What Would You Do? (Sensitive and Deep Thoughts)

I travel with my family. I am not one to live my life based on what ifs.

Air travel is safer than car, it is not a matter of what I think it is a statistical truth.

If I somehow lost my whole family, which because of their ages is a statistical impossibility, I would work through it like I do anything life throws at me. :)

Back to the beginning, no one should ever live their life based on what ifs. You will never have time to actually live life. At that point you may as well be dead.

Commercial air travel is safer than driving. Small plane travel in bad weather is not safe - period. Non commercial air travel is WAY more dangerous than driving. If you factor in bad weather - sorry but you are asking for trouble. The statistics on this site are made with some assumptions but they are clearly spelled out.

http://www.meretrix.com/~harry/flying/notes/safetyvsdrivi...

I had to smile at this question...only because this is something my husband mentioned a few weeks ago...we are ALL going to FL this summer...and by all, I mean my sisters, their kids and hubs and my parents. My BIL has to come home early for work, so the rest of us will be heading home at the same time and my husband didn't think it was a good idea for us ALL to be on the same flight because if something happened, that would a lot of lawns for my BIL to care for! LOL...so he was really only joking and we are likely driving anyway, but my husband and I will be in the same car as my children!

That being said, if something happens, well, it's beyond anything I can control and at least we'll be together!

This is one of those "what would you do..." deep thinking questions! Have a good day!

I'm really shocked no one has mentioned wills.

Our will specifies what happens if we die and the kids are left and what happens to our assets and property should we all die. So of course, we have thought about it and talked about it and changed our wills when our or other people's circumstances changed. (When the kids got old enough to ask we asked them who they wanted to live with if something happened to us. Sad and a little scary but it was a really good family discussion.)

If my husband and kids all died and left me I would need to be tended by staff in some nice rubber room somewhere for a very long time. Luckily we have insurance! Lol.

We don't split up. Air travel is statistically safer and we ride in the car together all of the time. Sadly I know far too many people who have been left behind... Loving other people is to risk having your heart shattered. It's still worth it.

We all travel together. Only because we are all we have. We live far from family and friends... being a military family. I have never thought of the whole family dying at one time, though I do understand it happens. However, we are very religious so therefore death is not an issue we dwell on.
I do not think of plane travel safer. To me, it's not. I deal with anxiety issues and have a grave fear of heights. I have never flown and hope I won't ever have to. But if I have to, then I have to.
If I was the only survivor, I would hope that I would find comfort in those around me. It would hurt..very..badly! I don't know how I could go on living, but I would have to. My family would not want me to stop living just because they are not here. I know they would be in a much better place and one day I would see them.

Personally, I just don't think that way. I believe that when it its my time to go, its my time to go. The same goes for my children. Obviously we would take any precautions we could to be safer, but I won't live my life in fear. So no, I would not separate my family to go different times, routes or modes of transportation.

we do not split up to travel. Yes I consider air travel to be safe.
Doing things like splitting up "to be safe" is to live your life in fear of the "what ifs"

If I was in a fatal car crash and I was the only survivor I would prob not be able to function. I would loose it and they'd have to put me in a mental hospital. I don't take loss well and I have a history of depression.

If I lost my husband... I think I could move on in time. If I lost one child or all... I don't know if I could move on. I think I'd try to if I had other children living - - but I don't know. I would hope (as horrible as this may sound) that all of would die rather than any one of us surviving alone.

I used to contemplate all these things. But I prefer actually doing something to prevent these tragedies. I believe that all bad things that happen are controlled by and caused by spiritual forces. I've been studying spiritual warfare and learning how to cover my family in protection morning and night that will keep them and me safe. If the enemy gets through, then I have only to hope that each and every one of us will be in glory together. I can't force a personal relationship with the Lord on my children. But I raised them right as little ones and I know how to pray for their soul safety too.

I don't "personally think" air travel is safer than car travel, I know it is because the numbers/data prove it (when compared by miles traveled). My family doesn't split up to travel.

