When Do I Need to Stop Bringing Baby to Bday Parties - Another Piggy Back!!

In my circle of friends, younger siblings are just included. It is assumed that until the oldest is old enough to be dropped off, everyone is invited.

If I had to get a babysitter for a toddler to take a 4 year old to a party, I wouldn't go.

I totally understand for older kids, but for the preschool crowd, I'd never exclude their toddler siblings and expect my friend to pay money for a babysitter. The more the merrier I say.

I would say that he's too old when he would start to participate - eat the food or want to run around with the kids then leave him home.

By a year, IMO. Then they toddle and get into things and want to be included. I don't always give a goodie bag to toddlers (and parents don't always want them), but if I expect them, I may have something on hand. Also, it depends on the age of the older child. My DD is also 4 and has started to be able to be dropped off.

At 4yo, your kiddo is probably ready for drop-off. It depends on the kid, but this is about the time drop-off starts.

That's probably good, because once your baby becomes a toddler (is walking and getting into things), you shouldn't be bringing him.

Also, some parties are set up for a certain number of kiddos. Extra people/kids cost money. You need to make sure that bringing baby (even when still a baby) doesn't cost the party-givers any extra money.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

Don't understand the purpose of your question.

When they are big enough and old enough to run around a cause havoc, keep him home. It's not far to the child whose birthday it is, to have more drama then necessary.

I'd say after a sibling is mobile...I'd stop bringing them along.

And in reply to your SWH I would tell the person when RSVPing that your husband is on call and while at this moment it looks like you can make it, you will never know for sure until the day of and ask if they prefer for you to let them know for sure on the day of.

By next year it won't really be an issue as you should be able to drop your oldest off, leave and come back.

I think a "babe in arms" is fine - as soon as your child is old enough to spend a lot of time out of the stroller/snugli/your arms, it's time to leave him at home. For me, that would be around 1 year old or whenever the baby walks.

** Adding This:
I read your "so what happened."
I know your baby is a baby. So that is fine.
But later as your baby grows up and gets older like about 1 year old, and your eldest child or younger child is invited to parties, then you would need to toggle the kids and who stays home with them or whether you'd need to take all your kids to a party that the other was invited to etc.
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When there are siblings, no matter how old and there is a party for one of your children to attend a party and you accept... then you have your Husband or someone else, watch your baby.
If you cannot have someone else watch your other child, then you tell the Host of the party. But the party, is for your invited child to attend and to be with his friends. And it is the invited guests of the party, that will receive a goody bag etc. Then, if the party is at some type of venue where food and activity is a part of the party package, which the Hosting family pays for, for the invited guests... then, for the other attendees aside from the invited child or parent... they either can or cannot "expect" that the food there and the activities are including them. Because- the Host "pays" for each invited guest and for the number of food/meals that are required. And they must give the venue a headcount of invited guests only, so that the venue can likewise tell the Host how much their "party package" will cost and know how much food to make for the party. Beyond that, if there are other attendees besides the invited child, then those people pay for their own lunch/food and if they participate in the activities.
If the party is at a person's house... then it is often more flexible... and other people can eat and do whatever activities are at the party... IF there is enough, for all. Invited or not. And if it is okay with the Host.

Then, the other side of the coin is this: as a child gets older... and they get invited to a party, the invited child ALSO needs to have their own time too... meaning, without their sibling. It is THEIR party they got invited too. ie: I have a friend with 3 kids. When one of them gets invited to a party... her Husband will stay home with the other siblings. The Mom goes to the party with her invited child (if the party includes a parent and their child), only. And her reason is this: her child that got invited, has a right to go places too, by themselves to their own parties, without their siblings and so they feel they have their own thing. She explains to the other siblings that this is the other child's special time, with his friends. She does not feel, that ALL the siblings have to go EVERYWHERE together all the time to every single place. She feels, it is important for a sibling to have their own things and their own parties to attend, on their own. Each of her 3 kids, are fine with that. They are all young and in elementary school. The youngest being in Preschool. She feels it is important for each of her kids, to have their own friends and their own things to attend. Even on play dates. She does not bring ALL of her kids to a play date, if ONE of her kids gets invited to a person's home. She says, it is that child's special time.... without all of his siblings. They need separate time, too. Which is important.
I do the same. Unless a parent tells me that ALL my kids are invited.

No matter what, whether it is a party or a play-date... ONLY the invited child (and their parent) attends the party.
It is rude... to attend a party or play-date bringing other people/kids who were not invited nor on the RSVP list, because... the Host cannot possibly be "expected" to provide food and budget for all. A party or play date is for the invited child. Not for a "family." Unless, you speak to the Host and it is okay with the Host.

As an example:
My daughter was once invited to a party at a venue. Dave & Buster's kind of place. The Host, was providing lunch/party favors for the invited kids. It was a drop-off party. No parents. The Host needed a hard head count of who would be attending, because she THEN had to provide the venue with that head count... so that the venue could then provide a table with enough seating and know how many plates to provide and what size cake etc. and how many venue provided favor bags, to make. However, my daughter wanted me at the party. She was younger then and shy. She didn't know any of the other invited kids. So, I spoke to the Host (whom I know), and I explained. She then told me it was fine if I attend with my daughter... but, due to HER budget and costs, she could not "buy" lunch for me, and she had already given the venue a down payment and head count by then. But she said that I was welcomed to come to the party. It was fine... I went and bought my own lunch. And I did not "expect" anything to be paid, for me. The party was for the kids that were invited. I also did not bring, my younger child with me. My Husband was home with my son.
So, there are many things to think about, per a party and when a child is invited to a party.

I would say probably around a year, maybe sooner if he starts walking, but that would probably depend upon the type of party.

