What to Do with My Tween...... *Sigh*

I wouldn't allow it. She is throwing down the gauntlet. If you say yes now, she will just as swiftly tell you no EVERYTIME you tell her that you're going somewhere as a family. You can put this off if you tell her that she IS going to go and mean it.

If she gets ugly with you, tell her that her days of having a door on her bedroom are numbered. And take the door down if she doesn't stop fighting you over it. No matter what, though, she is to go.

Dawn

I had a very wise psych professor that told me when dealing with kids ask yourself will this effect them five years in the future, if the answer is no, then let it go.

So her presentation sucks but the substance is reasonable. So work on the presentation. Sweetie, it seems you think you are old enough to stay home, then don't present that notion like a petulant child or I will treat you as one. Then send her to her room and tell her to work on her presentation and come back.

One thing about teens and tweens they want to be treated like adults, fine, then act like one. You would not believe how that at least gets rid of the attitude when they want something.

You have not given any reasons why she shouldn't be able to stay home alone. And there is no reason that you and hubby shouldn't be able to go on a date. By the age of 12 a lot of girls are actually babysitting, I was, and your tween sounds a lot like me at that age.

I dont' have any ideas on how to get you to "hang out" together, but it sounds like she is SUPER excited to get to show you that she is responsible and a good kid. Show her that you trust her because you do.

Have fun at the Oscar party!

You either trust her to stay home, or you don't. She seems to be doing fairly well overall but I would start a mother-daughter time once a week. You can alternate choosing activities.

BUT, I would come down on her about the attitude. She should be able to ask if she can stay home, not demand it. She is pushing boundaries and you need to set where they are. The attitude will get worse if not nipped quick.

I say that at 12 she's old enough to stay home alone. She's proven herself responsible. Give it a try. Talk with her about how to be safe. No answering the door etc. She can call you if there's a problem. Put your phone on vibrate.

I had to smile when I read this because it was so deja vu. My daughter went into her room at age 12 and I swear didn't come out again until she was 14! And then she was a completely different person- and not for the better!

To me, I don't see a difference in watching TV together or playing a board game together. Either way, you are together and interacting. It's better than her in her room and you and hubs out in the living room. BTW, what do you and hubs do if you don't watch TV?

It's not selfish for you to want to go to the Oscars with hubby. Doesn't sound like you'd be doing anything with her anyway. And I think she should be allowed to stay home alone. She is old enough.

Make some new rules. Diner is a no electronics zone. It is for sharing your day. Ask each person what happened that day. Encourage her to share what she's into right now. If you don't know what to do together, ask her for suggestions. Tell her that you want to do something with her, so what might she like to do? Go somewhere? Play a particular game? Share a movie? Maybe she'd like a video game vs a board game. If she has friends you have heard of but not met, encourage her to bring them home for a visit or sleepover.

For the Oscar thing, is she trustworthy? Is there someone (like the college girl) who can be on call and call to check in on her? Is 10PM jsut too late and you just aren't comfortable so she doesn't need to go with, but she has to arrange a sleepover somewhere else instead? That was sometimes our compromise when the sks were too old for sitters but the night was too late for us to be comfortable with them alone.

ETA: I do also agree that you can speak to her about her attitude, even if you agree to leave her home. If she wants more respect, she should show some.

Oh Mama...time to move on to the next phase. At 12, she's certainly old enough to be home alone at that time of night. Heck, she's old enough to be baby-sitting someone else's children. Have a great time and enjoy the fact that you don't need to find sitters anymore, how freeing!!

What you are describing sounds perfectly normal to me. Of course she doesn't want to hang out with you, she's 12! The only time I see my two teenagers is when I have them do chores with me, bring them to run errands or have to drive them somewhere. The moms of daugthers I know who have only one or two kids and need something to do often do things like mani/pedi appointments or recreational shopping with their girls. I don't have free time and I wouldn't voluntarily go to the mall ever, but plenty of moms I know plan shopping dates with their daugthers (and sometimes invite along a friend or two). Another idea might be for her to go out regularly with just your husband - maybe breakfast or dinner once or twice a month, or have him chauffeur her to an activity. I get most of my 1:1 time with my oldest son in the car to and from hockey. My husband brings our daugther to and from the gym (she does mixed martial arts) 2-3 times a week.

Go our with your husband and have good time!

A baby sitter from 6 PM- 10 PM (the college girl). Also, it was disrespectful for her to "tell you what she would or would not do". There should be some consequences for that little outburst.

Don't know what the laws are in your state, but in mine we don't leave kids her age alone.

If I were that age and did that:
1) My parents would not let me hang out with a College aged person.
2) My Dad, would have swiftly.... verbally "slapped" me and put me in my place. At no time, would my Dad/Mom, let me act like an anti-social tyrant. REGARDLESS if I was on the Dean's List or a genius or a super Nun type kid.
No. way.

I don't have kids that old but my nieces are and they have gotten the same way. They just don't want to participate. When they are with me they come out of their shells but when they are home it is as if no kids live there. It must be an age thing but I don't like how that happens. If you have time to do stuff after work with her ask her what she would find interesting. Maybe volunteer? Work on a home project (re-decorate room or something)? or have her cook dinner some times? Let her take the lead? Trust me, this comes from no experience with this age group but something I have noticed with the kids in my family this age. I wish my sister's work schedule allowed for her to do things like this but life is life.

**Edit** Also when the older kids are with me I enforce a No Phones, No Facebook rule. That goes the same for me too. It brings them back into the room instead of in cyber world.

Go. Enjoy yourselves. She seems like a trustworthy young lady who is mature enough to be home alone for 4 hours. Go over the ground rules. Tell her you'll text to let her know when you get there and when you are on your way home and then give her a chance to enjoy herself while you enjoy yourself.

As to what do you do instead...video games? Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit or some other board game you like?

shes 12. my daughter watch the younger daughter at 11. you are asking for a rebellious teen thats what. my ive engaged in conversation with my daughter forever and now she would rather spend time with me than her friends. she is always on her phone but always with me. rarely goes to her room. making your child do something they would rather die than do is wrong. were you never a teen? I was and I remember. I can relate. get yourself out there. no tv, no this no that. I sure wouldnt want to be in that house, heck my 17 yr old son hung out with us last night. asked him where are his friends, he said he wanted to stay home.

This has absolutely nothing to do with the parenting aspect, but the Oscars are on network TV. You should be able to get it at home without paying for anything. My kids are still little so no experience yet there, I'm scared of that age though!