What Makes YOU a Good Mom?

I think I'm a good Mom because I have instilled a good set of VALUES in my children. As they have gotten older, I see them put these values into practice on a daily basis. It makes me extremely proud that they have internalized the lessons I've tried so hard to teach them, and are growing into good, decent, hardworking, caring people. That's the best thing I could ever hope for.

Hugs and kisses, saying I love you, listening, being apart of their world any way I can. My friend lost her mom and the one thing that came to her mind was did I tell her every day I loved her ? Well her mom felt the love and knew it.......and my kids know my love too.

I am trying to become the type of person I want my children to be. So, today, I am trying to only speak kindly - even when I need to correct my children or discipline them. I notice the girls behave like me - in word, action, tone of voice, deed - regardless of what I tell them. Ugh! I so wish it were easier. But working on myself helps them become children who will grow up to be hard working, loving, balanced young women who are active in their community, honest, patient and loving.

Mom of 3. Two sons 5 and 8. One daughter 5 weeks.

I am a freaking fabulous mom because....
1. I love my children and never hesitate to tell them that
2. I am pretty relaxed about a lot of stuff. They can get dirty, they can get wet, they can run and jump and scream....at appropriate times of course!
3. I will defend them and give them permission to defend themselves.
4. I love their dad.
Maybe I am just a bit too confident about my parenting skills, and that would be my husband's fault. he constantly tells me what a great mom I am and never hesitates to tell me that he picked the right woman for the job. I am blessed that he knows this! lol
L.

What a provocative (in all the right ways!) question!

I think the things that help me feel I am a good mom (of an almost 4 y.o. boy) are:

Allowing myself enough sleep, which I need

Attributing the highest motives to my son, whenever possible (giving him the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming negatives when I don't have real proof of them)

Listening as much as I can

Being clear and authoratative with my son as to guidance and what's expected

Understanding when he needs more playful parenting and when he needs more direct instruction/laying down the law

Understanding his levels of ability and comprehension, and respecting that I must work within this framework

Respecting his biological schedule in regard to meals, snacks and naps (tired and hungry kids are frequently upset.)

Providing good meals and a healthy environment

Being respectful and friendly in my tone with he and my husband

Having him be a Big Helper with housework whenever I can. He loves to help and feels he's an important, contributing member of the family.

Saying Thank You a lot

Saying Sorry when it's warranted

Accepting my part in our moments of conflict, and trying to help him understand what I need by owning my own feelings ("Mama needs some quiet time. I'll come get you when I'm ready for some company" vs. "You're bugging me. Go to your room!")

I could go on longer, but if can keep these things in mind our days go much smoother. And you are so correct: we very often focus on our mistakes instead of saying "you know, I did pretty okay today!"

I also battle with comparisons occasionally. Then I tell myself what I know: my son is happy most of the time, has a good life with friends and parents that *he knows* love him. Pretty good!

My DD is 3.5.

I tell her all the time I love her. Lots of hugs and kisses, tickles and giggles. I read stories to her at nap time and bed time every day.

I love her dad and I make sure she sees it.

I try to set a good example and be a good role model - using manners, showing confidence, being educated, instilling a sense of responsibility and a work ethic, giving a reasonable explanation when she asks "Why?"

I let her have her way and take the lead when possible - and when it is not possible, let her know that that's just the way it is, setting appropriate limits. I try not to sweat the small stuff. A Happy Meal from McD's once or twice a week is not going to ruin her. She's still sleeping in a crib because she's happy in there and sometimes she wants to wear non-matching socks, and that's fine with me.

I listen to what she is trying to tell me, even if I already know what it is and I know what I am going to say in response. I try to show that I respect her feelings, even when I can't let her have her way. I encourage her to try to find her own solutions and to not give up. I let her be her own person, not just what I think she should be.

I make sure she is safe and that she always knows how much we love her. I try not to "wish" her childhood away, as in "I can't wait until she's out of diapers, I can't wait until she's in school, etc." Those things will happen soon enough and before you know it, you are dropping them off at college. I try to live in the moment and appreciate her for who she is and where we are right now.

I clean up when I can but I don't make it the focus of my life. There's so many other things more important than a clean house. I take time out for myself because that helps me stay sane and be a better, more loving wife and mommy.

