What to Do About Neighborhood Girls

I have the same issue with my 8 year old. It is heartbreaking. I don't remember kids being so "clickish" at that age.

There's always some kind of drama in our neighborhood, too, with the kiddos. It is so hurtful to your daughter and definitely a confidence and security downer! I'd recommend ditching those mean girls and invite some of your daughter's real friends from school or church over to play. And if it were me, especially since it's been going on such a long time and you've already talked with their parents, I'd confront the girls in the back yard when they say they can't play and are out there hiding! I had a situation last week where a kid in our neighborhood was calling my son chubba-bubba all week in a mean way. My son (7 years old) took it and took it. He came home and complained about it. He wasn't crying and carrying on about it, but he was angry. One day this kid came to our door with another little girl. I overhead him saying "hey, chubba-bubba! hey, chubba-bubba!" meanly over and over. When I came around the corner, he changed his tune, but never the less I said something to him. I said, "You know, Dru...it's not very nice to come over to Carson's house just to make fun of him and be mean. This has been going on all week long. How would you like it if somebody made fun of you like that? You have had to wear a diaper to sleep when you spend the night at our house. How would you like it if Carson made fun of you for that? As far as I'm concerned, you aren't welcome to play down here until you can play nicely and not be rude. The kid's eyes got as big as golf balls. I invited the other little girl in who was with him. She came in to play & the rude little boy went home. The next day he apologized to my son, but I still told my son to keep his distance from him.

I have had the same problem with my 7 year old daughter, and the only 2 kids her ages (2 brothers) that live on our street. They play with her when it is convenient for them, but if someone else shows up, they are mean! So, yes, I have told her she cant play with them. If everyone is outside in the culdesac playing, that is fine, but other than that I wont allow it. It is also because, like your situation, the parents dont really do anything to help out. And honestly, 10 year old girls arent really who you want your little girl hanging around with. The problem is that you will need to set up playdates with other kids in her class, or friends she knows from somewhere else. It takes a little more effort, but she should be with kids her own age, and it will help her develop better friendships at school. I have bees surprised at how many parents have willingly allowed their daughters to come over for a few hours after school...even before we have met..but that is another story. I hope you get this figured out before your daughter decided to follow these girls examples and be rude to other children! Good luck ~A.~

i know exactly how you're feeling!! i have two beautiful girls 5 yo and 6yo.. they dont have many friends in the neighbor hood their age but the girls that do live close are 9, 10 and 12, they do the exact same thing to my girls. i've had to explain to them straight out that those girls are older and have different ways that they spend their time. i've tried to take my girls out of the neighborhood to parks or just out to get their mind off not being able to play with those other girls but it's just something they are going to have to deal with right now. it hurts so much to see their faces and know that they can't understand or comprehend the situation. they are loving and friendly so the "mean" part is something they are having issues with. Maybe you need to find friends from school that can have a play date once or twice a week for a couple of hours, that might help. i'm still dealing with this so if you come up with any new ideas please let me know!!!!!!

Hi M.,

I am sorry that your little girl has had her feelings hurt by these older girls. Having a daughter myself, I have had to deal with many neighborhood spats with her and the other girls on our street. One thing I have learned regardless of the age of the children involved is that three playing together makes for a pretty bad experience. Almost always, two of the three will be a little more drawn together and one feels like the third leg. I try to allow my daughter to be in situations of two or four kids playing, three is asking for trouble. Again, having a daughter myself, I really think the ten year old girls are much to old for your daughter to be playing with on a regular basis. I only say this because my daughter is nine and although she does occasionally play with our neighbor's daughter who is 6, she doesn't enjoy it for long periods of time. There's just a great difference in interests and maturity that can't be overcome. Although, these girls are handling it poorly, you can't really force them to play with a child that's way younger than them if they don't enjoy it. Also, these girls are probably on the verge of learning all sorts of new things about the world (kids do at that age from school as we all know) and you don't want them bringing any of that to her. So, I'll agree with the others' advice, help her seek out girls her own age who can come over to play once or twice a week after school. You won't be able to change these girls or their parents so just keep your distance. Best wishes to you and your daughter.

