What Would You Do and Why??

Do what seems easiest and less stressful for the both of you. Why fight a battle you cant seem to win right now? If he has medical reasons for not being able to potty train right now there isn't much you can do about it. Just stock up on the super dooper pooper scoopers for now. Continue to show him the big potty and how it works and maybe magically one day he will just decide to do it. Dont fight him over it if he isnt ready.

Wait and see what the Therapists recommend.... otherwise it will be unguided guesswork.

Think of him... his issues... not his 'numeric' age.

hugs,
all the best,
Susan

I have a son with autism who got potty trained at a little over three years old. Did not know he was autistic then. I would say to pick your battles. See what the specialists say. It sounds like he is physically unable to be trained right now. If so, then this only frustrates the two of you. Don't blame him or yourself for something that is beyond your control. I would continue to offer him the opportunity to use the potty, but not make a big deal if he can't.

My oldest son is ADHD and possibly Aspergers. He did not train till he was almost 5 and once he made up his mind to do it, it was done. Now, he still wears pull ups at night and he is 6, will be 7 in April. I tried EVERYTHING....every training method but nothing made any difference to him. He cared not when he soiled himself. He liked helping me clean up pee off the floor. Our whole relationship became about potty training. Then my 2nd son was about to be born, he was being evaluated at the school district and qualified for the special needs preschool. Probably about 3-4 months after he started there, it was like a magic wand.....he was suddenly trained without me doing anything. You can't obsess over it. And it will happen eventually. Other than knowing he had some sensory issues at that point we didn't know that there was anything "wrong" with him.

If it is getting to the point that this is all you do/think about and you are having a hard time controlling your frustration in front of him, then I'd say drop it. There are enough battles to fight with our kids. And he will get it eventually, just it's gonna be on his time table, not yours.

****

And...wow...Nora....you know NOTHING about Asperger kids. It has NOTHING to do with intelligence. It has to do with being in tune with your body and having physical control over the process. They understand, but they can't DO IT because their body isn't getting the right or strong enough sensory information. Plus, potty training is all about having control. Kids who have so much going on have very little control over anything in their lives. If they decide this isn't something they want to do, then that is a control mechanism. It has NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING SMART OR NOT. Most Aspie kids have a VERY high IQ, just not always alot of common sense. And personally, I do feel like you are putting the kids down by harping on the intelligence issue. Please educate yourself about what you are dealing with before you pass judgment.

When I see aspergers, ADD , bladder issues I suspect adrenal problems.

Low cortisol causes memory issues, behavior issues and anger issues from hypoglycemia (which takes many , many years to be fully realized by someone because it is so obscure in its symptoms) . Learning disabilities can be seen in OVER cortisol production.
Indeed, bladder issues like overactive bladder, for example, are treated with prescriptions (or herbs) that affect adrenal hormone output!

I would ask for a saliva cortisol test to be performed. NOT a one time morning cortisol blood test, which the standard MD's will usually want to do.
The Saliva test is the only accurate cortisol test.

I've seen older kids with aspergers /bipolar/ADD diagnoses who could have been helped IF the proper diagnosis had been made when they were young (cortisol replacement or suppression) but instead had been put on phsychiatric drugs which allowed continued deterioration of central nervous system and cognitives. These many years of phsyc. drugs and lack of proper hormones results in permanent changes, so that even if the older child were to finally be put on the correct hormone replacement/suppresion some of the mental behavior issues will remain. So it is worth it to get a saliva cortisol test. If one can't get it from a doctor, it can be obtained from canaryclub.org for probably around 100 bucks. If you need help deciphering it, email me or join an adrenal group online. Here is one: ____@____.com moderators are very learned in adrenal issues.

Gail

I think that this child may have so many other issues going on that I would wait and just let him take the lead.

Try doing something like 1 jelly bean for pee in the potty and 2 for pooh. That gets J back on track every time he lapses into having accidents. It makes it more of a reward than a chore or need. It's also instant gratification so it should have more impact than anything else.

So, as for taking him every so many hours or actually trying to break him of wetting then no, I would stop that, I would however reward him when he tries or accomplishes going.

Have you considered looking at alternative and holistic medicine treatments? There's lots you can do to help him with the disorders he's been diagnosed with. (I speak from experience) Happy to help if this is of interest to you, but I don't want to push it down your throat.
As for the potty training, I agree with others. Is it causing a lot of stress, or does he seem ready? No matter if he's a "normal" developing child or one with challenges, my rule is always they will do it when they are ready. As much as we think we can "train" them, really they just end up getting it when they are ready to do so. So if he is interested in it, then continue. If it stresses him out or he is completely uninterested, back off for a little while and try again later. The therapists will probably have suggestions as well.
Hope that helps!
J.

No I wouldn't... mainly because potty training takes a lot of effort and patience - in the child too, not just the parent. Without his meds and therapy - I doubt he'd have the concentration to really attempt.

