What to Do W/ My Entitled Teen.....

You're only obligated to provide him with necessities: food, clothing, shelter. All else is privilege. If he wants anything else then he can earn it and you can be guilt free.

If you want to build a fire-you've got to light a match-let him sort it out. If he thinks getting a license is free and does not come without costs and responsibilities-then he is too young to get a license.

Well...no O. is "forcing" you to cart him around and hold his hand.

Make a few guidelines and stick to them! Example: After 9:00 p.m. the taxi service is closed so make sure you have other arrangements made.

the answer to all of your questions is to just say no. you will do the driving back and forth one night a week. other than that he is on his own. and he will get a job or ride a bike. if i was you I would not help get a car and or pay for drivers ed until he has the job and the understanding that he will be paying for his own insurance. he should be working by now anyway. allowance is something you get in our house until you are old enough to get a real job. we also cut off the phones when the grades are not good enough (that would be B's and up).

Lay some ground rules. You will take him places for 2 days a week the other times he needs to walk or find a ride. Way back in the day when I was young we had a saying a** or grass -- no one rides for free. He needs to pay for gas.
And yes if he waits his license may be free but it's like getting a free puppy. Once he starts driving there will be an increase in your insurance and other auto related costs, tires-gas-oil- ect. So like the free puppy who needs food -shots ect nothing is really free. If he wants to drive it will cost him. If he doesn' want to drive he can walk--and start paying for his own shoes.

My mother told me when I got my license, "You have a license but you don't have a car." I was both shocked and mortified. I knew I didn't have a car but I never thought she would be so tough on me about driving the car since I was the "good" kid. When she did let me drive her car I had to return it to her with a full tank of gas. It didn't matter that it was on E when I got it. I had to return it full or be prepared to not use it for at least 3 weeks or better.

I know gas prices are higher now than they were when I first got my license but the valuable lesson still needs to be learned. He can get his license but he needs to pay for it or he can wait until he is 18 and get it but he still doesn't have free access to your car. Life is tough like that. Another thing who is dating his girlfriend. He should be more responsible for getting to her and getting her home safely. I have 3 boys and they hardly ever ask me to drive their girlfriends home unless they were a part of some family activity but for just hanging out our boys get their girlfriends to and fro on their own. Makes me proud.

Lastly understand that taking a stand is for his betterment. He will be mad but you are not his friend, you are his parent and he hasn't even begun to earn the right of considering you his friend. Time to turn this around because you have all the power in this relationship and he has nothing.

Tell him what you just wrote here! Either he gets a job to help pay for gas or driving school, or he figures out some other mode of transportation that does not involve you. What's wrong with that? Do it now -I have family members who never "lit that fire" and they have 20 somethings still living with them on a completely free ride -and NEITHER of them have a license! And you know what -it's really the parents' fault!

What a lousy situation. Does he not understand that taking driver's ed will save him on insurance for many years? And that if he waits until he's 18 for a license a car isn't going to magically appear?

I would get very specific about when you will drive him anywhere. You are not his taxi service. I would also not give him any more spending money and in my house, luxuries (which aren't all that luxurious LOL) are for birthday and holiday gifts and have a $ limit. Make this painful for him if you can - tough when he has others who are willing to make life cushy. It would be great if you were all on the same page but if that's not possible, there's no reason for you to be a pushover in your own house. He'll thank you later.

Both of my kids had jobs in High School. They paid for their gas. We paid for insurance and maintenance. They had a curfew (midnight on weekends) and 10 during the week.

You are making it too easy for him. So, in my opinion, you need to make it harder on him starting today. What are his plans for after graduation? Is he college bound or couch bound?

We told both our kids that if they didn't go to college they had to have a job and move out three months after graduation. Might sound harsh but they needed to understand that we were not going to support them.

There is this wonderful word, its called "NO". Try it you might like it!!!!

I hope he has a good pair of shoes, cause that boy would be walking from now on.

