What Would You Do, Friend Who Constantly Makes Political Remarks Against Yours?

Updated on September 28, 2011
L.M. asks from Hicksville, NY
22 answers

Hi I am curious what other ladies would do. A friend of mine and neighbor, is very clearly of a different political mindset than myself. She is Republican, I am a democrat. She routinely makes negative comments about Obama and about liberals that are personally offensive to me. I never say anything to her. I do not engage in it any further when she does this. Our kids are in the same pre-K together, it is a full day M-F class, and the school is a 10 min walk from our houses. We walk to and from school every day together. I always just ignore the comments, just a simple ok or a small laugh never anything further. I don't feel like getting into politics with friends. I do not want to debate my views. I DO like her, she is a very nice person. She never goes on and on, always just a comment.
I am curious if it were you, would you let it go or say something to her, like please don't get into political commentary, I have different views than you. Thanks women!

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So What Happened?

Thanks moms - BTW - these are very short comments that are made. Never debate type of things. More like a passing comment in amongst other conversations. Half of the time (on the way to school) and on the way from in the afternoon, our kids are with us. And I did think she knew my political views - I mentioned I watch Bill Maher - not too many Republicans are big fans! LOL! Next comment that gets made, I will say something. I do not feel I am "bullied". I have conviction in my own beliefs and am 100% ok with others feeling differently. I think it is time to say something.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

People get so wierd about talking politics. Personally I do NOT discuss mine either with friends or with colleagues. I am a Republican and I work in public education- needless to say, I'm in the minority.

When comments are made or people try to pull me into a conversation I very simply say "I don't discuss money, religion or politics outside of my family" and refuse to engage. I don't need to ruin a friendship over a political leader who may or may not even be around in a year!

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

Tell her, otherwise how is she suppose to know you?

This happens to me all the time. I am a minority & I live in Obamaland, but I am a staunch Conservative. When I go to Tea parties, the lefties that are there to crash, think I am there with them, haha. I have been called a trader & brainwashed but I stand up to them very matter of fact.

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M.W.

answers from San Francisco on

You have not told her your political view amid this? Stand up for yourself and your party alignment...it will show your child ,in the moment as you are walking to school, how to nicely deal with these situations.

I am personally a very conservative Republican. If I were your freind I would want you to let me know you were uncomfortable..c'mon...we're friends!

You can politely say, " Hey...Susie, it is cool that you are so passionate about politics and I appreciate your enthusiasm. I am personally not on your side of the isle when it comes to politics. Let's chat about something that won't make either of us feel weird. Sooo, whatcha makin' for dinner tonight?! Any fun plans this weekend?"

Right now she might think you are in alignment with her from your little laughs and that eggs her on to talk some more the next day.

Good luck and best wishes at breaking the ice..and that she won't give you the cold shoulder! I am sure if she is as nice as you say she is then it won't be too painful...be honest and kind.

8 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

I don't know why you allow her to do this to you...you can either step up and say "NO politics" or you can LEARN from her...

I'm a Conservative and one of my closest friends is a Democrat (not liberal but old school Democrat) and we talk politics...ours are NEVER heated and we respect each other...we LEARN from each other...what we have found is that we want the same things - just different ways to get there...with two exceptions - welfare...she's even MORE conservative than ME on that one...and English as the National Language - again - even more conservative than me on that one! LOL!!!

Maybe she is TRYING to get YOUR side of things. Facts - use facts...it's NOT a debate - it's SHARING opinions and learning...what puts you off is that she doesn't like Obama so you tune her out...because YOU like Obama...

I can easily "dog" Obama...but then I "dog" Bush too. I don't play favorites! :)
And Clinton and Bush I - I can find something about each President that I can "dog"...NONE of them have been perfect and to be honest - NO ONE will ever be perfect...our country is in A HUGE MESS and it wasn't just Bush II that did this - it took Decades...unfortunately we have become a "see it - want it - buy it" country and expects a quick fix...everything has been a band aid...even Obama's job plan is a band aid...but people really don't want to hear how long it will take and how much worse it will get...they want answers and fixes RIGHT NOW...

So LISTEN to her and tell her YOUR side or you can stand up for yourself and say NO MORE POLITICS...if she can't respect that then change your times for walking the kids to school.

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

Sometimes it's hard to know how to handle something like that.

I worked briefly for a federal agency that was heavily Democrat as far as politics go; sometimes co-workers would make jokes with each other in "short-hand" about hard-core conservatives. I never said much about it, even though I'm a conservative (though I do have certain leanings people might consider "liberal").

Perhaps she thinks most people in your circle think the way she does (and they probably do).

I would not, however, go along with her if she asks you a direct question.

Sometimes I will frame something as "this is what I've experienced in my life . . . "

I do get annoyed with hearing conservative talking points parroted over and over. And I want to rip "support our troops" stickers right off big, huge, spanking new SUV's. I want to scream STOP DRIVING GAS GUZZLERS AND SUPPORTING WARS FOR OIL.

Sorry, JMO. Bottom line - use your best judgment. I don't blame you for getting annoyed.

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B.E.

answers from New York on

I have a colleague like this. She is very right-wing and will often make political comments out of the blue, usually very derogatory to liberals or the current (or past Democratic) administrations.

I hate being confrontational and for a long time would just ignore her comments. After a while I got the feeling that she thought we were on the same page politically, as the comments only increased.

Finally, one time, I commented on something she said that I agreed with (believe it or not!) and said something along the lines of, "Well, you know I'm a liberal on most things, but..." etc., etc. putting my two cents in.

Another time when there was something we really disagreed on, I said, "Well, you know I'm a Democrat, so I'm not really on board with that." I just kept clearly identifying my stance without overly engaging in the discussion or stretching it out.

