Hi there,
We have a real dilemma and could use some advice/suggestions. We are due with our 2nd at the end of July, right around the time our first turns 2. We are living overseas now with no family around and a few close friends here and there (but nobody nearby). We are completely unsure what to do with our toddler when I go in to labor. My mother-in-law is coming to help us out and in an ideal situation, I’d have her come a few days beforehand so she could bond with our toddler, learn her routines, etc, and stay with her when we’re in the hospital. But, since I have no idea when that will be, it’s tricky. My mother-in-law is staying 2 weeks when she comes and we certainly don’t want to tell her to come a week before my due date, only for her to have to leave a day or two after the baby is born if I go late. We made that error the first time and right when we needed the most help, she had to leave.
We do have a neighbour who has 4 children and offered to take our toddler anytime day or night when I go in to labor but I feel anxious about that…she knows them but she's not entirely comfortable with them and I can’t imagine waking her up during the night and dumping her in someone else’s home…she’d be so disoriented and would totally freak out. At 22 months, her separation anxiety is getting better but it still exists. She’s just not at an age where she can understand what’s going on (though she does understand that mommy is away and will come back) and so I strongly prefer she be with my husband and/or family for as much of the time I’m away as possible. I had a c-section the first time and I’m hoping not to have one again but I might, in which case I’ll end up hospitalized for a longer period…and so I’ll definitely want to be sure she’s in good hands. It’s so hard to know what to do…any thoughts?
Your neighbor sounds perfect. Set it up and start trying to have your toddler visit and play with her kids now..
We watched a neighbors child when the mom went into early labor. The dad came over and picked her up super early the next morning, but she would have been fine, she was actually asleep.
I would definitely take your neighbor up on her offer. Start taking your daughter over to your neighbors house to play with or around the other kids, she can get used to it this way...you can stay with her or even run an a few errands. Your neighbor sounds like the type that would be happy to do this to help get your daughter comfortable.
With my first delivery, my husband stayed overnight w/ me. With my second, he left after the birth to go home for the night with our toddler son. He brought them over to visit the next day. It was the best thing because I needed the rest.
You are between a rock and a hard place. I would take up anyone that you can to take your daughter, even if it means waking her in the middle of the night and dropping her off. First of all, kids are resiliant and she will make it if you have to do this. Second, you need to focus on the birth of the new baby so it goes quickly and smoothly & you can get back home.
My husband stayed over night with me in the hospital for our 1st. For our 2nd, soon after the baby was born, he left and picked up our toddler and brought her up to the hospital to meet her new baby sister. They stayed for a bit and then my hubby and daughter went home for the night and came back to get me the next day.
Hopefully that baby will come fast (my 2nd labor was MUCH longer...10 hrs compared to 5 with the 1st) and your husband can pick your daughter up soon after.
Best of luck!!!
I had a scheduled c-section the second time around (my first was an emergency cesarean) and it was much easier for everyone. My son was 21 months old when I had my daughter. We left him with a friend for a few hours the day his sister was born while my hubby was with me, then he went home to be with him while i was in the hospital recovering and bonding with my new baby (you will hardly get a chance to be alone with your new babe, so i would savor that time!). He loved his daddy time and the two of them came to visit me often in the hospital. Good luck and congratulations!
I feel your dilemma - we are from overseas, and live in Chicago with no relatives or really close friends, and I was having a second. My husband travels international and nationally a lot - in fact with our first, he had just landed in Hong Kong and had to turn around and come back on the same flight! With the second, living in a city where you are unfamiliar with the hospital system was tough too. I had a neighbour for a "just in case" scenario too. If anything were to happen at a moments notice she would help out, I knew her well but not too much more than passing. She was great, and did not hesitate. Take your neighbours offer - she is a thoughtful person to at least make the offer. Don't worry yourself about the separation anxiety for your little one - it's normal, and with her own children she will know how to deal with your toddlers emotions. Of course we want our own family to look after the kids, but it's a "just in case" option - which should be a great relief. Hopefully everything will work out with the best possible outcome - and your husband or family will be there. Best of luck!
Me personally - - I'd wait til the last minute to go to the hospital... I'd labor for a LONG time at home first with my family. Once the contractions are 2 minutes apart and uniformly feeling very strong - then I'd take the whole family to the hospital. Dad can keep watch with you and toddler... but bring tons of fun stuff for her to do if she gets bored watching Mommy. I think siblings being there for the birth of their younger sibling is important and not something that they can get back.
The earlier you go to the hospital... the more interventions they will have browbeaten or scare tactic you into - which means your chances of cesarean go WAY up. Such a shame you are living in the best countries for maternal and newborn health - due to their 80%+ use of Midwives in home births - but you decided to not to go with any of them. Most speak English VERY well over there and gladly take clients from the base or visitors.