Remind him yes, he could get his license at 18 on his own, but he will need to show proof of insurance.. Who will be paying for that.. Does he know how much that costs? And how will he have access to a car without insurance?

And why can't his girlfriends parents pick her up or drive your son and his girlfriend?

How does he plan on going to prom? To games, to the movies from now on? Because mama is not paying and not driving.

My husband and I were young teens when we first went out and our moms switched out the driving and picking us up.

I say put some stuff in writing. Have him go online to a typical insurance company website and get a quote for insurance for an 18 yr old with so-so grades. Go to the DMV website and look up license fees, etc. Some states make a teen take a basic 4 hour safety awareness course that costs about $40, if they don't take driver's ed. Make a chart so he will know what his "free" license will look like.

If you plan to help him get a car, put it in a contract in writing. Tell him he must have a bank account, with a car fund, with no withdrawals allowed. You must have access to the account, and for every $____ that he deposits per month you will match it (or whatever your finances allow or your plan is). When the account balance reaches $____ you will (whatever your idea is: take him shopping, pay the sales tax, co-sign a loan, pay half up to a specified amount in order to purchase a car).

Then list the places you drive him to frequently (his girlfriend's house, etc). Chart the mileage and calculate the amount of gas that uses and how much that gas costs.

Then tell him you will maybe drive $10 worth of trips per week, or make 2 trips to and from the girlfriend's house per week. You will not make any extra trips to other friends' houses or be responsible for any other friends' transportation needs.

Get a calendar. If he wants to do something special, like get a ride to a movie theater, or a school event, or go to a party, he must either arrange his own transportation or ask you if that would be convenient and then put it on the calendar. If it's not on the calendar you aren't available to drive.

Put all this stuff in writing and post it on the wall. It's your car, your house, your gas money, and while you may not want to completely cut him off, you can make the rules.

It sounds like some boundaries, clear and in writing, are in order. And if he balks, or says you never did this stuff before, you can say that now that he is nearly 18, and old enough to vote, join the military, a doctor would have to request permission to speak to you about a medical condition, all the things that come with being 18, it's time to bring about grown-up changes in the home, too.

Oh, the entitled teens! It's a syndrom now - they are all entitled to EVERYTHING and it's our responsibility to provide it!

NOT!!!!

You would not be wrong to stop driving him all over the place and to cut him off. It's tough love and your son needs it. Better he get it from you, than to get his butt kicked by life next year when he turns 18!

He will probably try to spend even more time at their house when you do cut him off and that's okay if that's what he wants to do. Under no circumstances should you back down because he is angry with you. He will stay angry possibly for years, but believe me, at some point he WILL mature and when that happens, he will understand why you did what you did and he will also realize that if they had done the same, he might be further in life.

I have a nephew who own his own truck. All he has to do is register and insure it. It's been sitting for over a year because it's just easier and cheaper or him to borrow his dad's truck or have people drive him around! I don't drive him anywhere and he knows better than to ask.

I don't know where these kids get this entitlement mindset, but they all seem to have it!

Good luck, mama.

Tell him you will give him X number of rides per week, and you will not play chauffeur after 8 pm.. Period. Anywhere he needs to go once he has exhausted his ride allowance, he will have to find some other way to get there.

At 18, getting his license won't be free. He will have to pay DMV a fee for the license, and he will have to provide proof of insurance. If he doesn't have a job, don't add him to your insurance and don'tlet him drive your car. Let him see how hard it is for an 18-year-old male to get car insurance.

Yes, I think you need to limit the amount of taxi service you provide. Do some of his friends drive and do you trust them? If they are driving him around and they pay for their gas, they will expect him to chip in for gas! And I am not so sure about getting a license at age 18 without drivers ed in WVa-- check your state law-or better yet -- let him do the research. they seem to have a very tiered system, even after 18. Who is going to pay for insurance to drive the car? What is the discount with drivers ed and will you even be able to add him if he doesn't take drivers ed?? He has to start taking more responsibility for himself - college is right around the corner.

