What to Do- Any Thoughts

Hi, I have 6 children and all of the five girls have cut their hair or someone else's. I also do Pampered Chef and love to bake.

I would not get mad/anger at them for doing these things, I know it is hard because we get frustrated about the repeating bad behavior... yes this is not the behavior you want to encourage so come up with appropriate consequences. I cut my hair when I was five, had to get a short bob cut to even everything out (LOVED my long hair so I was not happy about that but learned that cutting my hair or others was not my job!).

Between the ages 20 months and 6 years are when they don't think before they do something... they think 'this will be fun' and just do it (that is how they learn, by doing things). So be gentle towards them and explain why this is inappropriate behavior. They may dump the soaps down the toilet again or try to cut hair again because they are learning and experimenting.

Put items you do not want them to touch or play with high up or in locked drawers lower... this will help keep the temptation of doing it again out of reach. If they want to cut/color they have to ask you for the 'box' of stuff and they have to do that in the same rook you are working/relaxing in. That way they learn you have to be around to use those items and they have to ask permission because those items need supervision.

Praise good behavior (good listening, good job using the crayons/markers and so on)... if they do something you want to discourage get down on their level and tell them that what they did was inappropriate and put them in a time out (at least a minute) till they can tell you sorry. Also if it was something of yours let them know that you really love using those soaps and mommy is sad that she can not use them now (do this when they come to say sorry just to reiterate how important it is for them to not touch other people's things). You can also take away TV time, game time, the privilege to play unsupervised (like you have already done), lunch at McDonalds (or other special lunch place you go with the kids). I would not take away a trip to the museum, library and so on, because those are learning places.

You've gotten some great advice. But, please...... don't forget to take pictures or video.
I know it doesn't seam like it now, but it will be something that you are going to laugh about someday.
My oldest son, now 13 rubbed a huge jar of vaseline on everything in his room he could reach (during a "nap")
He also had a fancy for flushing things down the toilet.... which one day included the contents of my purse!

Definately use whatever method of discipline you currently use (like time out) and increase how often they are checked up on.

Smile (on the inside... TRY HARD) They are creative and curious. What more could you ask for!

does your son earn money for doing anything around the house?? or does he have money in his bank from birthdays etc??if so, you can make him pay you back for ruining your things (maybe not at full value, but enough were he doesnt have the money to buy stuff he wants)Also, do you have anything upcoming special thing planned? like: trip to apple orchard, museum etc? or do you go to Mcdonalds on Thursdays etc?? Well, I would also cancel one special outing for the punishment for the both of them. It has to be memorable so they stop ruining your things...You are teaching them a lesson on respecting others things!

I reading you note and the replies, all I could do is laugh. I've been there and done that. All I can say is hang in there and just wait until they want to help you do the laundry (if there isn't any dirty laundry they'll use clean out of their closet and dresser drawers) if you think that the pot was a mess. About the only thing you can do is laugh it off, but not in front of them, and then go on. Hair does grow back and you can buy more of your things, but these little ones won't be little forever. Start keeping a journal of the things that they do and say. Don't dwell too long on what they've done and don't hold it over them either. Just gently remind them of what they've done if they choose to do it again. And always remember the mothers curse, it goes something like this "When you get married, you'll have children who will act someday, just like you!" and then let their spouse know what they did as children. My mother in law has had a laugh and a half every time she comes in contact with my oldest child (he's 16). She said that they thought they had broken the mold after my hubby had gotten to be this age, but I see that they didn't. Your oldest act exactly as his father did at this age. (The Mothers curse strikes again.)

Sounds like they could be bored and are just trying to find things to do. Both things that they did probably seemed very fun and amusing at the time. Kids this young don't think about consequences quite yet - your 5 year old is just entering that stage of thinking.

I would keep scissors out of reach of their hands, they are too young to be unsupervised with them.

As far as discipline, I would talk to them and tell them that is not what the toilet is for and only a "haircutter" can cut their hair with scissors.

i've read that before the age of 5 or 6 that kids have very little control over their impulses. I have a 3 and 1 year old that are into everything. i keep everything out of reach-but of course they do get their hands on things! i have a pair of safety scissors that are not sharp and only cut paper when used correctly, i leave these so the older one can get them and when he goes for them i get paper out and help him with a project, to show him what the scissors are for. since i have started this, he has been very good about the scissors (he wasn't before). maybe let them have a bath with your bath salts, let them pour them in the running water. help them wash their faces with your facewash....these are things that may not be familiar (like the shampoo and toothpaste) and not sure what they are really for. unfortunately things that they do know what they are for get thrown in the mix too! good luck :)

Oh L. ... I laughed and laughed and laughed! Not because you are at your wits end -- but because it brought back so many memories of when my 3 children (now 33, 31, and 23) were that young. I can't tell you how many car keys I had to replace, the hair brushes thrown away, they even got my wallet one day and started flushing the paper (my money!) down the toilet until I heard them laughing and ran up to see what was going on. Luckily, I think I only lost about $15 or so that day. One time they dumped over the bag of cat food to help feed the cat (I was out hanging up clothes) and when I came back in ... I had a 20 lb bag of cat food from one end of the house to the other because they kept chasing the cat with handfuls of food trying to feed her!

