What Would You Do? Dealing with the EXTREMELY Frugal...

Call them at home at dinner time and tell them you are just around the corner and will be stopping by to get the money.

I don't think they have the money. Clothes don't immediately get old and cars rust when someone loses their job and all of a sudden things are really tight.

I would privately repeat the information about the subsidies available.

Maybe their budget is extremely tight.

From now on go out and price the things you need to buy and total the amount and then divide that amount by the number of families. Tell each set of parents that you will buy the equipment when EVERYONE has paid their share. If the kids miss a game tell the group that you are still waiting for a few families to pay for the equipment. Or set a time frame it has to be paid 2 weeks before the season starts and anyone who hasn't paid, their child can not be on the team. I know it sounds harsh but you shouldn't have to beg people to pay you back.

What an awkward position for you to be in!
In all my years of kids' sports (both school run and private/club teams) I have never heard of asking a parent to buy uniforms up front. Fees are collected FIRST and then uniforms are ordered, tournament fees paid, etc.
I would call them on the phone and send them an email, with the coach cc'd in on it. If you still get nothing I would let the coach know that you will not be doing this job again. There's no reason for a parent volunteer to be put into the position of being a debt collector. NOT cool :(

I, too, think these people sound like users. I would send them an email detailing what they owe and stating a date on which it's due. Include in the email that if they're unable to pay, they can apply for scholarship money by doing (whatever it is). If you can copy someone at the sports league, do so.

If you don't get any response to your email, I'd show up at their house and ask for the money. Remind them that you personally paid up front and that it's YOUR money they're taking, not some anonymous "league".

They are users who don't feel the need to follow any of the rules set down for their child to participate in activities. I love your idea about telling them how you've noticed them taking things out of recycling so you'd like to offer them help due to the financial hardship they must be going through. If they act responsibly then great. If not then at least you'll get the money from the league.

I'd say that next year the team should put in a rule that all families pay a certain dollar amount up front before the first game to foot the bill for everything so that the poor team mom can concentrate on watching her kid play instead of chasing down dead beat jerks.

You need to talk to the league about it. They should reimburse you for the money you have had to pay. And then the league should send them a bill.

If they don't pay it, then the league will have to deal with it. For sure, next year if this family is still involved, the next person to do your job should be told point blank that their child will not receive the uniform if it isn't paid for. And that means that the kid sits on the bench.

Look S., they have the money. They are not embarrassed. This is their MO and they give the shaft to everyone who lets them do it. Do NOT feel sorry for them and don't expect that telling them about hardship money will shame them into anything. People like this don't get shamed.

I really hope you get reimbursed.

Dawn

"I received some "team mom" duties that included fronting the bill for purchases and collecting funds from families afterwards. "

Hindsight being 20/20 and all - but never do that again. All team member families have to be responsible for their own things. That means if a family doesn't pay and there is no scholarship arrangement, their child doesn't participate. Is it fair to the kid? No. But the fault rests on their parents, not on you or the team in general.

Since they are actively avoiding you, you'll likely either have to file with small claims court if the amount is worth it, or write it off as a lesson learned. Perhaps try one more time, with the collaboration of other team organizers, to corner them.

Don't mention the can thing or other weird behavior you may observe. Stick only to the team-related issues.

I agree with SB. No money for the uniform then no uniform. No money that week for snacks, then no playing that week. You are WAY nicer than me. I would have walked right up and said, "I guess you think it funny how you have managed to not pay me what you owe me all year, however, since I have paid on YOUR BEHALF out of MY PAYCHECK every single week faithfully, I don't think its funny at all and will be expecting a check for $$$ immediately." Then I'd go scratch up the side of their car. No, just kidding! Good luck!!!

No, no no, the minute you let on you've been "spying" they can spin it against you-especially if they're swindling and wouldn't qualify. People have to pay. Period. If they can't afford to be on the team they can't be on the team and have a uniform. If there is a hardship program, I would have whoever is above you approach them with it. Who is above you to reimburse you? I would take it up with that entity personally. Or find a way to be more aggressive. One homeschool mom fronted admission for our entire group to a dinosaur exhibit in Philly to get group rate. I was the only person who sent her a check. A week before the trip, she sent a note letting everyone know the trip was canceled due to no reimbursement by due date. She sent me back my check. And I guess the museum refunded her-or maybe she had just reserved the spots and not paid yet- because I heard nothing else about it. We went ourselves as a family and paid full price.

