Is He Cheating on Me???

Wait.. what? He has an engagement ring? A guy?
No wedding ring? I mean... you're married, right?
I'm so confused here.

You need to talk to him. There's no way any of us could know what's going on. Just because he's unhappy and angry doesn't mean he's cheating but who knows? TALK TO HIM.

I agree 100% with Jo. You can find red flags to someone cheating on you if you look for it. They are always there, innocent things can be made to seem like the most horrible things around.

Ask him. Talk to him. Then you'll know.

He may, he may not. All of those things could be him reacting to you checking up on him all the time because you think he is cheating.

Red flags, sure. Is he cheating, perhaps. I don't know. Sounds to me ya'll need to have a frank conversation about your marriage.

You asked back in May about the money in his account. What did he say when you asked him about it? Have you asked him about it? My feeling is any money made during the marriage is money for the marriage not for just one. The squirreling money away without my knowledge would be enough to send me into orbit.

I don't understand the engagement ring for your husband. I didn't know men had engagements rings. Confused on that. Did you mean his wedding ring?

Talk to him.

I think he's cheating on you.

No, you really can't find out for sure. But I'll ask you this: Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you this way?

Could be, or not. He could be pulling away, because he is unhappy or cheating. Your insecurity could be driving him away. Doesn't mean it's driving him into another woman's arms. ASK HIM. "I discovered you are hiding money and we are struggling. What is going on?"

I think how he handles that will make the answer pretty obvious.

address the behaviors he IS displaying and don't worry about the cheating.

If you are going to threaten divorce we need some counseling because that is not what i want.
We need separate savings accounts because i do not feel safe with you hiding away money and i will contact a lawyer if you do not agree
what can i do to help you not be angry. i love you and i want both of us to be happy.

( He'll either be nice and you''ll relize there was no one else or he will excalate everything and one of yu will leave and he will have the bimbo.)

we already answered your question about the hiding money, did you not do anything about it yet??

M.,
Some of those were the indications when I started checking to see if my ex was cheating. Look at your bank account and see if he has any transactions in places he wasn't supposed to be. Look Online at your cell account and see who he's talking to.

But more importantly, talk to him. If he feels like you're snooping, that would also explain his behavior. Hire a private investigator. In my experience, if you really believe he is you're probably right. Or, if you push him hard enough, he will cheat.

have you asked him about all these things?

Have you talked to him?

I know if my hubby were checking up on me and treating me as though I were cheating........ I would be quite bitchy and I would have secret passwords as well. We don't snoop on each other, we trust each other and we have open communication.

Why does your husband have an engagement ring?

I'm sorry if this is not the answer you are looking for but look within yourself to see if you might be contributing to the unhappiness. Sure, you can always pay to have him followed and snoop on him but when he finds out you are doing that cheating or not it might bite you in the rear.

If he wants a divorce does it matter anymore? seems like he;'s preparing to leave, you you should be too.
If things are ending i think it's time to make sure he doesnt want to give it one last shot and have an honest conversation with him?

do you even want to be married to him? you dont sound hurt by this but J. curious?

What does he say when you ask him? Or have you brought it up at all? Does he know you are snooping on him? Although, I do not consider having access to his phone and computer 'snooping', in my relationship we are both open books, what's mine is his and what's his is mine...we each can look at whatever we want, ya know? I know all his passwords and he knows all mine.

The hiding money and the fact that he repeatedly brings up divorce while fighting tells me he is not happy with the way things are. Sounds to me, like you guys need to have a big heart to heart talk.

Ask yourself this: Does he even have time and opportunity to cheat?
Do you know his schedule? Does he 'go out' after work or come straight home?

Have you been accusing him of cheating? Are you jealous by nature? Have you always felt insecure in that area or is this just a new gut feeling?

Nobody likes to be accused of doing things they are not doing so watch yourself there.

From the outside looking in, going off only what you've written I don't see any signs of him cheating...I just see him being very un-happy with the relationship as it is now.

Is there anything you can or should rather, change in YOUR behavior?

There are some red flags yes. If you really want to know I would ask. Also if I was you I would start putting money back yourself just in case!!!

How odd. He wears an engagement ring?
Yes....odd.
Husband or fiancé?
He's not to good at the "secretly hiding money" thing, if you know about it.
Maybe hire a PI?

It doesn't sound good.
So do some preparing of your own.
Put some money aside for yourself.
Track the assets.
Password protect your own phone (and computer).
Get a good lawyer - you have time to ask around and find a good one - one who will go for his throat (and wallet).

