What's Your Opinion-should I Be Concerned?

I am thinking next time "Jane" has a meeting scheduled I would be going along with hubby or making hubby stay home!

the only person who can clear this up is your husband. Just ask him.

Oh my goodness.
Listen...my daughter at 7 teased me about having a crush on the man who delivered our bottled water.
It had nothing more to do with anything than her age.
He came in, replaced the bottle on the dispenser, took the empty and left a bill. Period.
"M. and the water man sitting in a tree. K_I_S_S_I_N_G."
I think SHE had a crush on him.
He was never there for more than 10 minutes and seemed quite shy. There was never even any idle conversation. He was never once there when I was there alone and my husband was even there some of the time when he delivered.
To hear my daughter, you'd think we were having a fling of some kind.
No offense to the water man, but even my very jealous husband wasn't worried about it.
Like I said, we both just figured that she was the one who had some kind of crush on him.
Little kids can be weird.
They can be protective for innocent reasons too.
My daughter and I were at an antique sale and a man came up to me and said, "I'm sorry. I just have to say that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."
Before I even had a chance to process it, my daughter, 7, said, "Oh yeah? Well, she's also married to the biggest lug in this town so you better back off!"
But, she teased me about having a crush on the water man who basically never said a word to me.
Go figure.

You know your husband wasn't alone with this woman without your son there. I'm pretty sure your husband wouldn't do anything wrong knowing other parents might show up.
Don't let the musings of a 7 year old start making your mind go crazy. And, don't question him about it anymore. Ask your husband, if anyone. Not a kid.
The other thing I want to say is that maybe your husband WAS acting goofy. As in uncomfortable.
He and your son were the only ones there and now your red flags are up.
I have a male friend who won't even say thank you to the cashier who rings up the groceries because he knows his wife will freak out and think he's flirting with her.
Sign for a registered letter from the female post office delivery person? He breaks out in a sweat. He will hear it from his wife.
He's a super great guy, but seriously, not all that hot.
His wife thinks all women are after him.
It's pretty sad, actually.

Anyway, take into consideration the age of your kid. They can read things into things that have absolutely nothing to do with anything.

Let it go. Show up for the next meeting.
Don't be mad at your husband when it's most likely he didn't do anything wrong.

Best wishes.

Only you know the ends and outs of your relationship. By stating that your first words were "so you and Jane had a lot of time to visit" and by glossing over the fact that you might have been grilling your child further at bed time about the situation, coupled with your 'flags' being waiting and ready to go up, it sounds as if you had prior concerns...IDK, I could be mistaken?

Talk with your husband. You know how to read him better than we know how to read through the lines and give an opinion as an outsider looking in...has your husband ever given you reason to not trust him? If he has proven himself untrustworthy in the past, then yes I think you should be concerned and I say talk to hubby and don't send him to any meetings at Jane's house alone...if the answer is No and you are normally suspicious and jealous, I say no you have no reason to be concerned, so what if your hubby was being goofy...he was the only other adult there, trying to make conversation with a stranger?!

I think you may feel threatened by this woman in some way.

Why on earth would your DH foster an affair in front of your DS? If your DH wanted an affair, he sure wouldn't be doing it in front of a talktative son.

And, leave your son out of this.... by you questioning him over and over, he will sense something very wrong and might feel like it was his fault.

COMMUNICATE with your husband, let him know your insecurities so he can deal with it.

Hi Mama
Just talk to your husband and tell him your son said.
A few months ago my husband was away on business. When he returned my son who is three had a big story for his Daddy about a man being in the house and Mummy was kissing him.
Thank God my hubby came and told me straight away as it could have planted some paranoia in his head.
We were shocked to say the least that my son could come up with such a story. We think maybe he made this up so Daddy wouldn't go away again.
So talk to your hubby as it seems you are already having doubts or else you wouldn't be writing this post. You would have had a post about " the funny things kids say "
All the best
B.

Do you really think that if your husband was going to cheat on you, he would do so in the presence of your child?