My son had cut his hair because someone in kindergarten called him a girl -- back in those days, boys could have long hair and we had it back in a "man braid." It just so happens that he cut his hair the night before school pictures were taken and I have to tell you - those pictures are some of my favorite of all his school pictures.

Now I have the joy of watching all 3 of my children as parents and go through all the same things that I did raising them. This is the time I chuckle and can tell them stories of what THEY did at that age! Just be assured that they do grow out of this stage (thankfully) and then it's on to the next stage ... never a dull moment.

My advice would be to keep your cool when scolding them - they are just experimenting with new and cool ideas that their little minds have thought of. I doubt they are being deliberately naughty - they just react before thinking at that young of an age.

Best of luck and keep smiling :-)
D.

I don't mean to laugh, but I did when I read your request!

The first thing I thought was "Her kids sound really curious and really creative". And that's a good thing, right?

Ok, but dealing with the "bad" part of it....I believe that when kids do things that are really messy and crazy and a huge pain in the butt, but no one got hurt or there wasn't any permanent damage, we should address what they did in a postive manner, but help them understand that how they went about it isn't ok. For instance you could say, "Wow, it looks like you two made a big pot of "soup" with all the bathroom stuff. Let's work together and clean up the mess, and figure out a better way for you guys to work on a project like this. Mommy doesn't like all her bathroom stuff to get used in soup, then we have no tooth paste to brush our teeth with!" Then let them help you figure out an acceptable way to do projects like this. Let them get a pot and play on the kitchen floor with dried beans and other cheap materials (cotton balls, beads, rocks, etc). If they want to use water, put them outside and let them have at it.

I know it stinks, but really, they are adventurers!

L.,

You are right. They are old enough to know better, especially the almost 5 year old. (If the child is 1 or maybe 2, putting up the stuff where they can't reach would be enough.) If you are going to make a "no going upstairs to play" rule as your consequence, you have to enforce it 100% or they won't take you seriously. And you need to have a timeframe, not arbitrary until you have cooled off about the situation.

If it was me, I would tell them (especially the 5 year old) that all those bathroom products they flushed were very expensive and they need to be replaced. Then I would make them earn the money for them with long, hard labor. Not making your bed, picking up your toys - they should be doing that anyway. I mean a full day of raking leaves, washing windows, polishing furniture, etc.

If they had plans for a fun activity that day, it will have to be cancelled. You had the money to go do something fun, but it will have to be spent replacing shampoo and toothpaste. (It doesn't matter if you are rolling in money; it is the principle.)

You don't ever have to get mad. On the contrary, the calmer you stay the more they will remember and listen and take you seriously. But the consequence has to be unpleseant enough that they will think twice before doing something like that again.

Good luck,
S.

Well the damage is done and now you just have to move on. Kids will be kids. My DD at 3.5 yrs cut her hair and put my makeup on while taking a "nap". I was so mad but looking at her I just wanted to laugh. She had mascara all over her face and half of her hair cut. To bad they can't just trim their hair. But all in all I was the one not checking on her in time. Yes things can happen in a matter of seconds. But roll with the punches and take care of it right then. They will always remember and I would talk to them about it. Next time they want to get bubbles for the bath, remind them that you can't buy them because they just put it in the pot.
They seem pretty interested in the bath products. I would do a day of pampering Let them put makeup on you and them, and go from there do their nails and let them take a nice bath and tell them that when they dump this stuff down the pot you won’t be able to do fun days like this.

I agree with giving praise for good behaviour for sure but there is NOTHING wrong with expressing that you are upset with bad behaviour. Our kids can see us cry and be upset. Frustration is not a crime and it will not damage your child.
Five years old is an age where you do not have to put things out of reach. Kids can and need to learn to respect others property as well as their own. Not only that but respect other's bodies -such as not cutting hair.
Find a type of discipline that you can carry out and be consistent. Consistency is the key! Discipline should never be done in anger but in a calm, firm manner. Kids need and want boundaries.