Most of all, I try not to beat myself up when I could have handled something differently. I just try again and try to do a better job the next time. Every day is a new day.

Somehow for me, the "validation" of my abilities as a mother came when my own mother said out loud to me (and has subsequently said to many other people) that I am a better mother than she ever was or could have been.

Personally, I think that I could be so much better as a mom, but then again who doesn't right? I pride myself on being able to move my kids into a better community than I grew up in and they are able to have a much more stable and comfortable lifestyle than I ever did as a child. My kids don't know what hardship is really. I know this all sounds very superficial, but to me it really is the world. I grew up moving from "home" to home every time the one year lease expired. I went to six different elementary schools between Kindergarten and 6th grade. I may get behind on the laundry and Lord knows I'm not the most organized person in the world. My satisfaction comes in knowing that my kids have a place they will always be able to call home. They have a "street you grew up on" anser. I treasure that.

You should get some interesting answers since all of us have kids and different ages and stages of development.
Mine of course are grown men with lives of their own now.
What I do to be a good mom now is to let them have their independence and do what I can not to be the mom that they have to feel like they have to coddle and give me details of their lives on any type of schedule.
I text or send a facebook message about once a month saying "Any thing new and exciting going on that I need to know? Just wanted to say "I love you" and all's well here." And they do the same to me if they think they havent heard from me or I'm on their mind.
I don't do daughter in law competition for my son's affection.
I listen when they talk and always tell them how proud I am of them.
I now ask for their advice rather than them asking me for mine these days.
I love it!

Hmmmmm....overall I would say that I am a good mom because:

1. I have increased my patience capacity about a trillion-fold in the last 8 years.
2. I keep my eye on the prize, not the trivial details at hand.
3. I encourage my son to be inquisitive LONG after my husband punks out with his answers, I hang in there, no matter how complex the issue for an 8 yo (war, democracy, dictatorship, human rights, etc.)
4. I know I am building a cathedral. :)

What makes me a good mom?
That's an excellent question. My kids are teenagers. I've been where you are. Time is short - enjoy every minute with your kids. Organization is definitely the key to a happy household...

I am not my kids' best friend. I am their mother. I have rules and consequences. The rules change as they get older, as do the consequences. I am a disciplinarian. I don't tolerate bad behavior - ever. If they get lippy or rude, I call them on it no matter where we are or who is around.
I'm a good mom because when I needed help, I asked for it. I asked other parents, my parents, my spouse, my sister -- anyone who had advice and was willing to give it. Sometimes I used it and sometimes I did what I felt was best for my children.
I am very close to my children. We have family dinner as many nights per week as we can squeeze it in. This week works out to exactly none as the oldest is in play practice until 7 and the younger is off to an honor band in a couple of days for the long weekend. That said, we spend time together. We talk. We laugh.
I'm a good mom because I insist on their best - whether at school, play practice, marching band, swim team or whatever. I don't care if they come in first or last as long as they always give it 100%. If they get a B on an assignment, I don't criticize - I ask the question, "Was this the absolute best you could do?"
I'm a good mom because I'm available - I volunteer with their activities. I chaperone. I drive. I bake. I am around.
My kids appreciate my being there -- they've noticed which kids never have a parent at an activity, a concert, or an awards ceremony. They appreciate the time we spend with them. Sometimes I just don't want to go to iHop after the game, but I go because time is short and they will be off to college before I know it. They like to be with their friends. I like to see them laugh and have fun with their friends. And really, I can sleep when they are in college...
I'm a good mom because I don't care what their rooms look like during the school year -- as long as they get good grades, I'll make the beds.
I'm a good mom because I send them to school with a hot breakfast and a hot lunch. Although, I'm very happy that they have decided that they don't need the hot egg and sausage sandwich and that a pop tart will do.
I'm a good mom because I find a way for my kids to be involved in the activities that are important to them. Finding an extra $250 for a child to go to an honor band out of state is not easy these days... But, I worked a couple of extra sub jobs and am sending her on her way.
I'm a good mom because when I send them off to summer camp, they have plenty of clothing, lots of snacks, and a few dozen love notes sprinkled in there for good measure.
I'm a good mom because I let them make mistakes and am there to catch them.
I'm a good mom because no matter what, they know I love them and that I will always be their #1 cheerleader!
I could toot my own horn for another 100 words or so, but you get the drift.
LBC

Daughter- 3years
Son- 7months

Reading Green Eggs and Ham (Sam I am, I Don't Like Eggs as she would say) every single night b/c that's her favorite.