I say that once the kid can run around and reek havok that he probably shouldn't be brought anymore! lol
I brought mine when they were still in carriers or strollers, but once they were mobile then I had to leave them home with dad or stay home while dad took our kid to the party.
For me, it's kind of a break! I get to talk with other moms and dads and just keep an eye on my oldest son while the baby is at home.
L.

The dividing line is : walking.

As long as they're in arms (and not set down and crawling around so the big kids have to be careful not to step on her)... You're good.

There's a little grey/wiggle room when they may be walking but NOT interested in the other kids at ALL, doesn't want to play with the toys, etc. this really only applies to early walkers.

When the baby is no longer a baby and is mobile enough to start causing extra sets of eyes, ears, and hands to watch over them then it is time that the tag-along stays at home. Plus, your older child is entitled to enjoy his freinds in peace and quiet without the baby underfoot or even there at the scene. Right now, I know it doesn't seem like a big issue but believe me, it will become one. I have had birthday parties for my two girls and invited their friends that they have known for a long time and also new firends as well. Two years in a row I had two different families drop off the child that was invited and also their three other kids who my daughter doesn't even play with! Can you believe that? It was rude as hell and everyone was livid. I know you are not doing that but I think your insight as to when to keep the baby at home is spot-on and kudos to you for asking about it. if the little one is mobile...time to leave him at home until your older son is finished having his fun.

If you can leave the baby home with dad or grandma while you take your 4 yr old to the party, you should. When you can't, and since your pre-schooler isn't quite to the "drop off" stage, you should alway check w/ the host/hostess. Say "Joey would love to come to the party. If hubby can't keep the little one, is it ok for me to bring him too or would you prefer I find a sitter?" Don't just "show up" with the little one and assume it is ok.

As to what age should you stop bringing him along, I think it depends on the setting. If it is at an outdoor park or something like that or someplace that the public can also attend (but maybe you have to pay the extra cost for), it should be ok. Some schools allow siblings but others don't.

Where I live only the child invited goes to the party. We drop the child off and pick them up, so there is no need to bring siblings along.

I have answered the same way on the sibling post: at our parties siblings are always welcome. I certainly would not expect that parents hire a sitter so that their child can attend DD's Bday party AND I would rather have them attend with a sibling then not come at all. It is all about the fun.

That said, RSVP for the baby or ask if it is ok to bring him AND watch him at the party - don't make it another person's responsibility to entertain the baby.

I think as long as a parent is required to stay, siblings are fine. Drop off parties are another story... but mine is 5 and we haven't had one yet.

Good luck!

Hi, M.:

Had you thought about asking your son how he feels about including his sibling?

and

Had you thought about asking the person who is hosting the party what she/he thought?

Just wondering.
Good luck.
D.

I don't think most people look at infants (children under two) as uninvited party crashers lol!
Your son will be in K next year and then you'll be able to drop him and go (at least that's the norm here) so no need to worry.
I sure am glad my kids were born in the 90's, back when birthday parties didn't really start happening until elementary school!

I would say to stop taking him when he can walk as he will then want to be going around with the other kids, participating in games, etc. He will also figure out cake on his 1st birthday and then he will be hip to wanting a piece! LOL Personally, after that age, when you are stuck, I would call and ask if it's a problem and explain your hubby got called to work unexpectedly. Emphasize that you understand head counts, etc. Also, is there another parent in the class that you would trust to take your son to/from the party? I know that can be tough at this age when you still have to watch the kiddos so much. I have always encouraged people to bring siblings to my son's parties but then we've had all but 1 party at home so it wasn't a big deal to throw in 1 or 2 more!

Once the baby is off the boob they are a party crasher in my opinion - generally speaking around 12 mo.

We're lucky in that we live in an area where our circle of friends consider birthday parties family events. There's usually half a dozen close friends invited and it's assumed the whole family can tag along. It's so nice and teaches family togetherness and doesn't encourage age segregation. (The whole "You have the right to enjoy your own friends who are your own age without big/little siblings getting in the way.") Everyone is friends with everyone and includes everyone. That being said, since it's not that way where you live, I still wouldn't assume a 10 month old to be a crasher at all, but sometime in the next year - by the time he is 2 - I would just mention you are bringing him if he can't stay with Daddy. If it's not OK, then you can just skip the party.

The line is crossed when the "baby" would be part of the head count or would interfere with the party events. ie will not sit still and leave the party alone and want to be included. 2 years ago I did a build a bear party and there were 2 family members that would have not quite 2 year olds. I was kind of waiting to see who actually showed up to the party to see if I could cover the cost for the sibling to participate. As it turned out, my guests that showed was less than expected and I had no problem covering them, however one mom said it was no biggie and she was planning on covering her 20 month old anyway. The other said it was ok and her child was complacent in the stroller the entire time. I usually do cupcakes and as they are portable and easily served if I have enough I will pawn them off to a sibling or parents no problem. But that is the limit on what I will provide unless otherwise planned for.

I think that by age 2 you'd need to hire a babysitter to stay with the baby at home while you attended the party with your son. He might be able to carry it off to age 3 but by then he's going to really be throwing a fit if he isn't allowed down to go do the activity.

It begins to be not okay when the other child will want to participate, be destructive, or cause a seen. My 1 yr old is walking and thinks she should be part of everything so it would be hard to take her to a party.

I would say that if the child can walk around and see what's going on and WANT to join in, and potentially throw a temper tantrum when they don't get their way and possibly ruin the party, THAT'S when they're too old to "crash" parties. So it's different for different kids. If the child can be contained in a stroller or a carrier, like you've been doing, that would be just fine IMO. But once they start running around...I'd prefer they not come to the party if they haven't been invited.