L., yes this happend to everyone, and most every child does these things at one time or another, they see us use these objects and they try to be like us, its a form or mimicry, dont fret over it, however even children who are watched all the time do these things, my youngest and his cousin, were in the bathroom, using mommys monthly items in the toilet, they loved how the tampons got wet and they could squeeze them out, my neice had cute little bangs her and her sister cut her cute little hair, all you can do it take pictures, and show it to them later in life, ahhahaha for a while we are embarrassed and dont like it, but hair grows, and comes back, dont fret over it, just take plenty of pictures, yeah you can discipline, and baby proof those items, put scissors out of reach, and get some locks for the cuboards, and put stuff out of their reach, just enjoy life and chalk it up to them learning and doing kid stuffs, i was babysitting and the child dumped all their stuff like your kids did into the toilet, i thought for sure i would get into trouble for letting this happen, but they took it in stride, and learned to put things away , any way ,have a good day, and enjoy life, D. s

I would focus more on modeling and praising good behavior rather than punishing poor behavior-the book "How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk" by Faber & Maslitch (sp?) is great and would be appropriate for your kids' age group. At the same time, something needs to be done to address the negative behavior when it occurs. Consequences for their actions are key and I try to frame it in terms of the child is making a choice by choosing that behavior. For example, when my four year old has a tantrum I might say, you need to go in your room until you calm down b/c your behavior is showing me you cannot be around people. Or, she cannot watch her favorite tv show because she is choosing to be uncooperative. Also, in your case, I would do a lot to make it impossible for children to get into trouble areas--keeping shampoo and those items in not to reach places etc...

L., I also have had problems with my kids doing the most outrageous things in a matter of minutes. There was the incident when they were supposed to be napping and instead they were having a snowball fight with butt cream in their room! Huge mess and hard to clean out of carpet, curtains, and hair. Then there was the time the found out how to open my tupperware container with 5 lbs of flour in it. I was just checking an email message and by the time I got upstairs again to see what they were giggleing about I found them with the windex spraying all the piles they had dumped all over my kitchen and living room. I cried for a half hour, and then spendt 8 hours with the wet vac trying to get it all out. I could go on and on... But the point is that I can not leave them alone unsupervised. I do not take a shower unless they are still sleeping or my husband is home. There are just too many temptations. No matter how well I think I have "child proofed" my house they still find a way to make disasters. I love to garden, do it yourself projects, sew, and just do not like to be still, and I know that with your baking your kids are right within ear shot while you do what you love, right? I still do the things I love to do, but I have them "help" me. They usually make more work for me, but it is better than checking in on them to find a bigger mess to deal with. I had them helping pick up sticks in the yard the other day while I mowed the otherside, and I looked up to see my daughter running inside. I finished up the row I was on and went to see what she was doing. She was sitting on the floor wipping her poopy butt with my kitchen towel! She is potty training, and did not make it in time:( Could have been a huge mess had I not seen her run in the house. Just thought you might feel a little better knowing that there are other moms who have busy kids out there:) Hope you feel a bit better. Just remember her hair will grow back, and at least you did not have to call a plumber because it was a dinosaur they flushed down the toilet and got stuck in there(that cost us $150 for his time). They will grow so fast and you're gonna miss this. Just enjoy.

Oh my gosh! I'm glad to hear that kids still do these things (things that my siblings and I did as kids)! I thought we had disciplined and child psychology'd kids out of all of it.

I can imagine you were (are) frutstrated. It's OK to get mad at your kids! Yell! Send them to their rooms! Take away priviledges, and whatever else you can think of. Short of physical punishment, it's OK.

Then take a "mom time out" whenever you can and get away for some time for yourself. This is necessary to keep a sense of humor and perspective. Find moms who will laugh with you over incidents like this and NOT judge.

These ages are frustrating, and yet, we don't want kids who sit and wait for us to schedule their days with safe activities, do we? Really? Be proud of your kids' creativity and how active they are, and yes, attempt to channel it to fun things.

And, hair will grow out, and plumbing can be dealt with. I was going to go on to tell you what we'all did as kids (there are 4 of us within 4.5 years of age) but it sounds pretty extreme compared to cutting hair so I'll skip it...

I keeping thinkin that they know better, too. And they never do! Since, as moms, we are in such close contact with our kids all the time we think of them differently than everyone else. We think " I KNOW they know that!". It just takes one look at someone elses's similar situation to say, "Well, they are 5 & 3. That is what you should expect!". :-)
It's normal and frustrating. Keep the timeouts immediate and not too long. Show them the concequences of the actions. Like no more ponytails and a potty that doesn't work. It's really all you can do. And take a picture of her hair. Someday you'll laugh - just not today!

When my 4 year old boy begins going through a naughty spell I take his favorite toy or TV/video away for a day or two. That seems to be the best way to get my son to behave for more that just a few minutes. I heard someone say once 'sometimes you have to dig but you will eventually find the thing that they would rather behave than be without." I think this should work for both of your children. My daughter is only 2 so its too early for me to try this with her.