That said, I did take a vacation with almost all of my family (parents, 2 of my 3 brothers and their kids/wives, my husband and child) where we were all on the same flight. Admittedly, the thought did occur to us that much of our family could be gone in an instant if something went wrong. It didn't. whew!

Generally speaking, no we don't split our family up during trips "to be safe". Nor to "continue a family or lineage". I think that air travel has fewer accidents per thousand people traveling, but that in the cases where there is a serious accident, the percentage of fatalities is probably higher (haven't researched it, but just a guess).

If I were the only one to survive a fatal car accident that took my entire family, I would be horribly torn apart and probably go through all phases of mourning, including survivor's guilt. But I would hope that God would sustain me and help me through it. I don't think my family would want me to live the rest of my days wishing I, too, were dead along with them. But, having never been in that situation, that too is only a guess.

Not really thought of the consequences of the "whole family" dying.... except maybe who would come let our dog out and adopt her? I mean... we'd be gone..so what's to ponder? Right?

ETA: I also think that consideration needs to be made as to what KIND of air travel you are referring to. Private planes seem riskier than commercial airliners. My husband is an air traffic controller and has been for 20 years. He has never worked a plane that crashed. And many of his co-workers can say the exact same thing. Never even a plane in distress. But many small planes fly by visual flight rules below altitude and do not use en route ATC, only the local airport controller--if there is one. Many small airports don't have one, unless I am mistaken. Individuals who are flying their own planes take a lot more risks, in my opinion. Much can go wrong, with very little in the way of alternatives to resolve any given situation. Yes, we read about pilots who have had a few drinks on their layover before reporting for duty for the return leg or some such. But how many private pilots have no one monitoring them at all? By no means am I suggesting that the pilot you are referring to, or others like him, took unnecessary risks. But it is more likely to think "oh, I can manage it" I would think. Look at JFK Jr's fatal flight. There are up and down sides to smaller private planes, like anything else. I just think you have to categorize them separately from commercial flight in the question you pose, personally.

There's no reason to split up while traveling. I've never understood the reasoning that it's "safer" or to avoid killing the whole family in the event of a fatal accident. I guess I just don't subscribe to fatalistic thinking. Although to be honest, the chances of getting me on a plane before I die are slim. I haven't been on a plane since I was 10 years old. The thought of flying sends me into a panic attack. I don't care about statistics when it comes to flying versus driving. The only exception might be if we ever travel to Italy but I suspect I'll need to stock up on anti-anxiety meds.

If I survived a crash that took my entire family ie. my husband and children, I'm sure I'd be devastated. I've always been a survivor so I wouldn't try to end my own life. Beyond that, I'm not sure. Just take things day by day and do a lot of praying.

It's never really come up but I won't fly with my husband and leave our children behind. If we had to fly somewhere without them, I'd make us take different flights. Silly bc of course we go in the car without our kids... And statisically, flying is safer.

I have never heard of this logic before--- splitting up the family during travel in case of a fatal accident. I don't know what I would do if something happened to my husband and 4 children. I suppose I would do what I did when my mom died, and what I did when 2 of my dearest cousins died within months of one another and what I did when all 4 of my grandparents died in a span of 4 years and what I did when one of my close friends and her husband and 4 of their 6 children died and what I have done any time any of the many people I loved died (and it's happened a LOT more that the ones I've listed).... I would grieve, but summon the strength to keep going. I have learned that no matter how bad it has gotten and no matter whom I have lost brighter days come. I hope I never have to experience the "early" loss of my husband and I hope none of my children precede me in death, but I do have faith in God and I have some family and close friends who I know would be there for me. Best wishes to all.

I travel with my whole family, and I don't think I would do it other way.
But, when out in a date with my husband and the kids are home, it has cross my mind what would happen if me and my husband die.
I think is important to talk about our plans with our families and live as much on paper to make sure our kids are where we want to be in the best conditions possible if we both have a car accident.
The plane, I know it is safer then car, still don't want to think about it much because my husband fly every week. I am always thankful he make his way back home safe.

