband accusing you about cheating that has to do with his own insecurities.

I know exaclty what you mean. I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids. I have a 4, 2 and a 2mnth old. I tried to go back to work when I first found out that I was pregnant, and I ended up having to quit because my husband wouldn't help me out at all. The kids got sick, and he refused to take the time off of work to take them to the doctors even though he had the time that he could take. I've thought about divorce. Actually its always on my mind. I know I should prpbably take my own advice, but I just don't know if I could go through the whole divorce thing. I don't know if I really want to put my kids through it all either. I think you should follow your heart. Especially since you said that he is acusing you of cheating. No on should be in a realationship where the other person doesn't trust them. As far as the kids go, I can't for see any court giving custody to him considering you are the one that takes care of them. If you state your case just as you did on here, they will give the kids to you. I just watched my best friend go through the same thing, and the judge laughed at her husband when he tried to get custody of their child. If you truely aren't happy, you need to do what you need to do to be happy. You should never stay in a relationship for anyone but yourself. It will be hard on the kids at first, but they will get used to it soon... Good Luck with everything you decide. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always home...