Do you have any teeth to demand the money you spent back or "else"? (kicked off team or whatever). This is where I would try to go up the chain. They do sound like swindlers. People who are sincerely poor usually just don't get to be on the teams, and often go above and beyond to be the most prompt. There is a single dad of two kids in my kids' Tae Kwon Do class. He's always there in labor work clothes, thin, crappy car, bad dental work SO APPARENT he doesn't have money. The teacher was frustrated collecting funds every month and started to use an external billing company. I overheard him say (I was in bathroom of office when he was talking to his brother) that Callie and Ryan's dad (that man) was the only parent who paid on time consistently.

Oh, and since they're running from you with glee, maybe get someone else to approach them and blind side them.

I would send them an itemized bill. A very formal bill. I would put that it's 90 days past due (whenever you started collecting), and that failure to pay can result in reporting the non-payment to credit reporting companies, and legal action may result as well.

And that the full amount is due in 10 days.

Day 11, have a lawyer friend send them a collection letter.

Although I'm pretty sure you're going to just eat the money - they don't sound like they're on the same page as the rest of society.
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Oh, and you can just sue them in small claims court, if you're willing to go that far.

He should not be allowed to play another game or participate on anything with the team again until you receive this money.. He is not a member of the team until all payments have been made.

And in the future.. let parents know that when the uniforms arrive, before they will be handed over to the player, it must be completely paid for..

No child without the proper uniform can sit with the team or be on the field until the uniform, fees... are completely paid for..

IF they do not pay, have a Lawyer parent send them a notice of intent to take legal action if you do not receive the money within.. said amount of time..

The economy is bad and they may not have the money - HOWEVER - that does not get them out of their responsibilities.

There was a family like this on our football team this year and I was shocked when I found out the league was letting him play even though he hadn't paid, and they ordered him a jersey and everything. Finally they stopped letting the child play because the parents kept doing the SAME THING. It blew my mind.

I would also give everyone a dated letter with their balance and a breakout of what they owe. If they couldn't afford it, they shouldn't have said yes to their child playing or that they could pay for things. It's just not right.

And their little game would make me beyond mad. Have you talked to the coach or the head of the league itself?

We did team sports with DSS for years & the team parents was never responsible for putting up their own money upfront. That, right there, is not something you should be asked to do, nor is it something you should ever agree to do again.

Broke, cheap, whatever, if you have your kids in activities you have to pay. What sucks is that this kid will end up suffering... not only by not being able to participate, but from the sheer embarrassment of what his parents are doing.

Doesn't the club or coach have a policy regarding this? Can't you involve them? The whole way that things are being done doesn't seem normal or right.

Why not just stop by their house all friendly and say you were in the neighborhood so it occurred to you to swing by and collect the uniform money. It is too bad if they're suffering financial hardships but what is their plan? Stick you with their bill? If they seem really embarrassed when you come so you get the impression they can't pay - then bring up the subsidies but they're adults. They have to deal with this.

S.:

Just flat out tell the parents - in front of other parents - that their dues are -due TODAY. Put them on the spot with the other families.

No, it's not the best way -nor is it the most PC way - but you deserve your money.

If you don't feel comfortable doing that - tell the coach and have the coach talk with them. It's rude of them to NOT pay up. There are many people who see what they can and cannot get away with. Don't let them.

If you are the same team next year? Tell them in advance what the fees are and collect it from them there on the spot. If you are the snack scheduler - hand each parent a copy of the schedule so that they are duly informed. Then treat them like children and call them the day before and the day of the event and remind them that it is their snack day.

Even if NO financial hardship exists - they should not be burdening others if they can't afford it. It's muche easier to say "I'm sorry - this is not in my budget" than to blow people off.

Good luck!!