Playing Hide and Seek in the middle of peeling carrots, and making meals.

Letting her sleep in my bed when Dad's off to work for 2 days....

Driving an extra 10 minutes to go to the Sheets where she can push the buttons on the Lottery Ticket machine to get whatever scratch-offs she wants!

Taking her to Barnes and Nobles so she can play with the Thomas Train Table with her friends.

Letting her Run the PopCorn Popper and having movie time on the weekends.

Letting her watch an extra episode of Dora.... just because sometimes.

Putting Dora band-aid's on her practically healed boo-boo's b/c well... "it makes it all better"

Taking her to Red Lobster, Red Robin, or Chuck E Cheese.. her 3 favs. just for the heck of it

Playing store outside in her house while its freeeezing weather.

Letting her swing in baby's swing b/c she likes to swing!

Setting up the foot spa so she can have a "toe bath" and then painting her toes purple, her most fav. color!

Tickling my baby boy so he can get down laughing!! He's so ticklish.

Puree'ing homemade baby food in large batches for my little monster.

Massaging lotion on his clean and soft baby body every night.

Singing Old McDonald over and over b/c I know he smiles the biggest when I ee-iiii-eee-iiii-oooo!!

Taking ton's of pictures and making many photo albums for them to have as adults.

Loving their daddy and making sure they know their parents love each other.

Cooking meals, cleaning house, working, and taking care of all other daily business so they can have a happy home, full bellies, and stable environment.

Taking family vacations every year to far away lands to enrich their lives and to make sure they know the WORLD and not just where we live.

So much more... Before I started this post... I didn't know what I was going to say. I guess I feel like I'm not doing enough and I'm not good enough for them MORE than feeling like I'm AWESOME...

Thanks for the question. This helped.

I love my husband and love our daughter more than myself. I have also told both of them, I will always have their backs. I may not agree, I may be disappointed, but I will always be there. I try to always do my best, to see both sides of any situation and then make a decision..Then I try not to have regrets and take responsibility for my decisions.

I also tried not to have preconceived ideas, so that everything was a nice surprise.. I also admit mistakes, I say I am sorry (and mean it) and I try to learn from any mistakes I witness, my own as well as others.

I followed our daughter passions and dreams.. not my own.
I think our daughter has taught us just as much as we have taught her and I am grateful that she makes her own decisions and trusts us enough to share everything with us. I also love that she now gives us advice and is her own person. This is what I always wanted. I did not want a little me, I wanted her to be whoever she wanted to be. I feel like that is what makes me a good mom.

Thanks for this question, I had never put this into words before.

1) I make sure my children have easy access to cut up fresh, raw fruits and veggies at all times. I'm very happy to say they LOVE to eat it and are EASILY getting their 5 full servings a day.
2)I make sure we have a bedtime and kids are in bed at bedtime. Getting a good night of sleep is SO important for growing kids.
3)We eat dinner together as a family at the dinner table almost every night - even if it's just 20minutes squeezed in between kids' activities. This one is super-difficult to pull off on a regular basis and takes a lot of logistical advance planning, but it's a real priority for me to have this family time together.

There are many other areas in which I am TOTALLY DEFICIENT, ashamed to say. For example, you won't find me doing laundry at night (my laundry piles up and stares me in the face) - Lynsey, I admire you for THAT! MOST kids are wonderful kids, so their parents are doing SOMETHING right. We all make choices that suit our families best, do our best to fulfill those choices, then hope that everything turns out ok. So far, I think we're all doing a pretty good job!

I let my kids know that I love them. I say it frequently.

I have established a routine. They feel safe in our world because they can predict what happens in their life.

I keep my relationships with my parents, extended family and inlaws intact, even when I don't agree with their opinions. I know that 'it takes a village to raise a child' and that my extended family is the inner circle of that village.

I put education first. I know that we live in a competative world and they will need to be educated to have success in it.

I read and I read to my children. This not only gives them knowledge; it fires their creativity and imagination.

I evaluate the job I am doing as their mom. It's a hard job and I do plenty 'wrong'. I have to be continuously critical of what I am doing so that I can do better for them.

patients, like reading itsy bitsy spider 10 times in a row because it is my sons current favorite book. and everytime i finish it he shout "again!"