Well, it appears that this man had TWO families, an ex with 3 kids and a new wife with "some" kids. So technically it wouldn't be possible for him to travel with his "entire" family. I'm also in a blended family. I have an ex and 2 kids with him and now my husband and his daughter. we don't have kids together. I do think of my kids when they are travelling with my ex. He usually doesn't do anything with them on the weekends he has them so I feel they are pretty safe since they aren't travelling. However, he and his wife have driven to CA a few times with them and taken them to Disney or Knotts. On those weekends I think of little else but them on the road and/or lost or stolen from Disneyland! I think that's "normal". What isn't "normal" is that families don't take precautions against these things such as life insurance. Frankly, if something happened to any of my kids I would not be able to function for a very long time, if ever. That being said, life insurance is in place to pay the bills when you can't work. Three days of funeral leave would simply not be enough and taking time off non paid is another burden to deal with. Obviously I'm in insurance and understand this. Many others simply think it won't happen to them. Others who have had something tragic happen and had insurance in place are more than thankful they made that decision to do so. I also fear that something will happen to my husband and I on the weekends we don't have our kids. I think how horrible it would be for them to live with our ex's. And no, I would not want to split up the family, if something were to happen, ideally I would like all of us to pass at the same time, it would be horrible if only one of us were to survive without the rest. It almost makes me NOT want to travel but we can't be hermits and live in a cave the rest of our lives. I honestly can't imagine what these families go thru, some are so strong and I don't know how they do it. I just pray that our family is never touched by such tragedy.

Air travel is safer than car travel, statistically. Even then, entire families have been killed in car accidents. A lot of pilots have been crashing/killed lately in in climate weather.

It is a sad, tragic thing, it would almost be better for the whole family to go together than to leave one behind.

There is a short (8 mins) video of a man whose pregnant wife, and several of his children were killed by a teen drunk driver. He talks about how he learned to forgive and how he copes with his pain. A wonderful example of what I would try and do if I was a lone survivor. I think it would be incredibly difficult. My worst fear is leaving my little children alone in this world.

http://www.lds.org/media-library/video/mormon-messages?la...

So sorry to hear about another plane crash tragedy involving young children...makes me so sad. As to your questions, wow, good ones, and I've sat and pondered them sometimes too. Although we rarely travel (and have yet to fly anywhere again since Baby No. 1, who was born in 1998, was nine months old - we have 3 now) we do all go together, although I must say I have had the thought that dad or I should fly separately if he and I were to go somewhere together without the children so that, in case of an accident, the odds are that the children would have at least one parent left to care for them. As for air travel, I've heard that its safer than car travel, but I don't much care for flying so drive when I can. If my entire family was wiped out in a fatal accident? OMG...they'd have to seriously sedate me because I would be in such despair that I would not want to live...there'd be no point, not for me (esp. since I am too old now to have more children...mine are 14, 12 and 9). Heck, I'm gonna be a wreck when they leave for college...LOL.

We travel together unless it is impractical. Our oldest son had to fly alone once last year to say goodbye to his grandfather.
If my family was to die I would just as soon go with them. I lost my nephew who I loved like a son and do not want to ever endure pain like that again.
And, yes we have a will. But since our youngest will be 18 soon, it is not as critical.

I agree with others about air travel being, statistically, the safer method of travel.

We do not split up, and have never considered doing so.
Now that you ask and I have reflected on it, I definitely wouldn't split us up.

Suppose we do split--likelihood is that I'd be the one to book the tickets, and we'd probably have my hubby take my oldest with him, because he'd be the easiest for hubby to control. I'd take the 2 younger kids.

Now suppose one of the planes crashed--my hubby and oldest child's plane. How the hell would I ever get over the fact that I booked them on the 8 am flight that crashed, instead of the 10 am flight that we were on that arrived safely? I would play the "what if's" in my mind a billion times and drive myself mad. I'd blame myself for killing my husband and my son--I'd wonder why the hell I couldn't just take all 3 kids with me...I'd wonder why we split it up in the first place.

If hubby's plane was safe & mine crashed, I'd hate to have him in that position as well.