We only let Charlene play with cousins that are that much older than her. She is now 9 almost 10. I can tell you there is a huge difference between a 6 year old and a 10 year old. I wouldn't have wanted Charlene to know at 6 what she knows now. I would probably tell your daughter that she can't play with them as often or at their house. I would explain that not everyone is a nice as she is and maybe you can find some kids her age toplay with. I also wouldn't want her playing with them at their house. I would want to be around to supervise.

I agree with not letting her play with them any more. Yes there is a big difference between a 10 year old girl and a 6 year old, both developmentally and in maturity.
I think your little girl likes to feel like a grown up when she is around them and talk about big girl stuff but I think it's better to play with same age friends like from her school. my daughter will be 6 on December and I can't imagine her playing with girls that age, she is just so innocent, still trying to teach her about sharing LOL.
I hope everything turns out fine with whatever you decide to do.

By the way Amy, WOW!, I loved how you handled that mean boy calling your son names. I think it's great that you stepped in and let him have it about his rude attitude.

M.,

I would help your daughter find more playmates her own age. It is pretty hard for kids with that great an age difference to want to play with younger kids.

Yes, it's mean of them to exclude her, and they shouldn't lie to her and the parents should certainly know better... however, you can step in and help this situation improve. Find her some age appropriate playmates.

The age difference does matter. The older girls are in a different "play" stage and won't always want to play with your daughter. And soon enough, their interests will differ greatly, and it will be better for your daughter if she already has friends that are closer to her in age and interests! Keep her young and innocent as long as possible! :)

Hope this helps.

A.

A.

She will get her feelings hurt over and over until she is uncomfortable enough to move on. She needs friends her age. We can not fight their battles for them.Every opportunity is a lesson. The lesson makes us learn and grow. Children are mean and then we can turn the lesson to see what it feels like when they do that to you. So we do not do it to others. It is like failure, all failure is a lesson. She will learn and grow and be better for it. I know when they are hurting we hurt but she will get over it. See if you can find other children her age. I think it is healthier for her anyway. My granddaughter is already 10 and she talks the boy thing and 6 years olds just get to weird when they try to immitate it. Good luck GingerW. I would hold on to the innocent age as long as possible.

They are being mean, as are the parents. It is time
to tell them no when they come over to play. Tell the older
2, you can not come in to play since you are mean to her
and won't let her play at your house. *best if yours is not
in earshot**tho be simple when tell them so she will understand
you are telling them they are mean.*
You can only explain their behavior as being mean. You have
toys they want to play with then they won't share their's with
you in their own room.
Does your daughter have any close classmates? If she can name
one or three...then see about meeting the parents and arranging
a get out and blow steam at a park date with them. If it goes
good, long play day, if not, you can leave. Simply say to the
others that it is time to leave. Tell your daughter you and her
are going to have a mom/daughter treat *depending on time
of day...ice cream, or such*.

What area do you live in? Posting on here local area
may get others mom's with that age replying.

My little angel is 6 and am thinking on my next weekend off
taking her to benbrook park and let her lose. She can
bounce off the part for awhile. Might be 3 weeks. Long
three weeks. *my poor bed, my poor couch*

My daughter is also younger than several of the neighbors' children, and I remember when I was growing up, I was younger than most of the other neighbors. Even though your daughter may get hurt feelings, consider that this is a life lesson. People are not always fair or nice. My advice is to invite over playmates her age, or invite over one of the neighbor girls in advance. Make the invitation in front of the parents. We took one of our neighbors bowling with us, another we took to the zoo, and we have had them just over to the house one at a time. If the two older girls are together, the natural thing that will happen is that your 6 year old will become the third wheel. Over time as she begins to make friends at school, the neighbor friends will become less of an issue. Good luck.

I agree with Amber, playdates with classmates are a good choice. I still remember being treated like this and my mom and I talk about it a lot. My sisters are 7 and 8 right now and are going through the same things. My mom is really great about finding an activity to do inside with them that is WAY more fun. My mom used to make a movie theater out of blankets and chairs around the TV when I came home crying about this. We'd watch my favorite movie and she was always good to bake my favorite, chocolate chip cookies! My mom became my best friend when the other kids weren't being so nice. Even when I was a teen and my boyfriend's broke up with me, she would come in and bring me my favorite boy magazine, brush my hair and talk with me about anything and everything to keep my mind off the subject of pain. We were only closest when times were difficult at that age but it REALLY helped me. Maybe it will help your little girl. :) Good Luck!