Wow. That's a good question Lynsey. All that you have mentioned..is what I do late at night. Tonight I've decided to just leave things as it is and tackle them tomorrow. I decided to do whatever I wanted to do tonight..even be on mamapedia.

What makes a good mom? Hmmm...I think Moms rule the world! We're care takers/baby sitters, chefs, referees, counselors, maids, accountants, doctors, and the list goes on and on. We are our OWN super hero....I think that's a good mom. :)

You shouldn't be hard on yourself. You're doing what YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR OWN FAMILY. Don't compare yourself to other families. You're doing what you can. You never know...that family you DO see that might be a "perfect" family..isn't so perfect. No one is..no family is perfect. Just know every night...your kids are well taken care of and safe in your home because you made it that way.

I love my daughters more than myself
I put any and all things after them.
i raise them the way it will make them good adults, not merely go through the motions.
I give them the best i can, even when i suffer.
I define myself based ob them, and will do this first and foremost for all my life.
I will never give up on them.

You also have to take time for yourself! I do those things some nights, but other nights, after the kids are in bed, my husband and I like to watch tv or read or talk or snuggle, ect... We need this time for ourselves and our relationship. It makes us better parents when the kids are awake! I feel that I am a good Mom, but mostly because I can see it in the way my children are forming into sweet, responsible, and smart little boys! It's all in the results. I also know that my husband is a wonderful Daddy! After dinner, the kids have his undivided attention until bed. They need that since he's gone all day. Sometimes that is when I'll work on chores.
If what you're doing is keeping your home a happy one, then you're doing it right! Keep up the good work Momma!

Seems like there are two ways of thinking about this one...

What makes me a good mommy? When my little guys asks "Do you want to play with me?"- short of a fire in the kitchen, the answer is always "of course!" b/c there will come a day when he stops asking.

What makes me a good mother? I know my limits and b/c I'm a little older (into my 30's) I feel like I'm able to say "no" without feeling extreme guilt. MIL calls... "Can you guys come down for dinner tonight?" after we've all been sick... no, not this time but thank you. A few years ago I would have said yes. Can I "do it all"- nope... let's hire a housekeeper so we have more time together as a family.

What makes me a good mom is that I see an issue and I work to correct it to the best of my ability. Some things are not always correctable they are what they are. So, my ability to see room for improvement and my ability to adapt to new situations even though my son has a difficult time doing so.

What a great question to make us pause and reflect on what we ARE doing right. Good for you for what you do!

I lost my mom before I had my children and had infertility issues for over 6 years before we were blessed with our two children. What I do right is tell them everyday how much I love them and NEVER take them for granted. And, when we make decisions for our girls, we ask ourselves, "What is best for them?"

I feel I am a good Mom because my DD is loved, fed, clothed, healty and happy. It's hard to feel like a 'bad' mom when your baby smiles at you first thing in the morning! :)

I always put my son before myself. I am willing to sacrafice so much for me and I honestly dont expect anything back in return. I believe that makes me a good mom

I'm a good mom, because I work FT out of the house and when I come home, I give 100%.
I'm a good mom because ever since my son has had school events, sports etc, if I can't make it I always schedule hubs, if not working, or another family member to go so my son knows we are there and love hearing the details when I get home.
I'm a good mom because I talk to my son and ask him questions about his feelings, his wants, his needs anything I sense.
I'm a good mom because when I give my son dinner he always says "mom did you add salt or a spice or whatever, knowing darn well I did and he says before I answer him "let me answer that mom....of course you did" makes me smile everytime.
I'm a good mom becasue no matter the problem or concern my son always wants to speak to me about it.
I'm a good mom becasue when I sense hubs is gonna give a lam-o response, which happens, I jump in and the thread of my sons thoughts aren't broken by too tired daddy not paying attention to the question :)
I'm a good mom becasue I waited to have my son, till I knew I was ready and didn't follow the pack.
I'm a good mom because my son can look at me and say "mom I know your eyes are saying you love me, I love you too!"

one thing i think makes me a good mom is treating my son with respect. he is a thinking cognitive human being and i don't talk down to him, i take pride in being able to teach him so much about his world. i am affectionate with my son (4), telling him how much he is loved on a constant basis. we have fun together and enjoy each other's company. also (and then i'll stop i promise), one of the greatest lessons i hope to instill in my son is that of HARD WORK. my husband and i are living examples of this every day, and if i can teach my son nothing else, but to work hard, then i have done my job. having been out in the real world for quite some time, i feel that makes me an awesome mother. because from what i can see, often the difference between success and failure is simply working hard or not.