I really wouldn't start freaking out over a 7-year-old's description of people acting like boyfriend/girlfriend. Hell, when I was 7, acting like a boyfriend meant punching someone in the arm.

Do you have a reason to not trust him? Has this been festering a while? I'm just asking, because you jumped on that REALLY quickly. My first though about my husband would never EVER be a "red flag." The fact that the first question you asked was, "So you and Jane had a lot of time to visit." That's kind of telling, like you already have suspicions. Maybe, you don't...I don't know...it just sounds that way. Like you are insecure about your relationship, or his honesty and honoring your marriage. Perhaps, there is a deeper discussion that needs to happen.

So, what was the meeting about anyway?
Why was the meeting called?
What was the purpose of it?
Did they actually have a meeting for the kids group?

Interesting.
But... your Husband and son said they were the only ones' to show up... so it seems that Husband and your son, were surprised at that too.

Maybe the Divorced woman, likes to bait men.
If so it is not your Husband's fault.

Also, why don't YOU go to one of those meetings next time? Or does this Divorcee only invite the Dads?

Who knows.
Just ASK your Husband.

.

I hate to say this, but, why are you asking us? We don't know what's really going on.

Your husband does, so you will have to ask him. It sounds like you are pretty scared -- I would be, too -- and one thing we CAN do for you is offer our support. Hang in there! I hope it's nothing.

I think you are reading into this too much. Most adults that i know get nervous laughter and awkwardness when put in that type of situation. They don't know eachother and are male/female---very uncomfortable! I would think your hubby probably brought up some jokes or other funny stuff to lighten the mood and your son felt like it was boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. If your hubby has never given you any indication before this, let it go!
M

It really is hard to say if it something to be concerned about or not. I wouldn't say to forget but also don't obsess over it too much. If it was me, I'd probably prompt DS a little more and ask what were they doing that made him thing they were acting like boyfriend/girlfriend. If more red flags go up, talk to your DH about it more. In the meantime keep an eye on things with your DH and this women to see if anything else comes up.

I don't think you are being paranoid. I think it is ok to protect yourself but at the same time don't freak out without looking into it a little more.

Hearing my son say that would set off red flags for me as well but I've been burned before so I may be extra sensative to this sort of stuff. There's a good chance that your husband may have been his normal, good natured, humorous self with this woman and there's nothing more to the story than that.

You are right in pointing out, "What is a 7-yr old boys definition of acting like boyfriend girlfriend." I can tell you that my 6-year old daughter is under the impression that the boys in her class that are her friends, are her "boyfriends". So, I would take what your son says with a grain of salt.

If your husband is not normally the flirtatious sort and has never given you cause to be concerned about his fidelity, then I would give him the benefit of a doubt. But because I am the type that really doesn't like to hold anything in and I think that relationships run a lot smoother when there's clarity and communication in the relationship, I would probably ask my husband about the meeting (trying to be as casual as possible about it) and express my concerns so that he can give me the reassurance I need and to just let him know that I am aware of the situation.

I hope everything goes well for you and your husband.

All I can say is this whole scenerio seems very strange. First of all, why were they the only one's there? Second of all, why did your mind automatically jump to conlusions of a "red flag". Why was your husband defending his "goofiness" to respond to the son that it was toward him and not the other woman? Why did your son feel compelled to tell you they were like "boyfriend/girlfriend"? Have you asked your son to keep an eye on daddy for how he behave's around other women? Has your husband cheated on your before?
All I can say is that if my husband and son came home and were the only one's there, it would never cross my mind that something was going on? I would simply ask "why didn't anyone else show up?" If I suspected this other woman to have impure intentions then I would ask my husband if he sensed this too? My child wouldn't say something like that unless prompted to think that way, or if something was clearly obviously out of line between the two adults.
For me, if this happened I would brush it off and not worry about my own husband's intentions; however, I might question the other woman and would simply watch out for other meetings and plan to go with them. It's probably nothing!