They may not have the money. If this is so they should have told you!! I am also a collector of money and I know what your going thru. I have had to tell many run a way parents that I am not a bank and your child WILL NOT play next year until I am paid. I also have a website for the league, that has a wall of shame. If you cannot pay and have told me your woes, I do understand and the league will pay for you. IF you do not do this and I have paid your money. YOU will go on the wall for run a way parents. ITs always paid, or I receive a phone call by the end of the day. Everyone gets a email that owes money. This email goes to everyone on the team. Sounds mean yes......but I get my money.

Tell him/her to mail you a check in the mail ASAP because you need to be reimbursed. Or, tell them you will come to their house and pick it up like Sherry, Everley and Melissa posted. I would be very direct about it too. Tell them the powers that be, whoever they are that are in charge of the team will be notified if they do not pay you right away. I would also tell him/her that you have been very patient about this until now but my patience is running out.

Go to them again and tell them the money is due and if they say they’ll get it to you next time, said that you need to close the books for the current season and since they’re the ONLY ones who have no paid thus far, you wouldn’t mind stopping at their house to collect that evening or next day.
For next year though, kids should probably go the 1st couple of games on what they already have and when you collect from the parents or get their scholarship information, THEN the kids will get what they need for the current season, with the knowledge that by the xxx# game, all of the kids must have what’s required in order to participate or unfortunately, they’ll be out of the team.
Good luck to you!!!

I like the idea of sending them a bill; I might even do it with a proof of delivery so that they knew that I was aware that it had been delivered. With the bill, I'd include a note that with the end of the season that you'll need to close the books and give the information to the organization. Tell them you need to close the books by such and such date, and that you need either the payment or the financial assistance forms by that time. I'd include a financial assistance form and a stamped return envelope with the bill so that they could return either the check or the form via mail by the designated date.

How many games are left? They haven't paid for the uniform? What?

If this were happening to me... I would write up a dated letter to each family outlining what they still owe. If a family doesn't owe anything, give them a letter saying 'thanks for paying on time!' Keep copies for your records.

In the letter for the 'owe' families. State that the amount needs to be paid in full by next week's game or their child will not be allowed to take the field. If that means that the team doesn't have enough players to play the game then the team forfeits that game.

As for this families financial hardships/frugality, looks can be deceiving. They may try very hard to keep up appearances when really they are close to losing their home, fancy cars, etc.

Small claims court comes to mind. :(

These people sound like jerks. If they don't have the money and were too proud to take the scholarship money yet still wanted their child to play they should have figured out a way to pay. Sticking another parent with the bill is absolutely NOT OK!!!!!

I am not a confrontational person however in this situation I would - as uncomfortable as it is - go to their house, tell them YOUR credit card bill with THEIR sons uniform $ is due and you need to collect their money.

Uggh, that sounds really frustrating. If they really couldn't afford it then they shouldn't enroll their child. I would write out a really professional letter itemizing all that they owe and remind them that it came out of YOUR pocket. Send it certified and put a time limit on it. In the letter you could also mention the financial hardship part and resources that are available. Good luck!

This is really sad for the kid, he probably sees his parents doing all kinds of other shady things.

But it's not your responsibility to pay their bills. Have you considered the GOOD COP/BAD COP approach? You've been nice, now maybe your husband, the coach or someone else can approach them and really put them on the spot!

The parents should be told that their child will not be able to play next season unless they pay in advance or fill out paperwork so the child can get funding from the league.

I would also never put a lot of money up front in future (unless you have enough money, if someone doesn't pay it won't matter and can be written off).

Sorry you had this happen, but it is usually the same parents that do all the work.

Keep us postedd.

I like your idea about approaching them and asking if there is some hardship and that you are going to recommend them for a scholarship-just don't say that you saw them in the recycle bin. If this does not work send an email saying that you have tried many times to collect from them and that they should be aware that you have personally fronted them the money. And then go on to say that you have no choice but to contact the league director to intervene on your behalf and unfortunately if there con be no resolution then it would be sad if their child could not play in that league anymore. And then get the league involved. Hopefully the public call out will be what it takes to get your payment.

