What Time Should I Put My 2 1/2 Year Old to Bed.

I feel for you - I hate putting DD to bed so soon after we get home, but I am firm believer in sleep. We start getting DD (who is now 3.5) ready for bed at 7:30 (bath, pjs, brushing teeth, stories) so she is in bed by 8. When I get home I try to spend 20-30 minutes one on one quality time with her, then get dinner going. I try and keep things as simple as possible, including using the crockpot about 2x per week and making extras on weekend that we can heat up or defrost. I try not to do anything else before she goes to bed - we just eat and play. Then once she is in bed its time for laundry, bill paying, making lunches etc.

My DD is still strong-willed and stubborn no matter how much sleep she gets though!

930-10 sounds pretty late, but I guess it depends on what time she is getting up. If she is waking at 930-10 in the morning and you are okay with that, then it is ok. But if you want her up earlier than that, she probably is not getting enough sleep and her attitude from lack of sleep. I have always put my kids to bed early, but they get up early for preschool and daycare. 7-8 is what my ped told me is the bed time for a 2-5 yo.

Well, K., I would consider your request for advice as a sign that you already knew your daughter's bedtime is too late -- and I'd like to applaud you for that. Many people do not even admit to themselves that they need help, let alone ask a worldwide network of strangers for help. Your request was both courageous and necessary.

I've read many of the other moms' responses to your request, and I have much the same thought: 10:00 is too late a bedtime for a child that young, depending of course upon all those factors that were noted. And it is indeed correct that a child of that age should be getting upwards of 13 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period.

It's been a number of years since either of my boys was that age, but both of them have gone to bed no later than 8:00 their whole lives -- unless there is some kind of special event. Even my twelve-year-old still goes to bed at that time; but then, he has to get up at 5:45 in order to catch the bus at 6:30. (If he were to lay in bed awake for a while, I would consider allowing him to stay up later, but he still goes right to sleep!) I consider myself fortunate that neither of them ever put up much of a fuss about bedtime; we said "Bedtime", they went to sleep. However, I certainly empathize with your situation, as I have watched close friends struggle with your same issue but never ask for help.

I do have a chain of thoughts for you to ponder: Have you asked your daughter's daytime car provider about her sleep patterns there? Does she display the same stubbornness with them as she does with you? What if her daddy puts her to bed? Does the same thing happen?
If she's only displaying the anti-bedtime bahvior with you, then she may be "playing you", for lack of a better way to put it. She may sense that she can act that way because you feel like there's nothing you can do; she may be able to sense any guilt (or whatever emotion) you feel about not spending as much time with her as you think you should.
If that is the case, you need to work as hard as you can as quickly as you can to regain control of your household. You should be in charge, not your daughter. This will not be easy, and I can't imagine it being a very quick process either, but keep your patience, cry (privately) if you have to, and don't give up.

If, after a long-enough period of trying to get her to go to sleep earlier, you've had little success, you might consider consulting her pediatrician.

I wish you success in helping your daughter to overcome her bedtime woes.

I can definitely relate, but my husband and I have made the bed time no later than 830 unless it is a special occasion. The problem I noticed was that it was too hard to get my 3 and 1 year olds up and moving in the morning when I had to get them to daycare so I would not be late to work. (They are both getting out of naps as well) So they really needed that extra sleep.

I highly recommend reading "Solving your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Ferber. The title is a little misleading, your child doesn't necessarily have to have a sleep problem, but it is a great guide on naps and bedtimes and how to get them to sleep on their own. I've read it twice and skimmed it a third time when I put my 2 year old son in his big boy bed. My two year old goes to bed at 8pm and get up at 7am and usually has a 2 hour nap each day about 1130am. They typically need at least 12 hours of sleep per day that's including naps. Good luck!

Maybe bathtime and story time are all she needs instead of extra playtime.
Sometimes too much active play keeps them from winding down to sleep.
Meals could be prepared in advance to save you time.
Our daughter usually sleeps from 8:30 to 7 AM with a 2 hour nap and
seems well rested.