I think once she realized I was on a different wavelength, she backed off on the political commentary. She still does it from time to time, but she is respectful enough of me not to yammer on or try to force her views down my throat. For my part, I don't mind hearing a different point of view once in awhile - I just don't like being hammered over the head with it and I REALLY don't like arguing politics. 9 times out of 10 it's a useless battle.

Keep in mind that there are some people out there who, once they know you are of a different mindset, just LOVE to keep the argument going and push your political buttons. That type of person needs a firm "Sorry, but I don't discuss politics!"

Good luck!

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

I would say something just in case she doesn't know better. We had neighbors like this (on both sides) who would constantly make the right wing comments to us when Obama was running. They ASSUMED we agreed, because that's what sort of town we live in right now-mostly right wingers. Once we put up our "Obama" sign in the yard, the comments stopped. I know they think we're nuts, but they have continued to be nice, great neighbors, and no longer make the comments.

Similarly, I have a massive super right wing element in my family on my mom's side. We have pretty much made the rule "no political discussions" because it gets so ugly. But we still get into it at times. But it's family, so you can draw blood a little more than with friends. For my super Republican friends I jab them right back, and we can all hold our own in rowdy debates.

But if you don't want to debate, I would let her know, "Hey, just so you know, I feel oppositely about that." She'll probably stop immediately if she's nice, and notices you aren't participating.

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R.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I have always thought there are two things you don't discuss with friends if you want to remain friends- Politics and Religion... I think you are handling her okay but maybe just say something to her like- You know I respect your views but really politics isnt my thing (even if it is) maybe we should talk about something else.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I would talk to her about it. Tell her you respect her views, but disagree with them, and that her comments are offensive to you, and that if she values you as a friend she will try her best to keep from making the comments in the future. If all you give is a little laugh or whatever, she may even think you agree with her offensive views.

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M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Can you do some research on some of the topics she is talking about and have an intelligent conversation with her? I ask in that manner because I am conservative and a good friend of my family is liberal. He is about the only person I can talk to politically in a friendly conversation because we are both well versed on the topics. When you can have an intelligent conversation it makes all the difference in the world. Sounds to me like she may go with most conservatives and a good deal of liberals at this point in being fed up with the current administration and her blinders are on.

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J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

lol I WAS in your shoes! I had a friend that would always send me Republican propaganda, we've been friends for years. One day, on the phone, I can't even remember the comment that was said that made her go, "You're a Democrat?" Why, yes, yes I am. She got really quiet and then went, "Huh." and that was the end of the conversation. But she did stop sending me those things, and we stay away from political discussions. I don't mind having them with people, but I don't think she feels like she can discuss it without getting heated. So in the end we have learned to agree to disagree. Maybe if she knew that you were a Democrat, then it would stop.

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N.N.

answers from Detroit on

I agree that she is doing it to get a reaction out of you wether it is to change your views or to debate. Give her a stern but subtle response.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Tell her that it's clear you don't agree and you are not into debate so you would rather talk about something else/you don't want to hear it. My DH has a friend who is rabid about politics, and if they carpool the rule is they can't talk politics.

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K.O.

answers from Atlanta on

My inlaws and parents make negative comments and pass around jokes of a political nature. Most of their comments do not follow my mindset. I just ignore it and join in on the conversation when it moves onto something else. IN my in laws' case - I'm not sure they realize just how different my views are on certain topics (we generally differ on the social issues) - so they may not even know that some of the stuff I find offensive. I think your option is to either continue to ignore it (I'm sure she's not trying to purposely offend you) or if it's really bothersome to you, just come back one time with "You know I'm a democrat, right?"

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

I have lots of friends whose political views are different from mine. With some of them, we can have a conversation about politics and at the end, agree to disagree. Others are like bulldogs on the subject, and don't know when to drop it, so I simply refuse to have political conversations with them.

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I.X.

answers from Los Angeles on

She may not be at all aware of your political views if you don't ever react or comment. One day you should with a smile on your face respond to one of her comments in a light hearted fashion, "you know I'm a democrat don't you?"
I suspect she'll back off. If not she's a bit of a pill and you may need to shut her down with a request more like the example you gave. Best of luck.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I'd just tell her you hate all politicians in general and would just as soon not waste time, energy or breath discussing them.
I was taught politics, religion and money are subjects not to discuss with friends if you want to keep friends.
You might want to mention that to her.
And if she STILL goes on and on about it, tell her to give it a rest already.

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B.M.

answers from Dallas on

I agree with Rebecca...she is trying to get a response out of you. I have the same problem with a friend (except I'm more conservative and she's more liberal). I usually just don't say much and change the subject. She's gotten the hint pretty well that I don't really care to discuss politics with her.

You can usually tell when people want to have a meaningful conversation about the subject and when they just want to debate. I think you are handling it very well.

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H.L.

answers from New York on

she probably just wants to know where u stand as a friend. But I don't think there's any harm in a little debate as long as u go into it respecting each others opinion and not getting heated about it. In college we learn to debate civilly together.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

If she keeps on doing it, just ask her to not get into political stuff because you don't go there with friends. You'd rather talk about something pleasant during your walk together and politics never is. That way, you can let her know you don't want to go there without getting into an us/them thing. Good luck!

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R.F.

answers from Dallas on

I think you are handling it just fine. She is trying to get a rise out of you, and it's not working! I'm surprised she's not bored by now.
My friend will be going through a divorce soon, and when her almost ex says something snide or rude, she will say 'ok'. Because, you can't really argue with ok. I need to practice that :)
(I'm a liberal with some very conservative acquaintances....they like to try to egg me on as well!)

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