That is very though provoking Martymomma. Yes we have all been on a plane together, and you know contemplating at the time, and being a little scared of things you mentioned, it did cross my mind to split up the family but that thought soon went away thinking what fun would it be to share my kids first plane ride with them. I think it is safer than auto travel, you just hear so much more about it when it is airplane crashes. And it is more dramatic in our minds too, and an awful way to die. Have you ever heard of Robert Rogers? Look up intothedeep.org and you will be able to read his story, about how he lost his ENTIRE family in a flash flood, and how God helped him to move on. It is very interesting. He came to our church and spoke before. I don't know what I would do if it happened to me, and I'd rather not think about it either. Good question though.

It is safer to fly then drive, think about how many car accidents happen every day that we never hear about. I also think that when it’s your (and your family’s) time to go nothing will stop it. I believe that I will be with my family that has already passed and in heaven.
We usually travel together, but not always. I don’t think about the entire family dying while traveling but if we do I will be happy that we would all still be together (sorry if that sounds morbid, it’s not meant to). I do not know how I would handle losing my family and I really do not want to find out. I am very accepting of death, it is something we will all do and I believe that we will be going to someplace better.

Yes we all travel together and sometimes apart. Yes we have thought about what would happen if one or both of us would die which is why we have a will, a power of attorney and a health care proxy (the last 2 in case one of us is incapacitated so the other can decide life support issues). Our lawyer said the hardest part about wills is to decide the order of who will take care of kids if both parents die, since you have to consider that your appointed guardian could pre-decease you. It seem the lawyer has witnessed lots of arguments about "aunt so-and-so will NOT take care of my kids". You also have to get the guardian to agree beforehand, you cannot just write it in the will if they do not want that responsibility. We have 3 people listed in order of preference so if #1 is unable then #2 would get the kids (and the life insurance). We also added a clause that the kids will not have access to the money (we are worth more dead than alive) until they are 25, which the lawyer recommended since a lot of kids would blow the money and then not have a way to live. So the guardian handles the money and sets priorities like college before a spring break trip to spend the money on. Hopefully at 25 they will be a bit more mature, and we pray this will never come to pass.
PS: Yes I believe airline travel is safer than driving, but driving is safer than flying in a small plane, especially piloted by a novice pilot.

Do you travel with your entire family in the same mode of transportation? YES
Have you thought of consequences of the whole family dying? Definitely
Have you ever considered splitting family up to be safe? or to ensure the continuation of a family or lineage? No
Do you personally think air travel is safer than car travel? I still question that.
If you were to only one to survive a fatal car accident that took your entire family away. What do you hypothetically, think you might do? I would be a wreck for a long time, and I would probably have to have intensive therapy to help me deal with the loss.

I have traveled by airplane before. I do prefer traveling by car/truck though. I have not been on a plane since 1993. Here in AZ a man flew from Globe to Mesa, picking up his children for Christmas (this was Christmas Eve), and on his way back, he ran into a mountain, and he and his three children died.

I know when I travel, I will never consider splitting up my family. I will always want them all with me.

I'm sorry to hear about the family in MN. If I was left to bare something like that, my mind would probably blow up with all the questions of why it happened in the first place. No one should have to go through such turmoil and loss. But, unfortunately we do.

Traveling is a must since both of our families live many, many states away. We drive (24 hours) and fly a couple times a year. I, personally, would rather us all go together! I am flying in a few weeks with my oldest son (6) and it has me a little nervous. I just think...what if? I would hate to leave my husband and other two sons (3 and 1) behind to grieve.

So sad for the family of the plane crash you mentioned!

I've thought about that. Actually, my husband and I were driving home from a rare "date night" in the rain two nights ago and I said, "If we were killed in an accident tonight, would [trusted babysitter] know who to call?" We don't leave family names/numbers when we're out for the evening, but maybe we should!

We do travel together when we fly (we just have one kiddo) and when we drive (saves on gas). My grandparents, however, always flew on different flights when they were vacationing and their children were younger. They reasoned that the likelihood of one of them dying in a plane crash was increased, but the likelihood of BOTH of them dying in separate plane crashes was next to zero.

If my husband and son were killed and I survived, what would I do? I have no idea. I would probably want to curl up and die.