Hi K.,
I totally can relate to your question. I work in DC, so I drop my son off in the morning to his grandmother between 6:30-7:00 a.m. and don't get back to him back up until 12 hrs later if the traffic is good. Fortunately, his grandmother gives him dinner so that is one less thing I have to worry about. We don't get home before 7:30-8p.m. So he doesn't get to bed before 9:30 - 10p.m. Believe me when I tell you several mothers have told me that I should put him down by 8p.m. to allow myself time to unwind from the day; however, if I did that I would not get to spend any time with him until the weekends. Because of my schedule I feel 9:30p.m. is a good bedtime for him because it allows us to spend some quality time together.

As a mother of five and grandmother of five, my advice to you is the earlier to bed, the better. Children NEED sleep. Sometimes 8 to 12 hours of sleep. How busy is their day? Sometimes it overwhelms them, which is why they act out by trying to fight bedtime. It is not the quantity of time, but the quality time that counts. Quality time does not need to be 3-4 hours. For example, after dinner, bath time and reading a bedtime story is quality time.

I am a working female who raised her five kids alone. YOU need quality time for you, too. Keeping kids up until they want to go to bed, which may be 10-midnight, is not giving you your quality time.

Kids need sleep to grow. I found that as my kids got older, they wanted to sleep more than 12 hours a day. I knew they were going through a growth spurt.

My best to you,
P.

I also have a stubborn 2 1/2 year old. She takes a nap in the afternoon and really fights me at bedtime, but I think that she needs to be in bed by 8:30. To be honest, my 4 1/2 year old goes to bed at 8 or even 7:30 some days, since she doesn't nap. I let the younger one stay up "later" just b/c of the nap (and the fact that I second-guess myself when she puts up a fight about bedtime). I think that 9:00 would be the latest I would let a child stay up. On the other hand, I know of one household where everyone is free to sleep late every morning, and the kids are up until 10 but then they sleep until 8 or 9 am. Overall, I think they should be able to be in bed 10-11 hours at night. I'm sure your little one is excited to see you at the end of the day. The key to getting them to bed before they think they are ready is to do calming activities and have a regular "routine" with them that leads up to "good night!"

I put my 2 1/2 year old to bed about 730/8ish. We have a little routine where we get dinner (I try to make it a point where I eat with her, even if its just to sit an have something to drink if I dont like what I fix her to eat!), then I give her a bath, she gets to choose if she wants to play with her toys a bit or watch a short video after that, then she picks out 2 stories and its bed time. That way I get to spend time with her but its constructive time in getting her ready for bed. By letting her choose the stories and videos or toys, I get less tantrums since she thinks she is doing what she wants. Hope this helps a bit.

K.

I'm a mother of the 2 1/2 year old boy. I'm also writing about sleep problem for Jessica (6month old baby's mom). In 'the no-cry sleep solution' book, it is described in a chart that this age group needs 13-13.5 hours of sleep including nap time(night time sleep-11 to 11.5 hours.) As you are concerned about your daughter's lack of sleep, the author explains that shortage of sleep could cause bad temper and undesirable behaviours. I understand you want to spend a quality of time with your daugher, but she might need more sleep. However, I think her stubborness might come not only because she has sleep disorder but maybe because she's building her identity right now. Recently, my son sometimes behaves badly despite the amount of sleep he gets(13 hours including a nap.)

Whats really important is that she gets enough sleep. Other posters have it right that they should be sleeping 12-13 hrs a night. When she goes to bed at 9:30 what time does she get up? Do you have to wake her up early to take her to daycare (or whatever) or can she sleep as long in the am as she needs?
My son went to bed around then for the longest time- but it worked for us, it allowed us to still have dinner as a family when daddy didn't get home until 8, and I am NOT a morning person, so I really prefer a later waking and as a SAHM it works for us.
If it works for you, and she is getting enough sleep then don't worry about it. If you are having to wake her up in the morning- interrupting her sleep then her bed time should probably be moved up.
JMHO- I hope this helps- and it's nice to see another young mom on here :)

http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/general/sleep/sleep.html Two year olds need 10-13 hours of sleep at night, plus a nap during the day of an hour or two. I put mine to bed at 830pm but i think it depends how early they wake up, I wake mine up around 7 or 730. Also limit the sugar (candy and juice) during the day so she can sleep. :) Hope this helps!

C. -30 year old widowed mother of 3 girls ages 4, 6, 8

Hi Kristen,

I know how hard it must be to work full-time and then return home at night and want to spend time with your child...I highly recommend a great book that has helped me stay focused on what is most important regarding our children's sleep needs. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (author: Marc Weissbluth, MD). Children at your child's age need 10+ hours day of sleep. My dldest son is the same age and gets a 2 hour nap/day and goes to bed at 7:30pm and sleeps until 6:30am every day.