And if all of this does not work you are going to have to suck it up and accuse them to their faces. Spell it all out and tell them they need to pay you and you are going to follow them home or to the MAC machine. You may lose a friend but who cares??? Not sure you would want to be their friend anyhow. And you will have everyone on your side on this as it is so blatantly wrong.

devils advocate...if it is financial issues it is very embarrassing to got from "we got it all" to "we got to pinch and pray they dont repossess"....do u not have this womans phone number and can catch her in private? with the economy the way it is, i can almost guarantee they dont have money and just dont want to take away their childs normalcy and routine....nice cars and nice house doesnt mean a savings account and money in their wallet....not these days anyways.

It would be helpful to know what kind of money are you talking about? $30? $100?

Anyways, first I would not front any further future costs for this family unless they catch-up on their past ones. Second, I would call them and say you plan to stop by their home at a certain date and time to pick up the money. Let them pick the time if they make excuses.

Hmmmm....I find this odd.

For O. thing, MANY families drive cars they can't afford and charge weekly mani.pedis! We have NO idea what they're REAL situation is. Who knows?

BUT.
That all doesn't matter.
They signed the kid up.
They need to pay.
Call (they can dodge this though) or send an email saying $xxx.xx due by date abc, no exceptions. Tell them YOU were kind enough to cover their expenses till now but you need the money or you'll turn it over to the league. No need to be nicey-nice at this point. Clearly, you're being dodged and taken advantage of!

I agree with you If she is always sporting nice new mani pedis, they are NOT hurting for money! I would not mention the can thing. Go by their house IF it is convenient for you to give them one last chance. make sure they know you personally paid for the uniform. Just send them a very business like letter and cc it to EVERYONE in charge in the league. I dont know about small claims court but I would threaten to go. Did they sign anything agreeing to pay for the uniform?

ALWAYS get something in writing. Send them an email & hopefully they will respond back that they will "bring the money to the next game" or better yet send them an email asking them; "would you prefer to mail me a check for the uniform, either way please email me back with how you would like to reimburse me for your portion, thank you".

Who handled it last year? find out how they got reimbursed. If these people don't respond then let the league handle it.

I think your approaching them about the can will accomplish a couple of things. It will let them know that people have seen them acting like this. It will also humiliate them. They should apply for the scholarship if there is a financial need, their pride is too much. If they want their child to have a normal life and be able to play sports and such they need to swallow their pride and apply for the assistance.

When we sign the kiddo's up for sports we show them the award letter from the school showing the kids qualify for free lunches and they discount almost all of it. It is not a big deal, they see the letter along with the sign up sheet, they mark a little square on the sign up sheet and file both copies in the file cabinet. It's no big deal and allows us to provide a normal activity for the kids where they can feel like the rest of the kids.

This family is not appearing to be having financial difficulties to me. They may be struggling at home and making cuts in every way they can.

I would approach them and just act all like "I have seen you saving cans to make money and realize you are poor". That way they have to pay you to save face. If for no other reason than to prove you wrong.

If they truly don't have the money they might be able to pay but also might not. If they act like they really can't pay then you may have to just chalk it up and talk to the coach about it. He may be able to get the money owed to you from some other source, a sponsor or something.

The next season you need to make sure that if this family is on any soccer team and make sure the coach knows this family, and it is really good advice to say all families, need to pay up front or they do not get what is being ordered.

IF they don't pay they don't play.

did you give them the option to opt out of snacks, trophies and end of year party? If you are in the position to let this slide this year and if for some reason the kid is on another one of your kids teams at the beginning of the season tell them that since you had not received their portion of the funding that their kid will not be participating in any of the team extra's besides the games and if they do have them front you the money for the entire season. It stinks that they are like this esp to have their child dig a soda can out of the recycle bin, that is bizarre.

Sounds like the coach -- not you, the coach! -- needs to establish and then stick to a firm policy next season and ever after: If your stuff is not paid for, kid, you don't play. Sorry, but take it up with mom and dad.