My son with SPD recently turned 5. He's a sensory avoider and very stubborn of course to say the least! Based on how it went with him, I would continue to encourage, but not push it. I know pushing ANYthing with him he will push back harder on. With SPD, it has to be HIS idea, he has to be comfortable with it, as the world has been a very scary place for him with the SPD...EVERYthing was overwhealming to him and any transition a challenge. So of course potty training felt very daunting. We've used a LOT of psychology constantly with him in order to try to get him to try new things. It is getting a lot easier in a lot of ways as he gets older. We've made tremendous progress! With potty training anyway, his biggest hinderence was he wanted those pull-ups on! I thought we were so far from potty training when really he pretty suddenly took to it after resisting so hard, and while we was still 3. He became ok sitting on the potty, as he received a potty treat for doing so (one smartie). Then we progressed to a smartie only if we peed on the potty, etc. I left it his choice completely (whether he wanted the treat) until he started staying dry at night, so then I encouraged it all the more. He was potty trained completely for a month while he was still wearing pull-ups. Underwear had a horrible feel to him at first. I finally distracted him enough changing him to slip underwear on, he wasn't so happy about it when he finished his story, but shrugged it off surprisingly. So I finally got underwear on him. As well meaning as people are when they say to just don't have the diapers available or just don't offer them food other than what you want them to eat and such, they have NO idea what that looks like for a kid with SPD. My son would FLIP and have a 60 minute screaming tantrum if his sock were a little twisted (not anymore thanks to therapy and all) let alone underwear on instead of diaper he was used to. And he went over 24 hours without eating anything (only water) when I tried to have him branch out beyond his couple things he was ok with eating a couple years back around the time he was diagnosed. Regular developmental things can be a whole different story for a child with SPD! Best wishes to you!! Hang in there!

When my son was 4 (he has high-functioning autism spectrum disorder), I did really push hard to get him potty trained. He was showing signs of being ready but, as you know, with a child with a learning disorder and SPD, these things are not that easy as they are for neuro-typical kids. I put him in regular underwear during the day and took him to the potty at frequent intervals and rewarded him big time with tickles for staying clean and dry when he did, and with stickers or some other treat when he actually went to the bathroom on the potty. At nighttime, I did have him still wear his pull ups because he wasn't staying dry through the night. I think we were able to do away with the nighttime pull ups within 6 months but still had occasional accidents (like most kids).

For me, it was really important to get my son fully potty trained because he needed to be in order to be fully included in a regular preschool class (with special ed support). He had just reached the point where he was copying other kids and the autism pre-k was no longer meeting his needs.

i know a child that has sensory processing disorder and was PT at 2 by using a book taht the therapists recommended that was written in the 70s for kids with special needs. Its done in one day! IT worked for 2 kids i know! I dont know the book, but i would think that his occupational therapists could find that out for you!

I'm sorry that you are dealing with all of this. I would highly recommend looking at www.feingold.org and Why Can't My Child Behave by Jane Hershey. Though we didn't/don't have the daytime urination, we have much of the other and it turned out that our dd's was caused by an allergic reaction to artificial colors, flavors and preservatives and we are now checking on natural salicylates. In a matter of a few days we saw a change in her and can also see a near immediate change when she has something she's not supposed to accidentally. My dd is 4 as well. This is a great time to start it as they are more willing to go along. Check out the site and if you have more questions, feel free to pm me and I'll try to answer them or call Feingold and talk with them. It's worth a try, especially since you say that medication didn't work.

I wish you the best!

H.

it depends... is it causing you or him undue stress? if he HATES it, i'd wait it out a bit until things calm down a bit and he is having some positive results from his therapy. i have potty trained an autistic child and a typical child - both at 3.5 years of age. i am not a mom that wants a 6 month long potty training process with daily accidents. i'm more inclined to wait until my child is on board and it's not a miserable/stressful experience. additionally, with his SPD, is it bothersome to him to have wet pants? that could work for or against you(for you if it bothers him and he then realizes if he doens't pee his pants won't be wet, against you if he just flips out on you). sorry i can't answer better, i'd prob just hold off a bit though, but continue to talk to him about it in a positive manner, and not in a "you should be potty trained already" type tone. just really talk talk talk it up for a while, he may surprise you in several weeks and just jump on board! good luck, i can kinda feel your pain...

I have been struggling with the issue of encopresis with my daughter for the past year and we have just recently started Soiling Solutions. It is not a program for the faint of heart, but it has been very effective.

I only mention it because there is a message board and many of the other parents on the board have mentioned that their children have SPD and or ADHD. I believe the website is www.encopresis.com. There is also a yahoo group for this same issue under the topic encopresis kids.

Above all, I would definitely work with the therapists first... just trying to throw some other ideas out there in case part of the potty training issue is that he is a "holder".

My son was 4 when he got potty trained too. He has autism. I didn't do it by myself. I had the help of a therapist from Easter Seals. She was a behavioral Therapist that specialized in ABA therapy. I feel like I owe my life to her! LOL! Seriously, I don't think I could have done it alone. It only took 3 days too!
A.

I would continue the attempts...due to a need to show consistency to any child especially one that has challenges. I also would make sure that he had a clean diet...no dyes, artificial coloring, as little preservatives as possible and possibly even gluten free. This way the body, brain is not fighting anything else. My daughter took 3 years to potty train for daytime without accidents with complete daytime dry by age 6 and she is now 7 and still having night accidents. It did improve however with the removing of food items that took more for her body to process. She eats meats, fruits, veggies, rice, quinoa, and does have occasional treats that are gluten free and lower in sugar. Our lives are better because of this. She does have sensory problems still but they are less magnified. But consistency is key when you have any child, but especially those who are already on a roller coaster.

I would wait until he starts seeing the therapists. There is no reason to frustrate him and you!!! Let them help you through this ok! I am going to keep my fingers crossed for him and you. All the best in 2011!!!

I would continue to model positive potty training and reward good behavior- and not make an issue of any messes or accidents. Make a huge deal of staying dry for a period of time, give stickers or other prizes etc. I think if you do it consistently, your child will catch on in his time. As far as the therapist, great! Work with them to implement your plan. GL

As for why, I think positive training can't hurt, it can only help and at 4, he is most likely ready to succeed then vs starting at 18mos or so.
M

If it was an issue for him or me I would back off. It will happen when it happens.

If it is not an issue, I would continue to encourage but keep it light.