I would talk to hubby, tell him you are uncomfortable with this and then start going ot the meetings yourself.
Is this Cub Scouts? Dad can be more involved later. I had a mom in our den that was a tad prevocative. We, the other moms would actually have to protect the men, who are always clueless when a beautiful woman is flaunting herself at them. So we would have the men do things that didn't involve staying at meeting when she was around.

Hi M. H,

I know you posted this question in February, but I want to say that kids are VERY observant, even 7 y/o's like your son. I would not take his "daddy was being goofy" comment lightly. I find it extremely suspicious that your husband and son were the only ones to show up at the "meeting." I put meeting in quotes b/c I seriously doubt there was a meeting for that night. Well, there was a meeting alright, but only for Jane and your husband. Ask your son if they left him alone for any period of time (if they did, you know what they were doing). Also ask the other parents who didn't show up that night if they knew about the meeting. A while back, I responded to one of your posts about Mary and Jane not inviting you to go out w/ them. Now it makes sense! Jane, the divorced one, might be getting it on w/ your husband so of course she isn't going to invite you to join her and Mary. For your sake I hope I'm wrong, but unfortunately, there are too many red flags. Good luck w/ your marriage.

I think you're being paranoid.

If he was trying to hide something he wouldn't have said that they were the only ones to show up. Instead he would have not even bothered to mention it. Would your son have said they were being goofy if your husband hadn't told you about who was or wasn't there?

With them being the only two adults there it probably was a little awkward, so I bet the two of them tried to be social with each other. What was he supposed to do? Sit there like a robot and ignore her because she's *gasp* a female?

Kids see things differently then adults. Girl friend and boy friend might be anything from Kissing to sitting next to each other. When my kids or grandkids say something off the wall like that I will question without jumping to conclusions. When he said "daddy was acting goofy" I would have said "what was daddy doing that was goofy?" When he said they acted like boyfriend and girlfriend, I would ask for examples. I remember when my youngest was 6 years old and I was out of town for a night. When I came home I seen his t shirt by our bed, knowing he likes to sleep with daddy when I was gone, I still teased "Who slept in my bed with daddy??" He answered "Some girl did" That got my attention but I asked "oh? What was her name?" He said he couldn't remember but she has a nice car, a black one. I said "oh?" Now I was really wondering and then he said "Oh I remember her name now..it is Shannia Twain" My oldest son was in the room at the time and he started rolling on the bed laughing saying "I wish she was here" I never knew who she was because at the time she was pretty new to the country music scene and I don't listen to country. When my husband came home I said "so you had a girl spend the night with you while I was gone did you?" He looked at me like I was crazy and my youngest started laughing and said "haha, the only girl that slept with daddy was me" Which he thought about a minute and laughed and said "I mean boy" I still laugh over that one.

I would not put a lot into that until you find out more but I would also be the one to take him to the meetings...lol

I disagree with Mallory about the boy friend/girlfriend touching. Kids that age have crushes on each other and yet it doesn't involve touching or kissing or anything other then a bit of discomfort shyness or having a good time talking. If a boy and a girl classmate talk to each other more then usual, kids would tease them about loving each other or being boy friend/ girlfriend.

Ask your child just 'how' they were acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. Honestly-I do not think a child would know that what flirting is. I would think boyfriend and girlfriend to a kid would be some kind of touching. I could be wrong but if it were me I would ask.

I would be concerned. If Daddy's goofiness was "normal" DS may not have even noticed...but he did. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it now, but I also wouldn't want him going to any solo meetings again. Maybe next time you can take your son? Definitely ask your husband about it. Maybe he was just flirting (though I don't agree with him doing that).

Give your husband the benefit of the doubt.

Have you and hubby had a good marriage so far? Is he a standup man?
Let those flags lower- for now. I have the same type of hubby- loves to joke- and this same thing happened with me- with my best freind.
The more paranoid i got, the more I woudl mention things I "noticed" the more needy and clingly I looked, and the more distant he got from me.. It almost cost us our marriage.
Give your husband space to be 'him'. Just dont let them be alone again (0:

Your son may simply think being "goofy" and laughing together is what boyfriends/girlfriends do. so I wouldn't jump to conclusions.