A few times of kids being told they have to sit out because their uniform fee or whatever was not paid will have parents coughing up. I know it is a pity to make the child "pay" the price for their parents being slack, but it is the only way to get some people's attention. These parents think their kid can play for free and they can get away with it. I agree that first you might ask if there is financial hardship - I would just phone or grab one of them and say very nicely, "Look, I am concerned that you and your spouse each tell me that the other will pay, and then neither of you pays. You've owed me for X months. I was approaching you to the other day about paying,and you both left. Frankly, I'm worried your family may be having difficulty with finances and meeting bills. If that is the case, please let us know so we can help you out of your hardship." I agree, that might shame them into paying (because like you I think they are not having issues, just either being space cadets or users).

And -- also for next season and ever after --NO system of one person paying for everyone and getting repaid. If that happens, the person should be a team manager or someone with an official position with the team -- NOT an individual parent. The system you now have is just a perfect setup for the kind of problem you have -- and for some future parent possibly cheating and claiming expenses that don't exist. This is a terrible way for any organization, large or small, to run. I'd insist the coach or other official, paid leaders (are there some?) get together with you and parents to work out a more businesslike system after this.

Tell them that you will be over to the house to pick it up. i would not give a date or time. But would say that you are personally out the money and that you need it back. And that if they are not able to pay it you will fill out the hardship form for them so that you get paid back. you can't know for sure waht is going on. but if they are fishing recyclables out of the garbage can chances are they are hurting.

I wonder if you put them on front street in some kind of way would that change the behavior. Can you create some kind of news letter that will show case the parents with a balance due?

They sound like the family that lives beyond the means and have the keeping up with the Joneses complex.

They don't have the money

Regardless of hardship they owe this cost and have not tried to make payment arrangements. If you have anything left to use as leverage do so: ie. last game, trophy at banquet, or not able to sign up for next year etc. I like the idea of the parent letter with a list of people who still have outstanding balances. You don't have to list the balances just the names. Especially since they are playing games with it. Also, if you have to get the Coach involved, it really shouldn't be your job to be a collections agent but that is a whole other issue-smile. Since you have paid, they should pay.

Email or call them or go to their house and tell them you need to get their contribution. Tell them it is not fair for you to pay out of your own pocket for them and to please pay you like all the other families did so you are not out that money. They sound very strange.

How bizarre! I definitely like your idea of asking them about if they are having any hardships! I avoid confrontation at all costs, but if you can do it, then you should! It does sound like they are playing a game, and hopefully if you confront them that way, the will be so embaressed and just pay! Good luck!

Yikes! What a shame that you had to front the money for the entire team. I hope everyone will re-think that strategy next season. You really got screwed.

This couple is beyond contempt. If they couldn't afford the team uniform, they should have told the coach about this hardship prior to even signing their son up for the team. Sports are not cheap.

Any chance you can tell their son that he has to give his uniform back at the end of the season since he didn't pay for it? I know it's his parent's fault, but maybe he can talk some sense/shame into them. Or maybe you can let it be known that in the future, their son will not be allowed to play sports or order another uniform until the bill is paid.

This couple sounds lovely. Too bad they are setting such a poor example for their son. I'm willing to bet they are up to their eyeballs in credit card debt and probably even commit fraud on a regular basis. Sorry you had to be the one to take the financial hit. I would be so angry about it if I were you.

Updated

Yikes! What a shame that you had to front the money for the entire team. I hope everyone will re-think that strategy next season. You really got screwed.

This couple is beyond contempt. If they couldn't afford the team uniform, they should have told the coach about this hardship prior to even signing their son up for the team. Sports are not cheap.

Any chance you can tell their son that he has to give his uniform back at the end of the season since he didn't pay for it? I know it's his parent's fault, but maybe he can talk some sense/shame into them. Or maybe you can let it be known that in the future, their son will not be allowed to play sports or order another uniform until the bill is paid.

This couple sounds lovely. Too bad they are setting such a poor example for their son. I'm willing to bet they are up to their eyeballs in credit card debt and probably even commit fraud on a regular basis. Sorry you had to be the one to take the financial hit. I would be so angry about it if I were you.