My best advice would be to just set down and have a calm talk with him about way he is so angry, don't throw in the ' are you cheating on me', you need information . Ask what has change, is it work, is it you. If it is the relationship then you can do what needs to be done from there. But this worrying and not knowing can't continue. Before you have the talk, you need to prepare for the possible bad out come, set aside some money of your own (hopefully you have already). Have a plan for yourself, this will allow you to be more under control during the confrontation. Good luck, i hope it's just work stress.

Sounds like it to me. I went through this myself. Let me give you a piece of advice...once you start snooping, be ready for what you might find. MOST men cheat with women at work. So if you really want to find out for sure, sit in the parking lot at work and see if he leaves. (this depends on what he does for a job of course). Then follow him. Ask him straight out. Of course he will lie. Just start to get ready for how you will handle it. If you end up divorcing, you will survive and thrive, lots of us have been through it. But MAKE SURE you do everything possible to save your marriage, especially if you have kids. It's very hard on everyone. Good luck!

I think you need to listen to your intuition and the signs you're seeing. The behaviors he's exhibiting are very concerning for several reasons, and are all signs of something having changed and some sort of dishonesty going on. I'd approach this very carefully, but most of the time a wife's intuition on whether her husband is cheating or not is correct.

Go with your gut.

The phone calls and their numbers will show up on your phone bill.

You need to be protecting yourself. Find your important papers. Check on all your accounts and his retirement acct. get the acct number and bank info on any extra accounts. You need to be your own accountant and keep an eye on things. Be sure you have all the passwords.

It's time to be looking on his acct on the computer.

When you are ready ask for marriage counseling. Find a counselor first and set up the appt. it's time to come clean and find out where you go from here.

Whether he's cheating or not, there is something going on that needs to be addressed. I would avoid any arguing at all costs, do everything you can to be the best wife possible, all the while hire a P.I. If he isn't cheating right now but has some issues going on, you accusing him, acting like he is or arguing with him may push him to cheat or leave. But if you try to support him he will open up to you what is really going on and you guys can work it out. If he is cheating, you need to find out for sure by hiring a P.I. or having a conversation where you tell him how much you love him and what to be with him but you have some concerns that need to talked about, no arguing. You don't need to be in a relationship where you feel like this, it's not good for you or your children, if you have any. I'm not saying to leave, or push him to leave. If you have children you guys need to work on what every is going on.

I think the most important thing is to know just what you want to do. Do you have a plan if it turns out he is? Personally I would ask outright - once I decided I was ready to hear the truth, however much it may hurt. I do think that spying and checking up on him will only make you feel bad about yourself and make things worse. And that living with someone who is angry and picks fights is no way to live. So maybe a honest conversation is the way to go.

Asking will get you nowhere. He will lie and get even more sly. If you want this marriage to work, all you can do is put your all into being an awesome wife (even though he doesn't deserve it-just be the better person), try not to let your suspicion sabotage you into becoming at fault for the bad phase, and keep your eyes peeled. Cheaters always get caught. In my ex's case, I never caught him while it was happening though. It always reared it's ugly head later when the scorned woman or friend thereof ratted them out. Well one I did catch while happening..but after it had been happening for 3 years...and again, a different scorned woman blew the whistle. It took so long to get proof because I refused to spy anymore. It was too exhausting. He had secret accounts anyway. I just lived my life and did the best I could.. Your husband will be caught one day if he is cheating. Be prepared and try to keep on your game.

When he picks on you and picks fights and mentions divorce, try to stay calm and diplomatic and hear him out. Ask if he's serious. Tell him you want him to be happy if that's what he wants....if he leaves you all that much better for your custody and financial arrangement in event of divorce most likely. Plus, if he doesn't get to play the martyr by being "trapped in his marriage" it may adjust his attitude and perspective too.

Look at other things like:
1) Does he have opportunity?
2) Does he go anywhere outside of work hours a lot? Or does he come straight home every night?
3) Does he get more phone calls/texts than he did before?

If he is going out after work, etc - I guess you could follow him. If you have access to a computer he uses, you can pretty easily install software that tracks what he does on the computer.

The money thing would be my biggest red flag, regardless of whether he is cheating. If he has mentioned divorce, then it is on his mind either way. You need to start preparing yourself, and protecting yourself financially. You know something is going on, and it's not good.