I never equated laundry and cleaning with being a good mom. You're still a new mom Lynsey, my kids are turning 16 and 12. I'm at a very different stage. What makes me a good mom is that I accept my kids for who they are and I love them for who they are, not in spite of the things about them that are not ideal, and they know this! They also know that I am their greatest advocate and I am always on their side. I have also given them a lot of independence - didn't do things for them that they were capable of doing on their own, didn't make them dependent on me for things they should do themselves, and that makes me a good mom, because I have prepared them well for life. My daughter will leave for college in 2 years and she's not going to be the freshman who doesn't know how to put the sheets on her bed or how to check the air pressure in her tires.
Oh yes, and another thing that makes me a good mom - sometimes I put ME first and I make sure to take time for myself to do things that I enjoy.

What makes ME a good Mom? By not talking to my 4 year old like she is a baby. I cant stand that!!! We will be at the park and I will hear a woman talking to a 2 or 3 year old like they are an imbecile. I dont talk "baby" voice. We walk the trails and I talk to her like an intelligent human being while still being fun. "Look!!!..it's a deer!!!...you know, those are native to Texas but can also be found throughout much of the United States!!!" "OOOhhh!!! did you see that armadillo!?!" I refrain from, "oh, Mommy's witty bitty baby need a nappy wappy?"
You are NEVER too young to look, learn and expierience life. She currently likes to pick up leaves and see which tree's they came from....funny, she NEVER talks to me in "baby" voice either. :)

Hi Lynsey

Every single night for the past 18+ years, I lie down to sleep in a state of extreme humility. I have NO idea why I've been given three such fantastic children. I have no idea HOW I do it day after day, don't even really know WHAT I did (clearly must've been very good in another life, cause, you know, I am just not that great), but every single day I am humbled by my own kids' personal acheivements. I REALLY have no clue how I pulled it off.

But then again....

Next morning I wake up FULLY EXPECTING them to be every bit as awesome as they were yesterday (even though I surely do NOT deserve it) and somehow, miraculously, they ARE!

Funny how that works....

(And yes, I'm a SAHM too, always been, my kids are 18, 16, 13, so I am into the 'fruition' years and I still don't know what I did to be so successful! And YES I have broken every 'rule' you mention here, and MANY more. I OFTEN go against the 'experts', made a zillion decisions feeling like I'm holding my breath jumping off a cliff with child in hand......done it MY way in spite of statistics suggesting I'm WRONG.....)

Maybe the lesson here is....

You just GOT TO BELIEVE Sista, BELIEVE it's gonna be ok, and it WILL!

:)

I am a mom to a 3-year-old son and 6-month-old daughter.

Cognitively, I encourage my son to read books from his "library." We read to him before naps and bedtime, and several times in between. He did not watch television until he was 2, so he developed a true love of reading. He watches a very limited amount of TV.

To promote good eating habits, we cook meals that are nutritious and well-balanced. While I feed my son healthy foods, I also let him have sweets (especially chocolate - my weakness) in moderation. Also, I breastfed my son for 13 months and plan to breastfeed my daughter for a year.

Socially, I arrange play dates on the weekends and evenings (when I am not at work). I include my son in my social life whenever possible, including dinner parties. We try to attend as many family functions with cousins as possible.

Emotionally, I take naps with my son on the weekend, and with my daughter in the evenings, to get in extra snuggle time. I hug and kiss them when I get home from work or put them to bed as if I haven't seen them in a week. I try to give my son warnings before we have to end a preferred activity. I give my son choices - even small ones - whenever possible. I try to balance my one-on-one time between my son and daughter and meet their needs equitably (this is a challenge). I ask my son his favorite part of the day during bedtime.

I keep a daily journal to document our lives, milestones, cute sayings, and more. My husband and I take a copious amount of pictures, and look at them with my son frequently. I tell him stories of when he was a baby, which helps him connect to his baby sister.

There are several things I could do better, but this is what I think I am doing well. Great question!