Remember it is the quality of time you spend with your child vs quantity of time. Your daughter likely needs to be in bed by 8pm in order to get an adequate amount of sleep for her needs.

Good luck and best wishes,

C.

I usually put my son to bed around 8pm and he's 2 1/2 years old. I used to let him stay up until 9pm but that left less time for my husband and I to have time together alone and we'd end up going to bed even later at night just so we could have some quiet time. we were actually told (I should say it was suggested) that we put our son to bed earlier so we switched it back to 8pm so that's what it's been and he usually doesn't get up in the morning until 7:30ish.

K.,

My husband and I have a two year old and I also work full time. It seems that there aren't enough hours in a day and by the time we get home and get settled, dinner, bathtime, story time, etc it is 9:30. On the weekends although he's in bed, he doesn't fall asleep until 10:00pm or so so he sleeps in the next morning until 9am. I had initially worried about the sleep but he is getting a solid 9 hours of sleep at night and a two hour nap during the day. As he gets older and his day gets more demanding, he'll go to sleep earlier. I have three year old nephew who essentially demonstrated the same sleep pattern until he started pre-school. Now he's in bed at 8pm. I'm hoping my little one will follow the same trend.

I'd love to have advice as well so I'll definitely follow this thread. Good luck!

I work full time too, and while I wish that I could spend more time with my 4 yr old DD during the week, she goes to bed at 8pm - when she was younger, it was even earlier! She was going to bed at 6:30 when I first went back to work (at 12 weeks), and it has crept about 30 minutes a year. It will stay at 8pm until she is about 10, I think - both of my girls love to sleep!

I would recommend that you move her bedtime up to 7:30/8pm. Her stubbornness and strong will might just be part of her personality developing, but she will probably be happier and much easier to deal with if she gets more sleep.

I love this book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth - it was given to me when I had my first DD and I'm still using it with her and now with my 4 mo DD. Check it out of the library if you can to read - it has some really good advice on a lot of sleep related topics, including information on how much sleep children should be getting at different ages.

Good luck!

I usually have my son in bed by 9pm but twice a week I let him stay up so he can spend time with his dad. On these nights he stays up until 10. As long as she is taking naps and sleeping the amount of time she should I don't see too much of a problem but when it gets time for her to start preschool/kindergarten I would start to put her to sleep earlier.

My son is very strong willed and stubborn and sleep is a HUGE deal for him. He absolutely must have at least 10 hours a night. Remember that every child is different and requires different amounts of sleep but you should not let her dictate when she goes to bed. My son wakes at the same time every morning, regardless of when he goes to bed so I always try to get him in that direction by 8-8:30. He may not fall asleep until 9 but at least he's there. He still takes naps in the afternoon as well and if there is no nap we start bedtime at around 7. (He wakes every morning between 7-7:30). I am so convinced that more sleep means a much more pleasant and obedient child! Just remember to have nice calm activities an hour before bedtime so that it will be easy for her to fall asleep once she gets into bed.

I know it's such a late response but I'm in your shoes too. It's easy for someone to tell you to put them to bed earlier when they see their kids all day and don't miss them when they are in bed. I worked 2 jobs up until my son was 4. I let him stay up til about 9:30 or 10:30 as well. Our pediatrician told us that he just needed about 12 hours of sleep within a 24 hour period. I am also lucky because my husband works at home and so my son didn't have to wake up at a certain time each day though he still woke up at 7:30 or so but he did take a nice 2-3 hr nap when he needed in the afternoon. My personal opinion is that me spending time with him was better than him going to bed when most magazines said he should. If you can, talk to the daycare provider so that she can adjust her nap schedule to fit in with the rest of her and your schedule. Best of luck and don't feel badly if anyone criticizes her bedtime. Everyone's lives are different and every kid has a different personality it may have absolutely nothing to do with her sleep habits. You know your child and my son, when I did listen to people and try to put him in bed earlier, started acting up in school and then his teacher sent home some things and pictures and cards for me he had made at school and they all had to do with him wishing I didn't work so much and how he misses me and wanted to see me. So good luck.