No. We did that to our then 17 yr old. He even told DH that he got where he wanted to go and DH said, "Yeah, because WE take you. That will end, except for school activities like sports practice." DH handed him a bus map and told him how to figure out routes for the bus and train based on their websites. If we took him anywhere outside of necessities, he owed us gas money and/or had to wait for US to be ready to go out. The whole "no driving thing" lasted less than 6 months before he got serious about learning to drive.

Many adults do not drive and your son has the same options they do - mass transit, walking, biking or taxi. Oh, he'll whine about it and maybe tell his dad you're mean, but CPS isn't knocking on doors for not being a taxi to your teen.

For the GF, he can do what my SD does - her BF comes home on the bus (I am here) and his mom picks him up later. Or she can be dropped off by her folks and returned when YOU decide it's time to go. Or they can hang out somewhere public until someone can get him (my SD and her BF sometimes go to the mall with friends). I have a little one, too, and I do not routinely take DD out to do this kind of schlepping. It messes with her bedtime.

My SS also lamented to DH, "You're ruining my childhood!" when DH told him at 17 to get a job. DH said, "Son, your childhood IS over."

Before we were gifted a car by a friend, SS drove our van and had to return it filled. He also had to contribute to his insurance (even on a learner's they should be insured) and could only borrow the van when we didn't need it. Same will apply to SD.

That same teen is a soon to be college grad and we've been very clear that he can live here while he does an interenship post-grad before diving into grad school, but we are not offering free room and board. He will pay rent. Frankly, that rent won't even cover everything another adult uses but I think that paying something toward the home is just what an adult should do. If he doesn't like it, there's always finding a friend to split housing with or talking to his mother.

I do not know what state you live in, but many now have a law that teens under age 18 who drive CANNOT drive with anyone under age 18 in the car. This is because they have found that often accidents among young drivers are the result of distraction from passengers.

As to driving him all over the place - what about the parents of the other kids? They should share the responsibility for driving to and fro. The reality is that getting his license at 18 will NOT be free, he will still have to pay for insurance (VERY HIGH for males under age 25), gas, maintenance of car, and it is likely that he will be required to do some driver training.

I think that telling him that you will not be available to chauffeur him after 8PM is reasonable (given your two other children); if he needs a ride after that, he will have to arrange it ahead of time. I also think it is reasonable to stop spending your money for extras if he is unwilling to contribute in some way (he could even do chores around the house to indicate his understanding of the fact that there is no such thing as a free lunch.

Well, you can make the driving him places conditional upon chores, better grades, etc. He's old enough to chip in for gas money.

You're providing spending money? Decide how much per month he gets and put it on an ING debit card. You can watch exactly where he spends it, and decide if more/less is warranted. My 12 year old spends a lot on junk food. Yeah, she doesn't need a raise in her allowance. She needs to prioritize, budget, and save for what she "needs"

He doesn't want you to help buy him a car? You must be making it way too easy by being available for rides whenever he asks you. If you say no more, he may be more motivated to works towards his own transportation.

So he wants to be 18 and free? What's his plan? This does not sound like a kid who is college bound.

What if he went to live with his father until he's 18? Then they would get a dose of what you and your husband are going through.

If your former husband expected some child support, would it be more then you are alread paying to provide for your son? If not and everyone is in agreement, it will only be for a short time and may be a good life lesson for your boy.

If that's not an option, STOP being his driver. Get him a bus pass or let his friends who you KNOW are licensed and insured be his transportation. They will get tired of being mooched!

As for money/allowance, give him a weekly list of chores that MUST be completed (every single chore) or he get's nothing. If he has a cell phone take it until he can pay his share. He still has the option of getting a part time job.

In other words, CUT all the luxuries, give the bare essentials. At times mama, ACTIONS speak louder then words.

Above all once you and your husband make a decision, be consistent.

Blessings....

Blessings...